Chapter 187 — A Day Without Snow

The 21st.

Overcast skies.

The kind of weather that feels like it could snow any moment.

People say that when sadness reaches its deepest point so deep you don’t even realize you’re sad anymore—it’s no longer a sudden tidal wave.

True sorrow is more like a tide: constant, quiet, soaking into every corner of your life.

Ijichi Nijika couldn’t say exactly when she became certain of her feelings.

Maybe it was that day when Aoki-senpai looked straight at her and said, “This song is for you.”

Or maybe it was a few months back, standing in front of the claw machine, when he called her “Nijika” for the first time.

Or perhaps it went even further back—beneath the glow of neon lights, by the vending machine, when she handed him that orange soda.

Maybe, in that instant, her heart had already found its answer.

But now… maybe none of that mattered anymore.

That morning, she woke to the gray light filtering through her curtains.

Her eyes—puffy from crying the day before—looked almost normal after a night’s sleep.

It seemed no one had noticed anything strange.

Last night, she had thought long and hard, and decided she should change her phone’s ringtone.

But even after making up her mind… she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Whenever she went to the livehouse, she would see the guitar and electric piano Aoki-senpai left in the studio.

And every time she did, it felt like something tugged sharply at her chest.

She knew that something was off with her lately.

Through the narrow gap in the curtains, she caught sight of a crow perched on the telephone pole, flapping its wings.

With no sunlight, all she could see was the deep, glossy black of its feathers.

Even knowing she wasn’t okay… she couldn’t change it.

Because she also knew the words she had repeated to herself a thousand times:

“Liking someone means holding back.”

She didn’t want her own feelings to change Kessoku Band from what it was now.

So no matter how much it hurt… she had decided at least in her mind—to let go.

That was the plan.

Until yesterday, when she stayed late to practice alone at the livehouse… and unexpectedly ran into Aoki-senpai.

She had tried to hold it together, tried to leave quickly… but when he spoke to her with that small note of concern in his voice, a flicker of disappointment stirred inside her, impossible to suppress.

‘Ding-ling—'

Her alarm cut through her thoughts.

It was almost 7 a.m. Time to get ready for school.

She shook off her wandering mind, got up, changed clothes, and walked to the window.

When she drew the curtains fully open, the crow on the telephone pole took flight.

‘Just being friends wouldn’t be so bad,’ Nijika thought.

They didn’t have to be together.

Being in the same band was like being family, after all.

Staying as bandmates could still be… good.

Even if it left a bitter taste in her heart.

Life was like that.

A perfect life doesn’t exist. If you’re not greedy, you can make peace with “just enough.”

Aoki-senpai had said once, his dream was to help everyone in the band achieve theirs.

He had told her, “Don’t worry too much about what others think. As long as you’ve tried, as long as you’ve experienced the journey, it doesn’t matter how it ends.”

He had said, “When we’re together, having fun matters most. Sure, the band has to face the realities of life, but the bonds between us come first.”

And he had said, “The people in this band are more than friends. We share the same dream, and we work for it together.”

To tie everyone together with a dream like that… was its own kind of romance.

So if they were just friends—friends bound together by the band—then that could be enough.

Still staring out the window, Nijika let out a slow breath.

She turned, picking up her phone and the small bag she always carried.

It was 7:10. She’d have to wash up soon and head to school.

She took two steps—then stopped.

Almost absentmindedly, she lowered her gaze and opened her pale-green bag.

From inside, she carefully took out a small pink bell charm.

For a moment, her expression faltered.

It was the sakura bell omamori Aoki-senpai had brought her after returning from Kyoto.

When she first received it, she had held it tightly in her hand, and her very first wish had been:

“Someday… I want to be with Aoki-senpai.”

But if she was truly going to give up… then maybe she shouldn’t carry it around anymore.

Maybe it was time to put it away somewhere safe.

　　......

　　......

On the twenty-first, it didn’t snow.

Even though it was already winter, a rare light rain fell instead.

Aoki Kei didn’t go to school today—he’d taken some time off recently.

Troubles seemed to pile up one after another, and ever since certain details about his past had begun circulating online, even when he was at school, there would always be a few classmates coming up to him, eager to gossip.

Curiosity and the urge to pry were, after all, part of human nature.

Kei didn’t resent those overly inquisitive students—but trouble was still something he preferred to avoid.

So, using this as an excuse, he decisively asked Hiratsuka-sensei for a short leave of absence.

Now, sitting on the living room sofa and staring out at the drizzle, Kei couldn’t help feeling a little irritable.

He had originally planned to visit a bookstore today, to bring back some books for reading or study. But in weather like this...

Rainy days were something he simply couldn’t bring himself to like.

Back when he lived in that cramped little apartment, every time it rained the room would turn damp.

And after only a short while, that dampness would leave faint traces of mold clinging to the walls...

Because of that, rain had never left him with any fond memories.

And so, his plan to buy books was washed away by a winter shower.

Abandoning the thought of braving the rain, Kei stared at the raindrops sliding down the window and let his mind wander.

The rumors about him had grown more and more exaggerated lately.

For an independent musician unwilling to attach himself to industry power, such things were inevitable.

Kei had never cared much for other people’s opinions.

He believed that in the end, the music would speak for itself.

But—

How was he supposed to explain all of this to the girls in the band?

From the very beginning, he’d never told them about his personal history.

It wasn’t so much that he was worried—more that he didn’t want to burden them.

Ever since joining Kessoku Band, the things he’d said to them most often were:

“You don’t need to think too much about the future.”

“Just work hard. The process matters most; success or failure is just an outcome.”

“The weight of reality is something you only need to face later.”

From the day he joined, Kei had decided—

He never wanted to put his own troubles onto the others.

So he hid his circumstances, not wanting the girls to worry.

Now, even though he was still uncertain about the future, at least things were slowly turning for the better.

But before this? He wasn’t sure...

If they learned the truth about his past, would they quietly start blaming themselves?

Putting himself in their place—if he were Nijika, and a friend had been hiding their struggles all this time—he’d feel guilty.

Guilty that enough for it to gnaw at him.

Then again... maybe not.

After all, the hardest part was already behind him.

And maybe... maybe he was just overthinking things.

Still—it was probably best to find an opportunity to bring it up.

Kei let out a slow breath as he looked out at the rain.

Human relationships were always like this—

Pride could become the final straw that broke the camel’s back.

Pity could be the last drop of fuel before the engine gave out.

And indecision... was like an orange segment laced with lead—sweet on the tongue, but poison all the same.