My BF's Work Bully (Chapter 13)
Added 2025-02-26 20:00:16 +0000 UTCThis was supposed to be the final chapter of the main story, but I decided to split it into two parts. The final chapter before the extras will be released on Friday.
Chapter 13: https://imgchest.com/p/vj4j95ve5y8
For those interested in giving me feedback, I’ve been wondering if the story would be better without Chapter 12 (the conversation between Jovan and Steve, basically everything that happens after the deepthroat that ended Chapter 11). I felt it provided an important moment, but it might also work without it, focusing only on the "New Vina" (leaving a mistery what Jovan did that day).
If I were to “remove” it from the main story, it would become a third extra chapter just for you, exploring the origins of the “New Vina.”
So, for those who want to share their thoughts—do you think the story is better with or without that chapter?😊
Comments
Felt a little rushed but still a solid story. Maybe the ending wraps it up well. An alternate story with her fooling around behind her Bf back would be fun.
Amitony
2025-02-28 02:04:49 +0000 UTCNow this I fully understand and was originally going to bring up in my first comment as a possible reason why things progressed rapidly. At least for me I wouldn't care if it's a different guy in scenes since I think we as the viewers are more focused on Vina.
Cenor
2025-02-27 22:00:42 +0000 UTCSince they are real people, I can't invent scenes they haven't done. I’ve used/will use all the scenes they have shot together. She has done other scenes with other black guys, but you can tell the "body" is different from his. Unless for future stories I switch to AI-generated girls, I can only work with what I have
HBO AMC
2025-02-27 21:58:07 +0000 UTCI went back to read some of the comments from previous chapters. I didn't see anything that stood out to me other than going from lingerie straight to bj and now full corruption and us only seeing one session with Jovan, I understand your viewpoint though. I think people see this chapter as too fast because there seems to be a huge disconnect between last chapter and this one having Vina fully convinced and corrupted. Maybe if you had shown Vina go through a couple days with Jovan to connect with where we started in this chapter instead of just showing one fuck session and she is already there. Edit: if you go back and look at previous chapter comments it looks like people were already starting to notice too big of leaps in progression from a couple chapters ago. I didn't see any comments about speeding up the pacing as far back as chapter 8.
Cenor
2025-02-27 21:42:37 +0000 UTCFirst of all, thank you for your feedback You’d like me to show the other rounds between Jovan and Vina, while others told me that even the first one wasn’t exciting and convinced me to "remove" it from the story (and place it as an extra… which I’ll do tomorrow before releasing the new chapter). Now I don’t know what to think ahah I wrote about the "multiple rounds" because: 1) Character evolution -> I wanted to create the idea that this "New Vina" you see in this chapter wasn’t born from just one round, but it took an entire day, practically non-stop; 2) Timeline continuity -> If I hadn’t written that, the reader might have wondered what happened until the next morning (since Vina and Jovan finished in the afternoon). And about the imbalance (11 chapters without action)... In a story like this, centered on slow corruption and manipulation, the ending was always gonna be Jovan convincing Vina. Even if I had written 50 chapters, 48 of them would have been about Jovan trying to convince her. This story is built around Vina not giving in, and it ends when she does (from my perspective, of course). In other stories with different plots, I can play with the "Oh god, what have I done? I shouldn’t have done that" kind of moments, with consequences and regrets, more action between chapters etc. Lastly, you'd like me to continue next week as well (so 3 more chapters), when I still plan to bring you 3 extra chapters (2 canon + an alternate ending that still connects to the story)
HBO AMC
2025-02-27 21:30:57 +0000 UTCI sorta have to agree with others here. The pacing is imbalanced, you go 11 chapters before we get any real action between Vina and Jovan and now it's about to already end a couple chapters later. I would've like another chapter between this one and the last, you left the last one off with Jovan talking about going more than one round yet we don't really see that at all. I feel like there should have been a part 2 after that with more action after she gets facialized. As much as I'd like to see the "son's gf" story start I think it would have been nice if you went a little longer and took this one through next week and started the next story the following week. Basically went from 50 to 100 in just a couple chapters.
Cenor
2025-02-27 20:05:49 +0000 UTCAgree with this. The build up matched that of the best stories I've read, just wanted it to continue longer. I hope TofD doesn't take our input as over critical and be put off writing more, the story is still great!
DownToTheSubway
2025-02-27 16:57:00 +0000 UTCKinda harsh? While I personally agree with the sentiment, I still think it's a good story. The first 10 of so chapter is among the best I've read. The writers vision isn't always in line with our wishes 🤷
John
2025-02-27 12:49:16 +0000 UTCMan, you fucked up the whole story. Seems so far from reality, Someone who would do anything for his love cannot change sides so quickly and crush the person he loves. It's obvious that you wrote in a hurry and tried to finish the story
Samet Can Kayali
2025-02-27 11:52:59 +0000 UTCA little too rushed. She went to the other side way too quick. Should have felt remorse but addicted. The text between the two guys were not needed. Overall still pretty good. Look forward to your next story
Thomas
2025-02-27 07:37:41 +0000 UTCI was going to wait until the entire series was completed to write about it. I feel you have great potential to put out great content. This story started of great with the bully concept building for an epic ending with Vina being the ultimate prize. The bully concept however made a complete departure from the final chapters as it seemed liked the messages to Vina were dialled down. Jovan started to become more of a life coach and an Evil mentor to Vina rather than a bully. There was easily room to direct some more pressure on Tommy to cause Vina to be broken. The writing style in chapter 12 is amazing . But why is Jovan beating his drum to impress Steve? Story would have been much hotter if Jovan said those lines to Vina to mentally build her craving for the BBC. Anyway I still feel you have an amazing talent and I look forward to staying subscribed and seeing a lot more of your work.
Clayton
2025-02-27 00:01:56 +0000 UTCI'm not sure the whole chapter of texts between the two guys was the best or hottest way to find out what Vina had done so I'd say better without the previous chapter, or atleast with that section cut down. For me I feel like there could/should have been a few more chapters between chapter 11 and this one, the slow breaking down of Vina's reluctance and the corruption of her was what made the story so hot. I thought we'd have some regret/shame from her after the blowjob before she gave in more to him. Think you said your original plan was more chapters but felt people wanted it quicker? Think the story as a whole suffers by rushing to the end. Your original plan would have been better. But like I said on my previous comment, I've still really enjoyed the story. happy to be a subscriber and really keen to see what you do next! You've clearly got a talent for this sort of thing :)
DownToTheSubway
2025-02-26 20:20:10 +0000 UTC
