Creativity, Life, Rebirth

Well, friends, it has been a chaotic couple of weeks, but I'm still alive! As many of you are aware, I was away for a bit this past month, visiting someone who is very dear to me. Sadly, they lost someone they loved while I was there. It was a rough experience for both of us, but it's these sorts of things that reminds us of the value of living and loving while we can.

While away, I kind of shrunk back into a cocoon of self and started to think more about life. I realized, since Twitchcon I've been slipping away from my passions, as they've become more of a "job" than art. I thought for the New Year, that I had it all figured out: revamped our beloved Patreon, started working on ambient music, and tried streaming more but in other categories (i.e. gaming). However, it wasn't too long before I felt myself getting burned out, and the debt which used to haunt me had suddenly come back. I made a lot of choices regarding travel last year, viewing it as an investment for Twitch and musical growth, but in the end I realized that these sorts of investments don't blossom overnight. So, I decided to start job hunting- to help pay the bills, but also to help re-focus my creativity so it can return to pure therapeutic expression, rather than something that begrudges me.

Fast forward to last night, when I was walking on the treadmill and thinking about life. I received, almost simultaneously, word back from both of the N.Y. employers I had contacted/interviewed with. The first, a karaoke bar which I have gone to many times, in search of a part time DJ. The second, a school for little kids on the autism spectrum (this will of course be my main gig, outside of all my internet things.) It's like the universe heard my cry. And not to get sappy, but there have been days where all I've wanted to do is cry because I've been pushing myself so hard. And now finally, it feels like the harsh pangs of rebirth may be coming to a slow.

All this being said, I'm looking forward to finally being able to support myself a bit better, and to have a little bit extra to support my craft and provide even better art for all of you.

Also, a small update, regarding photos. I am still hoping to do a professional photoshoot with one of my close friends in the city. I apologize for the wait on those, but in the meantime, I hope you'll enjoy the AI art I've been imagining up. I know AI is a touchy subject for many, but for me I have found it to be a great way to express my thoughts and feelings into a visual form. I look at my collection of works as a sort of "mental scrapbook". Maybe someday I'll download all of my favorites and make a little collection with the stories behind why I prompted them the way I did. We shall see. :)

Anyway, thank you all for being so incredibly supportive. Every last penny, every kind word, every sweet affirmation, reminds me to keep going. I know it can seem like I don't need it sometimes, because I try really hard to put up that front so I can be strong for all of you.. but the truth is, it is appreciated more than you will ever know.

You are important. You are loved.

Sincerely,
Bard xoxo