Lucifer's Love Story

This album was birthed on Cavalier Lane, during the closing chapter of one of the most igniting and cathartic romantic tragedy's I have ever imagined. I say "imagined", because truthfully the relationship was founded in the fires of pure, transformational love, and the tragedy that seemed to play out between us was indeed a creation of my own mental programming & negative perceptions of the shadow that played out between us.

The safe, loving intimacy & passionate sexuality that I experienced with my lover began to call me back into my body after a chapter of deep dissociation. I couldn't bear it at the time, for my vessel was an uncomfortable place to live. I had grown so comfortable in my state of numbness & mental distraction. Stored trauma, sickness, & emotional pain stuffed deep into my tissues... As soon as we'd make love I began to open up, and all that I thought I had under control came pouring out like a rogue tsunami.

We fought regularly. Violent words & gut wrenching tears, deep hysterical laughter & mental chatter, passionate sex & projection of pain, overprotection & harsh blame, unfamiliar & jarring nervous system shut downs, blissful beach days & the utmost tender neurotic care, devotion & artistic compulsion. It was a chaotic, pleasurable, volatile, unlocking of the heart, but we didn't have the tools or technology for alchemy, and the pain that came up to be cleared played out unconsciously.  

I found myself relentlessly trying to understand & remedy the volcanic nature of my communication, as I would act out in ways I didn't believe were safe or lovable. So in a desperate attempt to make a change, I began the journey of Self-healing. I invested in courses that gave me a beautiful foundation & mental framework for how to nurture my inner child, pleasure my pussy, feed myself well, & practice devotion. While all of this  was massively healing and empowering, I was still lacking a fundamental piece... Embodied Presence. I was living in every moment trying to ease my pain or discomfort & remedy the slightest imbalance. I was still yearning for all of the joy, pleasure, peace, & fulfillment that is available here now.

At Lucidity Festival 2022, I met an amazing group of humans who held space for me through a big emotional release. They sat, hand in hand, holding me in a circle, rooted in open-hearted, grounded & collaborative presence, in a way that felt like I had finally found home & the family that I always knew was truly aligned with my soul. A new dimension of unity. As I began to explore my curiosity & show up to relate with them more frequently I felt a drastic shift in my reality. My own body started to remember the safety, pleasure, & unconditional love that they show me on a daily basis. New blueprints for authentic relating were awakening within me, and through collaboration, I finally felt able to FHEAL it all. I started to focus less on my thoughts, and more on how I am feeling in every moment. Opening up to more and more embodied tools to move stagnant energy, such as breathwork, flow-based movement, song, touch, sex & authentic communication that support me in expanding my capacity for love. 

Every step of my journey has been perfect. I see woven beneath all of the phases of my experience, the soul that continues to choose for the highest good. Every trigger, ever release, all part of the grand strategy to unearth the unimaginable energy that I am alchemizing today to be my creative power. May we remember the innocence of every aspect of Self. 

And so it is, now.

......