Online Cheating, The Ick, and Walkaway Wife Syndrome
Added 2024-11-01 11:00:13 +0000 UTCDr Kirk and Humberto answer patron emails.
00:00 What is online cheating?
17:02 Compulsive porn use
23:54 TW Sexual abuse
26:33 What is The Ick
49:46 Walkaway Wife Syndrome
1:07:18 Is asking for a sexless relationship possible?
1:15:05 Upcoming Election Day
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November 1, 2024
The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®
Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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Comments
Hey Dr Kirk, Enjoyed this episode since I have experienced something similar. Recently discovered my husband had a super active porn habit and that for many yrs was secretly going to a porn booth arcade and adult theater often, it then escalated to contacting sex workers, massage parlors. It appears the punishment for him is a mountain of shame and ED. I was destroyed when I found out and go figure he was defensive and did not come clean. So being the investigator I am, I found it was only the tip of the iceberg as is with most. Oh joy I found the photos of the escorts he contacted online which was beyond disturbing to see pictures of these drugged out women who for sure are not overly concerned about passing on STDs since they offer a variety of unprotected services and even with protection I would feel the possibility was there of catching something. He is such a seasoned liar I had no idea this was going on for around 7 yrs. It’s hard to detect when someone is only hiding 20 minutes out of their day a few times a week. Plus the fact that he always called me at work before hand to make sure I didn’t try and get a hold of him while he was in the act. He is in therapy now but honestly I think these problems are so deep seated that it may take years if ever for him to be honest with himself. Have you ever seen someone with that level of deception become an honest person and drop the lying?
Tiny Bubbles
2024-11-13 03:47:56 +0000 UTCIn my experience the ick is usually the last straw when Im already not super into the person. Its like dr Kirk said there are sm icky incidents in relationships and it doesn’t usually kill the attraction. Sometimes it takes that one random thing to make you notice someones not ur type🤷🏻♀️
Nadine🐉
2024-11-06 02:50:06 +0000 UTCI think the ick is frequently a symptom of toxic masculinity. Like Hannah saying men shouldn’t ride things. There are all sorts of videos online that are like men shouldn’t eat shrimp it gives me the ick. Men shouldn’t swing on a swing. It’s seems like a new way to ensure gender roles.
Lauren King
2024-11-05 17:21:03 +0000 UTCI think the farm girl thing was an ick the same way the lime green shirt was. They claim they get an unshakeable ick from a green shirt...a shirt that person likely doesn't wear every day. They know it's supposedly "just the shirt" that gave them the ick. I am also not a fan of the ick concept at all. It was making me cringe in the latest season of LiB.
Alicia Cuadrado
2024-11-04 23:05:57 +0000 UTCLol Humberto was wilin this episode 😂 (idiom translation for Kirk: he was hyphy aka excited/rowdy/energectic)
Alicia Cuadrado
2024-11-04 22:36:00 +0000 UTCWhen Humberto brought up his life coach being "a therapist of sorts" I thought he was about to get an earful from Kirk!
Kate Hawk
2024-11-04 16:16:41 +0000 UTCLoved his response. I have a loving - laugh with eachother every day - relationship of 12 years and we're both the same as what Humberto was saying.
Kelly Matthews
2024-11-04 07:29:28 +0000 UTCRe: Humberto being hypothetically ok with his wife having conversations with sex workers online and (did I hear this right?) potentially having a one-off hook up with someone at a party as long as he is not aware of it. When I hear this, I have questions about whether Humberto himself considers this to be ok when it comes to his own behavior… Am I wrong to think so? I just know that if I were to be his wife, I’d be completely not ok with either of those and would not like hearing him say he’s ok with that because that would cause me to have doubts about his fidelity. Don’t get me wrong - I love Humberto! Was just surprised to hear that. I guess that’s why it’s important to have this conversation with your spouse so that you both are certain that you understand their expectations. Also, speaking about the distinctions, I see it the same way Kirk described as a common position he encountered: porn/masturbation is ok, but webcams and talking to sex workers, let alone engaging in any type of activity outside of that is not. Interesting how people have entirely different definitions of what it means to stay true to a spouse.
Anna
2024-11-04 02:04:25 +0000 UTCRe: walking away “syndrome”. It’s interesting because the paradoxical positive feelings from deciding to leave a situation are also present in suicide. When someone decides they are going to kill themselves sometimes they feel okay for the first time in years. This makes me wonder about the perception of pain. If someone feels something is unremitting and endless, it is not possible to endure for very long. So we do something psychologically to cope with that feeling of hopelessness and paradoxically it results in positive feelings. It makes me wonder if people just need more information and self knowledge to avoid hopelessness. There are always reasons for emotional withdrawal and the “syndrome” in question and I worry that the way this concept is named sort of makes it more mysterious than it really is.
Anastassia Sorokina
2024-11-03 19:30:32 +0000 UTCWalk away wife is when ur in a toxic relationship & uv shut down emotionally & already started grieving the relationship & u finally decide to walk away & the guy is "dumbfounded" even tho she's been telling him for YEARS & trying everything to make things work. "Silent quitting" is when u do this at work.
Cat
2024-11-01 18:03:24 +0000 UTCI think there is something intimate in where Humberto's girlfriend lives. He is experiencing her world through smell. And, I don't know, a location near slaugter house sounds impoverished, there's something real about it. So it sounds like fear of intimacy to me.
GO!《cɛn
2024-11-01 15:24:47 +0000 UTC
