Choosing Childless
Added 2024-10-28 11:00:09 +0000 UTCKids or no kids? How do we decide? Dr Kirk interviews fellow therapist Jess Flynn about her decision to not have children. Jess Flynn can be found at: https://jess-flynn-therapy.clientsecure.me/
00:00 Introducing Jesamie & mortality
09:32 Respectfully childless
14:15 Jesamie's background
27:26 Discussing children
38:12 Religion & ego death
1:11:47 Questioning whether to have children
1:27:12 Considering your health
1:34:10 What if I make the wrong choice?
1:50:17 Working with children
2:12:40 Jess Flynn the Therapist
Become a member: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOUZWV1DRtHtpP2H48S7iiw/join
Become a patron: https://www.patreon.com/PsychologyInSeattle
Email: https://www.psychologyinseattle.com/contact
Website: https://www.psychologyinseattle.com
Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/psychology-in-seattle
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychologyinseattle/
Facebook Official Page: https://www.facebook.com/PsychologyInSeattle/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kirk.honda
October 28, 2024
The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®
Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
Disclaimer: The content provided is for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only. Nothing here constitutes personal or professional consultation, therapy, diagnosis, or creates a counselor-client relationship. Topics discussed may generate differing points of view. If you participate (by being a guest, submitting a question, or commenting) you must do so with the knowledge that we cannot control reactions or responses from others, which may not agree with you or feel unfair. Your participation on this site is at your own risk, accepting full responsibility for any liability or harm that may result. Anything you write here may be used for discussion or endorsement of the podcast. Opinions and views expressed by the host and guest hosts are personal views. Although, we take precautions and fact check, they should not be considered facts and the opinions may change. Opinions posted by participants (such as comments) are not those of the hosts. Readers should not rely on any information found here and should perform due diligence before taking any action. For a more extensive description of factors for you to consider, please see www.psychologyinseattle.com
Comments
Damn Jess is so relatable! Many parallels between us. Thank you for your openness and the interview! I always thought I would end up having one child, by myself, a girl. Even had a name for her :) But once I got older that idea faded away. It really hit me when you said, that little girl in your imagination was you. You were raising yourself. Yes! That‘s exactly right. There is no space for another child in my life unfortunately. Not until I‘m done with this one 👈
Nathalie
2025-01-12 18:13:29 +0000 UTCSame. I say my two kids are retired and I did the best I could raising them. They turned out all right.
Lauren King
2024-11-03 21:09:55 +0000 UTCI love hearing Dr Kirk compliment his friend. It’s so rare to hear a man compliment a woman outside of a sexual relationship. So much so that when you see a man compliment a woman in a fictional show you can guess they’re about to be in a relationship and people think you’re psychic. Anyway, it’s pleasant and I love it.
Lauren King
2024-11-03 21:09:04 +0000 UTCI loved this episode. As a child free woman in my 30s with a lot of parallels to her story it was really validating. However I did find it super interesting that I have NEVER experienced any kind of longing to have a child like she has. As a kid my mom used to say things like "you'll make such a great mom!" and I would get this icky feeling. I get some kind of maternal warmth towards small animals, and have a lot of mentoring relationships with younger humans that give me deep feelings of satisfaction and accomplishment. But not babies. Never. So it was really interesting to hear such a detailed account of what that longing might feel like, from someone who has still made the same choices as me.
Suzi Milo
2024-11-01 22:07:41 +0000 UTCHi Kirk, that was such a great episode. Jess brings an easy-going and insightful perspective to women’s issues. I found the theory of self portion fascinating, and where it intersects with spirituality. I have three children myself and I will say that with the birth of my first sated a lot of my previously held death anxiety. I think hearing discussions and perspectives like hers allays a lot of the patriarchal ideas that you and Jess discuss and presents an alternative, that they can seek out something of their own choosing. I first found your podcast a year and a half ago, as I was trying to understand a DV situation that involved a partner that I felt had narcissistic or borderline traits. Your podcast has given me so much. In your discussion you touched on post-partum depression, which I experienced with all of my pregnancies. I read somewhere that over 30% of heterosexual women experience abuse, and I wonder how often those two data points coincide. My anguish when it comes to post-partum is that while it is mentioned briefly at wellness checks, there is no discussion about stress management after the major life change, or awareness of the support that mothers deserve from their partners and families that include suspending judgment and criticism and suppressing patriarchal leanings like defining a woman’s worth by her ability to breastfeed. I am glad that I live in Washington, where paid family leave is a thing, but I wonder if a broader approach to the life change that is parenting would quell the tide of escalating DV over time at least a little, or aid women along the way by opening their eyes to the truth that they are deserving of help and support, even if they are given different messages in their lives.
Janice Liu
2024-10-30 21:36:09 +0000 UTCMy favorite part of this episode is the orange kitty in the picture 🥰
Shawna
2024-10-30 15:51:01 +0000 UTCThis is such a great episode. I love all the questions being asked, because then I ask myself the same questions. For example, the questions about spirituality, were particularly excellent for me to ask myself and reflect on. Also, I really enjoyed the discussion of ego death. That sensation of oneness is so fascinating. Also, it reminded me of some of the ideas in Buddhism. The loss of ego and feeling of everything is connected is really central to Buddhism. Really loved the this episode, thank you!!!
juliana reider
2024-10-30 14:40:42 +0000 UTCThis is one of my favorite episodes... I'm so glad you all talked about this. There is so much need for this discussion to happen without negativity or judgement. Currently, I am child free and my partner and I have been having discussions about having children. There were times in my life I also had that very intense feeling that I needed to have children right away. Over time, I realized that this happened right around ovulation, but bc I track my cycle, I figured it out on my own. I've NEVER heard anyone talk about that urge and what it means before now. I'm so glad you all had this talk. I feel very seen and I feel like I have a much better perspective going forward in the decisions my partner and I make around children. Also, I would love hear more about Jess's escape from evangelicalism and any other life story she would like to share. Thank you so much!
Caitlin House
2024-10-28 22:01:02 +0000 UTCI was a little tentative listening to this, but it ended up being very thought provoking. I was worried about the potential anti-natalist judgment I feel sometimes as a leftist. I feel like child-free is more mainstream for millennials in my culture because of the environment, freedom to be spontaneous, questioning tradition and money. Being a low income parent makes me feel like a target too. I think it's a very good question for everyone: "when/why did you decide to have/not have kids?" For me it had nothing to do with my partner or legacy. I always wanted kids. Later, I felt the same sort of biological longing and also a desire for a stable family I lack and a desire to do something, anything with my life. Everything felt out of reach , but having a family was something I could do without impressing anyone or having to prove myself. I could keep my life pretty small. Haha, well that's true, but without a community or life experiences and with a lot of my own shit to sort out it hasn't been easy. I do love my kids so much, but I have regrets which are considered shameful and it makes me a little sensitive to some child-free criticism. I remember when my dad apologized to me for me being born. I feel like yes, the best thing would be to have never been born, but I don't think I would tell that to my kids. This podcast always does a great job.
wheelofhands
2024-10-28 20:49:57 +0000 UTCAs someone who was parentified as a child, I have come to terms that I do not want kids. Spending my whole life parenting, I am now “done,” and don’t want to do it again. There is a sense of grief attached to that decision/reality. Of course there is the possibly that I could have still come to the conclusion of not having kids had I not been parentified. But even so, there is still some grief around my trauma affecting my decision
Rickele
2024-10-28 20:05:05 +0000 UTCListening to the early part of this episode just made me want to shout out in the comments, right quick, "Kirk Honda, though we only 'know' each other via podcast/listener scenarios, you've really had a positive impact on my life." Finding this podcast in 2019 (randomly clicking on The Psychology of Travis Bickle episode because it randomly showed up in my YouTube algorithm) seriously sparked a remarkable change and journey and odyssey in my life. It's actually surprising how much finding this podcast opened up a world of insight and sense of self for me. 🌎 🤯 Really, it normalized therapy in my mind and made me hungry and motivated to find a therapist and group therapy. Thank you!!!
Esmond Kim
2024-10-28 17:44:40 +0000 UTC
