Borderline Abuse (Chapters 1-6)
Added 2024-04-22 11:00:06 +0000 UTCDr Kirk Honda discusses borderline personality and partner abuse while reacting to the reality TV show, Love Is Blind.
00:00 Introducing Love is Blind work
16:35 Chapter 1 - Patterns of escalation
54:12 Chapter 2 - Exerting control
1:32:11 Chapter 3 - Abusive cycle
2:17:27 Chapter 4 - Absolute thinking & respect
2:34:47 Chapter 5 - Abandonment & betrayal
3:09:00 Chapter 6 - Rejection & countertransference
Become a member: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOUZWV1DRtHtpP2H48S7iiw/join
Become a patron: https://www.patreon.com/PsychologyInSeattle
Email: https://www.psychologyinseattle.com/contact
Website: https://www.psychologyinseattle.com
Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/psychology-in-seattle
Cameo: https://www.cameo.com/kirkhonda
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychologyinseattle/
Facebook Official Page: https://www.facebook.com/PsychologyInSeattle/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kirk.honda
April 22, 2024
The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®
Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
Disclaimer: The content provided is for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only. Nothing here constitutes personal or professional consultation, therapy, diagnosis, or creates a counselor-client relationship. Topics discussed may generate differing points of view. If you participate (by being a guest, submitting a question, or commenting) you must do so with the knowledge that we cannot control reactions or responses from others, which may not agree with you or feel unfair. Your participation on this site is at your own risk, accepting full responsibility for any liability or harm that may result. Anything you write here may be used for discussion or endorsement of the podcast. Opinions and views expressed by the host and guest hosts are personal views. Although, we take precautions and fact check, they should not be considered facts and the opinions may change. Opinions posted by participants (such as comments) are not those of the hosts. Readers should not rely on any information found here and should perform due diligence before taking any action. For a more extensive description of factors for you to consider, please see www.psychologyinseattle.com
Comments
I loved this series Kirk! You made me feel understood as someone suffering from BPD.
Lara 🦜🦜
2024-05-19 21:05:11 +0000 UTCI love this series and I watched the whole thing on YouTube and I watched some of it twice. Listening this way is bringing up different things for me still about my relational history. Thinking about situations that went so sideways and understanding them now as attachment ruptures. Re: Jimmy being accurate, he definitely seems more reliable than her, but I’m not sure that qualifies. I’m not sure if it is bias, or just more of a lack of information. In contrast to her, he appears so reasonable. In later episodes you speculate about his issues with guilt, I think that does make him an unreliable narrator because he wants to deny and spin things slightly, not horribly. In my opinion, I see a tendency to jump to “I didn’t say that.” When he did say something similar and what would be a more accurate response is, “oh, sorry. I didn’t mean that. I hear how you can interpret what I said that way. ….” I can really see how that might cause someone with distortions to double down on their side. Then he feels the need to assert himself more as he may feel more threatened with guilt. I think the “I didn’t say that” is more dysregulated than it appears.
Lauren King
2024-04-30 22:59:32 +0000 UTCYeah, it's hard to determine with couple clients. I try my best by asking a lot of questions, checking my bias, throwing out possibilities, and taking my time. How do we handle it? It depends on: how entrenched they are, the security of the therapeutic relationship, what the current goal is, etc.
Psychology In Seattle
2024-04-26 22:59:20 +0000 UTCI'm so glad that you can see that. Very commendable. You deserve to heal.
Psychology In Seattle
2024-04-26 22:57:32 +0000 UTCThat's an interesting question worth studying. I don't know if they attract particular personalities. I've seen a wide variety of personalities on the shows I've seen.
Psychology In Seattle
2024-04-26 22:56:41 +0000 UTCWhat’s the best way to handle talking with someone who might be experiencing these distortions? Particularly as a couples counselor, how do you know if one partner is distorted? It’s easy to analyze when we see Chelsea and Jimmy’s footage, but when you’re only relying on individual accounts, how do you help the person with preoccupation if they don’t realize their memory is skewed and their partner is afraid to trigger them by saying “No, actually…”
Mary L
2024-04-24 20:51:42 +0000 UTCI too have a slight bias towards jimmy not because I like men more, but because he is being kind, respectful and rational, where as Chelsea is being defensive and controlling towards Jimmy which I don’t find to be fair. She does not have to be with him if he is not her cup of tea, but it just seems like her approach is to try to mould him to fit her ideals. I also want to note that I do find I generally do have a bias towards women, where I do seem women as superior and I have often challenge this notion which has been passed down to me from my mother. More and more I am having a balanced view of women and men and more judging the attitudes of each on an individual level, rather than making gender generalizations which are often just totally false.
Kristen
2024-04-24 18:43:01 +0000 UTCoh man i completely see myself in her... only recently have i realised how hurtful it is to say to someone that they don't give a shit about me
Emily
2024-04-24 10:01:52 +0000 UTCWill there be categories for other kinds of abuse? It's helpful to categorize fights and abuse this way. I grew up in the middle of family fights by the way. Both in immediate and extended family. They were huge. Followed by estrangements. This isn't bad, but still... I guess the act of figuring out who is on the right is triggering. I'm still trying to understand who was right about what in my family's fights, it still feels like that matters. It's all such a whirlpool, I drown in it.
GO!《cɛn
2024-04-23 18:13:29 +0000 UTCThanks for this insighful and passionate episode. I loved it! Do you think that reality TV somehow 'attracts' certain personality styles? Perhaps having a relationship on tv is the ultimate test a person with borderline can put their partner through , the public nature of it being attractive and safe in some way? If they feel mistreated in previous relationships, having countless wittnesses to call out any future mistreatment might feel reasuring? Them not being aware of their own potentially abusive behaviour? Just speculating of course.
Femke
2024-04-23 10:43:15 +0000 UTCAs someone who has felt that you have been bias towards men in the past… I don’t think you’re being bias towards jimmy. We are all bias sometimes or see bias where it is not. All we can do is do our best! But anyways, I felt the same way about them & I felt like I was missing something because a lot of people were, “on her side”, simply because they say men are always bad or because of his one hook up with his friend in the past. Even though jimmy told Chelsea about it everyone said it was still all his fault.
MK Average
2024-04-22 19:13:22 +0000 UTCSo appreciative of this series 💕
Heather Macdonald
2024-04-22 11:04:30 +0000 UTC
