Bothersome IFS, Family Vloggers, and Anti-Quiet Borderline
Added 2024-04-05 14:00:03 +0000 UTCDr Kirk Honda answers patron emails.
00:00 Where should I look to work with NOMAPs?
01:54 Debunking birth order & understanding sadism
15:30 OPP
16:25 Can IFS therapy be helpful with borderline?
25:40 Using children in content creation
37:43 Parentification & attuning to multiple children
39:52 Do parents use their children to fill attachment needs?
41:23 OPP2
41:53 Will there be a deep dive on limerence?
50:43 Why am I unable to sit in the quiet now?
58:16 How are listener emails prioritized?
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April 5, 2024
The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®
Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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Comments
That's right. I knew about limerence before I knew about BPD, which I was dx with later. Sounds like limerence object = favorite person. I'm really looking forward to the ASPD deep dive! I was wondering how ASPD relates to psychopathy and BPD. I've always scored quite high on the psychopathy scales (4-8-7 on MMPI) but none of my doctors were able to explain why.
Kadita
2024-12-07 14:24:28 +0000 UTCI think the IFS therpist is likely right, but the listener/ client has to discover it themselves! They must get to know the part of themselves and discover who they are, what age they are and what they need. I myself have a very hurt and terrified child part that I visualize as clinging desperately to the necks of men I date. And what the child needs is to be pulled off and held by me and filled with love and commpassion in a consistent, ongoing way that these immature men are not capable of. The first time I did this I broke down weeping. It really hit. HOWEVER, if a therapist just told me what this persons therapist told them I would have been skeptical.
Taylor g
2024-06-30 13:49:52 +0000 UTCDoes anyone know what the birth order episode is called? I did a search and didn’t find it.
Jenny O
2024-04-19 03:23:10 +0000 UTCI think the more generous interpretation of what Jocelyn's therapist might be saying (not that there's any way for me to know) is: The 'real self' as an adult in the moment needs to self-talk and self-soothe the 'desperate abandoned little girl' part that represents borderline reactions and preoccupation. Instead of the little girl part in control for relationships, the adult 'real self' trying to play out internally what a healthy soothing and comforting looks like, which I imagine would be very difficult for someone with the early childhood trauma that leads to borderline. But practicing I can imagine would be very helpful! And then the adult 'real self' saying "let me be in charge of how we behave in our relationship" with an outside person. Demonstrating competence and that the inner part reactivity is not necessary or helpful.
Teo
2024-04-13 20:20:21 +0000 UTCMy mother became a single mother with three kids and all of us, particularly my older brother, were parentified. Even today, I often feel like I am the adult in our relationship. I'm diagnosed with BPD, ADHD, an unspecified mood disorder, and PTSD (which I suspect is more likely CPTSD). I feel quite sure my mother also falls on the clinical side of the Borderline &/or Histrionic spectrum. She never intended to be a single mother, but it's what happened. She did the best she could. The overturning of Roe V Wade will certainly make the problem of single mothers without resources so much worse.
Anna × LacedUpTight
2024-04-09 17:47:36 +0000 UTCJust wanted to say that while some people use the term "relationship OCD" to refer to what is probably something like preoccupied attachment, there is also a legit form of OCD called "relationship OCD." Basically the obsession is that you're worried that you don't actually love your partner and the compulsions are doing various things to try to figure out if your feelings are real. It's real form of OCD that can be related to preoccupied attachment, but it's not the same thing. There is legit OCD research on it!
Carson
2024-04-08 07:30:42 +0000 UTCI’ve done some video trainings on IFS and read Dick Schwartz book “No bad parts.” He is pretty clear that the theory and therapy work best when they are understood as literal parts with their own sense of self. Not a metaphor.
Jean Taylor
2024-04-07 23:52:02 +0000 UTCNew patron and first times commenting! I have been deeply enjoying both the podcasts and the YouTube videos. Thank you for the public service of teaching people not only about a huge array of psychological concepts and how they manifest, but also about self- and other-compassion. I will be interested in your deep dive on limerence. It is a very strange and particular set of behaviors that I am familiar with, particularly from adolescence. You may have already found this website, but Living With Limerence is an incredibly comprehensive site all about limerence. It was started by a neuroscientist who found himself in a devastating bout of limerence that almost derailed his marriage and life. He has since dedicated a huge amount of time to dissecting and understanding the condition, and supporting other sufferers. https://livingwithlimerence.com/ Dorothy Tennov, PhD wrote a book about it decades ago, but since then there doesn't seem to have been much research, although there have been some very recent studies. The anecdotal accounts on LWL really flesh out the patterns beyond Tennov's understanding.
Amy in Ballard
2024-04-07 23:00:31 +0000 UTCI loved The Dollop’s episode on Elon Musk! It was really funny and I learned a lot. (it’s a history/comedy pod) They commented on Elons monochrome, grey warehouse, that resulted in higher workplace accidents compared to the norm. They speculated (as laypersons) that it seems like an autistic trait; or, simply a narcissistic side of him. But I can think of many other personality differences that might’ve resulted in such a stupid idea - to have an entire warehouse painted grey (including stop signs!) Anyway. Elon is a bizarre fellow. Can’t wait to hear you guys talk about him!
Laura
2024-04-06 23:56:00 +0000 UTCI am currently in IFS therapy and recently completed the IFS circle program. It's the only therapy that has helped me with my complex PTSD as well. When I become blended with a part it sure doesn't feel like a metaphor. "Schwartz emphasizes that our internal parts aren't metaphors or symbols but beings with their own complex thoughts, emotions, and motivations." I must admit it sounds wacky but the therapy works and all my parts definitely don't share the same thoughts and views.
Amber Armstrong
2024-04-06 00:33:11 +0000 UTCDr. Honda, I strongly disagree with you on the IFS. I have CPTSD and have done many years of talk therapy with different approaches. I have been doing therapy with my current best therapist for over 3 years and am right now doing EMDR with her colleague. Nothing helped me like IFS. All other talk therapies (including all the endless validation and support of my therapist) have only worked on protectors, especially my most injured protector who was a destructive firefighter and is now essentially healthy. In my whole country there are only a dozen IFS therapists, so I started doing solo sessions using "Self-therapy" book and a specialized AI. In just 18 days, with only 3 of them focused on this protector and the associated exile, starting with an emotional flashback of worthlessness, I reparented and healed my exile. I no longer feel like that sense of dread and danger that was so permanent in my life that I no longer remember how I felt before I had CPTSD. Of course I still have painful memories or emotions sometimes, but that heaviness inside is gone. You helped me so much, because of you I understood that I had CPTSD and your deep dives and videos helped me so much to understand my preoccupied attachment, but nothing helped as much as IFS. Perhaps due to my specific experience IFS has taught me that I don't need anyone else to heal me because I have all the resources I need inside me and for me this is the most precious lesson I have ever learned emotionally. I love my therapist and am still doing therapy and EMDR with her colleague because I am aware that I still have a lot of healing to do. I appreciate your role as professionals immensely, I just want to point out how deep IFS goes into even attachment wounds and how helpful it can be as I was stuck for many many years before trying it because nothing else was able to do it.
Claddagh
2024-04-05 19:32:45 +0000 UTC
