A double court martial?

Yet another little extract has fallen into our lap due to an IT error....

Audio transcript from the preliminary hearing in respect to proposed courts martial of Lt C. Chadwick and C. Eng. A. Huang.

Captain Masters and Commander Benson presiding.

Cdr Benson: "Chief, thank you coming today. If you'd take a seat."

C.Eng Huang: "Sir, thank you Sir. Er, could I ask..."

Capt Masters: "Chief Engineer Huang, we have before us allegations that on the 14 inst you did, and may I add before a number of witnesses, on disembarking from the Vanguard announce that the passengers being carried were, and I quote, "A bunch of derpy no-brain grogans."

Huang. "Aww shit..."

Benson: "What exactly is a grogan by the way?"

Masters: "The Chief just answered that one, James."

Benson: "Oh. I see. Hardly appropriate language to use to describe the head of Phoebe's research team and his colleagues, Chief."

Huang. "Sir..."

Masters: "You also, and I quote..." *sound of ruffling papers* "...amongst quite a lot of quotes it seems, added that they "were so thick they couldn't find their own arse if you gave them a map, a compass and five minutes head start." Is that true, Chief?"

Huang: "No, Sir."

Benson: "It's not? May I remind you Chief that I have sworn statements from Doctors Liu, Collins, Bianchi together with statements from thirteen other passengers that this is indeed what you said."

Huang: "It's not true, Sir. With all due respect they'd need longer than five minutes in my opinion, Sir."

*Unidentified sound of someone snorting*

Benson: "Nevertheless, you did say it?"

Huang: "Sir."

Masters: "And you also apparently stated that Doctor Liu's wife had "hair like a bushpigs arse"?"

Huang: "Sir. To be fair, Sir, she does."

Masters: "James, I've met Lianna...I think we -can- actually strike that one."

Benson: "Hrm. Very well. You do realise, however, Chief that given the status of the individuals concerned we can hardly ignore this matter."

Huang: "Sir, yes, Sir."

Masters: "Especially, given that you also apparently struck a civilian the night before."

Huang: "Sir, yes, Sir. That one was in defence of my honour, Sir."

Benson: "Do explain, Chief."

Masters: "Ah *sounds of shuffling papers*...this was the drinking incident?"

Huang: "There had been some drinking, Sir. Yes. But, my engineers had only popped in for a couple of frosties. Flight the next day, Sir, so we weren't getting tanked."

Masters: "So you went for a drink, and?"

Huang: "Civvies, Sir. They were well loaded. And they became insulting about the military, Sir. Saying they were better and brighter than us, Sir. They were going on about their ability to assess evidence, how they were so much more useful than we were..."

Benson: "Hardly an excuse to hit one of them, Chief."

Huang: "Didn't hit the bas...individual for that, Sir. It was when they started grabbing ice and trying to shove it down the female crews tops."

Masters: "Not pleasant, Chief. But you could still have walked away and reported it."

Huang "They were singing about frosty mountains as they did, Sir!"

Masters: "Still, not an excuse."

Huang: "Except according to them, I only have hillocks!"

*Unidentified sound of someone snorting*

Masters: "And that's when you threw the punch?"

Huang: "Sir."

Benson: "Chief...we have evidence of assault both physical and verbal against you. We can hardly dismiss this one."

Huang: "Sir, no, Sir."

Masters: "Unless....*sounds of shuffling papers*...you'd be willing to testify against Lt. Chadwick in respect of the second case we have to consider."

Huang: "Sir?"

Benson: "A much more serious case, Chief. A failure to follow at least six flight safety protocols which includes the endangerment of her crew's lives, especially...yours."

Huang: "Sir?"

Masters: "Chief, I know she is your OC, but looking at what happened on the same flight, I fail to see how even you could defend her actions."

Huang: "The same flight? Sir, no, Sir."

Benson: "We will drop all charges against you and all we want in return is for you to confirm the accuracy of the witness statements in respect to the charges against Chadwick. Understand?"

Huang: "Sir, yes, Sir."

Masters: "And you're willing to do this, Chief?"

Huang: "Sir, yes, Sir."

Masters: "That was easy. Very well, Chief. James, would you be good enough to read the charge?"

Benson: "On the 14 inst it is alleged by the head of Phoebe's research team and his colleagues that prior to departure on an internal flight across Phoebe you entered the Vanguard, announcing that you had a minor repair to attend to. You then proceeded to drop the access ladder in the centre of the passenger bay and started to climb up it. Midway, you paused, turned to the passengers and in a loud clear voice stated that on no account was the Vanguard to depart until you had come back because you would be "stuck on the flaming roof". You then climbed out of view, pulled the access ladder up behind you and sealed the hatch. I take it the Vanguard had been configured for passengers. Is this correct?"

Huang: "Sir, yes, Sir."

Masters: "Very good, Chief. Carry on James."

Benson: "A short while later, Lt Chadwick then entered the Vanguard, greeted the passengers warmly....Chief, was the Lieutenant with you when you'd been drinking?"

Huang: "Sir, no, Sir."

Masters: "That would explain that then I suppose, carry on."

Benson: "Um...greeted them warmly, hoped they would be having a good flight and at pace quickly departed into the cockpit stating that she had pre-flight checks to do. Moments later, the airlock bulkhead behind her sealed and the drop gate closed into place. Passenger seat belts were locked into place and a minute later the engines started up."

Huang: "Sounds about right with regards to timings, Sir."

Benson: "As the Vanguard started to take off, this caused a great deal of consternation amongst the passengers who became increasingly distressed over your plight expecting to see you hurtle down from the roof of the Vanguard. I gather Mrs Liu was physically sick."

Masters: "Over Doctor Liu too, if I may add."

Huang: "Sir...yes, I saw the evidence of that, Sir."

Masters: "Some thirty minutes later when the Vanguard had landed, the access ladder dropped back down into the passenger area, you descended looking in some state of extreme dishevelment...you'd lost your top? Is that right, Chief?"

Huang: "Nothing between me and my hillocks than my hair and my arm, Sir."

Masters: "I see....in a state of extreme dishevelment...proceeded to the drop gate, lowered it, released the passengers belts whilst letting forth a stream of unpleasant remarks about the general intellect of the passengers as you did so. Is this correct?"

Huang: "Sir, yes, Sir."

Benson: "Sounds open and shut to me. Thank you for your co-operation. Anything else you wish to add Chief?"

Huang: "Sir, I would like to add something."

Masters: "Go on, Chief."

Huang: "When I closed the access hatch, I walked across the roof to the front of the ship, opened the hatch there and descended into the cockpit. I flew in the jump seat until we landed where upon I climbed up the access ladder, stuck my head out of the hatch as we taxied before climbing up fully once we'd stopped. I then took my top off, walked across the roof and descended into the passenger bay."

*sounds of large sighing*

Benson: "Why? Just...why?"

Huang: "Well I told skip what had happened over breakfast and how we were all thick as pigsh...not as intelligent as a bunch of scientists and she wanted to put that to the test, Sir. To test their ability to assess evidence, Sir, as she put it. I mean, did they really think I'd been clinging onto the gun turret the whole time?"

Masters: "James, we -did- agree to dismiss the charges against Chief Engineer Huang, and seemingly...."

Benson: "Quite. Chief?"

Huang: "Sir?"

Benson: "Get out of my fucking sight."

Huang: "Sir, yes, Sir!"