THE ACTUAL FEBRUARY LEWD 2: HORS CAN'T READ BOOGALOO

So apparently words are hard. Writing words, yes. And reading words too. Like...

.....

....so anyway. As my wonderful, amazing patron khantigre pointed out.... uh. I wrote the wrong thing for the lewd last month. This is a bad. We needed to make this right...

So here's the right thing. And since I did an oopsie, we're gonna give this one to all tiers. So enjoy!

M/M/M 2 Sneks 1 Smol Final destination GO

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It was a quiet day on Zephyr Station 9…  or a quiet artificial day/night cycle, at least. Being located above Antarctica wasn’t exactly conducive to regular circadian rhythms, doubly so with being on the edge of outer space.

At any rate, it was a nice slow day, perfect for Hsps’rez’sds to ask for some help on his little project. The coffee-skinned human male leaned on the edge of the Jornissian’s desk, glancing at the various screens as they talked. The ocean-blue snake had subtle white splotches across his scales, at least where his casual clothes didn’t cover. Said clothes were also a touch tight, as Hsps’rez’sds was, well, plump to put it politely, and he found himself unnecessarily conscious about that tightness as he moved out of the human’s way. 

Fortunately for both of them, Daler Singh didn’t seem to mind, his own clothes not exactly fit and fashionable. 

“So, there’s the lunar calendar and the solar calendar, and every region has their own specific rules for how to reconcile them. They each have twelve months, but the lunar one is 354 days, while obviously the solar one is 365 days or so…” The middle-aged man scratched at his turban, a pleasant orange shade that brought out his blue eyes.

Hsps’rez’sds nodded along, typing out some notes. This was nothing he couldn’t access or research himself, but doing so had proved...difficult. “[Of course. And how do you reconcile them? I understand you use intercalary months.]”

“Yep. Every, what was it...third, fifth, eighth, eleventh, fourteenth, sixteenth, and nineteenth year in a nineteen-year cycle, we add a month.” Daler nodded, sipping a mug of hot coffee.

“[I...see. Which month? How do you pick it?]” Hsps’rez’sds paused. This was the part he had yet to figure out.

“No fuckin’ idea. Depends what source or book you ask, what region you’re in… Oh also sometimes, like once every few centuries or so, we have to skip a month. What was the rule…when the Sun is in perigee, and a lunar month being at its longest, if the new moon immediately precedes a samkranti, then the first of the two lunar months is kshaya...I think?” He shrugged, hopping off the desk. “Sorry, I honestly don’t know the finer details of it all.”

With a dejected sigh (that sounded something like a balloon post-stab) the blobby blue snake closed a few programs. Logging out of the terminal, his eyes followed the human, his hand movements long-practiced. “[It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ll have to find some literary sources to properly finish this date program, then. How’s your project going?]”

Daler finished his coffee, setting the mug at his own, significantly smaller, desk. “Pretty well so far. Adapting a rendering program to use octernions when we were already using quaternion math was pretty straightforward, all things considered. Those processing time shortcuts really helped, Sam.”

“[Ah, no problem, no problem. But really, I’m no good with that stuff. It was Ass’sshss who really-]”

“[Did someone mention me?!]” An incredibly vibrant, downright sparkling, straight-up #ff69b4 hot pink Jornissian dove inbetween the pair. Visibly smaller than Hsps’rez’sds, the energetic snake nonetheless managed to wrap an arm around the neck of both colleagues, pulling them into a loose hug. Neither seemed particularly happy about it but wore a tired expression that suggested they had long since given up trying to fight this. “[I couldn’t help but overhear your praise of my wonderful help with our dear Daler’s project! It was nothing, really, especially for me! Such a simple task, you should have just left it to me and relaxed yourself!]”

“[...Hello, Ass’sshss. You’re feeling...spritely.]” The translators had really improved. Despite not being anatomically capable of it, Daler could hear Hsps’rez’sds was gritting his teeth. Slowly, the larger snake tried to pull out of the headache-inducing embrace, and promptly got pulled in harder.

“[Well of course I’m in a good mood! Who wouldn’t be?! After all, our dear Daler invited us to his cultural celebration tonight!]” Ass’sshss beamed with glee.

“[He did?]”

“I did?”

“[Of course! Today is…]” The unnaturally bright snake paused for a moment, muttering to himself. “[How do you pronounce this...ahh...The beginning of the new year!]” He hoisted a surprised, yet begrudgingly accepting Daler onto his shoulder.

“[It’s the middle of April-]” Hsps’rez’sds paused, his silver eyes going wide as he, and Daler, mutually realized what their...friend...meant.

“Ohh. Ohhh fuck he’s right it’s Baisakhi. Uhh...Happy New Year. Yay. Shit, I forgot to arrange any travel plans…” Daler chewed his lip, casually resting on the pink snake’s shoulder.

“[That’s quite alright! I’m sure anything you can do on Earth, we can do even better up here!]” Ass’sshss immediately answered, beginning to slither out to the hallways and dragging a recalcitrant Hsps’rez’sds behind him.

“You got any holy rivers to bathe in, or Gurdwaras to talk to?” The human snorted, rolling his eyes.

“[Even better! I made food for all of us!]” The pink serpent crowed proudly.

Both Hsps’rez’sds and Daler froze, eyes growing wide. “Pinky, you remember what happened last time…”

‘Pinky’ blinked, pausing in his slither for just a moment.”[I bought food for all of us! Heh. Heheh. Heh…I don’t make the same mistake twice, especially not a third time!]” He swiftly resumed his pace down the halls.

“[And yet you chose that color scale-dye…]” The chubby blue boy grumbled, pulling his head out of Ass’sshss arms and continuing on his own.

With a hissing laugh, Ass’sshss brushed the barb off. “[Oh my scales are hardly a mistake! This color perfectly suits my personality, everyone says so!]” 

“Have to agree with them there.” Daler couldn’t hold back his smug smirk, shooting a wink to his programming buddy.

A few minutes later – and Daler seriously wondered if his hot pink Jornissian friend took the long way each time on purpose – the trio found themselves inside Ass’sshss’s modest apartment. 

“I see you’ve redecorated since I was last here.”

“[Well, you know what they say! Variety is the spice of life – speaking of, Behold!]” Ass’sshss, with a dramatic fling of his free hand, opened up a massive container that sat squat on his kitchen table. Immediately, the room was filled with a myriad of scents; some familiar, some exotic, and some that were… interesting, to say the least.

“[I’ve got fried chicken, fried fish, fried fries, fried naptha, fried butter, fried twinkies-]”

Hsps’rez’sds chuckled. “[Did… you just call the cafeteria and ask them to fry everything they had leftover?]”

Ass’sshss reeled back in mock shock. “[Absolutely not! I brought a salad for Daler, of course.]”

Daler sighed, exasperatedly. “Just because I’m a vegetarian doesn’t mean I can only eat salads, and you know that-“

“[Mmm, yes, terrible.]” Hsps’rez’sds murmured, making his way over to the bin of fried goodies. “[Obviously I will have to take this caloric hit for you, my friend.]”

Ass’sshss leaned down, resting his pointed head on Daler’s shoulder. “[And perhaps after the food, a little fun?]” He cooed, his hood flaring out wide with excitement. His vibrant orange eye stared into Daler’s as the human considered the propsal. Daler knew the snake couldn’t blink, but he’d long since learned the difference between “I’m just looking in your general direction” and “I’m looking at you”.

In turn, he rolled his own eyes. “Why is it that every time we get together, you just want to fuck?” He playfully teased, rummaging around the oversized box for his small sealed salad bowl.

“[Hmm…]” The Jornissian pretended to think. “[Because you’re an absolutely adorable, eager little thing and I’m a very excitable snake? Come now, it’s not like you’ve ever turned me down.]” Ass’sshss chuckled, slapping Hsamshs’s back, causing him to cough.

Lowering the fried bucket of fries that he’d literally been tipping into his mouth, the ocean blue snake cleared his throat and joined the conversation. “[Huh? Oh! Ohh. Well, that just, uh, makes this a real celebration, then! It’s been a bit since we had some mutual fun, right Daler?]”

The human couldn’t help but blush, glancing away with some embarrassment. He’d always had a kink for snakes, ever since he saw those naja statues growing up. It was a story they all knew, and the duo had never shied away from helping him live out those particular… fantasies. “Can’t we at least eat for more than two minutes before propositioning each other?” He sighed, somewhat weary.

“[Of course not! You’d be too full to swallow if we did that.]” The pink-scaled snake laughed. “[Then again, you do look cute when covered in-]”

“You know what?” Daler interrupted, scratching his chin. With a mournful look, he set the salad aside and gave the duo his full attention. Ass’sshss diligently fell silent and watched. Hsps’rez’sds continued to swallow chicken by the bucketful, glancing out from the corner of his eye.

Daler cleared his throat, quickly continuing. “You know, I’m always the one on the bottom, or receiving, or etc. And don’t get me wrong that’s fun and all but I need a change of pace. So…” He blushed harder, realizing just what he was asking. 

Ass’sshss gasped, his eyes literally sparkling. Along with everything else. “[You want to penetrate this time?! Oh by Sotek-who-circles-the-world, I’d love to help you with that!]” In a flash of pink, he’d gathered Daler up and all but dragged the still-eating-now-flailing Jornissian back into his bedroom, pushing the larger snake into the room with his body. Daler just went along for the ride, Ass’sshss’s skilled hands pulling away about half of the human’s clothes in the process.

Landing with a thump, the human spluttered and quickly tried to stand. “I didn’t mean right now-”

“[But I’m already naked!]” Ass’sshss pouted. The snake was offensively bright in the lights, his scales no longer obscured by any form of clothing. Leaning in, he propped himself up above the pants-clad man, beaming with excitement. “[Besides, you humans recover fast! In-out, ten minute fun, then back to the chicken? Or maybe Hsps’rez’sds can give you a turn after!]”

There was a loud gagging sound in the background, followed by the dull thump of a sort-of paper bucket hitting the ground. “[Wait, what?! I thought I was just watching this time-]” The ocean blue Jornissian forced down his last bite of greasy food and looked somewhat scared, actually.

“Oh for the love of- leave something for the rest of us!” Daler called out from under the neon scales. Taking advantage of the momentary distraction, Ass’sshss got busy unbuttoning and pulling Daler’s remaining clothes away. The human glared, and a cocky smirk was all he got in turn. “Okay fine, just a quickie.”

“[Of course~.]” Ass’sshss smirked. He had yet to have a ‘quickie’ with the human – unless 5+ hours at a time was ‘quick’ for his partner. “[Anyway, what’s wrong Hsps’rez’sds? You feeling shy today~?]” He cooed, looking over his shoulder as his hand reached down and fondled Daler’s semi-stiff member. With an experienced touch, he swiftly got him rock hard.

Clearing his throat (an act that sounded like a dying bagpipe) the plump Jornissian looked nervous, his hood pulling in a bit. “[Well, um...I’ve never...you know, been on the other end. And...I gotta be honest that feels kinda...weird and gross.]”

Both the human and the pink snake froze, turning to stare at him. “You have fucked me,” “[And me,]” “Several times each. In either hole.” They mutually pointed out.

“[That’s different!]” Hsps’rez’sds threw up his hands as if trying to wave away their stares. “[It’s...okay ‘gross’ was the wrong word but I’ve never been into, well, receiving!]”

“[He has literally the easiest cock you could take, especially for a first time-]” Pinky started.

“[That’s not the issue here!]” Hsps’rez’sds fired back.

Daler sighed. “It’s not a big deal.” Peeking out from under the pink scales, his eyes twinkled, a wide smirk breaking his lips. “Mr Big-Dick-Snake just wants to make sure his gifts go to use~.”

However, his taunt wouldn’t get to last long. As Hsps’rez’sds spluttered, Ass’sshss gently took the coffee-skinned cheeks in his claws, tilting Daler’s face back to him. “[Well lucky for you, I have plenty of experience receiving~.]” The hand around Daler’s shaft lowered, a ring of scaly digits holding him in place. Shifting his ‘hips’ Ass’sshss raised himself up.

It was at this point Daler realized he’d never actually known where a Jornissian anus was. Turns out, a foot or so down from their genital slit, about mid-thigh in human terms. The slit spasmed and peeked into view, normally too small to be visible, as Ass’sshss lined himself up. Cradling Daler’s cheek, he leaned in and whisper-hissed in his ear. “[Just relax, cutie~. I’ll do all the work, you just focus on feeling good~.]”

He didn’t have to ask twice. Lowering his body down, the tight orifice resisted for just a moment. A wiggle of his coils, and Daler’s crown poked through the muscled entrance. After that, it was smooth sailing down till their hips mashed together, Ass’sshss’ body spreading Daler’s legs apart. Through it all, Daler could only gasp, eyes wide as he softly moaned. In all his months aboard the station, he’d yet to actually experience something like this… and he didn’t hesitate to make his appreciation known.

“[You really are just so adorable~.]” Slowly, Ass’sshss let his hips move in a wave, rising up and down oh-so-gently. Admittedly, this wasn’t doing much for him physically- Daler just wasn’t big enough. But the moans and squirms of the human beneath him, and the idea of what they were doing, was enough to easily get his cocks throbbing and engorged, hanging from their slits to press against the human’s belly. 

Not just him, either. Placing a clawed hand on the pink snake’s shoulder, Hsps’rez’sds squeezed, getting his attention. The barb earlier was hardly a lie; compared to Ass’sshss, who was admittedly a little on the small side for a Jornissian at just shy of a foot long, the blue pudgy snake was well-endowed. His own clothes discarded and his cocks at the ready, they hung at an easy foot and a half. “[Mind if I join?]”

“[Not so shy now, are you~?]” Ass’sshss chuckled, leaning in and nuzzling Hsps’rez’sds’ cheek. [Go ahead, just slide on in~.]”

“[Ooh, good idea~.]” Hsps’rez’sds flared his hood eagerly, his weight making the bed creak a bit as he slithered beside them. With a coiling wave of his body, he curled back on himself a few times, getting into position to look down at the pair and shove his cocks between their faces. The prehensile pair each draped over one of them, quickly getting their attention. “[Now how about we put those mouths to use~?]”

“[Ooh, you always get so dominant when you’re excited-]” Ass’sshss was cut off as the thick, tapered tip pushed passed his jaws, delving deep without hesitation. With a happy moan, he pushed his hips down on Daler a little harder, squirming around the human in glee.

“[Less talking, more sucking, Ass’sshss~.]” The ocean-blue snake rumbled, one hand on the back of his friend’s hood. Turning his attention to Daler and suppressing his own groans, he gently had his tip slap the human’s lips, the stubble tickling him a bit. “[Don’t worry, there’s plenty of meat left for you too, if you want it~.]” He gently dragged the tip across those soft, brown lips…

Squirming with bliss as Pinky’s tight hole worked him over, Daler could hardly refuse. Looking up to meet Hsamshs’s eyes, he smiled and opened wide. He knew he wouldn’t have time to speak, and he was right, as the snake’s eager tip was already stretching his cheek and teasing his tongue. 

While Daler got ‘just the tip’ though, Ass’sshss was going for gold. With a steady pace, he bobbed easily, his throat embracing every twist and turn of the tendril-like cock as he took him to the base. Every time the pink snake’s jaws touched the blue scales around his base, his own hips slammed down and milked Daler for all he had. And with each passing minute, that pace only got faster.

Both Jornissians could easily go hours like this, but fortunately or unfortunately, humans couldn’t say the same. Daler’s muffled groans grew louder and louder, his squirms that much stronger under them both, until finally one loud cry reverberated through Hsamshs’s shaft. The human and the pink Jornissian alike both shuddered.

Knowingly, Hsps’rez’sds pulled back, sliding his cocks free from both lips. “[Let me guess, he-]”

“[Ohh yes he did~. Heh, he’s very warm inside, too~. You little guys always surprise me when it comes to volume, you wouldn’t think so much could come from something so small~.]” Ass’sshss confirmed, purring and chuckling as he and Daler shared a kiss. 

Between pecks of the pink cheeks above him, Daler sighed tiredly. “I swear...that was the best. I feel...a little drained, though.” He laid back, eyes half-closed.

“[Mmm. Understandable~.]” Ass’sshss chuckled, lifting himself up and pulling Daler out in the process, rolling over onto his back. A tiny bead of pearly white glistened on his slit, while Daler’s cock was a sticky white mess. “[Don’t worry, you’ve always recovered quickly.]”

However, Hsps’rez’sds was still quite eager, both of his tapered shafts glistening with spittle. “[I hope the ‘fun’ isn’t over just yet~.]” He grinned, leaning in closer. The plump snake’s eyes glanced between the two, internally debating which he wanted more. “[Because I have to admit, I’m pretty worked up, and a bit pent up too.]”

Daler and Ass’sshss glanced at each other, silently communicating. Or rather, the Jornissian saw how the human was practically half-asleep and came up with a cunning plan they’d all enjoy. “[Hsamshs, how about this? That was a great warm-up, but, well...I need something bigger. You clean up Daler here, and give me those fat shafts and a thick helping of seed~.]”

Hearing that, Daler couldn’t help but perk up a little bit. “Sounds pretty good to me~.”

The blobby blue snake paused, his shafts throbbing at the idea, glancing between the two. He hadn’t exactly done something like that before, but after a moment’s thought, his tail began to twist and coil around Ass’sshss’s, swiftly forming a convoluted knot that ended at their upper bodies. “[Deal, you dirty-talker. But you know I’m not gonna hold back on you~.]” He chuckled, hissing in pleasure as he swiftly pressed both cocks inside. For Daler, the pink snake’s hole had been a tight grip, but an easy embrace, an open chasm past the entrance. For Hsamshs, the whole hole was tight from start to finish.

By the time he bottomed out, Ass’sshss had a glazed, blissful look, his mouth releasing a long, low moan. The bed creaked beneath them as the pounding began. Daler swore he was about to start bouncing off of it if they went any harder.

Apparently satisfied with his friend’s current state of bliss, Hsps’rez’sds tentatively turned to the human. “[As for you…]” His hood, so wide and proud while he’d entered Ass’sshss, tucked down a bit. He slowly leaned over, easily able to keep up his bed-rocking pace while keeping his head steady. Glancing up, he paused above Daler’s hips. “[I...never did this before. But you deserve a treat like this, so…]” Opening wide, he clumsily took the human’s brown, slick cock in, sucking softly on the half-limp member.

Daler bit his lip, closing his eyes as he felt the gentle touch, the clumsy yet flexible tongue swirling around him. “...Thanks, Sam. That actually...means a lot…” His speech was interrupted by soft pants, as the sight before him and the sensation below made his shaft rise. He wasn’t quite ready for round two, but a few more minutes of this and he certainly would be. Groaning softly, his hand rubbed deep against the blue hood between his legs.

“[Oh Nressre-whose-eyes-are-the-moons fuck me harder!]” Ass’sshss cried out, his scaly arms digging into the blue torso and dragging Hsps’rez’sds back on top of him. Opening wide, he pulled the larger male into a ‘kiss’, their tongues quickly coiling together as their entire bodies seemed to rumble. The lack of translation implied that whatever they were saying, it was in the language of sweet snake sex.

Daler couldn’t help but pout at the sudden lack of sensation. His pout wouldn’t go unnoticed either. Breaking the ‘kiss’ Hsps’rez’sds chuckled and looked down at Ass’sshss, pinning his shoulder down. “[Now now, don’t be greedy~. Our warm-cuddle wants some love, too~.]” Scaly digits motioned for Daler to come closer. Getting the idea, he slid over, and much like the blue snake did earlier, presented his cock between their faces with a smirk and a wink.

Hsps’rez’sds chuckled and Ass’sshss cooed, each opening wide and coiling their tongues around the brown shaft, flicking along it eagerly. Warm breath from both washed over him, making him shudder. They all knew the human wouldn’t last too long, but on round two he at least could last long enough for a bit of fun.

Taking advantage of that, Daler got an idea. Shuffling his hips awkwardly, he pulled away from the tongue job and thrust himself down into the pink mouth below. Orange eyes flicked up to him in surprise, but an eager mouth soon closed around him, suckling expertly. The snake’s eyes screamed pride in his skill, as if taunting the human.

“[Bet that feels good~.]” Hsps’rez’sds chuckled, his hips never ceasing, making the pink snake under him have to pause and focus every few moments.

“Heh. It really does. But…” Daler’s smirk grew, as he pulled free from the pink mouth, much to Ass’sshss disappointment. That wouldn’t last long though, as he presented himself to Hsps’rez’sds instead. His cock throbbed and pulsed, visibly close. “I want you to do the honors this time.”

Hsamshs’s silver eyes went wide. Both his partners looked at him, smirking and grinning, daring him to do it. Gulping softly, the pudgy snake slowly opened his mouth and accepted the stiff shaft. His tongue curled around it clumsily, dragging from base to tip once, twice, thrice, then swirling around the tip-

Daler groaned as he spurted another round of hot seed, easily coating the thin tongue, splattering against the inner cheek. He patted the blue hood below happily. “...Thanks, Sam. Really.” He tiredly panted, slumping back against the cushions.

“[Tastes good, right~?]” Ass’sshss giggled, sitting up and teasing the larger male’s jawline with his own tongue.

Opening his mouth to answer, Hsps’rez’sds was surprised when the pink snake’s tongue darted in and danced with his own, tasting the leftovers and dragging a little cream he hadn’t yet swallowed back to Ass’sshss’s own mouth.

“[H-Hey!]” Hsps’rez’sds wasn’t sure why he felt like he’d just been robbed, glaring a little down as his friend gulped down what he stole. “[Y-You…?!]”

Cocking his head, the pink Jornissian giggled coyly. “[If you want more, I might have some for you~.]” He knowingly licked his ‘lips’.

Hsps’rez’sds paused, before hissing a little more aggressively, leaning in closer. “[I’m going to fuck you so hard for that you little slut~.]”

“[Oh you betterrraaaah~!]” Ass’sshss made to reply, but was too late as he found himself pounded down into the bed.

Daler could only watch, enjoying the view. The rhythmic rocking soon sent him to sleep, though. That’s alright, he figured he wouldn’t miss much. When he did awake, both Hsps’rez’sds and Ass’sshss were coiled tight around each other. Thick seed dribbled from the pink snake’s lower slit, but more interestingly, Hsps’rez’sds had his face nuzzled against the pink scales around his partner’s cock-slit. Even more interestingly were the faint traces of glistening fluid clinging to his lips.

Sighing and shaking his head, Daler got up, checking the time. It was already morning, and he was pretty hungry. Striding happily to the table, he grabbed the first bucket he saw and...it was empty. So was the next. And the next. Pulling himself up, he saw all the buckets were empty. Glaring over his shoulder at the pair, he grumbled under his voice. “Seriously? Again? C’mon…” Pausing, he realized only one dish was left. The tiny, sad, room-temperature salad sat alone on the table, surrounded by a trillion dead calories. 

Truly, honor didn’t matter. Pursing his lips, Daler scooped the salad into his arms, popped the top, and started his day.