probablyaturnip

CH957

Added 2025-10-19 12:58:12 +0000 UTC

“Greed? What are you doing here?” Ben asked, seeing his ruby crab friend being carried by his guard; Jeeves, as quiet and professional as ever.

“No peeking to find out,” the crab said, covering his face with his claws. “Got a couple of things I want to reveal in my own time. More importantly, were you just in there the entire time? We tried knocking and calling out and, failing that, we’ve spent the last few hours waiting and hoping you or some other worker would stop by so I could find you!”

“Sorry, we weren’t just in there the entire time, you could think of the shop as having a bit of a secret entrance if you want, which is what we came through. So, again, why are you here?”

“No mind reading.”

“I’m not reading your mind, but if you don’t tell me, I’m going to have to.”

“Okay, okay, so the thing is… ah, Sparkles, nice to see you too.”

“Greed,” Thera nodded. “Don’t use me to avoid whatever the topic is or Ben will just read your mind and pretend he didn’t.”

“Alright, fine. You remember Gennet? My lovely lady?”

“I do,” Ben nodded. “Is she finally trying to kill you for something?”

“No! Never been more in love, life’s great. It’s the opposite. We’re getting married.”

“...”

“Legs?”

“Huh, so I’m still pretty capable of shock, neat,” Ben muttered before speaking up. “Okay, that’s great, congratulations, man. So what about that brings you here?”

“Two things. One, I couldn’t just not invite my buddy and his lady love. The ceremony is in a week, so clear your schedule, would ya?”

“Pretty short notice.”

“The world’s not gonna last another year, if I don’t do things on short notice then I’m not going to get to enjoy any marital bliss. She’s covering the planning, we’re doing some sort of traditional dark elf marriage that I’m not even going to have time to properly learn the details of till the day before with how hectic planning and, well, other things have been. Doesn’t matter. You two coming?”

“Uh, yeah, of course, I’m down. Thera?”

“I’ve never been to a wedding before,” she shrugged. “Sounds fun. Dress code?”

“Eh, we’re getting people from all over, and you know how varied it can get. If you wear clothing, make sure they're clean and undamaged, and if you don’t, then make sure you bathe the day of. Preferably bathe if you wear clothing too, I guess, but you get what I mean. Try to be presentable, and you’ll be fine.”

“And the other thing?” Ben asked.

“Ah, well, one thing I did bother to learn about dark elf customs is that it’s traditional to present a hairpiece to your partner,” Greed said bashfully. “And seeing as how I don’t know anyone better at making things than you, well, there’s nobody else I would trust to make something like this for the woman I love, ya know?”

“If that’s it then of course,” Ben instantly agreed, touched that he’d been gone to for such a special event in his friend’s life. “In that case, do you need it done tonight or can it wait till tomorrow? I’m not going to lie, this has been a pretty long and unpleasant day, but if you want it finished as soon as possible then I’ll get it sorted once you give me the specification and make you the best one I can.”

“Let’s start tomorrow then. I want to have you at your best for it, and I came here expecting to stay a few days. We’ve already got our accommodations sorted, so can I find you here in the morning?”

“You can.”

“Great, in that case I’ll give the two of you your alone time. Come on, Jeeves, let’s get some rest.”

Their plan made, the two left, leaving Ben and Thera to go pick up Mora, the unexpected visit giving them something else to think about rather than the day that had just passed.

---

“Alright, what disasters have I missed in the last little bit?” Ben asked Myriad, his god’s calm atmosphere at least making for a good sign.

“Nothing too much. Mirrian and Kalley were both given the best accommodations that could be found for them, you probably won’t see too many in the siren’s lands getting better treatment, even if that’s not going to make up for what happened to them. It’s understandably going to take them both a lot of time to adjust. If there's even going to be enough time for that is a different matter, but all they can do is their best.”

“Mmh, I see,” Ben nodded. “At least it’s good that their gods are trying to make things right, although I would be worried about going too far on the other end. Don’t want to spoil Kalley too much and end up with another Ather situation.”

“A point a few other gods have made sure to delicately bring up to them. They’ll work on trying to balance it as well as trying to properly integrate the girl with kids her own age.”

“And the other gods then? How did they feel about this little reveal?”

“Well, as big of a surprise as it was, beyond some shock and disgust there wasn’t much to feel. The god who did it isn’t around anymore, so there’s no one to punish. For most who are uninvolved, it’s simply a surprising bit of news in an otherwise normal day.”

“Okay, fair enough, I guess. In that case-”

“Oh, perfect timing.”

“Not how I’d describe that,” Myriad told him, sounding sick. “It’s incredible what a sense of dread a few simple notifications can give off, with it all the worse knowing how happy they made you. Does it really feel so good raising those stupid skills even higher?”

“Myriad, I’m now the first person on the planet to reach the fourth level of a third-tier skill. What do you think?”

“Ugh, a normal person would at least have the decency to pretend to be ashamed. Fine, whatever, it doesn’t matter. Just remember all I’ve done for you by the time you eventually ascend and become the greatest monster this universe has ever known.”

“Kind of offensive to hear when there’s literally a completely different monster killing their way across the galaxy. I’m just going to be the greatest threat to any god.”

“Well, as a god myself, that still feels pretty damn bad to hear! Alright, since I know you’re already testing, tell me already. What did those stupid awakenings do for you?”

“Increased the degree I could make a target feel destructive or evil as well as seemingly made it so the effect lasts until I cancel it, meaning it could be permanent.”

“Uughh.”

“But I won’t do that with anyone other than my test subjects,” Ben sighed. “It’s just something to do a bit on the side.”

“Awakening horrific skills shouldn’t be a side activity! Why couldn’t it have at least been your calming? That’s marginally more ethical.”

“Well-”

“Now you’re just doing this to spite me.”

“The calming was a coincidence, and the thought skills are under two second-level authorities, they were always going to grow like a dream once they awakened,” Ben tried to defend himself. “Even as casually as I’m practicing them, if they’re not ninth level by tomorrow then I’ve done something wrong. Hell, if I focus on them for a moment then I’ll probably get pretty close.”

“Do-

“-n’t” Myriad finished, not sure why he’d even bothered to try.

“Calming’s also going to grow like a dream, even without those bonuses thanks to my thought speed,” Ben helpfully added, getting to see firsthand the mental strain all of that was leaving on the cube.

“Okay, let’s put a pin in trying to prove that you’re the most monstrous mortal to ever live,” Myriad told him. “There was something else you wanted to talk about, correct?”

“Well, yeah, and thanks to a couple of those levels, I’m already going to have to go out and update the factories I’d made earlier. You saw it when I gave Kalley one, I figured out how to put my authorities on items for people to grow under, leading to the ever-important topic. I want to get paid.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course you do," Myriad sighed. “You’re not getting levels, attributes, or blessings.”

“Words can’t express how lame you all are. You all saw how much I was able to do already during my first round of soul modifying, why don’t you all want me able to do even more for the next? Do you all hate your mortals and want the planet to lose? Is that a rumour I’m going to have to start spreading around?”

“Stop trying to sound like a crazy person, I’m sure you’ll find something to do with all of this money you’re getting so I’ll get Nare to argue a good rate for you and we’ll work out another payment plan, okay?”

“Is there a god of finance among all of you? I feel like someone is going to have to calculate the future economic impact of owing me so much money because, forget buying a country, I might be able to buy a continent by the time this is all paid out.”

“... I mean, surely it can’t be that bad, right?” Myriad asked, trying to do some quick math on the prices of the various items Ben had made and spread across the world by the millions, and slowly grew a sneaking worry that it was going to be a lot closer than anyone might have first guessed.

“Not to toot my own horn, but I am a genius who’s created multiple world-changing inventions by this point. I really don’t get enough credit for this but by inventing the materializers, even if I’m only currently spreading the food ones and allowing a couple others to be used for tool manufacturing, I have technically turned this world into a post-scarcity civilization. Even if the options aren’t great, nobody is ever going to have to starve again, and if it wouldn’t impact the finances in Anailia, nobody would have to worry about a shortage of most materials again either. Considering the sort of economic power I currently have and just how much more I would have once everything is paid off to me, I will technically be able to reshape the world to my whims even without considering my actual skills. When that time comes, are you sure nobody is going to regret at all not just boosting my status instead?”

“... Ben, we’re going to cross that bridge when we get there and not mention this around other gods, lest they just stop trying to pay you altogether if they stop and consider just how much you’re worth. When you do get to that whole ‘reshaping the world as you see fit’ bit, do me a favour and just remember me when you do.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll build a statue of you in every town and city, not like it would put a dent in my funds.”