082. creativity is a finicky thing
Added 2023-06-29 20:49:38 +0000 UTChellooooo my loves! here is our second june podcast -- I planned on talking more about Sweden happenings but I instead ended up talking at LENGTH about my current thoughts re: creativity, creative block, and creative practice. I'm so eager to hear your input and insight, so please comment below!!
What's your creative practice look like? What kind of work gets you really excited? What sort of work do you avoid/dread? How do you deal with art block? Gimme all your thoughts pls & thank u
<3333 !!
Comments
New to patreon! So apologies for the late comment. I’m not neurodivergent (at least I don’t believe I am) but that description of your meltdown of you screaming is so eerily similar to feelings I’ve had just like in general. Not even related to art making but just existing? This year has been particularly hard for me. I’ve been silently following you since I think late 2018 (im not a bigger commenter) and have always seen a lot of myself in you and your videos on YouTube always put myself in such a calming space and I’m just so glad I’m able to support you on here too.
Maya
2023-08-16 11:06:12 +0000 UTCI'm auDHD (autism + ADHD) and I really relate to everything you said in this episode! I definitely struggle with meltdowns both in general and in relation to my creative work, as well as cycling between being obsessed with certain projects and then feeling disconnected from my work and struggling to engage with it/being in artblock. When I'm feeling disconnected from my work (especially if I'm disconnected from multiple creative outlets at the same time) it can feel really scary and I often struggle with the fear that I've "lost" those special interests/creative outlets. I'm still learning how to navigate all of it but I've definitely found it helpful to listen to other autistic/ADHD folks talk about it and pick up tips that way. Also majorly relate to struggling with criticism - all throughout my childhood I would often meltdown or shutdown from any criticism, real or perceived. I still struggle with it now as an adult but not quite as badly thankfully. Thank you so much for sharing, it really helps me feel less alone in struggling with these issues!
rytheplantguy
2023-07-27 06:04:03 +0000 UTCA second channel would be such a good idea!!
Bethany Kramer
2023-07-20 20:49:42 +0000 UTCi think i might make a second channel and do that! like "cheyplays" or something. and you did indeed send me a resume forever ago, hahah!! I will be sure to reach out if I need you, thank you Bethany :')
cheyenne 🌠
2023-07-20 20:29:14 +0000 UTCit is such a scary feeling!! and so overwhelming!!!
cheyenne 🌠
2023-07-20 20:27:56 +0000 UTCI’m new to your patreon but I’ve followed you on youtube since gosh…. 2017 or 2018. I’ve honestly lost track of time- that pesky ticking that never pauses for me. I feel like I joined right when I needed to, this podcast hit me just after a meltdown…. I was soo excited building my patreon after years of creating on youtube and falling out of love with instagram hustle not even daring to tread in tiktok territory 💀. Thank you for sharing. As I cried and broke down last night… I thought I was alone in being afraid of change and the unknown pressures as a creative. I woke up this morning listening to your podcast feeling okay- someone I have followed who I perceive as amazing has similar fears as me. Fear of failure and inner demons are horrible, I hate that those voices can get so loud. ❤️ much love Cheyenne and excited with whatever you do creatively that is authentic to you. Wishing you well
antsyghost
2023-07-20 15:21:20 +0000 UTCI’m currently working through ADHD things and how it impacts my life for the first time and I 100000% resonate with everything you said in this episode! Thank you for sharing your experiences bc this stuff feels so isolating at times.
Kristina Hampton
2023-07-11 17:41:10 +0000 UTCAbsolutely adored this episode. I feel the way you were describing ALL the time. The notion that you’ll never make anything that are up to your own standards is very very real for me!
Leigh Ellexson
2023-07-11 15:20:52 +0000 UTCI have been in a huge art block since I graduated high school (back in 2021). I have taken up crochet since then (which even this I haven’t been doing lately), but the art passions I spent so much time focusing on in high school (mainly being painting, drawing, and photography) I have not touched since I graduated. My art block feels very similar to what you describe; I feel like every time I sit down and try to do art it has to be perfect, and it won’t turn out like how I picture it in my head, and I become anxious about the art process because of it. And you are right it is devastating. Painting and drawing used to be coping mechanisms for me, and since I’ve been doing so bad mentally recently, my parents are urging me to get back into them. But it’s so hard to explain that I feel like I physically cannot do art and how it makes me feel emotionally when the art inevitably does not turn out how I want it to. So thank you for sharing your experience with this; as much as feeling this way sucks, it can be nice to know you are not alone in experiencing these things. I also like the scribble pad idea! I find that, while for the most part, I do not really like the pieces I make when I let myself run wild with my art and scribble whatever I want, I do have way more fun with the art process when I do it this way. Then, to answer the questions you asked: I am honestly not sure what my creative practice looks like anymore, because it’s been so long since I’ve actually created anything. Before my mental health went off the map, so before the beginning of may, crochet was the kind of creative work that was getting me really excited and feeling passionate about creating. I was constantly crocheting and having a blast doing so! As for what work I avoid/dread… I guess right now you could say I am avoiding and dreading all creative work, but in the past, I have avoided/dreaded my high school art assignments that did not sound like fun. An example of this was when we were doing timed figure drawings in class; I did not particularly enjoy it (mostly due to the timed aspect, which caused me anxiety) and did not like how my drawings turned out. To end, I do not know how I deal with art block…I guess I.. don’t really? As I mentioned I haven’t really done the art I studied in high school since graduating two years ago, so I guess I have been in art block since then? That’s not really dealing with it to me, I think I have actually enabled my art block sadly. Hopefully I’ll get out of it soon though. Hopefully things in general will be better soon. Thanks for sharing and for a great podcast episode. Sending love your way!
Erin Cayer
2023-07-07 14:21:05 +0000 UTCthere's so much i want to say, but before i forget, you should upload your twitch vods to youtube, people do that all the time. then you're continuously uploading when you don't want to edit. maybe use twitch as a way to work through your to do list, and do these things like crocheting and writing a tutorial when you do that. i also love love watching you play video games. just one thing at a time. do what you enjoy, you don't have to do coworking streams! just do what you want. but pick the couple big picture things (like how many youtubes to do, or wholesale etc) as your managing force to keep you going? if you ever still need help with emails i'd love to do that for ya haha. i think i had sent you a resume forever ago.
Bethany Kramer
2023-07-04 18:38:47 +0000 UTCI really relate as a creative with RSD - getting critique was physically painful sometimes, and I have definitely cried after certain workshops! Unsolicited advice, but I found that having a critique group with friends really helped with that? Because I trusted them and their opinions, and they would never be mean in their critique, it helped make other workshops feel less personal because not only was I used to it, but it also helped me discern what critique to take and what to leave! Plus added bonus, meeting regularly pushed me to create more! outside of creative work is still the same though, any personal critique still feels like a gut punch😭
Abby
2023-07-02 10:10:43 +0000 UTCthank you so much for this rec!! excited to listen1!
cheyenne 🌠
2023-07-01 12:55:01 +0000 UTCHMMMMMM I've not seen that TikTok but I totally get what you're putting down -- damn!!! that's so tricky and weird to navigate!!
cheyenne 🌠
2023-07-01 12:54:44 +0000 UTCi REALLY like the working from a place of excitement versus stress point!! i've never thought of it like that!! and all the rest of this is also so valuable -- thank you so so much for sharing <3
cheyenne 🌠
2023-07-01 12:54:16 +0000 UTCYour brain thinks so much like my brain 😭 I fully relate to your struggles in this Chey, especially that big meanie inner voice pre-meltdown! I know it can be pretty isolating having to live with and carry around that internal experience, so huge props to you for being vulnerable in sharing that and creating a space to talk about it. The thing you said about RSD made me think about how a therapist told me that rsd is actually a trauma response and it’s so common in ND folks because we tend to experience more social rejection early on in our lives. It definitely helped me to reframe it as my brain trying to protect me by (over)reacting to a threat that may not be there now 😊(kinda like an angry guard dog) Wishing you all the best through your ongoing journey of self-discovery and I hope you enjoy the rest of your time in Sweden!!
Tas Needham
2023-06-30 14:33:43 +0000 UTCIt is incredibly relatable when you talk about your feelings about creativity and all the ups and downs. Art is only my hobby and yet you wouldn't know it- that's how hard I am on myself about getting better and making "terrible" things. All we can do is recognize and reflect and try to be easier on ourselves. Try to go easy on yourself, Chey! I'm glad you're having a lovely trip 💜
lindsay huffman
2023-06-30 12:47:53 +0000 UTCthe inside of your brain sounds like the inside of my brain
ngaire
2023-06-30 05:31:09 +0000 UTC(Podcast rec below💕) Hello Chey! I’m normally not that active but I just wanted to say I’ve never related to a podcast so much - you are definitely not alone (and I should really get checked for ADHD lol). I’m currently a 23 yo student studying animation and illustration and the fear I’ve had this past month about realizing I’ll be doing what I love for a living and all the struggles of perfectionism, friendship vs networking, the “doom nights” as I call them where you’re blinded by negative thoughts that are definitely not reality. Crazy bananas. I’m not ready but I would be miserable if I didn’t try. Anyways I just have a podcast rec for you if you’re interested💕 Its literally called “Creative Block” and it’s more for people in my field who make art for corporations but also sometimes themselves - and it’s really nice hearing all the different perspectives of artists yet we all have the same struggles around making art for a job. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us❤️ It’s another reason why I adore your work❤️ Hope you’re doing well💕💕💕
Hollyn
2023-06-30 00:24:58 +0000 UTCSomething you said about not being able to stick with things long term (saaaame) reminded me of a tiktok I saw recently. The general idea was that the reason people with ADHD start a hobby or project and never finish it is because you know you CAN. Neurotypical folks get a dopamine hit when they finish a task, but we get the dopamine hit when we SOLVE the puzzle. Why waste time finishing the task/puzzle when you've already recieved the hormone reward for knowing HOW to do it. Ex. You don't know how to crochet. You learn to make a granny square. You make several of them realy well! DOPAMINE HITS. You plan to make something more complicated, maybe a scarf. But you've already learned how to crochet. You now have the skills needed and there is nothing knew to learn. The project now feels like unnecessary homework rather than fun. I'm not sure I explained it the best but maybe you know the tiktok I'm referencing ☺️
TeslaDarwin
2023-06-29 23:53:38 +0000 UTC[prepare for longpost! your thoughts have generated many thoughts in my brain] I really feel you on the burnout cycle you were talking about—having a ton of ideas, overthinking/being overwhelmed by them, burning out, recover, rinse, repeat—it's so tough! You are definitely not alone in that. I'm definitely not always successful in stopping this cycle from happening, but some values I try to keep a hold of to help me are (through the lens of an audhd comic artist/illustrator): - I make sure I'm creating from a place of excitement not stress (this is why I don't intend to do client work or any mainstream comic industry work) - Make a plan! Make a timeline, build in a lot of wiggle room, and then if both of those things get thrown out the window, do not beat myself up about it. - For my actual artistic process, I've found that my autism brain likes instructions but hates obligation! My solution looks something like setting up specific, bite-sized tasks (written in my journal or planner) that require either little time or little brain power. example: instead of "work on comic page" I would write down "pencils/sketch, background lines, character lines, detail/texture lines, flats" as separate items. These smaller, more consistent dopamine hits from checking off the individual items are more sustainable for me than the giant sigh of relief after checking off one big item. And it lessens the decisions I have to make, which is a big energy drain for me. - Keep living life! If making art is my output, then living life is my input. I tend to work myself to the bone when I am excited about art, but that also exhausts my creative drive pretty fast (it's also not good for improving my skill), so it's important that I make myself play games, talk to friends, and consume art (doesn't even have to be new art!) (this reminds me of that lovely drawing and walk outside day you described!) - "Failure" or abandonment of a creation doesn't have to be the end for most projects. I have a ton of "unfinished" and "never will finish" art pieces, projects, and OCs that sit on my hard drive. I sometimes feel like I can't touch them until I'm ready to complete them as originally intended, but that is not true! I can take 40% of an old fan OC and use them in a future piece. I can come back to an old comic script and rewrite the ending. And, because I've done some growing, it'll probably be better than it was the first time! - Time enjoyed is never wasted. If I get through 60% of a project and have a good time, even if I never finish it, that was time well spent! And gaining artistic mileage is helpful for skill building, even if it doesn't result in a "good" or finished product. Ofc none of this is intended to be like, "you should try/think this!! It'll solve all ur problems!" bc it doesn't even always solve my own problems, lol. It's just a buncha stuff I really believe in! Some of it's from youtube artists (tbh some of it's probably from YOU!), some of it's from professors. As always, thanks for this podcast episode, it was really fun to think about creativity and art block with you!
Viv
2023-06-29 23:50:16 +0000 UTChello fellow neurodivergent person here. So i don't actually have a creative job but currently, I am enjoying expressing a lot of my creative freedom or creative..interest(??) through fashion!! and making silly things on Minecraft! I will say tho that over the last (nearly) year, i have been dealing with a Huge amount of anxiety lol that has kinda stunted me in many different ways. And during that time. which im still sorta figuring out, i found myself in such a weird..sorta rotting, which is the only way I can describe it as, way. Me and my therapist have sorta talked about everything im going through in a sorta caterpillar metaphor. when i was 'rotting' i was still a little caterpillar about to start the metamorphosis, and now currently im shedding off that chrysalis and becoming a butterfly!!! Anywho...my point in all this is that I feel what ur saying. Neurodivergency and being ADHD is a struggle and a half. I hope i answered ur questions properly lol sorry!!! ok thank u for sharing chey <33 Happy timezone folks
Finlay
2023-06-29 22:24:00 +0000 UTCListening to another of your podcast episodes is just what I need on this stormy, sleepy, overwhelmed sort of day 🥰
Nicole Claudio
2023-06-29 20:51:43 +0000 UTC
