Songs I Wrote for "Date Everything!" - Chairemi

For those who haven't heard yet, I was one of the staff writers on "Date Everything!", that new visual novel that's taking Twitch by storm where you romance a bunch of humanized pieces of furniture around your home. I'm a freak, so I wrote a branching musical for my chair character Chairemi and dozens of rap battles for Jean-Loo the toilet. You can listen to them here!

More details about the game at the bottom of the post, but I want the timestamps and lyrics near the top. The lyrics are based on the script I have which might have changed slightly from the above recording. Sometimes the player has a choice between two lyrics which is why the same melody plays twice in a row with different lyrics.

0:00 - Nerds vs. Jocks
0:46 - In Love With a Geek
2:01 - Only Now
3:29 - Queen Bee
3:55 - Secret Nerd
5:42 - Ghost!

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NERDS vs. JOCKS - (Chairemi is the bully and player challenges her boyfriend to a fight)
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[SCARLET'S BF]
A nerd's a nerd. A jock's a jock.
If you don't like it: Tough!

[SKYE]
So many years inside a locker...
Well tonight, enough's enough!
(or)
You say you're strong. You say you're cool.
But I'm calling your bluff!

[SCARLET'S BF]
You can walk the walk, but can you talk the talk?
The only thing that'chu protect is your pocket!

[SKYE]
When I'm done with you you'll need a whole new crew!
Put a sock in that mouth and then suck it!
(or)
Whether its brawn or brain I'm gonna bring the pain!
It's not a science but I'm off like a rocket!

[SCARLET'S BF]
Nerds versus jocks! Dadada-dada!

[SKYE]
Nerds versus jocks! Dadada-dada!

[SCARLET'S BF]
Nerds versus jocks! Dadada-dada!

[SKYE]
[Hit the high note] ♪ Nerds versus joooooooooooocks!!!

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IN LOVE WITH A GEEK - (Chairemi is the bully and is romanced)
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[SCARLET]
It's not fair... that I care...
For a geek who doesn't even comb [their] hair.
Acing classes... dorky glasses...
But behind them are the most breathtaking lashes!

And those eyes!
Oh, those eyes!
What I wouldn't give to see them
Staring at me without shame or fear!

But when I pass them in the halls
They only look at floors or walls.
Anywhere they can so they won't meet my gaze.
And so I knock books from their hands
And all their looks I reprimand
And instead of loving them I only haze.

Because when those eyes are passing in the hall
I'd rather see them angry
Than not at all.

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ONLY NOW - (Player is the bully and confesses to romantic feelings)
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[SKYE]
I never thought it'd happen.
I mean, me? With the cheer captain?
Seems like something that you'd never dare to dream.

[SCARLET]
Who'd have even thought I'd text her? This adorable poindexter. / But things, you know, they're never as they seem.

[SKYE]
Our ruthless high school cliques
Those years of pranks and tricks.

[SCARLET]
But now the two of us are on a team!

[SKYE]
And now!

[SCARLET]
Only now!

[SKYE]
Will we learn to love anew!
And now

[SCARLET]
Only now!

[SKYE]
Can we whisper "I love you!"
Life's suddenly so different now.
Pink clouds around my head!

[SCARLET]
And Scarlett's love is raining down.
The Skye is turning red.

[SKYE]
And as it clears
We dry our tears.
And live...
Only now.

[SCARLET]
Only now.

[SKYE]
Only now.

[SCARLET]
Only now.

[BOTH]
Only now...

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QUEEN BEE - (Chairemi is the bully and the player stands up for themselves)
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[SCARLET]
You think you're worth my time
Then you're as crazy as a loon.
Standing up to me? Ugh!
Gag me with a spoon!
Or a fork or an eraser
You can even use a knife.
But talk to me that way again?
I'm gonna end your life.
You're a decent speller
So I know you know your Bees.
But don't you know high school's a hive?
And bitch, I am the queen.

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SECRET NERD - (Player is the bully and confesses to liking books)
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[SCARLET]
Secret nerd! Secret nerd
Not a peep! Don't say a word.

[SKYE]
I would never! Don't be absurd.
You never out a secret nerd.

(or)

[SCARLET]
Secret geek! Secret geek.
They don't know that I'm a freak.

[SKYE]
Who'd suppose when you dress so chic?
I guess that's why you're a secret geek. ♪

It must be nice hanging with girlies.
And not worrying about getting swirlied.

[SCARLET]
But I still feel like
I won the lotto
Each time I read
Cask of Amontillado

[SKYE]
And if they knew then they would throw to-mah-toes.
I guess that's why...

(or)
[SCARLET]
I know that I'd
Be mistaken
Admitting my love for
The Road Not Taken

[SKYE]
Because if they knew, you'd be forsaken.
I guess that's why...

[SCARLET]
I'm a secret nerd

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GHOST! - (Player is the bully and Chairemi poisons them)
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[SCARLET]
Ghost! I'm a ghost now!
In case it's not apparent
Even though I turned transparent
I'm a ghost!

[SKYE]
She's a ghost!

[SCARLET]
I'm a ghost!

[SKYE]
She's a ghost!

[SCARLET]
I'm a ghost now!
I know it's hard to tell
They didn't costume me that well
But I'm a ghost!
I'm a ghost!
BOO!

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Date Everything! is kind of like a dating game collect-a-thon. Smash Bros. is to fighting games as Date Everything! is to dating sims. Just a lot of little guys running around and a low barrier for entry but a surprisingly high amount of complexity if you get into it all the way. There are 100 dateable characters with three endings each.

Ray Chase, the lead dev on the game and voice of Rick in Epithet, originally contacted me in 2023 to fill in for a writer who had to bow out of the project because his wife recently gave birth to twins. Originally I was set to take over his datables including the magician-themed ironing board I, Ronaldini, but in the end I believe that was the one datable that original writer retained.

Writers were each assigned five characters (20 writers in total a the start). We were allowed to trade characters with each other. In the end, I ended up with the Junk Drawer, the Globe, the Ceiling + Floor, the Toilet, and the Chair.

Chairemi is a theater girl who puts on a different play every day of the week. Because I am crazy, I wrote five separate plays, each with eight different branches in them. The player gets to make three choices in each play, which splits the play three times for a total of 40 sub-routes within Chairemi alone.

Oops! I'm insane.

Also because I'm a parody of myself, I needed to include a musical. The musical is a loose parody of all the high school drama musicals out there, namely Heathers, Carrie, Mean Girls, and Nerdy Prudes Must Die. It's called Pleathers. Y'know. Like plastic leather. On a chair.

The player can choose to be the bully or the victim in the play, and then from there whether it skews towards romance, comedy, or horror. My favorite gag is how during the song Only Nowthere are like 8 different options to pivot the musical into a parody of Carrie by dumping pigs blood on Chairemi at any given time.

I'm actually not sure if these songs made it into the final game in any way since the main character doesn't have a voice, but I did record demos just in case. And now you can listen to them all!