Update Stuff+A Bit* Of Yapping

*It's not a "bit", it's a lot actually.

So, I got all of the stuff I'd been teasing since my last update post done. Finished cleaning up all of the old posts, clients are happy, socials are happy. So, how am I doing?

Well, I'm working on the next comm now, featuring Niko Dark!


This is kind of a Part 2 for a SIlvervale comm I did a few months ago, showing what's going on with that shadow in the background outside. I'm still working on the posing, and I came up with this alternate version:



I'm trying to make it look more dynamic, and show more to the viewer. This will probably be the last thing for the month, so you have that to look forward to. I've also got another couple of things ready to get started right after this, one of which being the promised Chel drawing/set, I didn't forget, I just played Monster Hunter that weekend and got caught up with comms/Patreon stuff, it's still coming, lol

...I really didn't think that would be a popular idea.

I'll probably have more to share on that at the end of this week.

...I really should just get going on animation, but it's a big gamble to slow things down for reasons I'll get into below...

On to more depressing things...TL;DR at the bottom.

I've been getting a bunch of messages from people lately checking in on me. "Hey, wondering if you're doing okay", or "hey, you alright?" or "just making sure you're not working too hard" kind of stuff. To clarify, if you sent something like that, here or on socials or Discord, you're fine, you didn't do anything bad.

I wish I could say "I'm good, don't worry", but I'm actually not doing well these days. I try to keep my personal stuff offline as much as I can unless I think it'll get in the way of me drawing/posting. I remind myself, you guys are customers, I am selling you a product, you don't care about any of this, and shouldn't have to. I have a therapist to talk to, I have people I can discuss things with, I still feel like crap.

Tired. All the time, tired. Must be coming through in my work somehow or something, lol

This is the easiest thing I've ever done for a "job", so I can't really relate to the concern someone might have about how much I post, or how fast I put stuff out. Compared to, say, loading luggage onto planes for 10+ hrs/day at an airport, this isn't too bad. I really enjoy drawing, and after so many attempts to do things the "right" way(get a "real" job, put my passions/interests to the side), I found something I like doing, something that provides positive feedback for a job done, with enough of a safety net to experiment and figure things out.

From my perspective, money wasn't a concern, I didn't think my art was "valuable" really. I still don't. I charge less than other artists for comms, I made a Patreon only b/c someone suggested it, and set the pricing low b/c who cares...? I've just been doing w/e, taking comms as they come, not really taking things seriously. I was just having fun. For a while, that was enough, even the extra little bit of income from comms+Patreon was enough to change my life completely, reducing pressure on other parts of my life affected by finances.

This perspective has, as most would assume, led to problems.

...now I need the money from paying work. Suddenly, Patreon subs matter a lot now, and I have no idea how to get or retain them. The lack of effort on my part to reach out to people for projects or just to create connections has left me in a kind of "nowhere" space online, no opportunities for big projects(or any projects really)or collaborative efforts...and all of that on top of thinking it's dumb to complain about any of this b/c it's my fault and others have it way worse, at least I'm getting comms. Even this feels like pity bait, it sucks, but I figure since people are asking, I may as well be honest about it.

At the end of the day, I draw b/c I enjoy doing it, if that went away, if this became work, then I'd just stop. I don't want to be rich, I just want to put this thing I know how to do to some kind of use...but I'm not sure what to do, other than what I've been doing, which is keeping my head down, drawing and posting. Funny enough, art is my escape from dealing with the bigger stuff, so, yeah, I've been working on stuff more to de-stress from everything else.

So, that's what I'll keep doing, I guess, until I figure it out. 

Time to get to work😤

TL;DR: Working on more comms, Chel set is coming, I've been feeling pretty burned-out but I like drawing, I just can't buy food w/Likes on X, so I'm sad about money. Not sure what to do, I guess I'll keep drawing & posting in the meantime while I try to figure something out. I dunno.