About "Slouching Towards Branson"

note: there's relevant information in here, but I don't feel like being efficient so I just made the important facts bold and italian then underlined them for good measure. The rest is up to you. Sorry it's multiple paragraphs, here's a subway surfers clip to help you through it: https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

Dear puddin',

The film we shot on the "Slouching Towards Bethlehem" tour last year is finally done, and I'm excited scared excited to share it with everyone. It's not really a concert film, so fair warning on that. There's music in it, and it was shot at concerts, but barely half of its hour and forty minute run time is me singing songs. Most of it is something sort of like standup comedy.

It's not a comedy special any more than it is a concert film either though. It's sort of both, sort of neither. It could almost be embarrassingly referred to as a one-man show jukebox musical, which is about the worst-sounding thing on the planet. The movie isn't the worst thing on the planet though, don't worry. I don't know how good it is, but don't forget about like Pearl Harbor or Kony 2012. Those were much worse things, and they were also on the planet.

I'll say this; it is the tonal opposite of the obnoxious prologue thing I shared. That was actually going to be in the movie originally, because the tonal shift was going to be a funny thing. But then it was twelve minutes of one-liners in front of the worst audience I ever encountered (in Disneyland) and the editor/engineer/DP Jake Feldman (Sex Drugs Rock n Roll, White Noise) and I decided the tonal shift didn't have to be that intense for the point to be made. There were more important things to focus on.

Because the tone is part of why it's hard to call it a standup special. You might laugh, the audiences in the movie do, and they'll help you figure out where the jokes are so you can laugh too if you want. But if you're looking for Shane Gillis I'm sorry but I am very unfortunately not Shane Gillis. Or even Emo Phillips, which is even more unfortunate. I am not Tosh point O either. Darn. But I am good at pretending to be sad while saying things about being sad, and I don't think Tosh point O is, so this is actually better than standup. Think if Mike Birbiglia was also Tom Lehrer and then fell off a bike and wasn't really the same after. Less cagey but also less talented Bo Burnham. Father John Mulaney.

I'm sorry, but I even quote Joan Didion in it. Yes, it's that kind of show. The kind where someone quotes Joan Didion and plays ukulele at The Bitter End in New York City. Rough. You poor woman. (Statistically speaking, you are most likely a woman, and accuracy is more important than inclusiveness) Don't worry, you don't have to watch it. But remember, it's at least better than Kony 2012 and Tosh point O, which were equally bad things on the planet.

It's not for kids. I don't mean it will scar your child for life, I told you it's not Tosh point O. But I also told you I quote Joan Didion, so when I say it's not for kids I mean it's really not for them. It's about commitment and financial matters and responsible pet ownership and oh I guess also drugs but mostly about watching the world you expected to live in as an adult become something you could have never predicted. You know, cultural upheaval and the grief inherent to maturity; a subject most kids don't find very funny. They might like some of the songs though. But it's not for them.

I'm not particularly edgy in it. Well, maybe, I don't know what you people think is edgy. I've seen some of the online fandom spaces and I feel like some of you would find this film heinously edgy. But it isn't, and you're wrong. Because I cut out the big swings I took when performing it. There are only two abortion jokes in it now. But I curse a lot and do say a few dark things, some raunchy jokes, politically suggestive things, and I say the word pedophile twice. And "cuck." And also I mention circumcision which is a deeply offensive taboo subject as it is a form of nonconsensual bodily mutilation that is generally considered extremely uncomfortable to discuss thank god it's highly illegal. Oh, and I'm mean about religion between bouts of soft 12-step-coded apologia.

It's not rated, because that's only for Marvel movies and the occasional A24 movie film, but if it were, yeah, it'd definitely get an R rating.

If you're a paid member, you'll be able to watch it here around 5pm EST. If you're not a member, or you have a free membership (which by the way, does not get you any things) you can buy it. It'll be $5 to buy, so it's cheaper to sign up, which I recommend because then you might forget to cancel your membership for a month and I'll make an extra dollar off you, you idiot. Or maybe you'll find that you like the other stuff I have, I don't know. It's almost all better than Pearl Harbor. Not the movie, it's not better than the movie Pearl Harbor starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and Josh Peck, but it's definitely better than the historical tragedy at Pearl Harbor, which was pretty bad and didn't even have either of those actors in it.

I think I've said enough about it now. I think I've told you everything I can to prepare you for it. Now I need someone to tell me things to prepare me for releasing it. Tell me it's okay if some of the more online fans struggle to reconcile my more authentic self and raunchy onstage personality with the cartoon character they made Roblox skins for. Tell me that it's safe for me to perform a show about a semi-fictionalized account of my personal life even though some of those same fans will mistake the show for a literal autobiography and think they know me and my partner and maybe soft-doxx her again. Tell me I won't get cancelled for mentioning circumcision - even though that would of course be totally warranted as it is such a despicably insensitive thing to joke about. Tell me to focus on the fact that it would be hilarious if my movie about my decision to end my career and later return to it ended my career.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for watching, and thanks for letting me subtly soft-pitch my public anti-circumcision stance. Enjoy the My Chemical Romance concert.

Insecurely,
WW