G'day

I have legitimately worked in jobs where goanna attack was a real conserne and we had procedures to deal with Tony the goanna

First you don't let crocodiles into libraries, then their literary rated drop, and the next thing you know they are rumbling in the streets with the Jets and the Sharks

Nicholas A Wagner

Ok but try telling a Goanna where to go and what to do (unless you're a delightfully unaware waitress that has no problems dragging one out by the tail)

Grumpy Bird

Crocodiles don't CARE what's "allowed." IJS...

Kevin Hicks

They will never see it coming

Bagge

I can't believe no one so far is concerned about the potential for Emu shenanigans!

Alex Borders

..... May I ask... Why????? (Not why I shouldn't search it, but why you took the sacrifice upon yourself)

Julienne Ignace

Specifically Martin.

Julienne Ignace

"mostly"

Julienne Ignace

Personaly I'm mostly worried about those insane pyromaniac birds

Bagge

I did wonder, when job hunting, whether it would have been frowned on by anyone for me to apply after midnight. I never risked it.

Richard Riley

Just stay South of the Mary River on the East Coast and you'll mostly be fine.

Claire, honey, that's fine for you, but Marten won't be in the library, now will he?

Cha0sniper

Thyrlactos Plummetus ... the scientific name is awesome as well

While the rules do prohibit crocodiles from local libraries, crocodiles aren't known for listening to rules. They mostly listen to screaming.

Mattezhion Zane Corgan Campbell

*eye twitch* Please don't bring up cassowaries. I had a run in with one while fucking around in the Daintree back in the late 80s. Having reef sharks dorsal up and circling us while on surfboards. Having a gun drawn on me. Yeah, looking into the soulless eye of a daggerfoot murderbird tops the list of bowel destroying fear moments in my life.

15. Some of the sheep

Dean Reilly

My boss isn't poisonous, he's just toxic

Da Nargh!!

The ranking order of most toxic creatures goes: 1. Drop bears (of course) 2. The Prime Minister 3. Jellyfish 4. Snakes 5. More snakes 6. Spiders (except peacock spiders, daddy long legs and huntsmen) 7. Other politicians 8. Salties 9. More snakes 10. More spiders 11. Freshwater crocodiles 12. Koalas with chlamydia 13. Stingrays 14. Everything else (except peacock spiders)

Sebastian

Cassowaries know that they are dinosaurs, and will eff you up, man.

Mark

When a 15-20 ft cranky crocodile wants into the library, are YOU going to try and stop it from coming in, Claire?

Ian Wolfe

Don't forget about the garbage chickens.

Chris

Excellent callback.

Clifton Royston

But - stay with me here - what if it fell off a truck?

Bagge

Who WOULDN'T be your friend for a worm or two?

SilverbackRon

Seriously, the other night I was putting the bin out and I surprised a roo on the nature strip. I love living out here. Kookas in the mornings, cockys in the evenings and a kangarroos crossing sign across the road from me. I haven't seen a snake but plenty of lizards and spiders. I keep my cat indoors and the council is very harsh on the owners of free range pets. Also magpies will be your friends with a worm or two.

SpookyPenguin

Probably huntsmans, and they’re mostly harmless.

Thisguy

The politicians are deadlier.

Thisguy

Everything poisonous lives in Australia but it's possible to avoid most of them.

Chris Heg

I live in Australia, and have a "no crocodiles" sign, not as effective as you may think. The "no alligators" sign seems to work fine though

Sally Fields

Magpies during swooping season are much scarier than crocs!

Meredith Conran

But do they have Parrots From Hell?

Captain Button

What about bunyips?

Hugh Eckert

It's always Christmas somewhere in the world. That's the magic of timezones!

Simon Green

Pintsize finds true love with a drop bear

Max Kaehn

Marten, online job postings don't care what time it is.

awgiedawgie

Claire, of course!

Wolfger

I misread that as coronavirus koala...

Wolfger

There are still snakes and spiders and other critters that can get in as well.

Pete Hanson

The spiders, of course, ARE allowed.

Churchill (formerly TeaBear)

If a crocodile decides to invade a library, who's going to tell them "No!"

Pete Hanson

The Aussie National Museum web site tells you everything you need to know about drop bears- https://australian.museum/learn/animals/mammals/drop-bear/

On behalf of Australia, I would LOVE to have them. They can stay at my house and pet my dog.

Samantha Yeaman

I believe that crocodiles are only found near 0.2% of Australian libraries. Actually my head just exploded with scenarios for "Questionable Content" visits Australia.

If it's a drop bear, doesn't that mean it's sick? Oh, OK, not a sick koala but a fictional carnivorous koala.

Tudza

oof. imagine the Australian library spiders.

Peter McDevitt

She's soooo cute zomg

xamaryllix

Come to Canberra, Claire! We may have the occasional highly venomous snake in our office buildings, but they're usually very quiet and shy.

Olaf

Surely he'd go for the Platypus, or the Echidna....

Chris Sims

Not to mention the 8 Legged Nopes!

Chris Sims

As another Australian, if I heard that a crocodile had wandered into a library in Darwin or northern Queensland, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Dean Reilly

As a New Zealander, I can confirm that anyone who goes to Australia DIES INSTANTLY. (Usually it's the venomous politicians, I believe...)

Leaflemming

Come in, the water's fine. It's the things IN the water that are the problem...

MikeT

As an Australian, I can confirm that I've never seen a crocodile in a library, except in a picture book. No venomous spiders or snakes either.

Andrew Mitchell

Don't google search Echidna penis, whatever you do.

Jason Wotzko

I warn you, Drop Bears are a serious consideration. Then there are the various forms of Danger Noodles...

MikeT

Let crocodiles get educated!

PoorGodzilla

Look up, stay alive.

RaptorShadow

Thank you Claire. Also goannas have been known to wander in to restaurants, so I don't know that Claire should count on our libraries being entirely reptile free

Stuart Telfer

But Claire, don't forget the myriad other wildlife that will try to end you. And i wouldn't be surprised if they have a venomous book spider or something.

Michael Boettger

The only genuinely dangerous wildlife in Australia are the southern cross wearing/tattoed bogans, our equivalent of the confederate flag.

Jason Wotzko

Pintaize could have an army of wombats.

Michael

I almost yelled “we don’t have those in Australia” but Claire did it for me.

Jaime Fenton

omg....

Lord Crusade

stop joking about the drop bears, theyre a real threat here and they kill hundreds of people a year

Tamara Macadam

There are too many things in Australia that would want to eat Marten

Michael

Questions to ask: * Does the continent actively seek to end you? If you answered yes to any of the above, avoid at all costs.

R L

The search goes on...

Michael Boettger