A Firm Hand

*Reluctant slowclap*

Bagge

I think he's trying to use pintsize more since he is never able to use yelling bird to satisfy his whimsy

Devin Forbes

Whap #1 or Whap #2?

Brad Knowles

The shlong arm of the law catches up with Martin. Pint-size isn't dicking around.... !or is he?)

Chris Gallaty

I predict within 24 hours of this going on the main site, there will be at least 3 separate tumblrs dedicated to images of Marten getting whapped with a dildo.

Dave Cochran

She is smiling more in panel 6 than in panel 4. ... Just saying.

Matthew Van Gangelen

1. Reference man getting hit by blunt object 2. Compensate for Dildo Wobble 3. ??? 4. Profit

Dolan

Have you not read the entire series? Pintsize has done decent things on numerous occasions. He just <b>prefers</b> butts.

awgiedawgie

If we both go to hell for liking this too much, we can shift the blame onto Jeph! :)

Okay, this is cute and all, but I'm wondering what sort of reference material you used for your depiction of a man getting smacked around by a giant novelty (?) dildo.

Kyle Rudy

I've got two things to say about this: 1. That was a total dick move, Pintsize. 2. The teledildonics patent expired this week. (S'truth!) 3. Ursula may be sentient. (Didn't Pintsize and pre-android Winslow have a startup?) 4. I clearly can't stop counting at two.

BobC

Communication is tricky, particularly in the moment. People mistake being close with actually having telepathy, which is silly because only Vulcans and Grodd have telepathy, not humans.

Unanimous D

Yay for Pints being actually respected for like 2 seconds out of 20 years.

Unanimous D

Hi Ursula! I loved you in that Guy Ritchie movie!

As much as Marten was inattentive, I would think that Claire's timing and tone was not really conducive to an immediate plunge into exploration; likely due to another layer of avoidance behaviour. What you ideally *would* say is more like: "(Weell, um, actually) I've really been stressing over something lately - I'll tell you later" and let him unwind first.

Ísabel Pirsic

HE'S DRAWN A FACE ON IT.

Andrew Tate

But not the one we deserve.

Ursula is the hero we need.

Creepy Cat Lady

Is that dildo named after The Sea Witch?!? *shudder*

Patrick Jackson

OK, damn. Pintsize picked the perfect name for a purple dildo. A+ you horrible, great little robot.

Sero

Also, FWIW, I didn't think he was being horribly blind to Claire's needs in the previous comic. Things like that happen, and it's not really anyone's fault; I'm probably not at my most observant when just returning home from work. Thank gods those guys have the friendly relationship counseling AIs at their disposal.

Janne Peltonen

This was better than the bucketful of dildos.

Janne Peltonen

I laughed way too hard at this comic

Patrick Mac Manus

Called it!

MikeT

CALLED IT.

Valraven

I think this is the cartoon we were all praying would happen, especially after the events of yesterday.

Poor unfortunate souls...

Bagge

He actually tries to help people quite often. It's just that he's pretty subtle and sometimes the urge to pull a crude prank is often a lot stronger!

Ben Russell-Gough

Is... Is Pintsize actually trying to help someone? Whoa.

Bryan Freehan

They're completely different kinds of whaps! The first, Marten was facing away from Pintsize - that was a surprise blow from behind, more startling than anything. The second, he went turning toward Pintsize to looking in the other direction, limbs all at the wrong angle - that was a serious blow that spun Marten in place.

Diptych

I've got a nasty feeling that 'Ursula' is Pintsize's closest friend in the world and they spend a lot of time talking. Yes, I DO think that he's THAT disturbingly weird!

Ben Russell-Gough

This is an issue that Marten needs to nip in the bud. Yes, I'm talking about Claire - Long-time readers will remember that she was on medication for anxiety and mood swings when they first met. However, I'm also talking about Pintsize. If he isn't careful, the little creep may get the idea that he can get away with slapping people with sex toys and that way lies madness!

Ben Russell-Gough

Thank you for ACTUALLY re drawing the panel 2 for panel 5. I get slightly annoyed at reused panels =w= (Not that it's my business if you do that, but I wanted to give you a shoutout for your extra effort :3 )

Oh, he is, he is. But one uses the tools one has available. His "tool" happens to be a giant purple phallus. At least he didn't hit Marten with the metal one Faye and Bubbles built for him.

awgiedawgie

Ursula is chill about the whole thing.

Bagge

She does look sort of like a sea witch

He's got a ton of points in diplomacy but nothing in sense motive, and then he keeps rolling natural ones!

Grace Kieser

OMG Marten's expression in panel 5.

Erin Moriarty

Internet, I guessing

Grace Kieser

oh good. I was worried pintsize was starting to mature

LH

I never thought I’d say this, but go Pintsize!

JD

I am really glad that Pintsize is becoming more than a repository for vulgar jokes.

Cranthulos XII, Conqueror of Five Empires, Lord of the Blood Pits of Fethna

Friend to you and me!

Hugh Eckert

I wonder is this is Ursula here: <a href="https://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2649" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2649</a> or does Pintsize just own more than one purple dildos with smiley faces on the tip? Hmmm... probably the latter.

Hugh Eckert

Pintsize - putting the "chaotic" in "chaotic good"

Dylan T

Ursula? Any bets on him having another one named Fella?

kaitou

I know Pintsize feels he's unneeded since Marten got all his friends, but perhaps Marten could still use somebody to take a more hands on approach with him in the romance department from time to time. His heart's in the right place but sometimes he just doesn't have the skills he needs to make this work.

Mitchell Sealy

URSULA!!

Also, Ursula seems quite thrilled with the idea of being used as a bludgeoning device.

Will Weaver

Thank you Pintsize! You are the hero Martin deserves 🤣

Way to go, Pintsize. Marten totally deserved that.

Will Weaver

Ahh Marten Faces. I missed Marten Faces.

If he can manage to get an entire box of dildos on top of a door as a prank, getting on the counter with one dildo is easy.

awgiedawgie

Called it. :)

Czarzhan

Wow. Twice in one day Pintsize does the right thing. Of course, it works to his own advantage that today "the right thing" happens to be yelling at people.

awgiedawgie

For once I am #teampintsize. Marten deserved BOTH of those.

Denise Webber

I’m so happy.

Danya Michael

Any particular Ursula you had in mind to name this blunt force dildo after?

Michelle Wex

Pintsize should open up a couple's counseling office. Deep understanding and dildo slaps are the specialty of the house!

Bruce Steinberg

But this is literally Pintsize's job, and he's demonstrated he's good at it. He spent years building up the "I am the Imp of the Perverse" persona, and hid the insightful comments behind the wacky hijinks. Marten and his friends have grown and matured, and have each other to serve as distractions and cover; Pintsize doesn't need to act on his own to hide the wisdom nearly so much.

Jason Zions

all boyfriends should have a small robot to smack them upside the head with a dildo when they’re being bad listeners

Elliott Case

How did Pintsize get on the counter with Ursula in hand? Quite a feat.

At least Ursula is happy about meeting Marten. XD

Shawn K. Younkin

This feels a little deux ex machina to me, if you'll pardon the pun. Hopefully all our emotional conflict from now on isn't pre-maturely resolved by conveniently intervening characters saying the perfect thing.

dipique

A perfect follow-up to the previous page.

Mordaeus

Honestly it feels sudden and jarring to me. Have I missed him gradually getting more helpful?

dipique

Brings a whole new meaning to the onomatopoeia "Wang".

Sam Johnson

This may be the most I've ever approved of Pintsize. Marten needed that slap.

Samantha Yeaman

How many appearances gets Ursula a listing on the last page?

ysth

Pintsize is actually being helpful for once. And weird. Can't forget about weird.

Nicholas Lopez

Ursula. URSULA

It's not THAT surprising, really. Being a deviant doesn't mean you're incapable of clear communication, just that it's usually funnier not to.

Cody Renton

Nanomachines obviously.

R L

UNDER THE SEA!

Ami

Pintsize is the one pushing for healthy communication and honesty! This is a great new era

Rozzie Kopczynski

well sometimes Marten is a poor unfortunate soul...

Peter McDevitt

Honestly, the second smack was probably a good idea anyway. Yes, Marten, you didn't, and that's one of your biggest remaining flaws.

Lucanid Landman

..... how does pintsize hold onto that dildo with his spherical hands? Wait. Do I want to know?

Hawkeye

Pintsize has growth of character whithin the confines of his (heh) dickery. Never thought I'd see the day.

R L

I love that Ursula has a happy face on the tip.

Celine Chamberlin

Ursula: a little happy, a lot wiggly, and good for whacking Marten when necessary.

Benzy

Do I even want to know where does Pintsize purchased Ursula?

Miyaa

The Sea Witch?

GragSmash

Good Pintsize.

JD

Honestly he deserved two whacks.

Alex Mullenix