Patreon Ramble #24 - Talking About Love Cause Why Not?

You get it, Joel.

KleinkMusic

Thank you for this comment, I really needed to hear this today

I always feel like life is a toss up where I'm either satisfied in art or in love. Both fulfill a very similar place of fulfillment that the other isn't needed as much when one is going well. But maybe you can find a Yoko Ono! That would be sweet!

Joel Haver

Thanks for sharing, I relate so much to everything you said. Heart shaped pancakes sound lovely and I don't get why anyone wouldn't want some! I wish you the best and hopefully you can find someone who appreciates the love you want to give.

Joel Haver

Interesting to know that you threw yourself into working in the channel after that relationship. I used to think all the time about how love impacts the art I make, and for a long time I thought I was most prolific or wrote the best stuff when I was sad or heartbroken. Now that I’ve been in a happy relationship the stakes feel lower in making art, like my self worth is not coupled to whether I’m making art as much. Which maybe makes it less urgent, but also a more joyous experience. There’s pros and cons to everything, I guess!

Jack Edmondson

I am new around here. And I'm really glad I found your YT channel and have come to appreciate it enough to be here as well. These are the kinds of things I think about more often than not. I'm a romantic and I feel it is so unbelievably difficult to be one at times. Especially as someone who doesn't sleep around or go for hook ups. I have put a lot on people before. I expected so much. More than I should. Just because I happen to be super affectionate and love to love, doesn't mean that everyone is that way or as spirited about it all the time. I have grown a lot, in the sense of not being clingy or overbearing since I was younger, but at the same time I feel a bit sad that no one I meet, is ever even a little like me. I really put my all into making one person smile and it drives some people up the wall. I am making myself sound crazy, but mostly it is hugging, little kisses, silly notes on pillows or heart-shaped pancakes. Stuff to show my appreciation for someone. That doesn't go over well sometimes. Some of your content has made me just break and cry rivers (not just relating to ideas of love). Mostly in a cathartic way. It feels good to know that I'm not alone, at least in some ways. It's all about balance and I guess I am still trying to find mine. Your thoughts/content often inspires me to try to be more understanding and consider other sides of the fence, as much as it feels like I heavily relate to a large amount of it. Thanks for that. c:

Niki

Keep talking about love Joel, it’s far more cathartic for us than you might know, and like you said, it helps to organize your thoughts out loud. We all have a bad habit of leaving things in our head a little bit too vague, even when we overthink things. But when we force ourselves to try to communicate our thoughts with others, they undergo a mandatory mental crystallization before they can be communicated. And the more often we communicate our thoughts, even poorly, the better we know ourselves. It’s why journaling is effective, and why that saying exists: “you never truly know how something works until you can explain it to someone else.” Keep on keeping on, brother.

When the love of my life left me high and dry, it felt like my world was over. All it took to heal was time and peace, and every day I’m a little closer to a whole person again. Life is tough but there are enough good people around anyone to give them a little love each until they find someone to share The Big Love with.

Joel, this is a major reason why I joined Patreon. I saw a few videos of a man skipping the small stuff (I don’t enjoy it) and opening himself up. The internet is so full of this alpha/sigma shit, and I’m like, seriously?! People are buying into this crap? And I identified and felt so many of the same feelings. It was so refreshing. I was married for 22 years and besides the end when he had a midlife crisis and had an affair and started abusing me in every way possible (it looked better if I asked him to leave) but for so many years I was lucky. We got the same jokes, loved the same music, we loved movies and of course nothing is perfect but we divorced and he went off and moved into the house they bought while we were still married, had a baby he never wanted and he got a vasectomy, and showed me the photos the first day of our divorce mediation. 6 years into our marriage I got in an accident that left almost every part of my body with pain. Every kind. Sharp, burning, dull…so many ways. If it wasn’t for that I’m sure we’d still be together? I wonder. After we broke up I couldn’t watch tv, because I’d out of habit would look over on the couch expecting to see him looking back and telling me how much he loved my laugh. Like I was the most special thing in the world. I tried dating. I was really open to it and many times but it seemed like people just wanted a body. Then another illness, my frontal lobe in my brain shrinking faster than it should be at my age. So I threw in the towel. I did have another wonderful relationship for 10 months, so I know good ones are out there still. But I’m 51, trying to explain things in your life and feelings is impossible here. Way to much experience of all kinds. But please never stop talking about love and life Joel. It’s so refreshing, you express yourself so well. People who don’t listen to these are missing out. Sometimes I’m like, how did Joel get in my head? To hear people talk about important life things….I can’t put a price on it. Then to see a variety of amazing films is just….wow! Thank You Joel Haver. And this crazy nonsense of a message is sent with so much love!

Cassandra M

Beautifully put Peter, thanks for sharing❤️

Joel Haver

Thank you for sharing Joel. It's good to hear your thoughts. <3 Share more love thoughts! Love is important! Love you too!

Ah, yes. Youth. C’est la vie.

Jennifer Bauman

Same! Omg if I could go back in time and tell myself just keep pouring all that energy into my art, instead of letting it all get sucked up into the relationships I thought I was "supposed" to be having. I'd be so much further along now. Ah the woes of youth~

A lot of thought has come from this, thank you for sharing. You have a romantic heart and that's great!

Jennifer Bauman

It's true! I don't remember my past relationships after being with someone for 11 years haha. I still remember some good times though. Inspiring words Liffey!

Jennifer Bauman

Joel this was beautiful. I’ve wandered through that little Love-bug forest you’re camping in right now and I know where you’re at. I always thought it would be like all those John Hughes movies and John Cusack romcoms. What flipped it for me was learning about attachment theory and I think it would be super enlightening for you to look into right now, might help you understand how everyone connects. https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/attachment-theory-and-the-4-attachment-styles It’s like highschool kind of, it feels all super important/intense right now, but honestly 5 years from now you won’t even remember half of the stuff that didn’t work out. I didn’t believe anyone that told me that in my 20s, I’m in my late 30s now and yup, it turns out to be 100% true. Thank you for always sharing these little snippets, you are an amazingly creative little human bean and I can tell you from the other side of the love-bug forest, there’s another person out there looking just as hard for exactly the same thing you are. Future Joel will be looking back at this video one day and he’s gonna have a big old chuckle to himself, because HE KNOWS about all the crazy adventures that you’re about to go on, and all of the beautiful relationships that haven’t happened to you yet.

I'm probably least qualified in this room to talk about love, but maybe I've been in enough relationships to know what it isn't. However, I can definitely say that it's different for every person, and that's probably for the best, even though it makes it that much harder to find a matching love. Knowing you've found someone with a personality that is a ying to your yang, but you have conflicting views on what love is, is absolutely soul crushing. I feel like some people get so lonely, that they abandon a lot of their principals for what love is, just to have any love at all, and that can lead to some agonizing relationships for some people. And the worst part about it, is that sometimes they don't even realize that. It's enough to dissuade you from continuing to look for that love, to a point you question if there even is someone out there for you, but you'll never find out if that person exists if you don't keep trying. Doesn't mean I haven't reveled in my singleness, and applauded myself for how well I've handled it, but it's only after I've gone long stints of not thinking about it due to just distractions and absent mindedness, because it always does seem to come back around eventually. Try as I might to reason away why it's too much of a hassle to even bother with, the deeper yearning in my human soul wins out with its hopelessly optimistic litany of "what if" and "maybe" scenarios that play out in my head, romanticizing myself back into longing more than any mushy film ever could.

goat on a stick