Shadow play
Added 2023-10-27 16:35:11 +0000 UTCIt's quieter now.
For the first time in I don't even know how long, I took a day off work. I mean completely off work. I think I really needed that. I've gotten myself really out of balance...there is no schedule, there is no plan. I have historically preferred working that way, maybe because it feels more free, more artistic. Let the creativity come when it comes.
But I think it's created such a lack of structure (something I dislike but apparently is good for me), that I didn't realize I was working 7 days a week, from the moment I opened my eyes in the morning until I went to sleep, with random breaks for doctor appointments or seeing friends. Sometimes the work is just...internally, quietly panicking and worrying about what I'm not doing, for instance at dinner with friends and feeling guilty for not answering my OF messages fast enough. Or in my head planning a group shoot, a livestream figure drawing session, realizing I double booked two shoots on the same day, etc. It's exhausting. The meds help but they aren't a cure.
I decided to take a day where I did not work, I did not open any social media, and I really tried to not plan or think or guilt myself about any work. I did not socialize, I did not fill that empty space with friends or appointments. And I think it really helped.
Here's to more of that, maybe more structure and a schedule...to taking care of my brain and my body better. Respecting this physical (and metaphysical?) vessel in, and giving it time to recharge.
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