"Texting with... Stella" pt. 3

Stella: Driver, I require a moment of your time.

You: Of course, do you need me to pick you up?

Stella: Not right now, no. But I do appreciate the eagerness to please.

Stella: Rather, I wanted to thank you for your assistance.

You: Uh, my pleasure. But what exactly did I do?

Stella: I enacted your suggestion for dealing with my rather uncooperative pet, recall?

You: Oh, right! So you decided to take a less… despotic approach?

Stella: Are you calling me a tyrant?

You: What?! No! Of course not.

Stella: Relax. If anything, it’s flattering.

Stella: I’m just not used to being so out of my element. The whole business of a gentle hand is rather gauche to me.

Stella: That being said…

Stella: She took to it better than I had anticipated.

You: Care to elaborate?

Stella: Well, at first I tried to use softer language, but her reaction was rather negative.

You: That’s strange. What exactly did you say to her?

Stella: I told her that she had an iota of inherent value that existed outside my subjective viewpoint.

You: …

You: I feel an issue of communication may have arisen at some point between you two.

Stella: When that didn’t pan out, I instead offered her treats for obedience. Something to bite on for good behavior.

You: If you don’t mind my asking, what exactly were these treats?

Stella: Nothing too unorthodox. Chew toys, things that vibrate, something sweet, shiny trinkets. The works.

You: O… kay. That means squeaky toys and chocolate?

Stella: You can’t give chocolate to them. It’s absolutely horrible for their health! Don’t you know anything about caring for pets?

You: Right. My bad. Clearly you’re the expert on healthy pet-rearing here.

Stella: And you’d best hope you never forget that.

Stella: With that said, your suggestion ultimately bore fruit.

Stella: She took to headpats and scratches behind the ears especially. Girl couldn’t wait to sit on my lap.

You: Really?

Stella: She’s quite the cuddler, it seems. Curled right up during a telemeeting.

You: She sounds adorable.

Stella: Oh, she’s a gem. Of course, now I have to contend with her becoming an attention-craving snugglebug, but I suppose there are worse things in this world for her to become.

You: I’m glad everything worked out.

Stella: Don’t let my praises distract you from your job. I still expect you to be punctual when I say so.

You: Yes, ma’am. Of course. Understood.

Stella: That’s the attitude I like. And I am a woman of my word; keep me happy and I can treat you just as well as I treat my darling girl.

You: Are you saying I’m your pet now?

Stella: Oh, sweetie.

Stella: I recommend restricting your fantasies to some degree of attainability for you.