"Texting with... July" pt. 2

I don't hear back from July for a little while. I assume the worst and expect her show up with a new found infatuation for “pegging”.

But after waiting entirely too long for a middling cup of joe, I finally hear my phone chirp.

July: I have gotten literally eleven job offers since we last texted.

You: I think with being at a big sex-expo, and looking the way you do, that math checks out.

July: Awwwww… 😘.

July: You're gonna make me blush in front of all these hedonists!

July: You a big sweetie!

You: Yer god-damn right I am.

July: How was your coffee?

You: Perfectly fine after some managed expectations.

July: Oh my god! How did you know my family's ancestral motto?

July: There is a cup of coffee you can buy here where a girl in a slutty nurse outfit will drink it, swish it around in her mouth, and spit it into your mouth for like, $50 bucks.

You: Hmmm… is it organic?

July: I don't know, I didn't check.

You: Probably a waiver you have to sign too.

July: Oh my gosh, I think it was a small packet.

July: At least five pages.

You: It's just… such a long drive for a cup of coffee. All the way down to Atlantic City?

July: Of course, of course. Whose got the time?

July: You can get it to go. You want me to pick you up a cup?

You: -Blech-, it'll be all cold and stale by the time it gets here.

July: Of course! Wouldn't want it to be gross! Lol!

You: I like it fresh from the “Girl who may or may not have made questionable life decisions” mouth!

You: Just like Grandpa and Grandma had it back on the farm.

July: Oh, I keep forgetting you're from Florida.

You: Look, we can have a discussion about which one of us is classier, but I think it's important to recognize that one of us just dropped off a respectable old Priest to a Confirmation Ceremony, and one of us has a high likelihood of wearing a crown made of dildos in the next hour.

July: It's for my job, jerk!

You: I will ask Father McKlusky to pray for you.

July: I will not be put on trial, here! I am a journalist!

You: Since I'll be able to just apologize this away later, how's the Striptease wing?

July: Oh my god. It's like a circus but all the trapeze artists and acrobats are topless!

You: I changed my mind. The coffee sounds pretty good, I'm heading down there now.

July: I had no idea Stripping had gotten so elaborate!

July: There's a whole cosplay costume striptease contest. It's like a nerds fantasy was manifested before my eyes!

July: And either they had some really impressive prosthetic makeup, or they found a blue girl with four boobs!

You: Oh lord… Father Mcklusky, forgive me.

July: They had a giant, thirty foot stripper projected up on one of the walls. It was wild!

July: You could even livestream from a booth on the floor, and amateurs could watch themselves projected on a wall overlooking the whole expo!

You: Horniness has got to have some kind of connection to technological innovation. Someone should do some research.

You: Did you go down there and shake your moneymaker?

July: What? Oh my god, no!

You: What? Why not?

You: You don't have to actually strip, just go up there and shake your butt a bit. See yourself projected up on the showroom wall!

You: You only live once!

July: God, no. Can you imagine? What if some I knew saw me up there?

July: And I'm wearing just the most boring outfit. It's just my regular work clothes!

You: Oh no, guys DEFINITELY don't love the sexy-office look at all.

You: I don't know if that read as sarcasm, but that was meant to be sarcastic.

July: I couldn't. I'm so awkward, I'd just screw it up.

You: If you say so. But if you ask me, you could break some real hearts up there.

July: If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to talk me into a life of stripping.

You: I can't help it. It's in my DNA to try and talk attractive girls out of their clothes.

July: Lol. Ohhhh, you're the guy all my books on feminism were trying to warn me about.

You: Is it working?

July: I'm not going to dignify that with a response.😘

July: Oh lord, I am not reinforcing good “reward behaviors”.

July: And its not helping that this lady stripping in front of me is bending in ways that are causing me to discover parts about myself I never knew before.

You: Yessss, give into the dark-side.

You: It's more fun over here.

July: Alright, I need to focus before this expose gets more in depth than I bargained for.

July: I have to go pick what to look at next.

You: What are your top three choices?

July: Well, there's a whole section that does aerial striptease and bondage...

July: There's the big Themed Strip-Off contest where a bunch of different girls in different themed outfits compete to see who is the best dancer...

July: ... And this took me by surprise, but there is an actual topless Roller-Derby league having a big tournament right here in the expo! They built a full track and everything!