Backyard Dungeon 4 Chapter 1

It was the perfect day for hunting. The weather had cooled as summer turned into early fall, but the sun was out and kept the temperature mild as I trekked through the woods with Amrila and my best friend, Jay.

Jay had come out from Cleveland to spend the weekend hunting and camping with me and the ladies. He’d even brought a new girlfriend along, so I guessed things were serious between them. But really it was just nice to spend time with my oldest friend. We’d barely seen each other in months, and I felt like almost an entirely different person now.

Ibseth and Enid, Jay’s girlfriend, were back at the camp hanging out, while the three of us tried our hands at hunting some deer. Bow season had just opened up in Ohio, and I was excited. I’d hunted with composite bows in high school, with limited luck, but after hunting incks in The Gloom with that crossbow, I had an itch to try it again.

Luckily, Jay had been free and eager to come hang out, and despite how much both our lives had changed, it was just like old times. Jay and I had spent hours in the backwoods growing up, and when we’d hunted or explored the caves and forests of rural Ohio, it was like there was no difference between us, even though he grew up rich and I had been dirt poor.

The three of us snuck through the forest, dressed all in camo with our day-glow orange vests on while Amrila followed a set of tracks. The Zencarri woman looked a little out of place in her hunting gear, with her red toned skin and oversized sunglasses, but she still somehow made it sexy as hell.

“Are we sure she can see the tracks with those sunglasses on?” Jay whispered to me as we walked just behind the half-demon woman.

“Yeah,” I quietly replied with a grin. “She’s got crazy good eyesight. Trust me.”

Amrila had grown up in the dim light of The Gloom, so even the sunlight on an overcast day hurt her eyes, but she also possessed amazing survival skills because she needed to look out for herself from a young age. Once Jay and I had pointed out the deer tracks to her, I’d been sure the red-skinned woman would be able to follow them, but I had to admit the fancy, rhinestone covered sunglasses comically stood out against the brown and black camo.

As we came up over a rise and looked over a short cliff, the horned woman stopped and crouched down. Jay and I copied Amrila without hesitation, and the three of us looked into a little clearing below.

The leaves had just started to turn here and there, so some of the trees were touched with shades of red, orange or yellow. Beneath us, the forest floor was carpeted with sparse, green undergrowth and dead leaves, and a small stream cut through the clearing and was low from a lack of rain.

Three deer drank from the stream peacefully, and I felt a jolt of excitement when I spotted them.

There were two does and a three point buck. I guessed they were about thirty yards away from us, but it was difficult to be exact with us being up on the rise. But it was still a really good position.

I looked over at Jay and nodded for him to take the first shot, and the dark-haired man notched an arrow the string of his composite bow and took aim.

Bow hunting was pretty hard. Before we were old enough to buy guns, Jay and I had made a habit of bow hunting when the season opened all through our high school years and had limited success. I could probably count on one hand how many times we’d actually come home with any game, but it was still fun as hell.

I watched as the slender lawyer pulled back his string and closed one eye to try to get a better aim. Then he let his arrow loose with a slight twang of the string, and the projectile sailed past the three deer by a yard and hit the ground. I couldn’t even hear it from where we were hidden on the rise, but the deer sure did.

One doe raised its head from the stream and looked to the side where the arrow hit, but the other two kept drinking. Jay and I caught each other’s eye and had to stifle laughter. It wasn’t the worst shot, conderinering how long it had been since we’d hunted with bows, but it was still a mile off target.

Amrila scowled at us for making noise, so we tried to compose ourselves. Then Jay nodded to confirm it was my turn, so I took several deep breaths and steadied myself as I put a bow to the string. As I aimed at the side of the buck’s neck, I had a brief memory of being back in The Gloom hunting incks.

A pair of cave lions had attacked Nileme and I after we’d killed two of the small, deer-like animals, but we’d been hunting with crossbows instead. Crossbows were easier to shoot, but a lot harder to reload, but I shook off the memory, released the arrow, and held my breath for a heartbeat as I watched to see if it hit my target.

The arrow sailed right through the side of the buck’s neck and left a dark hole that immediately began to spray blood. I startled as I saw the arrow hit the ground behind the buck, and suddenly the animal’s head came up. It was so fast the deer hadn’t even realized what had happened to him yet, and the buck took a halting step forward, faltered, and then staggered before he fell to the ground.

Amrila quickly notched an arrow, but the two does were startled and darted out of the clearing before she could loose her shot.

“Dammit,” the red-skinned woman pouted as she watched the white tail of one doe disappear into the woods. “Stupid buck. If he hadn’t been so dramatic, we could have gotten both does.”

“It’s a good sized buck,” I snorted. “If we got the does too, I would have to get two big freezer chests just to keep the meat.”

“But I didn’t get to shoot anything.” Amrila stuck out her lower lip as she toyed with the tip of her arrow.

“We could follow them,” Jay offered in a helpful tone. “But they’ll probably run for a mile or so before they stop.”

“It’s fine,” the horned woman sighed. “We’ll have to carry the buck back to camp anyway. Maybe we’ll spot another on the way.”

We carefully made our way down the dropoff, and then Jay and I gathered the buck carcass before we started back to camp where Ibseth and Enid waited for us.

The trek seemed longer with the weight of the three point back to carry, but the three of us were in good spirits.

“Eddie ever take you hunting before?” Jay asked Amrila as we walked.

“We have been gigging a few times.” She smiled as she remembered one of our first dates. “When I first saw a bullfrog, I didn’t think it would be so delicious.”

“Gigging,” the dark-haired man snorted. “I remember the first time I told my mom Eddie took me gigging. I thought she was going to faint when I told her what it was.”

“Your mom is a sweet lady,” I chuckled. “But I think she was under the impression that I was trying to turn you feral.”

“She likes you,” Jay said as he smiled. “Mom still asks if you’re coming for Hanukkah every year.”

“If she’s cooking then hell yeah I’ll come.” I grinned.

When we got back to camp, my Elven wife and Jay’s girlfriend were relaxing in camp chairs by the tents as they talked quietly together.

Enid was a tall, slim redhead who seemed to exclusively wear athleisure clothing. She worked as a personal trainer, so the choice made sense for her, but I was still surprised how the very normal, straight-laced city girl had taken to being out in the woods with her boyfriend’s redneck best friend and his two “cosplayer” wives. Enid had not even batted an eye when Jay first introduced the fit woman to us.

Jay always had great taste in women though, so I shouldn’t have been surprised. Ibseth and Enid got on particularly well and chatted about gardening, which was a passion for them both, and I was glad to see them connecting. Ibseth spent a lot of time by herself when Amrila and I delved into The Gloom on our adventures, and while the blue-skinned Night Elf woman had made friends with an older couple in our cul de sac, it was good for her to have younger friends, too.

In fact, Enid had sparked an interest in Ibseth about getting house plants as a hobby, and I loved to spoil my white-haired wife, so I suspected that our place was going to look like an indoor jungle soon.

But if it made her happy, then I was happy.

“You were successful!” Ibseth grinned when she saw the three of us come out of the woods with the dead buck.

The Elven woman stood and ran over to Jay and I as we set the deer down on the ground to finish field dressing it, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Enid’s face blanch at the sight of the animal.

I wouldn’t judge the red-headed city girl too harshly. Most people never saw where their meat really came from, and it could be a shock to see it in person for the first time. To the athletic woman’s credit, she didn’t say anything or give a speech about the ethics of hunting. Enid just watched with mild horror while my white-haired wife took my hunting knife from me and happily started to butcher it.

Just as Ibseth started to make a large incision on the buck’s gut, Enid shot up from her camp chair and found some business to do in the tents. I tried not to laugh, but both my wives helped to process the deer without a comment, while the city girl ran for the hills as soon as it got messy.

But once the grisly part was over, and we’d gotten the worst of the mess cleaned up, Enid came back out of the tents, and we all settled in around the fire pit we’d dug as I started to stoke the embers into flames.

Then the five of us just talked the rest of the afternoon away by the fire. It was good to have this kind of peace after the chaos of the raid on Ursenger’s private retreat. Amrila and I had been able to find a document to show the other Night Elves of The Gloom that proved Ibseth’s psychotic half brother was involved with a Demon Lord. The Mad Chief of the Yennih tribe had even transformed two of his generals into deformed abominations and sent them after us, but we’d killed them in the forest outside of Yennih’s capital city.

Now, spending time with my lifelong friend out in the woods of Ohio made me feel like I lived a double life. At times, it was hard to believe everything I’d been through over the last few months was even real, but I looked across the fire at my Elven and Zencarri wives as they talked to the mild mannered red-headed woman, and they were evidence enough that both worlds were perfectly real. Jay and Enid thought my wives were just dedicated cosplayers who made themselves up to look like mythical creatures.

Little did my friend and his girl know that they were actually spending the weekend camping with a Night Elf and a half-demon from an underground world filled with wonders and monsters.

Eventually, we broke out the beer I’d brought and settled in for the night. The ladies put on thick, cozy sweaters to ward off the cool of early fall, while Jay and I stoked up the fire and started to cook up some of the meat for dinner. I’d brought some spices from home that would help with the gamey taste without completely covering it up, and even Enid had to admit it was pretty good.

“I’ve never had venison before,” the red-head commented as she took her second bite. “It’s a lot more tender than I thought it would be.”

“Nothing like fresh meat.” I smiled as I inclined my head to acknowledge the compliment.

“Does she not know this is a deer?” Amrila leaned in and whispered to me with a note of concern. “She saw us drag it back to camp.”

“At least she likes it,” I whispered back as I stifled a chuckle, and then I turned to Jay. “Anything new in the life of Cleveland’s youngest lawyer?”

“I don’t know if I’m the youngest,” the dark-haired man replied with a modest smile. “But I’m sure someone has compiled a list of the youngest. Seems like a silly credential to me, though. I won a couple of cases recently. Nothing big. Most of the time, in family law, you’d rather get both parties to go for a settlement.”

“I bet your bosses are pretty happy they hired you.” I smiled back. “Maybe you can still get youngest partner at the firm.”

“Maybe.” Jay grinned. “But just doing that before thirty would be an accomplishment. What about you? What’s new in your life?”

“Eddie just bought a house,” Ibseth said with a proud glow in her purple eyes.

“Really?” Jay asked in a tone that was both impressed and surprised.

“Yeah.” I nodded and felt a little sheepish. “I got the place next door to me for a pretty good price.”

“That cute one story you said the nosy old lady lives in?” Jay asked, and he sounded kinda proud of me. “You gotta be the first person in our graduating class to have bought a place without their parents’ help. Strong work, man.”

“No.” Amrila shook her head as she spoke around a mouthful of the juicy venison. “He bought the big blue house on the other side. Who would want to live in Bitchmire’s old place? It has to stink of her horrible perfume.”

The horned woman had picked up the neighborhood kids’ nickname for the old lady next door, but I couldn’t blame her. Whitmire hated both Amrila and Ibseth, but I would guess the old snoop hated Amrila even more. When Whitmire yelled at the kids in the cul-de-sac for playing too loudly, or riding their bikes too close to her yard, Amrila would yell right back at her. The red-skinned woman had a prickly exterior, but she also possessed a clear soft spot for children. Amrila was also the biggest defender for the McMillan boys when their terrible metal band practiced in their mom’s garage.

The day after we’d gotten back from our last adventure in The Gloom, my fiery Zencarri wife had gotten into a screaming match with our worst neighbor, Brock Stanton. Brock had come out onto his porch to threaten to call the cops on the McMillan boys if they didn’t keep it down, and he and Amrila had gotten into a screaming match.

“At least those boys are minding their own business, and not peeking into their neighbor’s window like some little pervert!” the horned woman had yelled for the whole cul-de-sac to hear.

That had ended the argument because Brock turned red in the face and walked back into his house, but Amrila spent the rest of the night sitting on our porch and would applaud loudly every time the McMillians stumbled their way through an entire song.

“Jesus,” Jay said back in the present. “Fucking right, man! I had no idea your contracting gig was going so well!”

The ladies started to break into their own side conversation as Enid asked the red-skinned woman how she kept her arms so toned, and Amrila told her about her sword drills. It all came off as an eccentric cosplayer with a unique workout routine, and the redhead was very intrigued by the idea.

“Part of the money came from that gold I told you I found after my grandpa passed,” I leaned in and told Jay. “But yeah, I’m doing pretty well now days.”

“As you should.” Jay smiled and cheersed me with his beer. “You deserve it, man. You worked your ass off to get through school, and it’s good to see all that hard work rewarded. You still making art for fun, though?”

“Yeah.” I grinned after I thought about it for a moment. “I find time to sketch when I can.”

“Do you have anything with you? Like on your phone or anything?” Jay asked with genuine interest.

“I brought my sketchbook with me.” I shrugged as I took another sip of beer.

“Well, let’s see it!” my friend said in encouragement, so I grabbed my sketchbook from my backpack and brought it back to the fireside.

As I handed the sketchbook over to Jay to look through, it kinda warmed my heart how the dark-haired man opened it with enthusiasm. Jay had always been one of my greatest supporters. I’d spent most of elementary school in detention for drawing on my desk or doodling on the margins of tests, but my life-long friend was the one who said I should develop my talent.

“Oh, wow,” Jay gasped as he flipped through the pages. “These are some of the best ones you’ve ever done. When did you get so into fantasy?”

“What?” I asked a little confused, and then I realized he meant the sketches I’d made of The Gloom.

“I mean, look at this guy.” The young lawyer flipped the sketchbook around and showed me the picture I’d made of the Zencarri thief, Scourge, and his smelly ox, Gex. “How cool is he? I love the shaggy pack animal. This is really detailed.”

“I guess the ladies have had an influence on me recently,” I chuckled.

But a part of me really wanted to tell Jay and all the amazing experiences I had in the subterranean world.

It was the first time I was seriously tempted to share my big secret, maybe even take him there and show him, but it was too dangerous right now, and I wasn’t sure how else I would get him to believe it. Once Ursenger’s reign of terror was over, I promised myself I’d tell Jay everything and take him into The Gloom with me. Fortune and glory was incredible, but to be able to share that with one of the people I cared most about in the world would be even better.

“You should do something with these,” Jay continued. “Each picture tells a whole story, and fantasy is really hot right now. Especially when it looks like this.”

The dark-haired man turned the sketchbook around, and it was a picture I’d drawn of Amrila and Nileme sleeping in a cave when we were on our way back to the Dolrath territory.

“Who’s the other woman?” Jay asked in an undertone. “She doesn’t look like Ibseth. Is she another Dark Elf cosplayer?”

“That’s Nileme.” I grinned. “Yeah, we all hang out sometimes. I’m hoping you can meet her soon.”

“Nice,” the slim man replied with a knowing smile.

Jay and I talked next to the fire for a few more hours, and eventually the ladies called it a night.

My best friend and I worked our way through most of a case of beer and then eventually turned in ourselves. I shared a tent with Ibseth and Amrila and found them curled up asleep, like two little kittens, so I smiled to myself and enjoyed just how lucky I was for a moment before I crawled in between them and fell asleep.

The next day, the five of us broke down the camp and all packed up our cars.

“This Jeep is fucking sweet,” Jay commented as he helped me load the campchairs into the back. “Sometime you’ll have to let me drive it around some back roads.”

“You’re a fancy, big city lawyer,” I snorted. “You could always get one yourself.”

“Nah.” The slim man shook his head. “It wouldn’t be good for city driving. Everyone makes fun of the guys who get big SUVs just to keep them in a parking garage all the time. I kinda envy you. You’ve really built a good life for yourself where you have the freedom to do the things you want.”

“Move to Westherst.” I shrugged. “Small towns need lawyers, too. You could start your own practice and be your own boss.”

“My mom would kill me if I left Cleveland to practice law in a small town,” Jay chuckled. “Then she would kill you for giving me the idea. And then she’d find a way to bring me back to life so she could kill me again.”

“That’s fair.” I grinned. “But it’s your life. If you’d be happy working in a place like Westherst and making only slightly less money, then that’s your choice to make.”

“Give me twenty years and maybe I’ll take you up on that,” the dark-haired man joked, but I could tell there was a part of him that found the idea appealing. “This was a perfect weekend. We’ll have to do this again soon.”

“Definitely,” I agreed as I slapped him on the back.

Then the ladies stood in a circle and said their goodbyes, and I was surprised they’d all made fast friends, especially Amrila.

“You’ll have to send me a video of your routine,” Enid said to the horned woman. “I bet bored housewives would flock to sword cardio class for toned arms! And it would be a big hit on social media.”

“Of course.” The Zencarri woman shrugged.

“And you’ll have to send me pics of your greenhouse, Ibs,” Enid continued as she hugged the blue-skinned woman. “Ugh! I’m so jealous. I wish I had a yard to grow veggies.”

“I would also like to see pictures of the plants you have,” my wife said as she warmly hugged the athletic woman back. “It was so nice to meet you, Enid.”

“Your girlfriend is pretty cool,” I said to Jay as we watched the women.

“I like her.” The dark-haired man grinned. “And if she can hang for a whole weekend in the woods with my crazy best friend, she might be the one.”

I smiled back at Jay, and we said our final goodbyes before we all got in our separate vehicles and parted ways.

Then my wives and I drove back to Westherst through the changing foliage, and it was like a dream come true. I had two amazing, smoking hot wives, a sweet new Rubicon Jeep in burnt orange, and a bigass house that just needed to clear the escrow process. It was the kind of life I’d never even imagined for myself.

We got back to the trailer and unpacked everything, but it didn’t take us long to get everything put away, and that was another advantage of having two wives. Once we had all the camping gear and the rest of the venison put away, the three of us just relaxed and enjoyed some time together, but it wasn’t going to be a long rest for me.

I already had plans to go back to The Gloom and take care of my crazy fucking brother-in-law.