RP QNA #270
Added 2024-05-22 20:48:18 +0000 UTC
Comments
It’s like the difference between training and competing.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-24 04:25:11 +0000 UTCYeah I am gone 2 to 3 weeks at a time for my work so I do text game while I am away. I used to go hard in the paint and try and keep the intensity up the whole time I am away. Get butt hurt when things would cool off. Now I use push and pull. It’s not uncommon to have phone sex a couple of times while away or get sexy pictures. I just asked this time, funny enough she just sent me one today. When I got the picture it didn’t even feel like a victory, it was more of like a reminder of my failure hahaha.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-24 02:01:39 +0000 UTCThat a perspective I hadn’t of even considered until you mentioned it. I totally see it now.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-24 01:55:47 +0000 UTCThanks for pointing out the behavior.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-23 21:33:55 +0000 UTCStill continuing to listen to Wisnifg. Trying to relay and ingrain this into my mind. Realizing that it is very tedious to not get bored of each other when you spend so much time together, raising three kids, trying to find some additional outlets to break that up. I have been trying to start a stay each day with a memory of a goldfish and not reward good behavior, i.e. sex more than one day at a time. But I am usually in a good mood for a couple days after. And I still find myself wanting it more regularly than her. What’s the general concensus on always be initiating vs seeming like your enjoying it too much? Still having some difficulties recognizing shit tests and comfort tests. Almost forgot great catch and release (kind of) story over weekend. Took daughter to kids party @ swimming pool. Was a 8/9 doing some pro style diving. I just cold opened her and asked about the swimming skills. Built some repoire and got some heavy IOI. Let it go after that but as she left she looked back to see if I was watching her leave and she smiled and waved. Random question, any thoughts on mirena birth control and any effects on monthly horniness like without?
Volare Alto
2024-05-23 18:06:57 +0000 UTC> Her: I thought we were going to spend the weekend together. It's fine though. No biggie. :) I'm glad you're going to spend some time with your buddy. You haven't seen him for a while. It'll be a good time for you two This is good, she is showing that she values your attention and will be missing it. > Me: We'll have time together. Also we have the country concert next week. This is validation seeking. It's like you are trying to change her feelings by reminding her. The proper response. Me: Thanks babe.
Op Sec
2024-05-23 17:53:24 +0000 UTCYour comment made me recall 5 other instances of me “asking permission” or justifying my decisions to her the past week. Clear that I’m not my own mental point of origin and judge of my own actions
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-23 17:46:23 +0000 UTCVery true. Thanks for pointing this out
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-23 17:44:13 +0000 UTC"So be honest with yourself, why aren't you sleeping in the master bedroom? " I get you think I'm lying to myself - and I think I'm being honest. The master bedroom is not the hill to die on. I could try to kick her out of the master bedroom, but why start that fight if I want an amicable divorce? Stripper's point on the conflict avoidance is definitely true. But it is also true that I am trying to execute the better beta divorce guide, and negotiate a buy-out to avoid lifetime alimony which requires some finesse, and also requires me to be well-rested. "You don't have to engage. So in my relationship I started doing that, sometimes just leaving. Refusing to have any conversation I don't want to have. " Great suggestion. "You are using negative inquiry wrong. It is passive aggressive. " Yikes. You are right on this. After rereading I can see the passive aggressive undertone. Great suggestions.
Ground Hog Day
2024-05-23 17:36:51 +0000 UTCThe text reads like she is giving you permission. Ended with…. Fishing is warranted because we are doing a concert next week.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-23 17:31:01 +0000 UTC——“there’s is that 20% to go to get me to escape velocity”. ——. Try mm, (From rsd). “ I’m the shit because I’m the shit. “ Nothing more needed! The mm of: “I just need one more thing (20%) and then I will be the shit. Never goes well.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-23 17:25:13 +0000 UTCYou have a point. I’m being too kind and affectionate. I know I’m afraid of her emotions and trying to get past this. Keeping the peace too. I fully withdrew for a week straight over a year ago and she called me out on it. I DEERed a ton and got afraid she’d leave me then went back to my usual validation seeking nice guy behavior. I’ll try pulling back even more this weekend and observe the behavior, without expecting any specific response or outcome. Still working to get rid of my nice guy behavior
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-23 17:18:08 +0000 UTCPulling the “what kind of mom are you?” Is a strong one.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-23 17:17:09 +0000 UTCYou are playing house. Make sure this is what you want to do. And when you do it, it is on your schedule to your standards. My wife (women) think house projects just magically happen. “(This) is broken” They announce. And then you are expected to fix it. —- covert contract!
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-23 17:11:23 +0000 UTC"Every one of those reasons you mention can be enforced through boundaries. " I'm sure I suck at boundary enforcement - all of my previous attempts, albeit weak and pre-Rian, have failed. At this point, I don't think she ever will follow my lead. Hence - the upcoming divorce. "Are you afraid of conflict?" Great question. I haven't asked that of myself. I think I am conflict avoidant - so I guess that means I am afraid of it. I seem to take conflict well in other areas, but in my marriage, I am exhausted and sick and tired of it. I want peace.
Ground Hog Day
2024-05-23 17:00:18 +0000 UTCGood use of closed communication. (Emotional communication). By being charming, sexualizing, not taking things seriously…. . You are communicating the trips are normal. Not a big deal. You also are being more attractive.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-23 17:00:05 +0000 UTCIt takes balls to approach a set of 3+ plus girls and knowing you will be shot down. In terms of results they won’t probably be great, but the attitude of being there to develop the skill and put in the reps is what matters. Also, the laughing and having fun while getting rejected shows you’re having fun with the process and both taking shit too seriously. Perfect. Respect Wookie
Owning My Shit
2024-05-23 16:55:29 +0000 UTCNot sure of the nuances in your story. I usually run this more charismatically. Innuendos…. Irrational imogis…. Even send short porn clip, then say. Oops sorry. Butt text. lol.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-23 16:55:14 +0000 UTCYou are building a life that is not a function of your wife. If having your own space is the rout then so be it. … sounds like you are committed to a divorce… so this makes sense. The subtext of all these engagements from her is: are we heading for a divorce? The rollo writing is more for people heading down the path of death by a million cuts. You are in scorched earth mental model which is a bit different. Point: don’t focus too much on the room thing. Keep building an independent life. So your divorce will be smooth (er) Also: why did you not answer texts. Reply: call me if you want to talk. Why are you not moving back. Reply: I like it here. Also; coming from a former insomniac. Sleep is king. So I hear your logic there.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-23 16:44:00 +0000 UTCIt’s not rotten. It’s human. Of course doctors are gonna act according to their self-interest, just like the mechanic will charge you more because of a piece of equipment that “was unavailable” and “really hard to get”. If you think it’s rotten, the problem is your expectation, not the system. Then it’s up to each to act according to their morals.
Owning My Shit
2024-05-23 16:38:08 +0000 UTCIn business I am forced to “lie” a lot more than I am inclined to do. Sifting through red tape, dealing with landlords, mafia neighbors… I need to maintain the illusion for others in the business chain so they can move on and be productive. School, especially medical school it is filled with weeder classes, tests, red tape. You will have to pick your battles …. I have seen this self prioritization turn rotten though. As issues get more grey there are many examples of dr that justify their actions. Best example is the opioid prescriptions. Many practices refuse to look at counter data to their methods, as it would get them fired or lose them money. This is a big issue in pediatrics. Point: you have to be your own judge of right and wrong. Getting through tests…. To eventually weighing profits vs patient. Might Even need to leaving the Md institution (trust me … it is wrotten.).
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-23 16:31:30 +0000 UTCYou report literally starts with "My wife". Live your own life. The way this reads is that your wife created a bunch of hoops for you to jump through and when you did she rewarded you. Now that your of no use to her she doesn't need you and acts appropriately. You've got it all backwards.
Op Sec
2024-05-23 16:30:50 +0000 UTC"Maybe the more important question to ask yourself is, why not have her sleep in the spare room?" -- Great point. How this all started is I got very sick with Flu in April and moved to the other room to keep from getting others sick...then I just stayed there because it met my ends. Also - great suggestions on the two examples - appreciate you taking the time to do that. I am learning a new communication approach / trying to break old habits. RE: I get a mixed narrative between “wife is dead” and “meaningful conversation”. Fair point. By "meaningful" I meant not logistical / rote conversations. I didn't mean it had "special meaning" to me.
Ground Hog Day
2024-05-23 16:09:12 +0000 UTCFrom a distance it's hard to say why your friend is doing better with the 20 years olds. Could be body language or simply he looks more fun. The bratty behavior is the way of some chicks telling you: Play with me! It's a good sign. It's basically a shit test. Older chicks are more serious about stuff so maybe you give of those vibes more. Touching seems way more normal in your cultural background than in mine. If a chick starts touching my head it's an invitation for a kiss close basically. German speaking people aren't very touchy normally.
TheSilver Bishop
2024-05-23 16:08:25 +0000 UTCSheeit, another I said then she said post. MFs should be getting time-outs.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-05-23 15:59:04 +0000 UTCWorking out, tracking calories, and focusing on improving my skills to perform better at work. Need to set KPIs for myself to gauge my progress at work and how effective I am with skills. Rereading the RP sidebar the past week has helped when interacting with employees and avoiding beta supplicative responses in emails. Our Insurance rates went up for 2024-2025 but I was able to offset the homeowners increase by shopping around and getting a better auto rate with the same coverage. Still switching all the back and finance 2 factor authentication settings to my email or phone so I fully control the treasury. Need to get full access to her bank account or create a new account for my direct deposit then use our shared bank account for bill pay. Met a cute blonde neighbor when walking the dogs with my kid. Practiced small talk and got her name. Will continue to chat her up if I see her around as practice socializing. Decided I’m Going fishing with my buddy this coming weekend. Texted my wife today: Me: I’m fishing with my buddy after we drop off our kid Saturday morning. (My parents are watching our kid all weekend). Her: All of us or just you? Me: just him and I Her: Are you going there or is he coming here? Me: You're going fishing with me Sunday. I’m going down by him. Her: Umm ok I guess. Her: Fyi it's supposed to storm on Sunday Her: How long will you be home on Saturday? Me: Great for fishing in the morning then. Me: Not sure for Saturday, got something going on? Her: I thought we were going to spend the weekend together. It's fine though. No biggie. :) I'm glad you're going to spend some time with your buddy. You haven't seen him for a while. It'll be a good time for you two Me: We'll have time together. Also we have the country concert next week. Her: Yup I know Me: will be a good time Her: Yup Know it’s basic 101 and minor, but it felt good to plan something for myself and not care how she responded or worrying about what my wife said back. Happy Memorial Day to anyone who’s active or retired military.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-23 15:57:42 +0000 UTCDude, you'd be banned for weeks in MRP for this "she said" bullshit.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-05-23 15:57:17 +0000 UTCMan, to the point, full of good stuff. Can you believe there would have been a part of ourselves that would have felt guilty for using the system to our advantage in the past. Expect the best prepare for the worst. love it bro. I think my field report is a mirror of yours, just more words and a few questions. ha
So Woke da Wookie
2024-05-23 15:54:24 +0000 UTCIt's not necessarily slipping up to ask for a sexy picture. Fuck I think I'll send my wife a 'Send Nudes' text next time I'm on a business trip. Keep in mind though that this is attention for her. You get nothing worthwhile back except some fuel to your narcissism. You should hope she doesn't send you anything. If she did, you would have learned nothing.
Op Sec
2024-05-23 15:36:34 +0000 UTCYou're lying to yourself. If your wife was dead you'd be sleeping in the master bedroom, and Rian, didn't ask you to DEER to him. He said ask yourself. So you come back seeking validation. Fuck off. This place isn't for that. So be honest with yourself, why aren't you sleeping in the master bedroom? You are learning STFU, that's great. You don't have to engage. So in my relationship I started doing that, sometimes just leaving. Refusing to have any conversation I don't want to have. If the dynamic isn't helpful to my goals, fuck it, what's the use. At one point in time I got shit tested on it. "So you stop interacting when you hear something you don't like", "Yup". You are using negative inquiry wrong. It is passive aggressive. You aren't looking for information you are trying to "gotcha". "Why don't you sleep in the bedroom?" STFU - you got this one "Don't feel it" "Don't want to" other possible responses.
Op Sec
2024-05-23 15:33:53 +0000 UTCI'm going through a second reading of NMMNG and the entire sidebar. You realize that a lot more of this applies than you first thought when you're in a relationship
Dante Panda
2024-05-23 15:08:22 +0000 UTCHey Rian, Hey men So, I think there is a bit of theme to this post. I’m gonna call it the last 20%. It’s not in fact the last 20% but it’s that section of the Praxeology after you become the guy you trust. Anyways, life is good enough relative to where I was. It’s unrecognisable in terms of freedom, game and opportunity. But there’s is that 20% to go to get me to escape velocity. What’s there for me? I don’t know, we just know it’s easier to build in orbit. Really my goal to improve is not to be better but to have more ease and options. Like when, you first start seeing IOIs or your divorce strategy works out and you remember the guy who thought his kids would be taken from him and was terrified. And now your the guy who wishes you Ex would do a better job and take the kids a little more because you need to concentrate BTCH MGMT & plates. And you're both laughing at and slightly sorry for the clueless fucker you once were. Game Observations: So, I was travelling for work internationally. At the airport on the way home I was lining up multiple dates for the weekend. I get off the plane and I have 2 new prospects on OLD. I’m tired, one wants to meet the next day, i'd flaked on her on another app. I don’t want to drive the next day but… It’s a numbers game, so put in the reps. I set up the date. I have scheduled to go out with my wingman the same night too and practice openers. I know I'll be wrecked. Doesn’t matter, keep the date, put up the numbers. Anyways, I keep the date. Bridge like a mad man, kiss close, we’ll call her Blondie from now on. And then I drive home. Meet my wingman and off to the club. In the annihilation method Strauss instructs the guys to not use alcohol. Buy it for girls but not for yourself. So we start opening, time constraint, step back, don’t lean in, engage the whole group. We are fucking it up, nervous, having a laugh, just doing reps. Cracking up at how shit we are at it and having a good time. I was so committed to openers that I saw a 4 set. A clear no-go. Closed body language. Literally consoling one of the group and I still did it. Because... numbers. And the only opener we had was the “Who lies more.- Men or Women?” But I still managed to open them up. Practice, practice, practice. On the way home, I realise, I have never done anything like this. When I was younger, before marriage, I would either wait for girls to come to me or girls would pre arrange me for their friend in advance by inviting me to a party or club. And then I’d get with them on the night out. Funny, it's the exact same for my son now. Except he knows having a girlfriend is stupid. Funny, even he crew are trying to get him to have a girlfriend. When I am driving them in the car he takes the piss out them, saying "dad, have a guess what x is doing tomorrow. Going to his girlfriends parents house for dinner", then he laughs. I say at least he's getting fed. My son, says we I can feed myself. We laugh. 17, popular with the girls, no gfs. Anyways, I didn’t close anyone at the club, but by Monday night Blondie is texting me and drops into my house for a booty call. This time, for the first time, I encountered LMR. I used the freeze out. Then her period magically disappeared and we’re banging. This was the first time I was actually ranking and critiquing a girls performance in bed in my head as I banged her for the first time. Abundance, I suppose. Another interesting thing was because I didn’t drink when we did the openers or with Blondie... at all. Alcohol has just become a nothing burger. Well, actually now I see it more as stealing my edge. It’s something I want to do for a blast with the lads. But, not if I intend to pull or set up chicks or actually even professionally network. Very interesting as I did not expect this outcome. On another note, I mentioned here I wanted to more in the arts and also with my professional public profile. I have the exhibition of a collaborative work with other artist and composers in the next couple of weeks. I have hit a new level of mastery in my work which I can see based on responsibility and results I am achieving. I know I am the linchpin. I don’t know if the founders and funders realise the full extent of that but I do. I am starting to show some leg and use all opportunities for self promotion. Kinda like the sneaky steward story form the Gospels. I put this here because I said I would do the above in a previous field reports and it’s done. I'll push for the last 20% from now. Back to Game: So realising that I only had to do a little to get a lot in the past I have some basic questions 1) With Blondie (and previous plates) I realise that the high achieving late 30s to 40 Woman's tottie. They love me. I tend to withdraw after I get them. I am going to keep to Christopher Hitchens rule (from Hitch 22) and consider it impolite to not sleep with a lover on at least 3 occasions. That been said, I don’t really have much motivation to keep texting them but know I need to keep them simmering. What's the best amount to text them, just keep to the 2/3 rule? - but I don't even want to text that much. 2). My friend does way better with the younger ones. The younger ones seem competitive with me. Even a little catty. Straight away the are bratty. My friend literally blew out the boyfriends of a set of 20 somethings. When I joined the girls were on high alert. Now. I get approached by women and men when I am out. People will regularly touch my hair, face and body and comment on it to me and comment on me to the people they are with as if I am not there. All sorts of people. Something about me interests them but my friend does way better with the younger ones. Initially anyway. I don’t know what’s going on here and don’t know what I should be looking out for to figure it out. Thoughts? 3). I reached out to a previous plate on WhatsApp. There was a causal reason to do this. She said lets’s connect in a few weeks when I am back from travelling. Those weeks have past. She didn’t reach out, but I have seen her check my status’. Do I reach out? I would like to sleep with her again because she was very tight and she interested me but I want minimal maintenance. Oh and by the way the Red Morning’s just keep getting better. Faster, more fun, more fuck the casual viewer and that generally level of mastery that I presume bores you a little but for us, as a product it just gets more and more refined and enjoyable. Probably the only thing I watch as appointment TV. All the best, Wookie
So Woke da Wookie
2024-05-23 15:01:50 +0000 UTCYour are correct here. She sends them to everything to keep up with the neighbours and I have played along however I have pulled them from some activities recently as it’s all too fucking much. I was met with resistance by her but the kids are happier, less busy and so I am I. She has resentment about this but I don’t fucking care anymore, it’s a joke how busy we were. I will be cutting back on more in the coming weeks.
Back2Basics
2024-05-23 14:08:26 +0000 UTCWent for lunch out with my best friend Tuesday. While talking I remembered a thing I did years ago. I was out in a club and talked my way into a group of guys and a one girl by talking to the guys first. Then after a while I talked to the girl and got with her in a deep conversation. When some time into the conversation we recognised that all of her guy friends were gone. I continued and instinctivly I went for the kiss a bit later and it worked. She was kind of shooked that that happended. I led that conversation with very strong positive emotions. I don't think I did very much kino. I brought her home later that day but not even a good night kiss would have come out of that. I guess the emotions had worn of and her default plan was on again. It's very nice to have a guy IRL, that I can talk about that stuff too. Remember he did PUA back 10 years ago. Went out yesterday as usual to the club. I was not working so I practised fun mode instead of work mode. That worked fine until 4 a.m. until fun mode ran out. Had some fine conversations. Did a bit of game on one of the waitresses. A more than 40 year old chick with the best days behind her who can became insane when too drunk. So just a pratices session cause I wanted to have a bit of fun. Didn't do much kino just a slide touch in combination with my strong fun emotion and her being bored because of not much to do, got her do game on me with bad maths jokes. I played them half assed of as funny. She also started, when talking to my ear, to press her tits against my. I very much like that as a tit guy. Was a fine evening yesterday so I'm satisfied with that.
TheSilver Bishop
2024-05-23 12:41:46 +0000 UTCRespect
Validation Junkie
2024-05-23 12:10:45 +0000 UTCI wouldn't be concerned about being nervous "as a grown man" in front of a 19 year old. Being nervous/excited is a good strong emotion to have when doing game, as long as you stay in control of your actions. If you have such emotions the girl gets them too and that is making gaming her far easier. When you get to the point when gaming a chick becomes routine and you don't feel anything it becomes much harder to game a chick cause she doesn't feeling it. Some veteran PUA I talked about that more than 10 years ago, told me about that.. Some guy once talked about how women don't fall in love with a guy but with the emotions that guy gives her. So keep that in mind
TheSilver Bishop
2024-05-23 11:54:57 +0000 UTCMaybe you could look into exposure work or CBT. Help you work on dialing down the perfectionism. Have you read NMMNG?
Validation Junkie
2024-05-23 11:46:47 +0000 UTCThis week’s aim. Focus on myself and stop trying to fix the marriage and her. Deleted all my search history on YouTube, I was addicted to videos on crazy wives and how to save your marriage shit. I have set all Preferences to that focus on my hobbies and career. Boundaries and assertiveness. These are my biggest downfalls and need the most work. So I have stated to say NO to shit I don’t want to do and apply broken recorded when challenged and I have stopped trying to solve her problems. So this week an issue arose. She wanted to go to some conference thing but the kids had a lot of shit on too and I would usually take on all the stress to give her time to do what she wanted to get approval. So the conversation went as follows. Her” I have that conference on Monday but the kids have a lot on so I might not be able to go, what do you think?” Me “ yeah it’s full on this week, the timing is shit, you will probably have to miss it” Her” that’s not fair I never get to do what I want” Me” yeah it’s unfair these kids are a pain in the ass at times” Her” can’t you finish work early and help me out” Me “ I can’t I have too much on” Her “ So you get to do your job but I can’t go to this conference” Me” yeah it’s shit alright, these fucking kids and their hobbies” I started laughing at this stage Her” I am sick of always having to compromise” she stormed off I wanted to chase her and point out how I have compromised a shit load but instead I STFU. She comes to me later and starts crying and saying its to hard with the kids and she never get to do what she wants, again I resisted the urge to pint out how that was bullshit and just said “ yeah this parenting is tough work” Then she turned to anger and said “ you don’t care about me, you know I want to go to this and if you loved me you would come up with a suggestion it’s unfair” Me “ yeah it unfair those fucking kids are really a pain in the ass maybe we should sell them” and I stared laughing again which drive her mad, She stormed off and it’s been silence for two days. It kicked off agin this morning at breakfast Her” you don care about my career, it’s not a priority for you, I always have to work around everyone and you get to do What you want” I took the bait and lashed backed. Me “ Your talking shit and we both have had to make compromises for our careers and the kids, stop making it out that you are the only one who is under pressure” Her “ well it feels like that to me” Me” feelings aren’t facts” Her “ what are the facts” Me” here’s a fact, I gave up meeting the lads on Monday night so you could do that online course” Her” you are so begrudging throwing that in my face, you shouldn’t have bother doing that if you were going to throw it at me” Me “ your right, I shouldn’t have bothered I’ll know better next time” I headed to the gym. I usually avoid confrontation to not piss her off but I am just being a pussy. Came Back from gym and she is chatty again as if nothing happened. She made coffee offered me a cookie and I said I’d like to taste the cookie between her legs tonight she replied “ we will see I am really burnt out” I try again to fuck tonight but I expect to be shot down with the I am tired bullshit so I won’t get my hopes up. Anyway. Need to keep up with the assertion tools and try and stay in my frame.
Back2Basics
2024-05-23 11:46:18 +0000 UTC270 Since moving over the last few weeks, My wife had a “honey-do” list for me, mostly involving outdoor stuff for the kids like a trampoline and playground equipment. I joked with her about “ I can take prepayment” and we had some banter around that, which led to a smash session. Of course, I didn’t get everything done to her “exact standards”. I got the majority of it up—trampoline, monkey bars and such—but still needed to finish a few components like the roof net and maybe a swing. Her response was, “No more prepayment for you.” I should’ve quipped back with something like, “I’ll take after-pay,” but I wasn’t that quick. Instead, I just shrugged and said it would get done when it gets done. Later in the week, her cunt mode started to return, likely heading into shark week. I countered with short statements and made myself scarce. She accused me of being an asshole and leaving things out in the wrong spot and just general cuntiness about random shit of no concern. My response was, “I’m heading out front to fix stuff.” She mumbled something in response, and I just said, “Okay.” As if head off. I’ve been busy with work and house projects, so there hasn’t been as much smashing as I’d like. At least I got out for a surf on the weekend. May have got stitched up by a general contractor, keeps delaying in coming back to rectify a few small issues. stupidly I told the wife that he didnt finish correctly so now I don’t hear the end of that. I’m also not holding my breath if this guy comes back or not. i can rectify the issues, but obviously annoys me that i should have gone with my gut and not made full payment before checking everything was done to standard. (Bit hard because it was on the roof and don’t have easy access). In any case was not a massive amount but it means more time on my end wasted if i have to fix. not really red pill as such but i failed here and learnt 2 lessons. 1. Go with your gut when somthing doesn’t just sit right, e.g. delay payment or double check or have a 3rd party to sign off. 2. Don’t talk to wife about this shit. I have other contractors i can chat with who have ability to rectify or advise. Wins Been walking kids to school in mornings which has also led wife to subsequently walk them on her days off now too
Fez
2024-05-23 10:22:32 +0000 UTC# 4 I recorded your little pep talk about not being responsible for my ex on my phone and replayed it many times. It helped a bit when my stupid feelings got the better of me. Especially the part about making myself very manipulable by being this caretaking was very valuable to me. I was very hesitant to include this part in the last FR but I'm glad I did. Maybe I have the hardest time with the easiest parts - getting a bit angry and not caring about the ex. Well, I guess I did fancy myself the nicest guy you'll ever meet at some point, so why should I be surprised. CHESS GIRL Went out to play pool on Friday and ended up playing chess at the bar with a really cute 19 y.o. instead. Didn't have to open, kinda just happened. I noticed that I was really nervous. I realize that it's a bit silly for a grown man to be nervous in the face of a 19 y.o. girl, but here we are. Outside of my comfort zone is where I need to be anyway. Had no clue what I was doing but I knew I couldn't be a nice guy. So I was cocky as hell and teased the shit out of her and for an hour or two we had a really good time. Since I didn't try to get her validation, SHE was actually trying to get MINE. Mind blown. Of course it went nowhere. In hindsight, after watching at least the first introductory Annihilation DVD I guess that I was so afraid of being perceived as 'nice' that I missed out on creating an emotional connection. Usually my strong suit. Teased her when she opened up which made her turn cold after a point. Pretty good way to fail forward anyway I think so I will count it as a win. She told me we can play again another Friday. She's a regular at the pool bar and so am I lately, so we'll see. SALSA CLASS / PARTY On Sunday I went to the dance class, slightly less nervous this time. The class was very demanding this time and I struggled a lot, but so did everybody else. Found out that there was a dance party afterwards and chickened out at first. Got something to eat and went for a solo round of pool, for some practice. Chatted up the barkeeper at the pool place because I thought making myself known at a place I frequent cant hurt. Afterwards I went to the dance party. I'm not ready at all for things like this dance wise. Escaping the comfort zone is more important than dancing well though, so I went. The cutest girl from class was there too, so that helped convince me. It was nice. I chatted up a lot of people, both previous encounters and complete strangers. Danced with a few girls, felt like a complete idiot most of the time since I was the only male beginner there. Doesn't matter. The more I practice, the more I won't feel like an idiot in the future. I wasn't really flirty and a bit insecure but going there at all and putting myself in this situation is a small win. Definitely wouldn't have done that a few weeks ago. DANCE GIRL The cutie from class and I left together by bike. She lives somewhere close to me. When we came by my place I asked her if she wanted another drink. She declined and said she needed to get home, even though she threw me some looks during class. I'm not surprised. I didn't really manage to charm her like I did with chess girl. Wasn't nearly as cocky and much more cautious in general. A bit too infatuated by her and a bit too intimidated by the situation / environment. Definitely not a success but at least I asked for it without being too invested or butthurt when she declined. Didn't feel awkward at all. Also definitely a reminder and motivation to learn more game so I can navigate situations like the party better in the future. Past me would probably have fawned over her and timidly tried to get her attention in the coming weeks. Now though, cute as she might be, I'm not really interested in proving myself to someone who doesn't seem to be attracted to me. Maybe I can be more relaxed around her now or maybe I will ignore her for a bit and concentrate on other girls in class. There will be a new crop of beginners (read: girls) in two weeks anyway. DIET Average weight last week: 96.7 kg Average weight this week: 96.35 kg (-0.35 kg) Definitely fucked that part up this week. Got carried away by social events and definitely drank too much. Some progress is better than none but that's definitely not what I have been aiming for. Oh well, just have to take it on the chin and refocus. GYM On Monday I had my first 'great workout' ever since I started again. Felt good and overcame the stagnation I had for the past few weeks in many exercises, inching closer to my former numbers. Might have to skip my second workout this week though, as I feel a bit under the weather and have an upcoming gastroscopy this Friday. SUMMARY This week has been a mixed bag. Good progress in some areas, setbacks in others. I noticed that I feel quite exhausted right now. The diet, the workouts, the drinking and the fucked up sleep have taken a toll on my body. Might need to take a step back (especially with the drinking), so I won't burn myself out. Still a long way to go but I'm getting a bit more confident that I might actually be able to do it.
perseus
2024-05-23 09:48:40 +0000 UTCPerfection I want to round out my thoughts on my BFE 3 writing. I don't think I've figured out the root cause of it all when I wrote it at the time. The only way I'd still be hurt from how my parents raised me is if I expect them to be perfect parents and perfect human beings. Not only is this not achievable, it's also not fair for me to put that expectation onto them. I may not have signed up to be raised the way I was, but they did not sign up to make no mistakes in raising me - only to do what they can. And then I thought about my relationships with others, and why I seem to have trouble keeping them. A lot of the time, I expect them to be perfect, or I expect them to do things the right way, or meet a certain level of achievement or experience. For older people, I expect them to be more mature or more "put together" than I am, and I'm disappointed when they are not. I observe my own thoughts and one consistent theme keeps coming up: I look down on other people who don't meet my expectations. And that keeps them from being close to me. Again, they didn't sign up to meet my expectations. That's something I put onto them. Finally I thought about how I treat myself. I expect a lot from myself. And what I expect from myself is not always attained, and most of the time I am disappointed. I could only conclude that I'm expecting myself to be perfect. By doing this, I actually set myself up for failure, because no matter how hard I try to be perfect, I will never be. In fact if we're going to score perfection, you are born with a negative score - I have sleep apnea, I'm short, I come from a lower-income country, etc. It would be much better for me to accept that I can't have perfect, that I can't be perfect, and be more realistic about what I can accomplish.
Dante Panda
2024-05-23 09:31:17 +0000 UTCI’m not justifying my lying. I’m showing an example where I lied but it’s in my frame (and not the validation-seeking lying) and calling it BP and RP lying.
Owning My Shit
2024-05-23 07:02:57 +0000 UTCField Report #17 Sex life has improved. Orientating around my true desire for sex vs. the scheduled days we had for many years. This has resulted in sex 2-3 times a week but with more engagement and enthusiasm and it’s been a while since starfish sex has been happening. Scheduled a golf outing with some buddies later this month. Guys trips scheduled for the summer. Tells me she doesn’t like that I am gone away from the family over summer. Says she is with the kids 24/7 over the summer and if anyone should get weekends off it’s her. Found this amusing and instead of arguing just kept a shitty grin on my face the whole time. She said I have one planned in July and August and I am gone too much. I said those arnt a month apart. She starts doing the mental math and says yes they are. I say I follow the Chinese calendar and those don’t count with a shitty grin on my face. I didn’t deer and didn’t take her mood seriously. Later that week at age dinner asked if I was going to the gym tonight. I said yes unless she thinks of other cardio we could do together with a grin on my face. She said oh, yeah that sounds fun scheduling sexy time between the gym and bed, just what a girl wants with sarcasm. I pulled out my phone and said you better act fast my calendar is filling up quick, oh looks like I can squeeze you in on a Thursday in June with a shitty grin on my face. Kept it playful because I didn’t take it seriously. Kids went to bed, I went to the gym, flirted on the couch during a show together, took her back to the bedroom and fucked. Observations this week were to not take her moods at face value, they pass, sometimes quickly. When I don’t engage them seriously I see a more pleasant wife on the other side of. Need to be observant that I don’t use this as a covert contract to act a certain way to get a problem free life. Seeing more each week how the tools are there to make the ups and downs more enjoyable and amusing instead of ways to have no problems.
Amos_Durden
2024-05-23 04:52:09 +0000 UTCI agree, if you are going to spin plates, spin plates. Ask yourself what is Herpes chick doing over and beyond any other girl to be your top chick? If she isn’t objectively doing more than she shouldn’t get top slot. Don’t do bf things for her like cook, it’s only rewarding bad behavior.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-23 04:43:30 +0000 UTCField Report #4 I slipped up and told my wife to send me a sexy picture. It’s close to shark week which usually sexually cools off anyways. When I didn’t get one I wanted to go off half cocked and demand it. In the past I would do that. I would look at it from a narcissistic view of how dare you disobey me. Identified that not only is that a beta trait it’s also childish. No one likes a man child. I STFU’d and didn’t bring it back up. Boy did I want to though. It was definitely tied to a validation seeking behavior.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-23 04:35:58 +0000 UTCMaybe the more important question to ask yourself is, why not have her sleep in the spare room? Interaction #1 I am going to assume “meaningful” is just practice for the new chicks. Choose when you want to participate in verbal intercourse. Wife: you get my text? You: yep Wife: why didn’t you respond? You: I’m actually busy right now, and don’t have time to talk. Get up and leave if you have to. Those who ask the questions control the conversation. Sounds like the tactic got switched mid conversation. In those situations you can always answer a question with a question. Way to stay solid on not deering and STFU. Interaction #2 When she re-asked the question at the end, you could have offered her another chance to talk like an adult. Still you handled it how you wanted to. Only side bar I will say is when I read this I get a mixed narrative between “wife is dead” and “meaningful conversation”. They just seem like two contrasting narratives that maybe still reside in you.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-23 03:02:10 +0000 UTCField Report #13 2024-05-23 First I’ll answer your question from last week. You asked me “It’s my house. Why aren’t you sleeping in your bed?...something to think about.” Since you asked, I am taking your request as open communication, and I will give you a DEER :) I have read the Rollo “Men in the Garage” article multiple times now: https://therationalmale.com/2012/12/03/the-men-in-the-garage/ I don't think this is a cope; tell me if you think otherwise. Staying in the guest room is a way to treat my wife as if she is dead – a way of removing my affection and attention by overall being less available. The removal of the commitment part is planned for this summer (initiate divorce proceedings within 40-60 days) which I am planning with the lawyers and hope to execute as painlessly as possible. I have realized at a deep visceral level that if I stay in my marriage, I am going to live a life of quiet desperation, so I have goals, and I have a plan, and my current wife is not part of those goals or plan going forward. The guest room is preparation for living alone. It's my last stop on the way out the door. Also, I am a very light sleeper. It‘s also better for me physically because I get much more actual sleep and rest. I’m not giving anything up – I am gaining sleep. Plus, as an added bonus, I don’t have to look at or rearrange pillow forts (a buffer to avoid sex). I don’t have to worry about her bringing the dog into the room (another buffer to avoid sex because of course she can’t have sex in front of a dog...I know, rules for betas) and I don’t get woken up by my wife coming to bed 3 hours after I go to bed (another buffer to avoid sex). I don’t get my wife waking me up fingering her phone or trying to talk to me in the middle of the night about some bullshit that she is anxious about. I don't think this is a cope. Goals & Status – 2 Goals: (1) Health and Fitness (2) Assertiveness practice, No DEERING, No COVERT CONTRACTS, No Validation Seeking (1) Health and Fitness – abbreviated status this week. - Workout and walking regimen were on point this week. Walking is up to 15,000 steps per day. - I may have been over training, and was feeling like I had been run over by a truck, so I took two days rest. - My weight increased by 2 lbs, although I am not worried about it because my measurements around my waist went down further, so it is likely that I am recomping and building some muscle. (2) Assertiveness practice, No Deering, No Covert Contracts I think this week was decent. There were only two meaningful interactions with wife described below. Interaction with Wife #1: Thursday Night Setting: I am in the guest room listening to the replay of last week’s Patreon on Thursday night. - Wife: Texts me, asks me to call her. - Me: Ignore text. (15 minutes later) - Wife: Comes into the guest room. “Did you get my text.” - Me: STFU. Smiling. (Her showing up in the guest room catches me by surprise; I was startled by the interruption) - Wife: Why didn’t you respond? - Me: STFU. Smiling. (I had a huge urge to DEER here but managed to STFU) - Wife: Did you get my text. Did you receive it? - Me: Oh, yeah, here it is. The one that says, “Can you call me?” Yeah, I got that one. (I realize as I am saying this that she is coming at me from the Higher Status – Adversarial Quadrant and I should not have complied / supplicated. Now I am irritated with myself that I fucked up the test by complying...but at least what I said was true, and I didn’t DEER. I repeat to myself in my head: Anything outside your frame is amusing, intriguing, or funny. Anything outside your frame is amusing, intriguing, or funny. Anything outside your frame is amusing, intriguing, or funny.) - Wife: You didn’t respond. You never respond to my texts. - Me: mmmmmm. I can see why you’d say that. (I am trying now to not DEER and not make any more mistakes during this interaction.) - Wife: You don’t talk. You just make stupid sounds. You don’t respond to my texts. You don’t answer my calls. What’s going on? - Me: mmmmmmm. ahhhhh. Yes, I see. (Nodding philosophically and thoughtfully) (The stupid sounds comment was genuinely funny to me, I am now intentionally exaggerating the stupid sounds, and smiling) - Wife: You are always going out to wherever you go, you go do whatever you want, and you don’t tell me where you are going, and you turned off the location settings on your phone, so I never know where you are. Also - you are going to have to move out of the guest room and come back to our room. You can’t stay here forever. Are you going to stay here forever? (her tone changes from higher status, to pleading and more anxious rather than anger - she lays down on the guest bed next to me) - Me: STFU. I say nothing. Smiling largely and stupidly. - Wife: (wife abruptly changes the subject) Wife starts describing an argument my two daughters are having. She asks me what she thinks I should do. (There seems to be a tone change here – seems somewhat anxious - possibly supplicating – she doesn’t know what to do with the daughters who are fighting. Maybe she is coming from a lower status and asking for my help – perhaps the lower status, on the same team quadrant? Or is she just manipulatively pretending to kiss my ass by asking me what I think? Is this open communication? Is this a comfort test? I am not sure.) - Me: I tell her what I think she should do in a matter of fact and curt way similar to what I would say to a colleague at work that asked me to critique his email. - Wife: OK, I’ll do that. (Her agreeableness surprises me – she normally debates everything) - Wife: (changes the subject abruptly again) Wife starts describing what we should do about redecorating our daughter's room after the daughter gets married this summer. She asks me what I think about it. (Again, she seems to be coming from lower status and asking for my help? Not sure if I am reading this correctly. She seems to be genuinely requesting my input, but also seems anxious) - Me: (this is not a very interesting topic to me). Let’s wait till we get through the wedding and then we can figure out what to do about decorating her room once she is gone. We’ll have much more time then and we have too many other things to do now. - Wife: OK, yeah, good point, we don’t have to worry about it now. (She seems to be agreeing with me here, which again surprises me) - Wife: Says goodbye and walks out the door. - Me: Bye - Wife: (Comes back in about 2 minutes) just found out that he got the summer job that he was going for. - Me: Great – he must have handled the interview well. I'll congratulate him! (note: I had early helped the son rewrite his resume to help position him for the job) - Wife: Takes a long look at me. Like she wants me to say something...but doesn’t. - Me: (Look her straight in the eyes back. I say nothing.) - Wife: Leaves without saying anything else. Interaction with Wife #2: Next Day Setting: I am in my bedroom trying on clothes. I am getting rid of many old FAT clothes to give away to charity. I am trying things on and getting rid of the old baggy ones, and anything that is crappy. - Wife: Are you staying in the guest room forever? - Me: Perhaps. - Wife: Why – this is your room? You should sleep in your own bed. - Me: What benefit is there for me to sleep in this room vs. the guest room? (Through inquiry I am trying to get her to think about her actions and if there is anything that she wants to change about them) - Wife: I don’t understand what you are trying to say? What are you asking? - Me: Ok. (My thoughts: Complete bullshit. She is full of it. I don’t believe for a second that she doesn’t understand what I am saying or can’t read between the lines. I am pissed at the blatant lie. But I manage to keep quiet and STFU.) - Wife: So, you are staying in the guest room? - Me: Yep. That's all for this week.
Ground Hog Day
2024-05-23 00:59:12 +0000 UTC> Kinda regret not asking at what point she decided to come home with me when driving her home. she doesn't know.
Op Sec
2024-05-22 22:47:45 +0000 UTC# Frame and Self-Interest Today I had pediatrics oral exam. I needed 2 tests to qualify to do this but didn't know about 1 of them. There were problems with the people that had done that exam in class like a month ago and I jumped on the boat and said I had done it too - even though I didn't. Then they said mine was missing and I played the "must have lost the sheet" card, and did the oral exam anyway. They graded me and it seems everything is fine, but I cannot still tell if they will accept it or not - but the lesson is not there. The lesson is that I focused on what I could control and ignored the rest. I could be like "it's not even worth trying to go", but I dind't and went anyway - fully prepared to be rejected. That's another lesson: I went and did things as if everything was gonna work out but I had shit planned and assumed they wouldn't - and if for whatever reason they don't work out, I already have the next exam date prepared, my exam calendar organized accordingly and my study planned adjusted. Dating Parallel: if me and the girl break it off, I KNOW there are others willing to take her place and I KNOW I love to be alone and single. So, I know my worst case scenario and I'm prepared for it. So: expect the best but be prepared for the worst. One other lesson is on master-slave morality: I lied about taking the test. Am I feeling guilty? Hell nah. I did what was best for me, that's a good action in my book. Present moment focus: at each moment of time, I focused only on the step I had to take. This, combined with the "serenity prayer", allowed me not to fall for neuroticism. I was nervous yes, but not neurotic. I wasn't like "what if they don't allow me to do the oral exam?", but instead "I'd love to do the oral exam today, but what matters to me the most is that I do everything I can to do it. If i do this and still can't, that's fine, but I'd be damned if I don't try" Dating parallel: opening a girl; it doesn't matter how it goes, in fact, assume it won't go anywhere; what matters is doing what is under my control, and that's approaching the girl, tha'ts going to the exam session anyway. Also, the next day I had another exam, and so when I got home, nothing else existed apart from studying for that exam. If my mind wandered to the end-result of the other exam, I'd just refocus and think to myself: "That shit I can't control. Life is not smooth and will never be, that's what makes it fun. I've done what I had to do and now am focusing on other things I have to do and, whatever happens, I'll handle it". "Blue-Pilled" and "Red-Pilled" lying: so in this situation I lied. I lied not to get the validation from others or to make them the judges of my worth, but because it served my best interest - it was a logistical move to serve my self-interest.
Owning My Shit
2024-05-22 21:38:06 +0000 UTCI think you said once that most guys have the most sex in LTRs, which I find hard to believe. Herpes girl is starting to be more unreliable. Sunday two weeks ago we were about to have sex and we stopped because the food we ordered was delivered and she wanted to eat immediately. Then we just ate and watched netflix. Probably weak leadership on my part here. The Friday after, she did not want to have sex because it was day 2 of her period. She slept over and in the morning we started to make out but then she stopped me and told me she is not feeling it. I got up and asked her if she wanted pancakes because I am making some. (Just thinkin: Was that rewarding bad behavior?) I made pancakes in silence and she sat on the couch watching me. We ate and she told me to tell her when she should get out of my hair. I joked that she was not in my hair but in my chair. Then I was doing the dishes and doing some laundry. After that I lay on the couch and she layed on top of me while I was reading on my phone. She started to kiss me and straddle me. I was touching her boobs and then she got some kind of cramp in her stomach and she got off of me. I waited a bit until it seemed like she was in less pain and told her now is the time to leave. Telling her to leave was making me feel guilty, but I can't sit around all day and get teased. This also showed me how important options are and made me double down on not dating exclusively. On Tuesday I went over to her place, she cooked a nice dinner and we had sex. Now I think she's the greatest again. I guess I am hella fickle. Sometimes I feel like I am the bipolar chick, lol. Was I too hard on her? She was on her period after all. Fish girls is gone this week, the new girl with the good blow job is also gone this and the next week. I realized this a bit late, but I was able to use the week for some sourcing anyway. On Sunday I met with a cute Italian girl. My logistics and game are getting better and better. Went to the bar first. She talked a bit. After a while I asked her for her necklace which had like this energy crystal. I held it in my hand and did some “cold reading”. Then I took her hand, continuing with a palm reading. She asked me if I made that stuff up or if I actually knew, so I guess I made an impression, lol. Then I took her on a walk through the park. I had some stories and jokes ready for the sights there. We ended at a secluded bench where I went for more kino and a kiss. And from there it was like a three minute walk to my place. Monday was a catfish. Wednesday bailed. Italian girl canceled the second date for saturday. So I was a little unlucky this week. The Italian girl said we had a nice physical attraction but she is looking for something more and she met a guy she connected with bla bla bla. This tells me my alpha side is getting better. Kinda regret not asking at what point she decided to come home with me when driving her home. Texted her the question but no answer yet. Any opinions about second date logistics? It's usually “come over to my place” for me, but I wonder if that should be more thought out.
Am I red yet
2024-05-22 21:28:11 +0000 UTC
