Patreon, R&P Q&A #259
Added 2024-02-21 19:16:32 +0000 UTChttps://youtube.com/live/sGyRl-9UIHs
Part 2, tomorrow 1300EST
Comments
My thoughts exactly. Again, I’m glad you’re back Bro.
ErikTheRed
2024-02-23 06:35:41 +0000 UTCWow - great insights in the call. I got my first opportunity to practice not DEERING and also broken record tonight in regards to me turning off location on the iphone - yes my wife tracks my every movement. I hope I didn't fuck it up too bad - I think I did good not deering and doing broken record but missed opportunities to agree and amplify and be cocky funny. It was really, really hard for me not to DEER but I think I did it properly. I wanted to DEER so bad, but I kept seeing Rian's face saying STOP THE FUCKING DEERING. Wife Texting me: Your phone is no longer sharing location My response via text: ignored her text; no response I get home from gym Wife: Your phone is no longer sharing location Me: I know, I turned it off Wife: Why Me: I no longer want to share my location Wife: Why Me: I no longer want to share my location (broken record) Wife: You said that already I want to now why (getting agitated) Me: I no longer want to share my location (broken record) Wife: Are you cheating on me? Me: If I was cheating on you I assure you that would be the first to know Wife: Just tell me, why are you not sharing your location Me: I no longer want to share it (broken record) Wife: Fine I won’t share my location with you then Me: Cool Wife: I am getting really mad now Me: Ok, it’s ok if your mad Wife: Why won’t you tell me. What are you hiding? You don’t go anywhere anyway. Nobody was here and I would have liked to have known that you were at the gym. Why won’t you share your location? Me: I no longer want to share my location (broken record) Wife: Ok I won’t share mine then. Me: Cool Wife: Ok – you can no longer see my location. So when I go meet my boyfriend you can no longer see it Me: Ok, cool (I walk away from her and go into my office) Wife: Barges into my office. You are acting weird. Are you mad at me or something? We have shared locations for 14 years and now you don’t want to share. Just tell me why Me: I don’t want to share my location (broken record) Wife: You are really pissing me off. I am mad at you. Me: Ok Wife: Fine I’m leaving, and I’m not sharing my location and I’m not telling you where I am going. She gets pissed and storms out. Leaves the house. Drives away. ...yep, good times.
Ground Hog Day
2024-02-23 00:22:48 +0000 UTCLast week I mentioned how she has been checking some of the boxes on the remorse list after being outted. This continued this week. She had another work trip to Orlando, Florida this time. A couple of days before the trip, I told her that I was not going to tell her what she can and can’t do as she was an adult, but that I personally would not tolerate any interactions with this work fling she had. If this boundary was crossed then there would not be anything else that we would need to discuss and we would immediately move forward with D plan. For context, after outting her affair 2 weeks ago in Connecticut and presenting her with the D plan, we agreed to let the emotions settle before we moved forward with D. She has been over communicative the whole time she has been gone so far telling me what she’s doing and even who she’s hanging out with, etc. Which is above and beyond normal comms. Rian asked last week to my post “ let me ask you this, if she checked all the remorse boxes, would you consider staying with her? If not it’s basically punishing her.” I have had to do some real deep thinking on that question This week. after the initial sting of finding this out six months ago, and having improved myself so much over the past year I fell like I am more self aware. I have to admit that I was pretty much ignoring her etc previously and doing my own thing with unattractive behaviors. Realizing that I should not be surprised it happened , yet it doesn’t make it right. All of that being said, I think my answer to that question at this juncture would be: if all those conditions were met. I would likely consider it. Is this crazy? We do have 3 little kids. my thoughts are, this could be an inflection point to reestablish boundaries and additionally, get a post nup in place. We are planning on getting together for a conversation this coming Monday when she gets back in town to talk more but I am so concerned about saying too much as people have cautioned about repeatedly. I know her hamster is going into overdrive and looking for an exit. I keep going back to the beginning quote of prax vol 2 which said something along the lines of to shift power dynamic you need to burn it down. Thoughts?
Volare Alto
2024-02-22 19:34:13 +0000 UTC@Dave - Don’t worry she’s not pregnant, her shark week came a few days later, and I made sure of it. Also she will never move in, I gave up half my assets once and that’s never happening again.
ErikTheRed
2024-02-22 19:22:26 +0000 UTCI thought it was a good option a the time, do you ever get tired of constantly dating and spinning plates? Don’t get me wrong I do miss dating sometimes and I do like being alone, but dating was taking up so much time and money, and I really just needed a break for a while.
ErikTheRed
2024-02-22 19:17:33 +0000 UTCThat behavior will end shortly after you stop caring about it and you will barely notice, and think, oh yeah she used to do that. Tease and make fun of her period. "But that will make her angry", yeah, you aren't supposed to care.
Op Sec
2024-02-22 19:14:24 +0000 UTCI dropped the plates back in September and started a relationship. She’s not live in and never will be, just stays with me a few nights per week. I like this girl, she’s different than my ex wife, very submissive; However I know that this relationship will never go further than what it is now and I’m sticking to that. I will never share assets or live with another woman again, and I’ve realized just how avoidant I am in relationships now, probably not a bad thing. I’m very neutral on the whole thing, don’t care if it works or not, really not that invested, just having fun with her while she’s here.
ErikTheRed
2024-02-22 19:07:41 +0000 UTCIf she's worried about pregnancy, that's a $10 test and 15 minutes. It makes me wonder if she's already done that, but chicks crying about simple problems isn't unique either. Her DEERing that she's with you everyday and then not being able to sleep makes me wonder as well. If she's pregnant, and goes full term, I'd be testing that kid. Don't let her move in because you don't want anybody concluding you're the daddy, just because you're there.
Dave
2024-02-22 19:07:11 +0000 UTCIs there a link to join live stream?
Ground Hog Day
2024-02-22 19:01:37 +0000 UTCThought about it. But this girl flaked once before and she was hot enough for me to give it a shot. Also I only got progressively sicker as I walked around outside in the cold night. Also something similar happened before where I hooked up with the 6-feet girl last year on the second date after seeing her on the first date while having a cold
Ban Mido
2024-02-22 18:37:03 +0000 UTCFR 24 I’ve been quite sick for the past few weeks, so sleep has been paramount for me lately, insert the sick and trying to go to sleep early comfort test. So I know I failed this comfort test, sick and wanting to go to bed, I really didn’t provide any comfort to the girlfriend. She had been having issues with spotting before her period and was getting anxious. So we’re sitting in bed and she started crying about being a bad Mom and didn’t really get much reaction from me. So she then says that she thinks she might be pregnant and asks when the last time I had my sperm count checked, (as I have a vasectomy). Me - about a year after I had the vasectomy, no sperm, nothing to worry about. Her - but I had been reading and it can reverse. Me - I’m sure it didn’t reverse, why don’t you wait a couple days until you’re actually supposed to get your period, or see if you’re late. This is where I should have stopped. I know that it’s a very difficult thing for me to grasp, which is being Homer Simpson in these moments. Me - So if you’re scared of getting pregnant and you know I have a vasectomy, are you cheating on me? Her - I would never cheat on you! I’ve been cheated on, I know how much it hurts. Besides I’m with you every day. Me - Sure, it only takes ten minutes to cheat. I then roll over, tell her to go sleep on the couch because she’s keeping me up and she does. She comes back to bed about two hours later and tries to cuddle me. I tell her I’m good on the cuddles and if she’s going to keep me up to go back to the couch, she stays. The next morning I do memory of a goldfish, at least I got that right. The other thing I believe has improved is enforcing my boundaries as a default. In the past I would have just put ear plugs in and stewed in resentment, like a toddler. I’m not sure if this is a product of a different girl or a different mindset on my part. I like to think it’s mindset, many times I tell myself that I could care less if she’s there or not, most of the time I prefer when she’s not, I like doing my own thing, and honestly sometimes miss being single. This is something I’m going to watch over time, if I want her less and less in the future, maybe it’s time to move on. With the girlfriend boundary enforcement is easy, as she either respects me and/or is submissive. However I have an issue with this when it comes to my ex wife. For example; we will be amicable discussing child logistics and she will ask to take the kids for an extra day, I will say no that’s my time. She then follows up with an excuse why she doesn’t get to do things during her time with them, I will say that’s your decision. At this time it goes straight to “Why are you being mean”? I think to myself since when is stating facts mean? I usually follow up with “Probably the meanest thing I ever said.” Agree and amplify. I don’t know if this is the right play in these situations, but I am told I’m mean a lot, for in my mind having a backbone. Any suggestions for better responses to this?
ErikTheRed
2024-02-22 18:28:47 +0000 UTCBro, your cals are too low. If you're 233lbs then your maintenance should be 233 * 15 = ~3500 cals. If you subtract a good weight loss of 500 cals per day you should eat around 2900-3000 cals per day. Weight loss is one of the greatest marshmallow tests out there. It'll test your patience but it'll take a very long time before you see the results you want. Focus on being consistent each day. As Stripper said, it's ok to have oneitis. Especially since all of this is new to you. But take it from my personal experience (as would every other guy who has gone through this) BLOCK HER. She'll definitely reach out checking if you're still a sucker for her to get some free validation. (My now married Ex reached out on Valentines day after 3yrs since we broke up). Move on, sleep with other hotter girls, hit the gym, crush some goals but don't let your ex come back into your life while you're still in a vulnerable state. It'll only make it harder for you to move on and make progress in your life.
Ban Mido
2024-02-22 18:26:24 +0000 UTCAre you not allowed to clear your calendar? Sick, reschedule for next week.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 18:24:51 +0000 UTCI think you're forgetting "she's not yours, it's just your turn". If it happens, I agree with Barbarian, pull back your affection and attention and talk to other girls.
Ban Mido
2024-02-22 18:20:29 +0000 UTCWelcome! I went through initial learning phase with rules of the group. Thanks isn't a bad thing but when people say "thank you" as in Rian saved them, it's nice to hear but ultimately not of benefit to him or anyone. It's more for you; he saved you, you want him to know that. It's for your own selfish reasons. If someone helps you, being polite and saying thanks isn't a bad thing (imo). Also here we're focused on immediate measurable goals. Eg: Goal: I want to hit the gym 3 times per week. You can then report back if you did or did not hit your goal. I used to think in terms of longterm goals but focusing on the short-term goals helps make consistent progress. In your case, "I want to get thin" is a long-term goal. Break it down to "I'll do intermittent fasting, track my calories and get 10K steps everyday". At the end of the week you'll know if you hit those 3 things 7 times this week or not.
Ban Mido
2024-02-22 18:13:35 +0000 UTC@Barbarian 30 years ago, an Army buddy told me, "You know how to get a girl's attention, but you don't know what to do with it." I need to progress beyond that.
Gearo's Journey
2024-02-22 18:09:16 +0000 UTCI would say you are friend zoned. But you are more roomates. Have to move on. Relationship is her job. What shit do you not have together? That statement interests me.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 18:04:16 +0000 UTCAgreed. At that moment with a headache and cold I just wanted to sleep. Now I'm regretting the missed opportunity. Better luck next time I guess
Ban Mido
2024-02-22 18:03:56 +0000 UTCI haven't written a Field Report in 3 or 4 weeks, because it has been the same mistakes and the same results. But if Rian can go over 3 hours talking about trad-con mythology with Rollo, I can write an FR. I haven't had sex with the wife since October, I think. I have gotten a couple of blow-jobs: one right around Christmas and one about 2 weeks ago. We were in bed early on a weekend morning. I put an arm across her and told her I could use some of her amazing, space-age blowjob technology. She got up and went out of the bedroom to start her morning routine. I got up and left to walk the dog, while she was following a stretching video in the living room. Her back has been bothering her for the last few weeks. More on that later. When I got back, she told me her back was loosened up, and she was ready to fulfill my request if I did a small favor for her afterward. She wanted me to find something that was probably buried in the back of a closet. She gave me the BJ, and I did the favor. She doesn't usually operate on a chore-play model. She just avoids me: gets out of bed before me in the morning, which is when I am most ready to fuck. Lately, she has been falling asleep on the couch in the living room, and not coming to bed until the middle of the night. This makes it more difficult for me to initiate. When your kids are 9, you can fuck anywhere after they are asleep. When your kids are teen and post-teen, they are always up later than you. On Valentine's Day, I did nothing. No card, no gift, no date. It was the day that I came back from out of town that week. She had dinner ready for me. It was not fancy, but some effort was made. At this point in our marriage, there is often no effort from her side. I thanked her for making dinner. There was a package of my favorite store-bought cookies on the kitchen counter with a heart shaped tag that said, "from all of us" but it did not say who it was to. It sat there on the counter for 2 days, until my daughter prompted the wife to tell me that they were for me. The wife hurt her hip/back in the course of her exercise routine. She has been limping around for a few weeks. It is not the worst excuse I have heard in 20 years, but she could still address my needs if she wanted to. She started going to a chiropractor to get it fixed about a week ago. Friday after Valentine's day, I decided to take her out to do something fun. She has not earned it. On the other hand, we never go anywhere together. The positive cycle has to start somewhere. That afternoon, I told her I was taking her to the movies at 5 o'clock. I thought about telling her to wear something nice, but decided against it. We saw the movie, had fun there, and then bounced over to a pub across the parking lot. On the drive home, she started talking about how we had irreconcilable differences, and our emotional connection was broken. My habit over the last 20 years has been to go "Gray-man": say nothing, or as little as possible until it blows over. This time, I tried to think of something to say: "I can see why you might feel that way." I don't know how that went over. She said something about how it is not just her feelings. She asked me to park somewhere where we could talk. She continued on about how she could not trust me, could not rely on me. She told me she was frightened about our oldest child and the things he is going through, and she thought it was not worth the trouble to talk to me about it because I have nothing to say. I interpret this as a questioning and rejection of my leadership, because I am not going along with the rainbow cult bullshit that everyone else in her orbit is playing along with in regard to our oldest child. When she started talking about how we are getting old, and might not have that much time in life left, and she wants to be happy, I told her that I thought things could still be good. I know this is not a main event, but I was trying to show some vision. With respect to our son, I told her that I need to encourage him to get out of the house, and get an after school job. She was sceptical in response. But I am convinced that he needs to get out in the world and start building some successes. After about 15 minutes, we made our way back home. That evening, and the next day, I tried to be "memory of a goldfish" and keep trying to be pleasant and intimate, without being sexual. She slept on the couch. She has done that a few times since my last field report. I have tried to initiate a couple of times since that conversation, but she has said no, or otherwise evaded. There are one or two instances where I went over to her while she was watching TV and I kissed her, and she stroked my arm, or otherwise seemed receptive. Maybe I should have tried to initiate, but instead I broke off, thinking I was being intimate without always being sexual. I am trying not to over-analyze with respect to when I should have tried to initiate and when I should be flirting or just doing a little kino. If I had my shit together, I would be getting my needs filled elsewhere.
Gearo's Journey
2024-02-22 17:48:18 +0000 UTCFR: * Last Thursday went on a date with a 30y/HB6. She had already flaked once before but she did put some effort to schedule another date so figured I'll give her another chance. She was late by 20 mins and I teased a bit telling her she's late and I was just about to leave. She had a bit of a diva attitude but I was already tired spinning 2 plates so I didn't give a fuck. Stuck to my standard logistics; same bar for drinks -> ice cream -> home. Ran the standard game techniques that have worked for me in the past; cocky-funny, strong eye contact, kino. Used "palm reading" to transition from hand holding to kissing and making out on the bar couch itself. She gave plenty of IOIs like holding onto my arm while walking, talking non-stop, eager to kiss me. At the ice cream shop, I suggested we could go back to my place for some amazing night views of the city. She was unsure but I've been conveying throughout the date that I don't care and I can always book her a cab if she wants to go home. She felt more comfortable when I reassured her that I'll stick to my words and book her a cab home whenever she wants to go home. We went back to my apartment, showed her the night views, then took her home. We quickly started making out on my couch, I took her top off and sucked on her tits, carried and threw her on my bed and continued to make out. * After a few nights of insufficient sleep I was feeling sick with a headache and tired but she didn't seem in a hurry to go home either. She was really into kissing me, gave me a few hickies and even wanted to suck on my cock. She kept saying "how we're probably very sexually compatible" (I'm guessing she's confusing her sexual attractiveness for me through her solipsism), how she loves my beard and asking me what do I like sexually. Eventually I told her it's late and we should stop before "I break her no-sex-on-first-date rule" (honestly I just wanted her to leave but decided it'll be better to word it on her terms). She booked herself a cab and texted me when she got home. * She responded a few times over text but is back to flaking over text. I'm not in a hurry and some girls always seem to come back * I wish I wasn't sick that night because she really ticked a lot of the boxes I like in a girl. I should've smashed when I had the chance * On Friday I had planned to take plate2 (23y/HB5) out since she wanted to spend Valentine's night with me and I wanted to prioritize my sleep. But I fell sick on Friday and had to cancel plans which disappointed her. She was ok with just coming and cuddling in bed with me but I thought if she Uber'd all the way to my place if I don't give her a good fucking she'd be even more disappointed. We then video called and she wanted to talk about some financial issues. I gave her some advice on that. I told her to come over on Saturday and I'll take her out but she bailed and then said she wants to stop seeing me so she can focus on her work to get promoted to make more money. I wished her well since I was glad I could sleep more that night * In hindsight I realize I shouldn't have videocalled her that night. I made the mistake of feeling guilty for treating her like shit and trying to be "nicer" to her. In my attempt at being nicer, I broke some rules like texting/calls for logistics and not offering free attention * Unsurprisingly she did reach out again for my attention so it's not a completely broken plate * I also have this problem of establishing time boundaries with plate1. We hangout and I tell her we'll wrap up by 9PM so I can go to sleep by 10. We end up having sex or watching a movie until 1-2AM. This seriously affects my sleep schedule.
Ban Mido
2024-02-22 17:24:52 +0000 UTCAt op and stripper: good examples. Ty. Op: As I write, I can see some qualifications as well.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 17:02:07 +0000 UTCScorched earth. Don’t leave the house. For legal reasons. Just scorched earth. Get your finances in order. Be ‘nice.’ And get your legal docs in order. Be careful with drugs.. drinking. I have seen cases built on this.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 16:58:58 +0000 UTCInstead of a dear Abby question. Next time report after you try flaking on a girl. Strippers advice is sound but it is not you. You need to do the work. Point: this was an easy question but when things get complex random internet people will not be able to help you. Only you will. So start now.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 16:54:06 +0000 UTCI would be more playful. “Don’t temp me! I will butcher a cow in this kitchen! We can dry out intestines in that window…”. You are fogging…. That is good. But your closed communication is shit. Way too tense, serious…. Mm: treat her argument about food like you wood your 3 (more 7) year old. Laugh… no logic. Your opening statement about not wanting to mimic your mom’s bad behavior , so you became the opposite. Nice guy, co dependent. Is nmmng 101. Does not mean to start cheating. Means to shift Overton window to narcissism. Right now you are still reacting. Switch to Build a reality. The second half of report gets a bit switch watch. You do you. Don’t worry about her
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 16:46:19 +0000 UTC> Wife’s bday. Wife said: you did not get me anything? Santa Claus told me he would take care of it. > Visited my mom. Had no flowers. Mom gave me hard time: “do you know what flowers are?” The mutilated sex organs of a dead plant. As practice try saying something nonsensical, that shows you don't give a shit. I still am seeing self qualification in your responses.
Op Sec
2024-02-22 16:44:25 +0000 UTCCovertcontractattorney - I have heard Rian say that but I don't understand why? I will try to answer my own question and you set me straight.... Why thanks is bullshit: (1) Possibly a covert contract: When I thank someone I am giving validation in the hopes for something else in the future. Such as in corporate america - thank your employees and be nice to them and they will want to continue working for you, be engaged and work hard, blah, blah, blah - makes sense in a hierarchy tainted by the feminine imperative but not in the real world of interpersonal relationships. (2) Thanking is a beta / comfort giving action: It is giving comfort and validation, which is needed by women, and men raised as defective women. The men here give validation to themselves, and don't need your / my validation Follow up question: Are there situations where thanks or appreciation is not bullshit? - such as when trying to reward a woman's good behavior?
Ground Hog Day
2024-02-22 16:23:13 +0000 UTCSocial animal list: 5. be in the moment, be present . Often people will think you are buzzed because of lack of inhibitions. Calibrated though. If she is confused by you agree and amplify Then you need to take it further: “ya, so fucking mad! Like hulk hogan mad in wrestle mania 13! You remember when he raised Andre the giant over his head! And the million dollar man! And… That kind of mad! “. Say it strait… get into details. Suck her into your frame.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 15:59:57 +0000 UTC48. Covert contracts Wife’s bday. Wife said: you did not get me anything? Me: “Flowers and chocolate did not magically find their way to your bday brunch. Or was it magic?… maybe voodoo… what were we talking about?” V day: usually on these type of holidays I enjoy getting wife some sort of flowers. Having the kid run them into her work. I will get on speaker phone from my car. Happy ____ day. Hang up immediately. Then kid runs out. Drive by fun. It is a massive flex on her coworkers. Most of them cannot hold down a relationship. Forget about a kid and a man that gives gifts. This v day I gave one rose. Neighbors were selling them. 2 foot stem. She was very happy as she expected nothing. As I also don’t always give gifts. Visited my mom. Had no flowers. Mom gave me hard time: “do you know what flowers are?” Me: looking at the bouquet my brother brought her, “mom, I don’t bring flowers. I brought a 9 year old grandchild.” lol! (Brother does not have a child). I continu as I ransack her kitchen… “It’s about spawn… and land. Blood, land, and where are the cookies. Did you hide the girl scout cookies?! Wtf mom! “ Later we stopped at a convenience store. Mom asked if there was anything I would like. “A snickers, … oh, and some flowers.” Lol. I returned to this joke the whole trip. She embraced the frame and had a good time with it. When I left, I snuck some flowers on the counter. The 90% off. Price tag….post v day sale was highlighted for her to see. Point: I decide what I want to give on my schedule. I also determine the frame (fun bus) in which these gifts are viewed in. They don’t have to enter the frame. But, often, I will only make fun of their frame (very publicly and unabashedly ) if they don’t. Further increasing the fun I am having on my fun bus. Note: very different from the past. I would have deered and been stressed and taken allot of shit. Usually ending in quit desperation and not talking to them.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 15:41:30 +0000 UTCI had sex with my wife, and afterwards I went to the grocery store. I was in a good mood and it seemed like every woman was trying to get my attention while I was shopping for groceries. I ended up chatting with one of them. In the end the feeling passed but I had a moment of what I imagine it feels like to be a hot chick. Another time I was at the gym, I was chatting with another woman. She was into it, but by my own standards I was boring/overly analytical with my speech. I’ve come up with a sort of checklist that addresses areas I tend to slip up in. 1. Strong vocal tonality 2. eye contact 3. self amuse by tease / teach / joke around / yes and (improv skills) / 4. emote I saw a tweet by Archwinger that helped reframe things for me. Something like. Would you rather have 6 women that come by have sex, and no strings attached. Or one woman living with you. My single life was about 3 women coming by regularly, each usually twice a week. Made me realize how everything I do has value. My working and eating right has really been paying off, I can see abs even when I’m not flexing. I can use my time to build a better life for myself at any time. After work I had trouble snapping out of the logical mode. Had to zip up after getting in bed with wife, that hasn’t happened in a while. She was turning me off. I had work to do so I went back to that. She appeared in my office. “Are you mad?” “yeah, really mad” “I can tell you are mad, just tell me” “yeah, like super mad” She left looking very confused. I did some chores that needed to be done, and was ready to leave to spend some time away from home. She stops me in the car. “Do you want to try again?” “Happy to try again” “I need you to communicate with me and we can try again” “I’m happy to try again”, communication is manipulation, stick with power talk. In bed I was getting a little more turned on, and then she blew me. I wonder to myself if I need to be more proactive, spend more time away from home, or if this was just me holding her to a standard and her testing to see if I would. After the sex, it wasn’t exactly silent treatment, but she hasn’t really been talking to me. Which might mean nothing, or perhaps I was too much salesman in my approach.
Op Sec
2024-02-22 15:40:57 +0000 UTCMaking boundaries over hypothetical situations!? 1st: the office is a great sitcom. 2nd your response was good. It was closed communication. I am a secure dude. Mine would be: I would fight him to death. No gloves… knuckles! You are one year in to this ltr. If a boundary like that was broken then you would say: Not into it. Start doing different things with your time and commitment. Pending situation: is this a throw away job. Do you trust her to shut down any nonsense…. If you don’t trust her then you should return to dating and doing different things with your time. There are plenty of ex’s in her dms already. In a way the office example is an obsolete situation… social media is the new war front for that stuff.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 15:08:50 +0000 UTC"Your thanks is bullshit." -WMP
CovertContractAttorney
2024-02-22 14:56:30 +0000 UTCAre you sure you aren't hamstering over nothing?
CovertContractAttorney
2024-02-22 13:57:32 +0000 UTCI laid out my boundries last week, both were crossed, i choked and did nothing. (Don't sware in front of the kids. AND don't threatern divorce unless you have paper for me to sign) Spent some time in the morning disarming kids from fighting. got them sorted Wife comes down visually stresses about the kids mess around the house before the carpet cleaner comes tomorrow "We have so much to do. The kids stuff is everywhere, we won’t get it done in time" "We have all night when we get home. It’ll be easy, the girls can help" "There’s stuff in the play room there stuff there its not a 10 minute job." "We have tonight, east we’ll get it done" Kid said something about the mess not being all her Wife "do you know why it’s messy, do you know why its messy, because I haven’t clenaned anything up at all this week, that’s why " This upset daughter she came and hugged me, and she yelled something at mum. "Wife Don’t be rude " Me "guys, let’s cool it there’s no need to argue here, well clean up tonight , everything is fine " wife "Don’t tell me not to speak. I can speak if I want to. It’s my fucking house. You don’t like it, go live at another house " I’m halfway through making my breakfast . i had planned if this should happen, just walk straight out of the house, go about my day, and decide weather i spend the night at my mums place or i come home just in time to say goodnight to the kids. i had been over this in my head, but when i came to it in my mind i was justifying that i needed to finish my breakfast.. then leave. FUCK i knew what i was meant to do and i didnt follow through. this is really the thing i am up against. i am attractive, i have put in a lot of work, but i worked on the stuff i found easy, but i have not enforced my boundries, i thought being the stoic guy the last 2 years was the way to go, completely overlooking that i didnt even enforce any boundries i would ask her not to sware, and ignore when she was being a cunt. No doubt ill get another oportunity soon ...
moby dick
2024-02-22 13:43:00 +0000 UTCFR 17 Logistics FWB girl still around, it’s been 10 months. All good here so far. Still sourcing on all fronts for more plates. Had a logistics issue recently with Local Girl and Ukrainian girl. I scheduled local girl for Tuesday some days in advance. After that, I asked Ukrainian girl out, and of course, she says she can only do Tuesday the entire week. Ukrainian girl is younger and a bit hotter, so I went with her. On Monday, I ask Local Girl if we can reschedule because of work, she says only for Sunday. I say okay, my schedule might free up today spontaneously, I'll keep her posted.Then, on Tuesday morning, Ukrainian girl cancels because she has to study for an exam (at least she was nice enough to send a text and an apology). I tell Local Girl I was able to reschedule my appointment, and we can still meet tonight. She says yes. In the end, I did get laid, so everything worked out. Still, I think I could have probably played this better. Should I have kept both girls booked for the same time and only canceled last minute? I know you say always double book, but I feel that if I pull a move like that and cancel like an hour before, most self-respecting girls would not agree to a second date. In this case, I wanted to keep both around and ideally start spinning both as plates. How would you go about this? Aftercare question: "sleep well" text the night of, yes or no? Text them the next day with e.g. chit chat/memes or wait a bit? How long until I ask them out for a second date? I don’t want to give the impression I’m chasing them down for a relationship, but I do want to signal I want repeat business.
Hypergamous Best Option
2024-02-22 13:23:08 +0000 UTCStripper, I get that it will be unfair for her but just coz she can’t do anything about a situation doesn’t mean i have to put up with it. A girl working with an ex is a big enough insecurity for me to leave her and look for someone who isn’t working with an ex My question is: is there any benefit for me to let her know about this boundary beforehand and if yes, at what point should I tell her?
Goten
2024-02-22 12:39:39 +0000 UTCThank you for the insights Stripper and Barbarian - much appreciated!
Ground Hog Day
2024-02-22 12:26:30 +0000 UTCField report 3. Gym, food etc all on track Getting female attention regularly, I know I can get laid but I couldn’t go behind my missus back, my mum fucked a lot of guys behind my dads back, it shattered him so I couldn’t do it. Emotional Pillar is shit. Working on killing my codependent programming which is so fucking hard. I keep catching myself making decision with her reaction in mind. Anyway, keeping with the saying NO programme this week to stuff I really don’t agree on and her reaction is always predicable so I am expecting it and use the tools I need to navigate through it. I approached for sex last week, gym bag routine as I knew I would get a no. I asked,she said no, I said okay and I am heading to gym. As I was leaving she attacked me asking for sex saying “ Her” you know I am not in the mood and I am tired and busy but then you ask, so I have to say NO so you can make me feel guilty, Don’t ask me again when you know I’m tired, it’s not fair” I replied “ I hear you, heading to the gym I’ll grab coffees on way home” I would normal DEER her I was expecting refusal so I was ready. But she got me off guard this week twice. I can see her looking to rattle me. She has started to undermine me in front of kids and has started to pass comments on my cooking( I am a chef and cook all the food, the kids eat great) I jumped in DEERing spoke too much and she just takes one comment I make and boom she has me. Her” we need to look at the shopping and come up with a better system for the kids” Me the “ the kids eat really well, everything is cooked from starch” Her” they have processed ham don’t they” Me” yeah on occasion” Her” you think processed meat is healthy, cause it’s not, your responsible for the food, I am only looking out for what’s best for the kids” Me” you can take on cooking if you want” Her” that’s your job, I’m only making suggestion to make things healthier, but as usually you don’t value my opinion, I can’t talk to you” I know I fucked up here. I know with 100% the kids eat great but I folded. I should have just said” sounds good, let me hear what you have to say and I’ll think about it and then STFU” It’s hard detaching emotional but it to has to be done. I’m 45 she is 42, kids are 11,8,3. Her looks are fading, she is chasing her career now and it pretty fucking obvious she is heading into the stage of (life has passed her bye and I’m going to relive my youth, fuck him, it’s his fault I am unhappy) I am aware she might cheat, and will keep and eye on that but if she does she knows we are over and she doesn’t do well we shame, classic Catholic girl,but it in the back of my mind that it might be coming, and she will do it and play the victim. I can sense she wants me to end the relationship so she can play victim, and take the house, money and kids I am certain that I am in classic situation of a captain and his husband. I know Narcissism and BPD gets thrown around a lot and I have read your take on it in your books but by The shoe really fucking fits and I think there is only one outcome in my situation, I wish I was wrong but better to face the reality. I have been lying to myself for years. Actions speak louder than words. This week: Keep my distance and focus on more positive shit, watch out for getting sucked into DEERING, and think about a long term exit plan. Also I will talk to a lawyer to get ahead of what might happen.
All_Talk_No_Action
2024-02-22 11:20:11 +0000 UTCQnA259 It’s Shark 🦈 week! LoL 😜 Some bitchiness, etc., but we managed to smash prior and keep kino up. I'm not sure how to get to the stage of PMS/pre-shark moodiness not happening, or do I just accept this as “ahh, whamans... am I right..”? However, like you say in videos, this behavior doesn't happen at the workplace. Do they get a pass at home? So, I guess I'm not there yet. One event occurred, and it’s happening monthly (cycle). My wife and 9-year-old daughter get into spiraling arguments and end up yelling at each other. I just tell my wife not to get sucked into the daughter’s drama, using the broken record technique. It usually fizzles out, and then everyone is fine after the storm. So, I still need improvements on leading here. Our Valentine’s day lunch plans fell through due to the kid being unwell. We had planned a midweek lunch while the kids were in school and my wife not yet working (she starts next week), so we're going to have to reschedule it and perhaps organize a sitter for one weekend. Wins: - Youngest is in kindy three days per week and wife going back to work - Been out surfing a few times. - I’m dealing with banks, home loans, removalists, and planning future renovations to the new house.
Fez
2024-02-22 11:12:27 +0000 UTCWhen should I let a girl know about recently discovered boundaries? Sitting with my girl(been dating a year) watching a rerun of office. There’s an episode where wife’s ex hookup joins the workplace where the couple works and the husband gets a bit insecure. Then my girl asks me “what would you do if one of my exes joins my workplace?” I resisted the urge to probe about the who’s the guy etc. and responded with “Ill help you two finish your love story” we laughed and that was the end of conversation. But it got me thinking if it happens in real life, I’ll get really insecure and the relationship would be unsustainable. It’s a boundary I guess: “I don’t date girls who work with their exes” I may be discovering more such boundaries in future and my question is: when should I let a girl know about this boundary: right now?, if/when the situation actually arises?, or never and just leave without explanation? Another option would be to work on myself to get rid of this feeling in that situation, if it’s even possible (please guide me to resources that can help) Anyone got experience in similar situations?
Goten
2024-02-22 09:06:55 +0000 UTCThere is way to much giving a shit about this woman. Counseling: “I would rather go bowling.” Text messages: “ o look you did text me. What did you want? “. No sex: ok, I am going bowling. We have to talk? Buisy Bowling. We can talk there. Start building your life. If she wants to stay/ join… then she will.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 05:21:57 +0000 UTCTake this with a grain of salt: Many corporate environments, gov jobs… can resemble gynocentric structures (think crabs in a barrel). Your impulse to be defensive (gynocentric response). Could be being trained. Does your job look at results or does it look at ‘go along to get along’ behavior to promote and fire people. If it is gyno then you need to orient to that. If you want to keep it. Otherwise look for different employment.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 04:58:22 +0000 UTCAllot of future goals here. Always report from past tense. (I know you are new). Game: Being charismatic, in the moment is very different than having a target and opening her. Be a social animal (op sec comments on this). A lot (almost all) tech people and engineers are way to logical. Game is about emotion. Emotion, emotion, emotion. Closed communication. Dog: “ I love the feeling of warm shit in my hand. “. Mimic taking a big whiff of your hand. Little lick… lol. Have fun with it. (Has to be done in a way of you are entertaining yourself. Laugh…. “ she will learn your reality (frame) is unshakable. “. She could make all kinds of demands and you will laugh as you do you. If I were you I would not worry to much about divorcing right now. Learn how to have fun. Do you have friends (male). Go out with them and have a good time.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 04:47:38 +0000 UTCField Report #5 Weighed in at 198 this week. Skipped one workout this week. Continued my read through Mystery Method and restarted Frame. Valentines Day started with wife in a bad mood and taking it out on the kids. Joked with the kids to lighten the mood in the morning and ignored her mood. Got a text at work saying she would appreciate more empathy but she felt I found it amusing. I ignored the text outright. A friend of ours was in the hospital so I swung by to check in on him and later texted her that he was doing good but being transferred. She texts me back saying the lack of acknowledgement of her feelings waters the seeds of doubt in our relationship. I texted her I wasn’t doing to do this over text. I should have ignored this one too but I didn’t. Lesson learned to ghost these and address it in person. Got home and she was in the bedroom wrapping presents and I changed clothes. She was upset because I ignored her texts and didn't care about her feelings. I didn't DEER like I would have in the past. She brought up counseling again and that she wants us to have tools for us to communicate better. I told her I would think about it. Honestly I didn’t want to deal with the fallout that night of having a hard no and fucking with our plans for the night. I know now this opened the door for the conversation to occur instead of just dealing with it right there. When the kids went to bed we watched a few movies together and had starfish sex. Friday I took the day off to cut up a tree that fell on my property. Texted her to join me by the fire and help trim up the tree. She brought up counseling again and I told her no I am not going to go. Got every manipulation tool thrown my way in the span of three minutes. Started with the reason why I didn’t want to go, told her I didn’t want to go. This must be your ego talking, I tell her I’m not going. You are welcome to go on your own but I won’t be going. You don't care about fixing our relationship. Broken record until she said this is more water sowing the seeds of doubt in our relationship because I won’t work on us. I didn’t feel upset in the moment and stayed upbeat with her the rest of the day. We had plans to go line dancing over the weekend and had a fun time out at the bar. Danced together and we had a fun evening. Initiated a make out with her and she immediately pulled away and said we need to plan a date night to just talk. I ignored it and drove us home. Now the full weaponization of sex is occurring because she won’t engage with anything more than a kiss and pulls away with any type of deep kiss. Felt like a Mexican standoff and a powerplay. A few days later she wants to talk again why I don't want to go to couples counseling, I tell her I don't want to go. I researched the guy she wanted to see and he is a complete joke but he is a "Christian Counselor" with his 40 hour certification in Christian Counseling. Reading through the MRP subreddit about counseling helped reinforce my why behind it being a waste of time but I did not share this with her. I left for the gym and when I got back grabbed her by the hand to lead her back to the bedroom. She said she couldn't be physical with me because she doesn't feel emotionally attached to me. I used this as a reflection on my actions over the last year and month specifically (hard no about counseling) and asked myself whether she has a point. I am seeing that I have been taking an autistic approach to STFU and stoicism and just flat out avoiding sharing any emotion or giving a shit about listening to her. Two posts helped me work through this : https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8l3fno/establishing_an_emotional_connection_with_a_woman/ and https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c06qfe/depressive_and_anxious_wives_transformation_and/ in the context of not having a covert contract on the back end. I have listened to stresses of her day since without trying to fix the situation she brings and not being judgmental or sharing any of my stresses with her. This week I for the first time did not fear her emotions.
Amos_Durden
2024-02-22 02:28:36 +0000 UTCThanks for the insight Stripper
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-02-21 22:52:37 +0000 UTCprotein seems way too low should get at least 200g. It will improve your recovery, fat loss and strength gains. At least that was my experience. Calories seem too low too depending on your activity level. Your mood might be off a little because of this. How much weight are you loosing per week. Calibrate your calories so you are lossing between 1 and 1.5 lbs per week. I was fat when I did my of my pick up. You are worried about it more than others.
Op Sec
2024-02-21 22:06:41 +0000 UTCStill rereading NMMNG. Finished the audiobook version and am reading the kindle version now. Goes way slower, as it is less convenient, but I think I retain more that way. Still doing Stronglifts 5x5 and dating via OLD. Even got two more notches. Currently that still means something to me. Noticed I gained a little weight, now at 105.3kg (232.1lbs). Aiming for 90kg (198.4 lbs). I am 185cm (6'1"). That should be lean enough. Still feel self conscious as I got more fat on me than I’d like to. Started to eat a restricted diet with 2000 kcal and with at least ~120g of protein a day. I broke up with vacation girl I was too attached. She noticed and told me we should probably stop seeing each other, as she will break my heart. She said that before. Some friends of mine were saying the same thing. That I should stop seeing her. That got into my head and I brought it up again with vacation girl on Sunday and she reiterated that she will not fall in love with me but she likes our relationship as it is. I was thinking for several minutes and then told her that I will go home. She told me that I could stay the night and leave tomorrow. I told her I will go now and we probably will not see each other again. We talked for a little more and cried a little. Then I went. And ugly cried in the car on my drive home. I regretted the decision and texted her the next day, that I just need a break and if we can talk in a month. I am wondering if I made a huge mistake. She was a great plate, we had sex and cuddled regularly, two things I enjoyed a lot. I also could see other girls on the side, no problem. And to be honest, she was the hottest one of the girls I slept with. But I think it was reasonable to break it off, she was the first girl I ever slept with, if you remember, and I was way too invested. But what really bugs me, are two things: First, I also broke up because she and other people told me to do it. That had way too much weight in the decision. Need to step back next time when I feel like that and make up my own mind. Second, I also did it, because I was thinking she would backpedal when I actually do it. In my head, it would make her realize she actually cared more about me than she thought and she would beg me to stay. And now I still am thinking that she must realize what she lost every moment and come asking if we could not try again and that she made a huge mistake. Anyway, Monday was tough, but I am way better now. I will get over this in a week or so. Maybe I can pick her back up as a plate in a month.
Am I red yet
2024-02-21 21:12:20 +0000 UTCI’ve been catching myself reacting to things in a “feminine” beta way at work a lot the past few weeks. One example of many that comes to mind was when I replied to a customer email at work but removed my boss from the reply (boss has told me to remove him from any detailed conversations). My Boss sent an email 3 hours later asking if I had followed up. For a split second I mentally freaked out, thinking he was calling me out which spiraled into anxious thoughts of getting fired. I paused, then thought about it logically. He’s just seeing if I followed up. I excluded him thinking I was doing him a favor but he just wanted to know it’s being handled. That’s it. How was he supposed to know I responded? I simply replied with “Yes I have. I’ll keep you updated once I work through more details.” Action: Stop acting emotional like a woman and immediately interpreting everything from a defensive worst case scenario position with a victim mentality. Stop being so avoidant, fearful, and anxious. Work to get out of these feminine conditioned behaviors and focus on logic. It’s very clear that I have conditioned myself to avoid confrontation and I also often misjudge simple conversations as adversarial that simply are not. I started seeing a therapist on my own to see if there are other issues I need to get past or if it’s just me being conditioned to behave and react this way for so long. —- Wife wasn’t up for sex last two weeks so after giving her first crack, I met up with a milf I previously slept with and fucked her for several hours. I couldn’t cum so it could be I need to get out of my head, possibly find a hotter/younger woman, or could have been the fact I was using a condom and I’m used to fucking my wife raw. During sex, I observed myself thinking about my wife numerous times. Not in a revenge fantasy resentful way, but I thought to myself “I wish I was fucking my wife instead of this woman right now.” I likely still have my wife up on a pedestal in my mind, giving her too much power over me just because her pussy is the best I’ve felt so far. I’m also still stuck in wanting her to love me the way I want rather than what she’s willing to do, aspirational fantasy. Need to be more attractive, adopt an abundance mindset, and find a way to get over her. Maybe I’ll fuck more. After I was done with the milf, I finally understood the notion that sex is just sex to men. I didn’t feel guilty and still loved my wife. I just wanted to get off. — Unbeknownst to me, my Wife planned a surprise anniversary dinner for the two of us later that night. I tried initiating but got a hard no prior to leaving. I assumed nothing would happen the rest of the night if it didn’t already happen (food & drink = tired). Drinks and dinner was great. I'm working on improving my conversation skills and I seemed to do better conversing with my wife. I wasn’t at a loss for things to say and less awkward overall than I usually am. We got seated, ate some appetizers, had a drink each, and had a salad each. Before ordering entrees my wife said she felt bad but didn’t want to eat more. Said she didn’t want to get too full because she wanted to try stuff when we got home (sex). I said not to worry, we can always come back for dinner. I paid and we drove back. Once home we went upstairs to our bedroom. Wife goes to the bathroom then I go after her. When I come out from the bathroom my wife is under the covers ready for bed and gives me a hard no. Not a big deal but I need to not get my hopes up when she promises sex, instead focus solely on her actions… did she fuck me? No, so go do something related to my map.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-02-21 21:08:25 +0000 UTCThank you. Yes definitely need to learn game. Re initiating - yes I am initiating 3-4 times per week and getting shot down most times - but having alot more success so far in 2024 (9 times) then last year (5 times total)
Ground Hog Day
2024-02-21 21:07:38 +0000 UTCYou don't have to get thin in order to start approaching. You can make baby steps. Make a plan for yourself such as. Walk down the side walk and make eye contact with passerbys. Start saying "hi". Ask for directions. Ask them about something they have or are wearing. Approach men, children or non women. Whatever gets you to make progress. Are you trying to fuck your wife and getting shot down or are you not trying at all. It sounds like the only time you had sex was when she initiated. As far as chores. Pretend she is dead and do the chores you would do if she wasn't around for yourself. no not saying that is not a covert contract. It sounds like you need to learn some game.
Op Sec
2024-02-21 20:58:02 +0000 UTCGround Hog Day - Batman Origin Story and 1st Field Report Here is my 1st field report with a summary of 6 months’ worth of work, where I want to go, and what I am doing. About me: - Me age 56 Wife age 56. Met in college. Married 32 years. 4 adult children - Type of Captain: I think I am type 2 neurotic captain but not entirely sure. I am good with structure and a great leader in the workplace, I excel there – but struggle without it. I also have some of the codependent elements of the type 1 captain looking for validation. - Chad or Billy – mostly Billy...but not as extreme as Billy. Was a high level college athlete when I met wife, and developed a severe case of niceguyitis, betatization through 1000 concessions throughout the marriage. - I was raised catholic and quit cold turkey about 10 years ago. Still recovering. - Business – was successful in tech field, now own my own business. - I have lived inside of my wife’s frame for many years. - I am probably HB4-5. About the wife: - Stay at home Mom for 28 years. Now works 3 days week. Just went through menopause. - Practical Female Psychology: Wife seems largely checked out but seems to be trying to keep the peace so not starting as many fights as usual – suspect she is in the self-determination phase. - Good girl archetype: Very, very, very catholic. Her friend group is the same. Was very sexual while dating and early in marriage. - Wife is HB4. I almost nuked the marriage last year until I found Rian and started binging his material nonstop since August 2023. Agree that it is much better to fix my unattractiveness now with my current wife as sparring partner. Goals and Areas for Improvement: Goals: - Frame: Establish one. Develop direction for my life, and organize life around it. - Health: Become lean and strong. Attain and hold body fat consistently in 15-18% body fat range. Skills required: disciplined training and nutrition regimen - Business: Grow my business to $200k/25% margin for 2024. Skills required: Roll out new service line, improve sales/mktg capabilities - Relationships: Have happy, loving, and sexual relationships (3+ times per week) not necessarily with my wife. Skills required: Red Pill Relationship skills (below) Areas for Improvement - Become healthy and thin (see below) - Kill niceguyitis: Need for Validation, Covert Contracts, Deering - Stop Apologizing – I have stopped this. - Become own Mental Point of Origin – Seeking to reverse the mental model of self-sacrificing and putting everyone and everything else first and put myself first. - Release Anger – I am in full on anger phase. Very pissed that I believed the blue pilled lies and wasted a large portion of my life. The anger and resentment surges when I think about how taken for granted I am. Often I wake up in the middle of the night pissed off that I have wasted many years, and take a walk, work out, or work on my business. - Game and social dominance - Improve understanding of subtext What I’ve done so far: - Books completed: NMMNG 3 times and have done breaking free exercises numerous times, When I say no I feel guilty – 1 time, Dread – 1 time, started 2nd time, Frame – 1 time, in queue for 2nd time, Fuccfiles – 1 time, Rational Male – 1 time, Practical Female Psychology – skimmed for key points but haven’t read cover to cover, Better Beta Divorce Guide, Married Man Sex Life, Day Bang, Rational Male, Sex God Method, Mode 1, The Unplugged Alpha, Anti Dumps Machine, Saving Low Sex Marriage (Blue Pill Professor) - Other materials completed: Rich Coopers divorce course, Listened to Rian’s entire YouTube, some Rollo, some Rich Cooper Youtube, Read most of Rian’s blog, - Scheduled for next month: Starting 6 week improv class next month to improve confidence and reduce social awkwardness - Health: Currently 5’8”. 208 lbs. Lost 20 lbs since I started working out in October. Currently 28% body fat. Suspect based on my past experience that my abs will show in about 40 more lbs. Pant size has reduced from 40 => 36. Final target is 32 and possibly 30. - Training - I have a number of injuries and alignment issues and imbalances that need to be corrected. It’s possible that I may never get back to 5x5s, may just be too risky for me. Hired a Physical trainer who has a background in physical therapy, and he is working me out twice per week, focusing on proper form and fixing imbalances, and giving me low risk workouts and correcting form. Doing 5-6 workouts per week (including 2 trainer workouts), not to failure. Low intensity cardio daily - doing 10,000 steps per day, sometimes w/rucksack. - Hired a nutritionist and have got my macros aligned with my goals. We meet every 2 weeks for accountability and review spreadsheets where I track macros, weight, and measurements on 8 body points. - Doing intermittent fasting – 8 hour feeding window, and 1 completely fasted day per week. - Scorched Earth Plan - Fully expect to blow up marriage completely. Wife goggles are off - I wouldn't ask her out if I was single. It is all strangely freeing and refreshing. I have met with 3 different lawyers, and a consultant, and sorted out my options and plan. Counsel says it’s critical that I don’t let this see the inside of the courtroom because due to long term marriage a judge could award alimony for life, which while not likely, is a real risk – and entirely dependent upon what the feminist judges in my area arbitrarily decide – so it’s a crapshoot. This means that I must do my best to have a “nice amicable divorce” otherwise I could get really fucked financially. I am executing the divorce preparation plan and will wait until after the oldest child’s wedding to file to avoid creating even more animosity and drama. I have read better beta divorce guide. Will likely do a mediated divorce. At the end of the day, even in the worst case scenario, the situation will be manageable financially because I can live in a minimalist fashion, and I have confidence in my ability to rebuild myself financially…but it sucks to think of buying my freedom by paying her 15+ years of savings - feels like a possible zeroing out experience. - Cheating – I haven’t. Others have said she must be cheating if she’s not getting it from me…which would be a huge financial win for me if I could prove it due to local laws. I can’t find a single trace despite being good at tech, and at spying, and her being very poor with technology. I’m done with all the spying shit – it’s exhausting. - Game – Not doing much here yet. Still overweight, and not confident to start running catch and release. I start a 6 week improv class next month which will hopefully help. - Dead bedroom: Sex frequency – 9 times total so far in 2024, which is up from 5 times total in 2023 mostly because I am initiating alot - I have basically just taken an "I don't give a fuck anymore" approach. I do flirting and escalating throughout the day but get alot of eyerolls and sighs and get shot down alot - probably 60-70% of time I fail. I am getting rejected so much that I am starting to care less, and sometimes even enjoy getting a rise out of her and making her uncomfortable during the rejection process by saying something funny. Other times I am a butt hurt and unattractive Billy. I actually enjoy it when I am the former, and of course hate it when I am the latter but don't seem to know how to control that yet. It's kind of like when I am in a fired up mood I just don't give a shit and think her stupid rejections are funny so I am trying to bottle that mood and use it. - Cockblock removal - Removed 2 major cock block's (1) took the pillow fort out of bed and hid the pillows (yes she created one). She never said anything about the removal, and I didn’t either. (2) Kicked the cute cuddly dog cockblock dog out of our room at night. My wife has protested this multiple times. Wife: Let the dog back in our room. Me: No I want my sleep. But why Ground hog day – you love the dog? Me: Agree, I do love the dog, but Why would I want a dog in our room? I want my sleep. Her: Because he’s cute. Me: What does the dog being cute have to do with my sleep? I want my sleep. Her: But I miss him. Me: No. I want my sleep. Question: is this a covert contract because I didnt say “plus, not having the dog in the room increases my % chance of fucking you”? - She initiated awkwardly twice since December, which surprised me but I’ll take it. I don’t know what to make of this. - She usually comes and squirts hard multiple times during sex, which is great, but I guess a I am too unattractive for her to want it more. Dominance - I have started telling my wife what to do. She complies occasionally. I think she’s a slob, so right now this mostly consists of me telling her to clean up the piles of her shit that she leaves around the house. 2 recent situations: (1) Me: “That hazmat pile next to the bed is starting to look dangerous; why don’t you take 15 minutes and clean it up. I’m happy to help, if you’d like my assistance, let me know.” She laughed and said ‘I know’. Later that day. Me: “Wow – looks like a tornado went through the bedroom and sucked up that pile of shit. I’m impressed.” Her: “Yeah, since you asked so nice I thought I’d do it.”..and I thought I was being mean. (2) Wife: “I am going to clean up the mess I left in the kitchen.” Me: Ok cool. 24 hours later mess is still there – I point to the mess, and point to her, raising my eyebrows, and giving her an amused look. She says “I told you I would clean it up.” I say nothing and smile and raise my eyebrows. It is cleaned up 2 hours later. I say nothing. Reducing comfort / acting as if she is dead – making progress - 2/3 rule – I think that I am doing good at this. - Texting – having been using text only for logistics for several months now. Lots of one-word answers. - Stopped doing: Little helpful things like cleaning her shit up, Getting gas in her car, Washing dishes, Vacuuming, Texting her when I am out at store to see if she needs anything, Texting for anything except necessary logistics, No cuddling initiated by me, Minimizing friendly chit chat, turned off location sharing on devices, now making all my own meals for food prep, leaving house frequently without telling her where I am going, Enforced many boundaries on her dog that she wanted, and that we have an clear agreement that I have no responsibility for - example: She asks me to do dog stuff, and I say No, and she whines, and I say, No, who has responsibility for the dog? Then she gets upset and yells at me. Then I say: I understand your frustration, but your dog is not my responsibility. I walk away. - I have been not providing comfort, avoiding her, and engaging little with wife and it seems like she is trying to force interactions with me on all kinds of small topics…follows me into the bathroom to show me something on her fitbit, finds cute dog pics to show me on her phone. I am feeling like it is a kind of engagement with the intent to seek comfort, or maybe wants attention, or maybe she is just trying to avoid responsibility for a number of small decisions - not sure what to make of it. I feel like I am trying to do too much....may burn out - thoughts?
Ground Hog Day
2024-02-21 20:25:05 +0000 UTC
