Patreon, R&P Q&A #251
Added 2023-12-28 16:22:41 +0000 UTCQuestions were from last week. see you at 2
Part 2 here!
https://youtube.com/live/k8jKweKn3yk
Comments
Everything will be much easier once you lose about 75lbs.
John
2024-01-04 03:36:23 +0000 UTCI never said anything was ok or not. In general treat everything you do as valuable. If it's valuable you don't give it away for free. You get sex, wife gets validation. A key part of frame is to eliminate validation seeking behavior. You aren't going to think your way through this. Action is where it happens. Just try stuff and post field reports about what you tried and the outcome you got. Rian calls it OODA. I would just say, do stuff, reflect, write, pick new stuff to do. What you are describing is the gym bag routine. She shoots you down and you go do what you were already going to do. Never let them see you sweat.
Op Sec
2024-01-02 15:34:36 +0000 UTCOPSEC, so I don't have any outside of the home, what you would call hobbies, but I am constantly doing things outside of the home. I go to the office for work, I go to the gym, I'm trying to run a side business, I'm not home very often. I'm usually home in the morning and at night. I do think she's kind of checked out a bit. Also, please help to clarify, why is hugging, kissing on the lips not okay, but going in for sex okay? There's a slight disconnect in my mind. They're both intimate things, right? Let me know. I want to flesh that out a little bit more. Sex is a reward and validation for both male and female.
ThatGuy
2024-01-02 02:28:19 +0000 UTCOp Sec, first off thank you for the tough out reply! I've been a workaholic for the past 10 years so no real hobbies outside of the home other than my new 4 month old hobby of working out daily! I dress pretty good I work in an office but dont' wear a suit. Jeans black T-shirt and chucks are my go to's. I do wear cologne Montblank it's nice. Love the advice I'm going to go in and just get used to getting murdered rejected and then go work out or something if I do. Great points about the cuddling and kissing shit.
ThatGuy
2024-01-02 00:01:58 +0000 UTCYes, you should be trying to fuck your wife even if she's not receptive. Even/especially if she won't hug you or give you a peck. Yes your goal is to fuck your wife. However first, you must have outcome independence. Push for a hard no, let her know you are trying to have sex with her and not just cuddling. There's a chapter in NMMNG that describes a man that starts touching his wife and slowly escalating. Reread that one. Be bold, and aim for the hard rejection right now, (or at least as much as you can take, this might take time to build up to). Just yesterday, I was getting the same thing from my wife, wouldn't even give me a peck. I ended up just being straight up, "You want to have sex". I thought for sure this time I was going to get rejected(good, I can find some new pussy). I didn't(though I have in the past). The mental model you should have is that Hugs, kisses, pecks etc.. are not for you. They are a reward for her. She's not been deserving of such rewards. Physically You are fat, and although not weak, I wouldn't say strong either. If she wants to leave, then she'll try therapy and say she tried, or say she's leaving because you didn't even try therapy. All you can do is work on yourself. This might be over already and there might not be a thing you can do it about. I hate to say this in a competitive frame, but all you can do is beat her to it emotionally. Never chase. If she pushes you away, be pushed away. The dating is a covert contract. I understand why you might think it is not, but you are hoping that your date will lead to some sort of reciprocation. e.g. maybe if I date her, she won't leave. I tried this, and it didn't do shit. My wife did like it though. Dates are a reward for good behavior. Write in the first person, not this weird "man" shit. It's personal. This is as personal as it gets, and yet at the same time the stories are all the same. The game plan for finding out how fuckable you are is exactly that which you are trying to avoid. Try some cold approach, see if you can get a number. I get the sense that this is a type 2 captain situation. Validation seeking man. However, from what has been written there is little drama, almost drifting into apathy which is bad. Other than the gym. Do you have hobbies outside of the home? How well do you dress? cologne? Do you work in an office or at home?
Op Sec
2023-12-31 00:20:15 +0000 UTC5’6” 238Lbs Bench: 205 (x5 rep set not 1RM) Squat: 215 (x5 rep set not 1RM) Dead: 235 (x5 rep set not 1RM) Tech Job Kids yes Married 11 years Notch count about 11
ThatGuy
2023-12-30 01:16:01 +0000 UTCWhat are your particulars? height, weight, main lifts, Job, kids, relationship length, previous dating experience etc.
will zill
2023-12-29 04:55:32 +0000 UTCCough, Questions/Answers: ================== - Where do people post to talk to you during live? - My goal is to get some pussy from my wife. - Maybe you are right about fear of abandonment that's been internalized and buried deep in my subconscious. Parents divorced when I was 7 and dad left. - How fuckable are you is a hard question to answer. Mentally I feel I'd be able to go out there and pick up women the day after. However the real quesiton is would she fuck me. Hard to know since I've been married for the past 11 years head in the sand. I guess I will start playing catch and release to find out. I put some headshots on photofeeler and got rated an average of 8 out of 10 by 80 women. So looks wise I think I'm pretty fuckable. -Do I still approach her for sex from time to time? (when she is acting like this...won't even hug or give me a peck) or just fucking stop trying to fuck her until I know I'm fuckable via catch n' release? Field report 3: Dec 28Th 2023: ========================= Here is some more background from 1 month ago: My wife has been really checked out recently she mentioned therapy and that she would leave if we didn't go. I said leave where? It seemed she got caught in the moment and kind of liked it but continued I don't know. After days of pressuring I caved and agreed to go to 10 sessions. She knows I'm particular about things so she said I could pick where we go. At the same time I find out she's been going to this woman therapist. I found out later she lied to me about her therapist being a christian and having children. Things she knew I would deem important. "Don't take advice from someone you don't want to be like" is one of my mottos. I agreed to going to 10 sessions before I realized she had lied to me about her therapist. Well turns out researching therapists is a pain in the ass and deep down in my heard I don't really wan to go because it's emasculating. I went on and scheduled a session to get to know this dude that seemed pretty cool much older like 70+. He talked our years off and it was a wash I don't think either one of us felt like this is the one. After that I just kind of stopped looking. I asked her a few weeks ago how her therapy sessions have been going and she confirmed that she stopped going. Obviously this was just a sham to get me to go so she can change me into a good pussy boy. So I said nothing more of it and I'm not looking for a therapist. If she asks I'll tell her that I changed my mind I dont' agree with talk therapy but she can go if she wants to. I think the right approach would have been to say ok you want to leave because I won't go to therapy then so be it. The reality is she has no real reason to leave I'm a good provider I don't do drugs or drink etc. This would give her something to add to her. "I tried everyting we even tried therapy and it just didn't work." bullshit list. Re-written field report 2: Dec 28Th 2023: ================================= Anyway with that context I'm going to re-write my first field report: I don't even remember the fucking movie so yes I think you are right it was a covert contact. I was hoping it would bring us closer together. I feel like if I don't do these things from time to time the relationship will dissolve. I've been pulling away for years unintentionally just based on how I react to her shit but I'm afraid it's gotten to a point where I can't pull back any further. So I've started to try to date her at least once a week. Is it not redpill to date your wife? What if I do it with outcome independence no nothing expected. Man sets up date with wife in hopes to re-kindle relationship. Last week we went to a friends party. This week more low key put on a movie and invited her to watch it with me. I remember now it was a show another one of our friends recommended. It was very shitty. During the whole movie his bitch wife is sitting on the far opposite side of the couch. She'd sit closer to a friend or neighbour. Man asks for some fucking phisical connection. Wife rejects with shit excuse. Man accepts life is shit and this is how far he has fallen. Man is sad but thinks I will put this on internet to be judged by my peers. Man desires catholic absolution through calling me a fag. Man doesn't get this. Instead Caugh asks him if he is fuckable. Man adds more batman to report and decides he doesn't know for certain if he is fuckable. Man wonders what is the gameplan for finding out? Man doesn't know. Man considers going up to a woman and asking her how fuckable am I 1-10? (Man things this is funny I'll share it probably a covert contract in there somewhere.)
ThatGuy
2023-12-28 21:41:06 +0000 UTC
