midnight diary: some thoughts that have been keeping me up

Thank you for recording this. It is so beautifully raw, heartfelt, and powerful.

just wanted to say thank you so much for your comment. its been a really difficult week trying to process what's been going on and i've been having trouble trying to just... respond.. at all.. but i really appreciate you responding.. I'm so incredibly grateful to have a community of people behind me who are so kind and supportive. I think no matter where you go, no matter what you're doing, there will always be 'bad eggs.' A community shows its true colors in how much they support each other and are willing to listen and change and, while it would take a lot of swallowing of pride and trying to approach a difficult situation with open minds and empathy for other people, I really hope it's possible that the community will recover...

Hey Ruby - this was hard to listen to, mostly because I could tell how much you were struggling with it, and how difficult it's been not just emotionally and like, intellectually, but personally on an individual level. First of all, I'm glad you recorded it, and I'm glad you said everything you said. As a POC who absolutely loves your work in like, all its forms, on a personal level I'm so glad to hear that like, you both understand the actual harm these things can cause, but that you're also committed to not participating in that harm, and I'm so bitter that the decision to NOT is one that could cost you growth and livelihood - it shouldn't be that way, and my fingers are crossed that at some point it won't be that way, and you don't have to choose, you know? But I thank you for your choice! On the other front, if there's anything I've learned in my decloaked life, it's that interpersonal politics and drama pervade every. single. insular community. It's like a curse, in a way, but on that front, all you can do (not that you're asking for advice!) is to stay focused on exactly what you said - you want to make people happy! You want to do work that you're proud of, and that pays your bills, too, I bet! And like, focus on that as the reason to get out of bed in the morning. I do the *exact* same thing. I wake up and try to remind myself that my work and my actions can help someone today, and despite how shitty I feel or how much the world is on fire, it helps, even a little, maybe just enough that I get a cup of coffee and settle into my routine, heh. I hate that there's this toxicity, this kind of quiet sniping between creators, I had no idea it was a thing in the community (although I probably should have expected it) but you absolutely have a community of people - not just fans, but real living breathing people from varying experiences! - who are here to support you, and who care about your well being and happiness, and spare a thought for you now and again, not just because of your work, but because you're a rad human being. Remember that, yeah? And take care of yourself, first and foremost.

phoenix

You're wonderful ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🧡🧡🧡🧡

Anya Twerk

Thank you for recording this. You did a great job explaining things. I'm sorry you and others are dealing with all these things. I hope you feel better soon and know that we will follow you wherever you go. You do make people happy

Jessie

The cynic in me thinks that they're going to do the bare minimum to give the appearance of public appeasement. And then business will be back to usual in a couple weeks when things quiet down. I really hope I'm wrong, I really do. But the way they've behaved in the past with similar problematic issues, doesn't give me much hope. I can't remember the last time I actually went on to reddit to look for audios. I pretty much just listen to the audios of the people I support through patreon nowadays. It's a damn shame because there could be new voices and artists that I'd like to support that I haven't even seen, but I feel like I've kind of washed my hands of that subreddit for a little while now. Long way of saying, I totally get what you're coming from, and I want nothing but the best for you!

roundone9

honestly cant say much more then what FredR already said but what ever u choose to do you'll have us to be there with you and support what ever choices you make and if u want opinions don't fear to ask and just for good measure we love you and your work and you as a person the little snippets that you share with us and yes lets keep going in the right direction and ever forward

Saniya

Thank you Fred, honestly, for taking the time to listen and to comment. I’m glad it helped in any way at all ^^’ I just hope things get better.. I wish I felt qualified to help.. I hate being the person to be like “thoughts and prayers xx” but I truly don’t think I could do anything better... it’s difficult. The whole thing sucks :( I hope it all at least stays going on the right direction ♥️♥️

Don't know if this is what you want to hear, but I'm proud of you for recording this. It was helpful for me too. I could reflect over the situations along with you. It's difficult. I want to hope that things will change for the better. Their announcement yesterday is the final hope for me. They've recognized a lot of the issues on gwa and the community and asked for ideas in a respectful way. They have agreed to get more moderators, which is the absolute correct first step. Faaaar from enough, but hopefully it will make the subreddit better and less "randomly" moderated. I'm so sorry for the fake friends you've met. I have been there. Being invited to servers because they "want" me there, but some people really don't appreciate me. It fucking sucks. But I count you as a good friend. I hope I'm a good friend to you too. Hugs, ruby. Hope things will turn. 2020 sucked. 2021 started in a sucky way. But there's hope for shit to turn around!!

FredR