hey me

Again, been a while, about 2 months

for new ppl seeing this uhh, I used to write here what happened in my day or just some personal insight but I stopped doing that for quite a while so this might be new to you...

well, talk about why I stopped, I think it was because of fame and ambition, I wanna improve on drawing and monetize it fast that I got too caught up on trying to do that that I forgot to examine my life for some time, I noticed that for the past weeks, I stopped meditating and just be alone with myself because I'm constantly drawing or seeking outside validation...

drawing, I can certainly say that I improved on drawing because uhh, back then, I can't draw arm, hands, clean hair, knee, butt, feet... well, they're not perfect right now but they are recognizable compared to the past where I avoid drawing them completely or I use a reference, nothing wrong with reference but my goal is to draw using my head alone so yeah..

Outside validation... there's definitely a period where I spend most of my days scrolling on twitter waiting for notifications, (I just wrote an entire paragraph hating on myself for doing this but I deleted it xd) in summary, waiting for likes and comments and even expecting it is a bitch move as it will only hinder your goal, imagine if you use those time waiting trying to improve your skill, and another one, what does likes give you? short answer is nothing, literally nothing, maybe it'd make you feel good about yourself for a bit but that dies out fast, not a reliable source of happiness for real....

Not wanting to learn, all my past yapping here derived from ideas I get from podcast or philosophical video I watch on youtube but at one point, I stopped listening to those things because of pride maybe, I don't want to learn more because I believe that I now know everything and I don't need other ideas. This is a shit move because well, it'll make be dumb. Declaring that I know everything would result on me closing my brain on new ideas thus eventually make me dumb,, uhh, yea, pretty cool stuff

In conclusion, good job reading this all and;

1.) Drawing is one thing and you have many thing in your life, don't just do one.

2.) The best validation is a validation that comes from within... I don't know how and it's your job to figure that out.

3.) Hate yourself everyday, it'd push you to be better (don't actually, just remember that comfort kills progress)

quite a yap may I say