[Insider] Toxic Attraction: Chapter 21 Alpha Draft
Added 2024-08-20 19:43:25 +0000 UTCHey friends, well, I am pretty exhausted after
Comments
I didn’t care for the ending. I think it would be nice to know if Sarah slept with Dan or Lester that night.
Todd
2024-08-28 16:25:24 +0000 UTCAh, perfect. Thanks for the info. Then yes, it would logically be far less likely to be Cronos (unless he found a weakness in Lester's computer that we don't know about). Even then, it would be quite the move to get a high level job at a hospital, just because you want to bed the head of administration. Though, stealing her away from Lester might be a bigger motivator? That said, Cronos is now less likely
YouTensil
2024-08-25 17:01:32 +0000 UTCYt, the video Cronos saw was the one of Lester taking Lizzie from behind on his bed. He saw Lester looking towards the open bedroom door where Sarah was watching them fuck, and realised there was somebody there. Lester told him she was a hot white whale blond mother but she was not for sale. So, cronos has no idea what she looks like.
Royston smith
2024-08-25 13:56:49 +0000 UTCAnd we are left wanting more
John Lewis
2024-08-25 12:07:08 +0000 UTCAnother flaw with this chapter is the lack of discussion between Sarah and Dan about the difference £250k (or £200k in tge Peter scene) could make to their lives, if Dan plugged in the software to Byron’s computer. In 13, these are Sarah’s thoughts on Lester charging that amount of money to her Hospital. “ “Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars,” Lester said flatly, “I don’t require anything upfront payment net thirty once you regain access to your systems.” That is a lot of money. Sarah couldn’t help but think about how that much money could change her family’s life and solve so many issues for them. If only Dan could figure out a way to bring that much into their bank account. How much money does Lester have”? So, shouldn’t she be similarly impressed with the amount of money Peter has offered Dan? Wouldn’t it mean they could pay their debts off and Dan could move back home?
Royston smith
2024-08-25 10:26:33 +0000 UTCTo be honest I can't quite remember the details and I maybe wrong, but wasn't Cronos paying Lester for videos, including Sarah? And, in part, it was Lester deciding not to share more videos of Sarah that got Cronos mad at him. Now, did Lester edit the videos to mask her identity? Not sure. Lester is perhaps the most obvious choice. We shall have to see!
YouTensil
2024-08-24 21:22:50 +0000 UTCAgreed he doesn’t like responsibility, but would being near to Sarah override/compensate for that? Regards Cronos, whilst I agree he would be a character Don may well introduce some way down the line, I don’t think it will be now. How would he have gained an image of Sarah for a start? He would have had to have hacked into Lester’s system in someway which I don’t think would be possible would it?
Royston smith
2024-08-24 11:00:36 +0000 UTCI wondered that, but he doesn't seem the sort to want that much responsibility. Maybe he plans to be the head of IT from his room back in Chicago?! Another option is Cronos? The issues there would be: did he end up in Middleton by coincidence, or did he go there to be near Sarah. If he had an image of Sarah he could have used that to track her down? We don't know much about him (other than he has no morals and lots of money), so maybe he was looking for a new job? Alternatively, it could just be a new character. Time will tell!
YouTensil
2024-08-24 08:25:23 +0000 UTCMost likely....unless he brings in new blood as he is replacing old guard with his people. Could be a foil for Lester in the future? New threat.
Fuzzy Shark
2024-08-23 21:06:36 +0000 UTCAny bets on the new head if IT? It’s got to be Lester surely?
Royston smith
2024-08-23 20:47:59 +0000 UTCThis is a problem too:- Sarah’s reaction to the Jesse/Byron situation seems a bit weird. It appears Dan has told her of their nefarious intentions, but she doesn’t seem bothered. So, yet another person knows about the Lester/Sarah/Dan menage a trois and she’s not bothered. Think back to her reaction to Jesse finding out. She was really pissed. Would she not at least be a little annoyed? This is skated over too easily in my opinion.
Royston smith
2024-08-23 20:11:08 +0000 UTCyes, would love the D&D gang back in to use her
whiterhino
2024-08-23 19:10:17 +0000 UTCI would agree with that sentiment
Fuzzy Shark
2024-08-23 14:56:38 +0000 UTCYou know that thing about Lester just being her fuck toy, was a play by Sarah to ensure the “dates” keep going. She knows the truth. She is his fuck doll.
Royston smith
2024-08-23 14:25:41 +0000 UTCNever said she should while Dan was away, just anticipating a setback possibility without Dan or better yet a scenario that includes him. But Sarah always goes back to Dan after the humiliations and the fantasy scenarios with Lester. As long as sarah continues this path of including Dan so not to actually replace Dan with Lester, she gets it all. She said so herself, she has to play this carefully to get what she wants.( must be learning from Lester) I don't think it's a contradiction that at the end of the day she lets Dan reclaim her to keep their relationship on solid ground, weather it is satisfying or not for her......small sacrifice to make
Fuzzy Shark
2024-08-23 10:03:17 +0000 UTCThat thought certainly crossed my mind! It was a nice detail.
YouTensil
2024-08-23 09:19:18 +0000 UTC“Ah fuck,” Dan felt his balls tighten, “I’m gonna cum.” “Cum for me daddy!” Sarah roared as her nails dug into the couch. Was Sarah thinking about Lester here when she has sex with Dan? Was she really imagining Lester not Dan underneath her?
Royston smith
2024-08-23 08:47:26 +0000 UTCYet another problem I have found with the Peter scene is the following contradiction. In 21 we read this:”“So, you said something had changed in your email?” Peter said getting right down to business. He hadn’t even ordered a coffee”. But in 17 the card Peter gives Dan doesn’t contain an email address, only a telephone number:”Tread lightly, friend,” Peter said as he reached into his suit jacket. He pulled out a white card and handed it to Dan. Dan looked it over. It was blank, except for a telephone number written in black ink. “In case anything changes,” Peter said before joining the stream of bodies moving on the sidewalk. The list of contradictions goes on and on with this scene: how much money is Dan offered? 250k or £200k? If there is somebody working for Peter on the inside why doesn’t he/she plug in the device in the first place, cutting out the need for Jesse or Dan? Etc. etc. Don, this scene is ill thought out and needs a complete rewrite. It has all the hallmarks of being hastily written. The only way Dan can contact Peter is by telephone. The ridiculous notion of plugging a device in the back of Byron’s computer should be dropped.
Royston smith
2024-08-23 07:01:55 +0000 UTCSorry Fuzzy, but you contradict yourself. You think denying sex to Dan would create too many problems for their relationship, but then say Sarah should get with Lester and the DnD gang whilst Dan is away? Wouldn’t that be a much more serious betrayal of Dan? No, I think Dan would be putty in “bad girl” Sarah’s hands, if she insisted on sucking him off rather than fucking him. He has just watched her suck off, in the lewdest fashion, a complete stranger and allowed it. He has heard her admit that Lester is the best fuck and owns her pussy, so for the “bad girl” to play into this with Dan in the bedroom makes perfect sense and plays further into his fantasy.
Royston smith
2024-08-23 06:46:24 +0000 UTCI would not agree with the denial by Sarah, as it would create to much friction and signal to Dan that she only wants Lester. Contrary to popular opinion, I think that action would doom the marriage and back to Sara only being satisfied by Lester,(this episode clearly shows that is not the case as Sara has grown into her own) Lester isn't going anywhere and he will keep scheming now to keep pushing boundaries that have evaporated. D & D gang next while Dan is away? Or better yet, watching.......
Fuzzy Shark
2024-08-23 01:20:18 +0000 UTCTotally agree with the symbolism of her actions toward Lester at the end. Bold statement that Lester will be having trouble accepting or processing. I think Lester has made a significant change in Sarah, just not quite the one he was anticipating. Law of unintended consequences? Don threaded this one perfectly IMHO...
Fuzzy Shark
2024-08-23 01:12:01 +0000 UTCWith Sarah just walking away and then going straight to Dan just let Lester know how unimportant his feelings are and how little his words mean after the fun has ended. I think he will be angry now knowing his cock is only one of her play things for there perverse fantasy.
Mel
2024-08-23 00:47:45 +0000 UTCThe more I think about it the more I think the Peter scene ruins what is otherwise an excellent chapter, due to its inconsistencies. —The biggest flaw is that Peter says Dan only needs to fit the device , he will get somebody else to remove it. If that were true then this implies Peter has someone on the inside already. So why not have that person fit the device as well as remove it. Why does Peter need Dan or Jesse at all? —Another problem Sarah articulates:” You just need to plug something into the back of Byron’s computer.? And he’s gonna pay you two hundred and fifty thousand dollars for that?” Sarah said, “It seems almost too good to be true.” It certainly is!! Ridiculous!!
Royston smith
2024-08-22 23:10:37 +0000 UTCMy feeling is that at this stage in the story, when Sarah is with Lester, it feels right that she is still primarily focused on him. When she is with Dan she is also kind of thinking about Lester too. The story has clearly set up several (many?) guys she will likely get with. This feels like the place for her to explore the other dimensions of her fantasy. This would then allow for friction to occurred when she is again with Lester. In the current chapter, it feels like she has already mentally moved Lester from her obsession and possible lover (previously teased at but surely not happening now?) to just some guy, or more specifically a nice cock. I'm certainly not against mixing things up and watching Sarah's character grow and change. For me, this chapter went a touch to far, to soon.
YouTensil
2024-08-22 22:22:45 +0000 UTCLet's be honest, this story only has sex scenes. Nothing else is even remotely consistent or realistic. Her supposed important family doesn't exist. All Don is doing is using a shell of a universe he has created to write various sex scenes. That's it. There really isn't any flow. Lester is the only character with any substance and he is practically a cartoon villain. I stay for the sex scenes as I long ago gave up on expecting Don to deliver anything actually resembling a well thought out plot. You are absolutely correct that Dan and Sarah are not the same and no amount of arguing "corruption" is going to convince me.
Elfy
2024-08-22 22:15:47 +0000 UTCThat was a very enjoyable chapter. There is lots going on, but it is all clear and intresting. There are a few areas where things feel somewhat rushed. Maybe compressed is a better way of describing it. This mainly refers to Dan and Sarah discussing date nights and even pushing things forward. That said, I do think the intensity of the scene was epic and worked well. I also understand the need to make progress without there being at least one more chapter to get to that point. Related to that point, I wonder if it would be more believable if Sarah was subtly taking more of the lead when discussing date nights with Lester? That might make Dan going along with it make a little more sense? That finale sex scene was amazing! I think I have seen others say that including a little more of what Dan and Sarah are thinking would amp things up, and I agree. My only other suggestion would be for Sarah to whisper to lester something like "thank you, daddy" or "I loved that, daddy" to Lester after he has cum. For me it just needed that last moment of intensity between them. As currently, she kind of just stands up and walks away. It would also create a little more intrest in our reading of that moment. We know Lester did not intend for it to happen, but his goading of the situation led Sarah to think otherwise. This could happen after her she looks down and feels a sense of power over Lester. And I get that this is about her asserting herself becoming the prime mover of things. But I feel tempering that in this moment would flow better? It still sets the course of things to come, but currently her attitude to Lester at the start and conclusion of the sex is perhaps too stark? From besotted to totally indifferent is a big leap. Especially as we are well aware of her desire to become a sexually free agent. She can feel empowered by the events, taking what she wants, whilst also (currently) thankful to Lester for making it happen? I loved the additions to the blackmail plot, including the DL reference! Byron and the group certainly seem more dangerous (almost maniacally so!). Given the groups (near limitless) resources, I feel it would still make sense for Byron to tell Dan that if he plays his part and doesn't do anything stupid, this could be profitable for him (also leading to more blackmail potential in the future, accepting dirty money, etc.). Regarding Vernon taking Lester's wallet. Is that merely a 'fuck you' to Lester, for not paying him, or is it setting him up as another recurring character? Either is fine, but I just don't want too many new threads. Again, really great chapter. Those of us who are a little nervous as to where the next step will take the story (mainly regarding Lester and Sarah), will be excitedly awaiting the next installment.
YouTensil
2024-08-22 21:54:45 +0000 UTCDS is on record stating that he’s not a big fan of bimbofication. Sarah should just reach out and stroke Vernon’s cock and ask Lester does he want her to suck it while totally ignoring Dan.
J Lewis
2024-08-22 21:31:12 +0000 UTCYes Jack, i was thinking along similar lines with the rim job. Good point.
Royston smith
2024-08-22 21:02:27 +0000 UTCThis would definitely be an upgrade to the story.
Robert Smith
2024-08-22 20:12:18 +0000 UTCI’m not sure i’m liking the bimbofication of sarah. I very much liked the original direction where Lester was what was driving her fantasies as opposed to this route where she’s going deeper and deeper and turning into a slut. Would’ve liked the see the rimjob part exclusively reserved for Lester. Her behavior also doesn’t align with the previous chapters where she didn’t want to do that to Lester even.
Jackfrost
2024-08-22 20:05:33 +0000 UTCA good twist at the end of this chapter, and one it seems most insiders would agree with, would be Sarah to deny Dan her pussy, in line with Lester’s orders. Instead she should insist on sucking/pulling him off. Paradoxically, I think Dan would be turned on by this. Once she has finished Dan off, she could go and knock on Lester’s door and apologise to Lester/Daddy for being a naughty girl and sucking Vernon off. Lester could then take her again and Dan watch through the peephole.
Royston smith
2024-08-22 18:48:34 +0000 UTCThe Peter scene in particular, simply doesn’t ring true to me. There are several flaws. —He seems less self assured than in his original scene when he was introduced to the story. In that scene he was portrayed as decisive, albeit secretive. In this chapter it seems he cedes the initiative to Dan far too easily. For example, Peter knows Dan fell out with Byron, would he not ask how he has got back in his good books? He simply accepts Dan’s version of events without probing. Don writes the 3main characters really well, but sometimes the minor characters don’t seem as convincing, unless they are minor characters in a sex scene of course. —Another problem with the scene is where it is set, in Starbucks. Given Peter’s obsessive secrecy doesn’t this seem a little strange? Anyone could overhear their conversation. — again another flaw is that In 17 he says to Dan: “I’m interested in retaining your services. Particularly if you get in touch with an old client of yours, we’re interested in any information you might be able to provide about one of their current projects,” but in 21 he seems uninterested in the same project when Dan tells him he is now working on it. All he seems to want him to do is fit a device on Byron’s computer, which is something Jesse could quite easily do. Jesse is the one who has given Byron the dirt on Dan, so Byron can plot his revenge, so one would expect Jesse to have better access to Byron’s office to confer on their tactics when Sarah arrives, not Dan. He would keep Dan at arms length. Peter originally wanted to employ Dan for his greater expertise in the project over Jesse. Now he is employing Dan to do something Jesse could do equally as well and he would probably have more opportunity to accomplish the task, given that he is trusted by Byron when Dan obviously is not. —the biggest flaw is that Peter says Dan only needs to fit the device , he will get somebody else to remove it. If that were true then this implies Peter has someone on the inside already. So why not have that person fit the device as well as remove it. Why does Peter need Dan or Jesse at all? — wouldn’t Byron see a device sticking out the back of his computer? —Another problem Sarah articulates:” You just need to plug something into the back of Byron’s computer.? And he’s gonna pay you two hundred and fifty thousand dollars for that?” Sarah said, “It seems almost too good to be true.” It does seem implausible! Very!!! —Finally, the sum Dan asked for was £200k but Sarah later says £250k. So, a very flawed scene in my opinion. The other point I would raise concerns Sarah’s reaction to the Jesse/Byron situation. It appears Dan has told her of their nefarious intentions, but she doesn’t seem bothered. So, yet another person knows about the Lester/Sarah/Dan menage a trois and she’s not bothered. Think back to her reaction to Jesse finding out. She was really pissed. Would she not at least be a little annoyed? This is skated over too easily in my opinion.
Royston smith
2024-08-22 11:52:48 +0000 UTCMixed feelings on this Chapter. My personal preference is while Sarah says all the right things to Dan reference Lester “he’s my fuck toy”, at this point of the story Lester is her addiction. Chapter would be “spicier” if in Dan and Sarah’s dialogue DS shares Sarah’s thoughts that I hope are in contradiction to what she is telling Dan. Then again this is DS’s story so he can write it as he sees this story unfolding.
J Lewis
2024-08-22 11:14:39 +0000 UTCIt doesn’t have the same effect because the fantasy is for Dan, she just uses Lester’s body as a tool to fulfil this fantasy and because she enjoys it so much. So when she had another cock to suck, Lester became irrelevant with only his cock serving a purpose.
Mel
2024-08-22 07:07:08 +0000 UTCI disagree deprive. Lester is the one who has unlocked Sarah’s inner sexual alter ego. He is very far from being a cuck. He gets her to admit her pussy is his not Dan’s, in front if Dan and Vernon.That Lester is a way better fuck than Dan. I love that Sarah has her own dominant side too. It all makes them much more rounded characters, with their own strengths and weaknesses. If Lester had it his own way all the time the story would become boring. Anyway, don’t worry, Lester will find a way to prevail. He always does!
Royston smith
2024-08-21 21:14:19 +0000 UTCSo, this was a wonderful chapter, especially the final sex scene where finally we had Sarah’s desire for 2 cocks fulfilled. It was so well written and paced. The build up with the pizza delivery man, Vernon’s lascivious attention on Sarah, Lester’s taking of Sarah in front of the gawking sexually aroused males, whilst taunting Dan by making Sarah admit he is the better fuck and he owns her pussy, and then Vernon’s intervention and Sarah’s hidden, but triumphant sexual alter ego taking centre stage, with Lester vanquished. I loved the Vernon character and would love to see him feature again, although he seems to have burnt his bridges with Lester! Don writes this sort of dissolute character so well. Vernon was every bit as good a character as Cash. Loved: “Be more careful whose lap you fall into dear”! So, all in all a brilliant chapter that didn’t disappoint, but I think it could be improved in some areas, as I outline below:- The Peter scene in particular, simply doesn’t ring true to me. There are several flaws. —He seems less self assured than in his original scene when he was introduced to the story. In that scene he was portrayed as decisive, albeit secretive. In this chapter it seems he cedes the initiative to Dan far too easily. For example, Peter knows Dan fell out with Byron, would he not ask how he has got back in his good books? He simply accepts Dan’s version of events without probing. Don writes the 3main characters really well, but sometimes the minor characters don’t seem as convincing, unless they are minor characters in a sex scene of course. —Another problem with the scene is where it is set, in Starbucks. Given Peter’s obsessive secrecy doesn’t this seem a little strange? Anyone could overhear their conversation. — again another flaw is that In 17 he says to Dan: “I’m interested in retaining your services. Particularly if you get in touch with an old client of yours, we’re interested in any information you might be able to provide about one of their current projects,” but in 21 he seems uninterested in the same project when Dan tells him he is now working on it. All he seems to want him to do is fit a device on Byron’s computer, which is something Jesse could quite easily do. Jesse is the one who has given Byron the dirt on Dan, so Byron can plot his revenge, so one would expect Jesse to have better access to Byron’s office to confer on their tactics when Sarah arrives, not Dan. He would keep Dan at arms length. Peter originally wanted to employ Dan for his greater expertise in the project over Jesse. Now he is employing Dan to do something Jesse could do equally as well and he would probably have more opportunity to accomplish the task, given that he is trusted by Byron when Dan obviously is not. —the biggest flaw though, is that Peter says Dan only needs to fit the device , he will get somebody else to remove it. If that were true then this implies Peter has someone on the inside already. So why not have that person fit the device as well as remove it. Why does Peter need Dan or Jesse at all? —Another problem Sarah articulates:” You just need to plug something into the back of Byron’s computer.? And he’s gonna pay you two hundred and fifty thousand dollars for that?” Sarah said, “It seems almost too good to be true.” It does! I agree Sarah! completely implausible! It needs a rethink. —Finally, the sum Dan asked for was £200k but Sarah later says £250k. So, a very flawed scene in my opinion. The other point I would raise concerns Sarah’s reaction to the Jesse/Byron situation. It appears Dan has told her of their nefarious intentions, but she doesn’t seem bothered. So, yet another person knows about the Lester/Sarah/Dan menage a trois and she’s not bothered?? Think back to her reaction to Jesse finding out. She was really pissed. Would she not at least be a little annoyed? This is skated over far too easily in my opinion.
Royston smith
2024-08-21 20:38:55 +0000 UTCIdealy Sarah regaining control would be her controlling all of the other factors in her life which then allow her to lose control with Lester which is what she craves. She's the most turned on when she's not in control and Lester is the one who provides that for her. Between Dan throwing Lester out last chapter and then this random guy getting Sarah to suck him in front of Lester against his wishes you're taking this iconic bull you've built up over 19.5 chapters and turning him into a cuck but it just doesn't have the same effect as Dan is a way better written straight man for the cuck role.
Deprivedone
2024-08-21 20:38:45 +0000 UTCyes. i’d love to see sarah become more and more dissatisfied with dan’s sexual performance. i’d love to see the stresses of life and sarah’s dissatisfaction lead to some additional performance issues for dan. a spiral that leads to his eventual sidelining in favor of lester, at least sexually. lester will get his wish for exclusive access to sarah.
noah
2024-08-21 13:21:16 +0000 UTCStory really started off slow and in the weeds , but with purpose! This really sets things up going forward. Sarah seducing Byron and Jesse at Byron's office so Dan can plant the recording device, hopefully setting up Jesse as the fall guy for the spying. I am happy to see Dan seeing thru Peter's bluff and demanding big payday! Loved 1) Sarah embracing her kink and acknowledging that she needed to thread the needle with Dan and Lester to get what SHE wanted... 2) Dan was present and let Sarah explore her limits without yelling Pineapple.... 3) Lester loosing and unable to regain control of Sarah , 4) Sarah referencing Lester as just her sex toy! Seems like an excellent way to compartmentalize Lester to help Sarah not loose control. 5) Sarah going back to Dan at the end to finish him off! Would love to hear their conversation and their thoughts after. Great progression in the story!!! Well done!
Fuzzy Shark
2024-08-21 11:56:07 +0000 UTCJust a thought..maybe Lester after getting her to say she would fuck anyone after looking at vernon gets her to tell him that she would stop fucking Dan if he asked...like a bit of a different contrast there...also maybe she could whisper something to Lester than Dan can here, like 'I love this' but initially starts as I love you ..
Bob James
2024-08-21 10:59:16 +0000 UTCOutstanding. After Dan maybe a trip back to Lester.
John Lewis
2024-08-21 10:23:53 +0000 UTCLoved how Lester lost a little control - would love to read more about Dan and Sarah afterwards in their room with Dan cuming quickly and Sarah dissatisfied.
James Singh
2024-08-21 08:05:17 +0000 UTCSorry, auto corrected, should have said Sarah lol
Mel
2024-08-21 06:08:52 +0000 UTCSorry Mel, who us Sasha?
Royston smith
2024-08-21 06:07:22 +0000 UTCLol
Elfy
2024-08-21 01:57:39 +0000 UTCBest chapter by far, Sasha is now fully in control
Mel
2024-08-20 22:49:23 +0000 UTCAbsolutely brilliant! The 2 cocks scenario at last. I loved it!
Royston smith
2024-08-20 21:53:05 +0000 UTCno one picks up a slice of deep dish pizza and eats it unless it’s cold. lol
noah
2024-08-20 21:38:28 +0000 UTC
