Task 6 – Intimacy of Self Love

[Seems I'm 2k words short of this book, didn't realize I started with tasks and then went into chapters and it's urking my OCD, anyways, here's the beginning of this chapter which for some reason is taking me time and I'd like to say it's just one masturbation session, but I honestly start, have to run and do errands and start again. So I think I've masturbated 5 times writing this so far and I'm only half way done...]

This seemed like a task that didn’t seem as embarrassing or as intimate as I thought it was going to be. I as suggested to describe in great detail, when I masturbate, touch myself…pleasure myself, I’m not even sure the best, sexiest way to say it and it’s already making me blush at the thought. I mean I’ve written about it before, but never while I was doing it, things were always memories, or fantasy scenarios, but to think about saying exactly what I’m doing while I’m doing it. I guess for a lot of people, including myself, masturbating is a very personal and private thing, maybe because so many still see it as dirty or maybe it’s something you usually do alone.

Even when I touch myself or have been touched by other people intimately it’s more of a group thing and you’re in that mindset, but when you are alone, the whole world tends to fade away and there is no one there with you other than yourself and your own thoughts. The thought is making me wet though, the idea that people are almost watching me as I’m about to do something that no one else has ever watched me do.

My whole body feels like it shivers when it gets this aroused, my stomach clenches at the same time, it’s not fear that surges through me, but more so excitement like I rarely ever feel.

I’m currently sitting in my chair, clothed in my usual lazy day clothes, not very sexy, but this is supposed to be real, not some erotic story where I wear a silk nightie or lace bra and panties. As a tomboy I wouldn’t even wear those things if I wanted to anyways. Just my old running shorts, a baggie shirt without any underwear at all. Good thing I don’t wear this in public though because I could already see my nipples hardening under the thin cotton material.

I tend to start with my clothes on, I mean sometimes I don’t remove them at all, but the feeling of my clothes coming off the more aroused I get and how they feel against my skin as they come off, feels so amazing. I tend to start with my hair though, running a hand through my hair as if a lover were actually about to kiss me, a slight tug at the end because he knows I like it a bit rough and the slight pain on my scalp is one of my weak points. My hand travels to my cheek and to my lips, circling around them, sensitive from rarely ever being touched and sometimes when I feel really aroused, I slip a finger into my mouth and wish it was a cock instead.

Usually by now I delve into dirty scenarios in my imagination, things I’ve written about, people I’ve always thought about or if that isn’t enough, I’ll read on literotica a new exhibitionist story or look for some hentai manga or videos that always turn me on. A Forbidden Time is one of my favorite series to watch and ENF, exhibitionist and blackmail stuff is what I look for in manga. My imagination sometimes gets the best of me but reading stories and putting myself into the place of the girls is what got me into all the fetishes I have now.

My right hand finds my breasts, nipples hard and sensitive through the cotton, even with the shirt on it feels so amazing to slowly circle each nipple, getting them to strain harder against the material. Groping each breast, more than a handful for my tiny hands but just enough for a man to control me. My left hand takes over while my right travels down my stomach to my running shorts.

So comfortable and yet in this situation makes me feel so dirty, the idea that I used to wear these same clothes for cross-country practice and the thought of doing what I’m doing now there. Out in the open, deciding to go without underwear and hoping no one notices, my breasts swaying with every stride and my nipples hardening. The sweat slowly making my shirt cling harder to the curves of the body that no one in school knew existed. To them I was just a flat prepubescent boy without any curves, if only they all knew the truth.

Even through the material I can feel my warmth and wetness, it’s hard to stifle my moans, but I now have roommates and I don’t want them to get the wrong idea of me and spread rumors. One is a true republican Christian who probably believes sex, let alone masturbation is a sin and the other I’m not really sure yet. She’s very quiet and keeps to herself, we talk a little but it feels awkward at times and not being very social myself, I try not to push.

I slip my hand down to my bare right thigh and slip up through the leg hole and start to tease myself. It feels so much dirtier to do it this way. Anyone who has permission can slip their hand down the waist band, but up through the leg hole feels like an invasion, someone taking me, the struggle of a larger hand through such a small space to touch my most intimate area. I gently trace my fingers around my lips and I can feel myself start to drip from how turned on I am. Something about writing something so private is sending my mind and body into overdrive.

I shiver at the thought, but ass and abs clench and it almost feels like my pussy quivers that I’m so turned on. It’s embarrassing at the same time, feeling so mentally vulnerable and exposed, but that just adds fuel to the fire. I enjoy the humiliation, the exposure and I’m lucky enough that I haven’t grown a tolerance for it, that every time feels new and just as intense as the last.