46. An Attentive Girl

Stash rushed to give me some water. He said a few words to the girl, who looked shocked.

-I apologise, my lady. Ḿĺ is still learning.- He signed hastily before wiping the rest of the food that had splattered down my chin.

-My sorry! My sorry!-  The girl signed repeatedly. 

She looked completely distraught as she repeated the hand sign over and over again. She looked like she had just broken an expensive vase… Somehow, meeting someone more clumsy than I made me happy.

As Stash finally finished cleaning me up, I signed to her.

-Your name is Ḿĺ, right?-

The girl stopped her frantic apologies and tilted her head. 

-Sorry. What say?- She responded. 

From the way she signed, I could tell she was still learning the Secret Language.  Some people seem to pick it up quicker than others.

-Your. Name. Is. Ḿ ĺ. Right ?- I signed slowly. 

She repeated the signs to herself before her eyes lit up.

-Yes! Yes! Ḿĺ.- She signed back, smiling.

-Our names are similar! Mine is Śĺḵ! Almost the same intonations! Can I call you Ḿĺ? It will be even closer!-

I knew how to write consonants, so I could guess her name must be something close to Mili, but I wasn’t sure what the '-' tone sounded like.

She seemed to hesitate for a moment. Stash told her a few words, and her eyes lit up once again. 

-Yes! I like name!- She responded as she nodded excitedly.

Stash then took the time to explain who Mili was.

He explained that Lionheart wanted to make sure I was well taken care of, and although the maids had all been kind, I was unable to talk with any of them. Stash had tried to teach some basic phrases to them with moderate success. Most could ask me basic questions, such as if I was thirsty or hurt, but they struggled to understand anything beyond nodding and shaking my head. 

That’s where Mili came in.

Apparently, she was the daughter of one of our family’s knights, Sir Glsr. She had joined him in the capital last fall and was actually the one who volunteered to become my playmate when Stash had started inquiring with the staff. 

Originally, she had come to the capital to get some experience, but there had been little in the way of interesting work for her to do, and as she was both highly learned and literate, Mili had spent her days helping with keeping the household books and doing menial administrative work around the estate. 

-From now on, Mili will be the one to look after you. You can call for me at any time if the need arises, of course. Mili is still learning, so I hope my lady will be patient with her.- He concluded his introduction.

I nodded and smiled at Mili in response.

It was exciting to no longer have an adult with me all day long. Maybe Mili would also be able to play with me? Stash had tried to entertain me, but it just wasn’t the same as playing with other kids.

Stash turned to Mili and talked to her for a few moments. There were a few back and forth, probably instructions, before he turned back to me.

-I wish you a wonderful day, my lady-Stash finally announced before bowing and taking his leave, leaving the two of us alone in the garden.

We looked at each other awkwardly for a few moments. I was unsure what to say, so I turned my attention back to my unfinished plate. 

Once I finish the meat, the green always feels more bland and bitter in comparison… 

There was a Seeir saying that went something like: ‘Those who do not know, do not crave’. I hadn't understood the meaning in the past, but now it all made sense. I did try to skip the salad yesterday, but Stash scolded me. Maybe Mili wouldn’t? 

Fork in hand, I stole a glance in her direction. She was still staring at me with an intense look in her eyes. 

Had she caught on with my plan already? 

It’s not worth the risk… I chowed down the herbs as quickly as I could, doing my best to ignore the bitter prickle in my throat. I washed it all down with a warm cup of tea and sat back in my chair. The entire time, Mili had never stopped staring. 

I don’t think she even blinked and, somehow, had managed to inch all the way to a few inches away from me. If she stared any harder, I think her eyes would pop right out of their sockets.

-Are you…?- I began to sign when she jumped forward and stared at my hands intensely. Making me back away by reflex.

What’s wrong with her?

She turned her head to me, perplexed.

-Sorry, no understand words. Again?-

Uh? Was she trying to see what I was signing?

I gently pushed her back and slowly signed.

-Are you alright?-

I saw her eyes trace every movement of my hands. She repeated the sign to herself before nodding seriously.

-Yes! I alright!- She answered proudly before going back to staring intensely. 

I could feel a grimace creeping on my face. At least now I understand why she looked at me so intensely. 

When first learning the Secret Language, it’s very easy to miss a hand movement if you’re not paying attention… So it made sense, but maybe she was trying a bit too hard…?

I sipped on my cup of tea as I tried to ignore her gaze. 

I closed my eyes and immersed myself in the flavour.

Like with most teas, the first thing I noticed was not the taste, but the aroma. The ones I had drunk before coming here had mostly a floral smell, but this one was more fruity. Almost like wild berries. The taste, on the other hand, wasn’t sweet. 

Actually, I found tea to be a strange concept. The taste was never particularly good. If someone asked me to describe it, I would probably say that it is bitter with hints of whatever it smells like. Yet, somehow, I liked drinking it. It made me stop thinking for a moment and instead made me appreciate the things around me.

I looked around me. The courtyard was smaller than the one I grew up in. So compact that the courtyard was surrounded on three sides by the rest of the mansion. At first, I thought it looked cramped, but now that I was sitting here, it didn't feel so bad. Flowers surrounded the central pavilion, trees were planted along the path and climbing plants grew on the walls, giving the impression that we were actually inside a dense forest. 

I took a deep breath and took in the smells of nature. Having lived in the city for quite some time now, I had almost forgotten this feeling.

My mind feeling calmer, I turned to Mili and waved at her before signing.

-Don’t Worry. I will warn you before I sign.-

She watched attentively as I signed slowly. She signed back to herself, and in an instant, her posture relaxed. She let out a sigh that I could only imagine must have sounded very relieved.

-Thank you.- She simply signed back with a smile.

I nodded and went back to take another sip, but my tea cup was empty. 

I sat back on my seat and…

Wait. What do I do now? Actually, what do I usually do?

Normally, once the meal is over, Stash would bring me somewhere to shop for furniture, pick colours for clothes or take measurements. He would bring me out to go to church, give me writing lessons or take me out to play with Jade…I don’t usually have anything to do.

I turned to Mili.

-Is there anything else planned today?- I asked her, curious.

She signed back to herself and thought for a few moments, but simply shook her head in response.

[Uh. Nothing. That’s… Boring.] I said to Darkie.

“I guess it’s been a long time since we’ve been bored. At the orphanage, there’s always a game to play, a thing to clean or a class to learn, but Jade isn’t here, and the servants take care of cleaning.” He replied in his bunny voice.

We both let out a sigh. I never considered that having it easier also meant having nothing to do.

I felt a small poking sensation on my shoulder. I turned around to a smiling Mil.

-Want to walk?- She suggested.

Walk? 

“She’s right! We haven’t visited the house yet!” Darkie said

[Right!]

It had completely slipped my mind. 

The house was huge, much bigger than the orphanage, but I had only visited the garden, the entrance hall, the dining room and my own bedroom. This was a perfect opportunity!

-Yes, please! I want to see everything!- I signed excitedly.

She smiled excitedly and, without a second thought, took me by the hand, short of yanking me out of my seat. 

We began our visit by going through the lobby. I'd been curious about the door just on the side of the main entrance, and it turns out that it was a sitting room. It looked very nice and comfortable, so I tried to take a seat, but as soon as I did, a cloud of dust jumped into the air. 

Mili panicked and quickly patted me down. As we left, she talked to some maids so it would get cleaned.  From the way she spoke, I understood that the Baron hadn't received guests in a while… It was odd, but I decided not to ask Mili about it. It might just confuse her.

Next, we continued down the lobby towards the left to two large doors. She took out a key from her apron and unlocked the doors. 

Beyond was a large room with high ceilings, with a gallery visible above. I recognised it as a great hall where celebrations would be held, but the place was strangely cluttered. Even the podium where the master of the household’s chair would be placed was empty. I asked Mili about it, but she simply said that my father hadn't held a celebration in a while, so the space was being used as storage. 

She walked through the hall towards the garden, where we entered the greenhouse, where one could enjoy the sunlight even during winter. It was also used to grow plants, so the maids had garnished the sides with flowers and herbs.

Mili then led us through the pantry back to the lobby. We then headed in the opposite direction from the great hall. 

I was familiar with this hallway, since this was the way to the dining room. Going past it, the corridor was blocked by a door, beyond which were a variety of rooms used by the staff. Many people were running about here, so we didn't visit all of them, but still made a point to stop by the kitchen. 

We greeted the head chef, who was all smiles when he noticed my presence. He even gave me a cookie before allowing us through his kitchen as Mili led me toward a staircase heading downward. 

It was much colder and darker here, and Mili had to use a lantern. She said it was one of her favourite places in the household since it looked like a castle or dungeon, but I felt slightly scared going to such a dark and damp space. She explained that this part of the house was much older than the rest, as the house proper had been renovated many times over, but the foundation had remained the same for centuries. 

We walked past the different cold storage facilities and came to a large reinforced wooden door.

Scared, but curious, I asked what was on the other side, but she said staff weren’t allowed beyond this point. Only the knights and the lord could go there. Mili then spoke of a rumour that said that it led to an elaborate network of passages that connected the whole of Evergreen… But she thought that it was actually where the knights imprisoned the ferals and witches they had captured over the years.

A shiver ran down my back as she told me the story, and luckily, we headed back the way we came quickly. 

We then made our way to the second floor through the lobby. 

This was the same floor where my room was. We walked down the long hallways with great windows facing the inner courtyard. Mili explained that these rooms varied in use depending on the season. Apparently, one of Lionheart’s ancestors had many, many children and had always wished for them to have a place to return to, so all of these could be converted to a bedroom at a moment's notice.  

We continued down the hallway where she pointed out a few key rooms, such as the head maid’s office, Stash’s office, a few studies and libraries. She finally stopped at a door at the end of the corridor.

-This is Baron’s chamber. Me not allowed inside.-She explained.

I made a mental note of it. My room was at the very beginning of the hallway by the stairs, so I only had to walk straight down to reach his. It shouldn’t be too difficult to remember.

We headed back up the hallway, and she showed me the way to a balcony overlooking the great hall. There were several more chambers here, but she stated that those were currently used for storage. 

We finally headed to the third floor. Just by the stairs was a wide hall filled with paintings, statues, pottery, armour and weapons. From what Mili told me, the doors were closed during the night to avoid theft.

I looked around at the paintings and stopped at one that seemed to depict Lionheart. He looked younger. The dark circles were absent underneath his eyes, and he seemed happier. There was a portrait next to his, depicting a woman.. 

-Who is that beside, Lionheart?- I asked Mili, but she looked confused.

-Sorry. What lion heart?-

I pointed at his painting.

-My father.- I explained.

Her eyes lit up, but then she frowned in confusion.

-You call your dad ‘Lionheart’? Why not, Dad?-

I shrugged at her question.

It still felt strange to me. The idea that there could be someone else I should call dad. Or anyone at all.

Seeing my expression, she looked at the painting I had referred to.

-This Mistress Ĺĺḵ. Master Ashbrook’s wife.-

-His wife?- I replied, surprised.

I thought he wasn’t married…

I looked at her. She had beautiful silver hair and eyes, a near-perfect Seeir lineage and more importantly…

-She’s so pretty…-

…And somehow looked familiar. As if I had met her before, but I had never met anyone with such striking silver features.

-Where is she now?-

Mili shook her head. A sombre expression on her face.

-She died. Before winter.-

I felt a pit build in my stomach. Something clicked in my mind. 

That day we met in the church… Lionheart’s distraught expression…. The tears he shed as he spoke to me… He was mourning.

I bit my lip and looked away. A guilty feeling had dug itself in my chest as I watched the portrait. As if I had somehow taken her place, but at the same time, I felt jealous. 

Was it because of her that Lionheart was so distant? Why else was it that he had not spent that much time with me since I came here?

Suddenly, Mili perked up. I looked at her curiously as she turned to me and smiled.

-Master is arriving. We go greet?-

Lionheart is back!? My previous thoughts completely vanished from my mind.

I nodded energetically, and it was my turn to take Mili by the hand and lead her down the stairs.

I got to the lobby and was about to rush for the door, but Mili held me back.

-We wait inside. When master enters, we greet. It is rules.-

Uh? That sounds boring…

“But maybe Lionheart will be upset if we break the rules? We should listen to her.” Darkie suggested.

I sighed and relented as I stood by Mili’s side,  facing the door. 

Stash joined us along with other servants and greeted me with a smile. He headed for the door and finally opened it. 

As soon as I saw Lionheart’s fiery red hair, I couldn’t contain myself anymore and rushed towards him.

I was just about to wrap my arms around him when I froze.

My muscles refused to respond as my mind registered what my eyes had already seen. 

Something…. Something was wrong. My mind told me he was angry. That he wanted to hurt me.

A chill ran through my scalp, and cold sweat began to form on my forehead.

[Ahh…] I could only let a quiet moan escape my lips as I dropped to my knees. 

My eyes were locked on Lionheart's hand as tears pooled in my eyes. 

He slowly approached me. 

I tried to back away, but my knees were locked, and I fell to my side weakly.

[I-I’m sorry!] I said, but it was already too late. 

I will be punished.

[I’ll be good! I’ll stand still next time! Please don’t…] I tried to plead as he continued approaching me, but it was too late.

All I could do was look at his hand. There, held tightly in his palm, was a tool I was all too familiar with. 

A tool designed to administer punishment. 

To administer pain.

In his hand was a horse crop.