42. Toy Store

The carriage rocked softly as it went up Plum Street. I'd been down this path many times, but today, my heart felt heavy as I felt it would probably be the last time I did.

I looked down where Darkie was nestled comfortably in my arms. We had gone a long way together. From my escape from the estate, to my stay at the orphanage, to the kidnapping just a week ago…Right now, I felt… conflicted.

I was happy, ecstatic even, that Lionheart had wanted me to become my family, but a part of me felt as though it wouldn’t last. As if this was just a temporary change until some other terrible thing happened.

Was it the right decision? Will things really be better if I stay with Lionheart, or will it all come apart again…?  I don’t know what’s right anymore… Maybe I should have stayed an orphan… Maybe that’s all I should be.

I wish Goldie were here. I wish she could tell me that this is the right decision, that there is nothing to worry about, and everything will be fine.

-Are you alright?- I saw a pair of hands sign in front of me. 

I lifted my head and saw Lionheart’s worried expression. I glanced down and noticed a few tears had landed on Darkie’s gold button eyes.

 I wiped the tears from my eyes and Darkie’s before taking a deep breath. 

I didn’t mean to be sad. I wanted to be happy, but for some reason, only sad thoughts came to mind. 

I tried to clear my head and think about all the happy things to look forward to, but that only made more tears fall from my eyes as I remembered that I wouldn’t see Jade and Hare tomorrow. 

I suddenly felt myself being lifted from my seat. I let out a yelp, but realised it was only Lionheart. He delicately sat me on his lap. Confused, I looked around, expecting something to happen, but he simply held me. 

-Is something wrong?- I asked him.

He shook his head slowly.

-You looked worried. I thought this would make you feel safer.-

Did he… Do this just to reassure me?

 My tears had somehow dried up in the confusion, so I guess it worked, but I felt a bit strange. 

I didn’t particularly mind sitting like that; I actually kind of liked it. It felt safe and warm. Not many people had done something like that for me. 

Actually, I couldn’t remember the last time I sat on someone’s lap. I had often been held by Hare and Goldie, but never sat like this. 

The last time I sat on someone’s lap… It must have been with Father…. No… He’s not my father anymore.  That name belongs to Lionheart, even if I wasn’t quite ready to call him that yet…

It was strange. So much time had gone by since I had run away from… Those people… I couldn’t even remember what that man’s face looked like… Only what his crop had felt like… 

I don't know how, but my memories of my life before coming to Evergreen were growing more vague every day. Especially the good ones…

It got me wondering just how long ago it was since I sat on that man's lap?

It had been a bit over half a year since the night Goldie had helped me escape, but there was obviously more time that had passed since I fell from that tree.

My parents… Those people. They had been left for the capital in spring before returning on the day of my accident sometime during summer, so that means it must have been…

Over a year? 

Has it really been more than a full year since I sat on someone’s lap?

That’s a very long time…

While I was deep in thought, Lionheart stared at me with the same worried expression. He turned to the side and said something to Stash before turning back to me and smiling.

He tried to sign something, but got embarrassed after a few failed attempts to find the right words. He turned to the butler, who politely nodded before signing his words to me.

-My Lord suggests a small detour, my Lady.-

A small detour?

I looked up at Lionheart curiously.

-Where are we going?-

Lionheart smiled at my question and playfully placed a finger in front of his lips. I looked to Stash for answers, but he gave a similar response.

What could it be? Why? Where? 

Curiosity was getting the better of me, and I tried to get them to tell me, but they kept their lips sealed right up until the carriage came to a stop.

Lionheart carried me out of the cabin and put me down in front of the glass display of a storefront. 

It didn’t really catch my eye at first. That is, until I noticed something moving on the other side of the glass. Curious, I walked closer just in time to see a tiny horse come right up to the glass.

No bigger than my hand, it looked just like any other toy horse, but somehow, it was moving as if alive and breathing. 

The tiny horse darted to the left of the display, and I followed it. It passed two wooden dolls that seemed to be dancing rhythmically. A wooden monkey then swung past on a rope and disappeared into a shelf off to the side. 

All across the display, different wood and porcelain contraptions walked, danced and jumped about. I never saw anything like it before.

I turned around excitedly toward Lionheart, who nodded with a satisfied expression. I couldn’t believe that he had come all the way just to show me!

I was about to go back to the display when I noticed him walking toward the door and opening it. I hurried along behind him.

Was there even more inside? 

My question was quickly answered. The place was covered from floor to ceiling with toys. 

“Hey, look! Friends!” Darkie exclaimed. 

I looked to my right beyond a wooden archway, where a wall was covered in plush animals. 

Excited, I walked up to them. They looked very different from Darkie. Instead of buttons, their eyes looked like black beads. Their fur was also thick and fluffy like hair. I couldn’t help but wonder if the hair had been put on them one by one or if there was a special way to grow hair on plushes…

I spotted a green bear with a bow stitched under its chin. He looked big and friendly, and I felt drawn to him.

[Hi!] I called out to him.

“Oh, hello! I didn’t see you there! Who might you be?~” The bear responded in a melodious tone.

[My name is Silika! And this is my friend Darkie!]

“My, my! What a pleasure to meet you both! My name is Bean because I’m green to the seam!~” He responded happily.

Curious, Lionheart walked toward us, followed by another man who must be the store owner. Lionheart said something to Stash, who, after nodding, kneeled to my height.

-Do you like Sir Bear, my Lady?-

He asked me as he picked up the bear from the shelf.

I looked at Bean and happily nodded. He was a nice bear.

-Would you like to take him home with us?-

The suggestion surprised me. It didn’t occur to me that we could take things home from here; I thought they were just for show. I looked down at Darkie.

[What do you think?]

“Maybe we should ask Bean what he thinks?” Darkie suggested.

I nodded in agreement and turned to Bean. 

“Oh, I would love to…! But… I think I might miss my friends.” He said with a hint of sadness in his voice. 

I felt my gaze gravitate toward the wall where dozens, if not hundreds, of other plushies sat on the shelves. So many friends… I couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like to have to say goodbye to so many.

After giving it some thought, I shook my head at Stash. I couldn’t do that to Bean. 

Stash nodded and put the bear back on the shelf with his friends. He turned back to me and signed.

-This is a toy store, my Lady. My Lord states that you may take any toy you want home with you today.-

A… Toy store? I didn’t know something like that existed. I knew there were furniture stores, grain stores, clothes stores and even bookstores, but I never imagined someone would make a store just for toys. I thought they were just something adults made for children. 

I looked around with a new perspective. I could take any one of these home? ANY of them?

Curious and excited, I started looking around frantically. The clerk approached me and asked something. 

I waited for Stash to translate for me.

-The gentleman wishes to give a tour of the premises if the lady allows it.-

A guided tour? 

-Yes! I want to see everything! - I signed back as I nodded enthusiastically, making the store clerk smile. 

He led the way down the rows upon rows of shelves. There were so many fascinating things around us. Curious, I asked about how they moved that way, and he happily explained the process through Stash.

The way I understood it, much of the work done to allow them to move on their own was thanks to the blessing of Coloviath, the God of Travels.

Stash clarified that Coloviath’s blessings were meant to ease his kin’s burden during their travel. It would make sails blow their own wind on calm seas and turn the wheels of carts on their own when going up hills. Coloviath Kinsmanns had researched his blessings and developed the ability to animate almost any object with something that resembled life to a certain extent. The only failing that they couldn't work around was that the more complicated the movements were, the weaker their strength… Perfect for children's toys.

While the clerk was showing a fluffy sheep toy which would lazily eat away at imaginary grass before moving on to another spot, a small wooden bird landed on the man’s shoulder. It seemed to chirp a few times before jumping in place, but the clerk simply ignored it and continued talking about the sheep.

-What’s that?- I asked while pulling on Stash’s sleeve and pointing at the bird. 

He looked in the direction, but before he could say anything, the bird flew over his head and landed on Lionheart’s extended finger. He brought his mouth close to it and whispered something. The bird flew once more and landed on my hand. 

It was small and round, and it tickled as it softly bounced on my finger and flapped its wings. I gently caressed its head. It wasn’t as soft as expected, but something was soothing from the restless movement of its body. Like holding a small animal.

-You like?- Lionheart asked.

I stopped stroking the wooden bird's head and held it in my palm as I continued looking at it. I glanced up at Lionheart and nodded happily.

-You want to take it home?- He asked again.

I looked back at the bird in my hand again. It stared back at me just as curiously as I did toward it. I looked down at Darkie, still tucked underneath my other arm.

[What do you think?] I asked Darkie.

He was silent for a moment before answering.

“Well, it doesn’t talk much…But it sure looks fun to play with!”

[I Agree…]

I looked up at Lionheart and nodded again energetically.

He smiled and said a few words to the clerk before picking me off my feet, bird still in hand. We then left the store for the carriage as I looked back in confusion.

-Don’t we have to pay first?- I asked, confused.

Jade had taught me all about shopping while we were on errands at the market, so this felt like we had done something wrong somehow.

He shook his head in response and sat us down on the coach bench. His hands now free, he explained.

-We are nobles. We don’t pay in person. They send the bill home. ᐊlẕn will arrange it.- 

Just as he finished his explanation, Stash, having finished his business inside the store, took his seat, and the carriage took off once more. 

I looked at the bird that was still calmly resting in the palm of my hand. It hopped every so often. I knew it could fly, but I didn’t know how to get it to do it… 

I extended my hand and tried to get it to move, but nothing happened. I continued shaking my hand and seriously considered throwing it, but still nothing happened.

-Are you trying to get it to fly?- Lionheart asked, and I nodded a bit embarrassed by the fact that I hadn't managed to figure it out on my own.

-Seeking birds need direction, or else they won’t fly.- He explained.

So I have to give it directions for it to fly? That might be complicated… Would it understand secret language? 

But something else also caught my attention in his explanation.

-Seeking bird? Is that its name?- I asked.

Lionheart hesitated for a second before turning to Stash, who explained in his place.

-It is what these birds are called, my Lady. They are also used to carry messages across long distances.-

He gently picked up the bird from my hand, and after staring at it for a moment, it flew back to me.

-If you can think of who and where you want it to go, it should take off on its own. Try it, simply close your eyes and think of where you want it to fly.-

I nodded and tried to do as he said. A moment later, the bird flew right out of my hand onto Stash’s. It was much easier than I expected! 

Lionheart nodded approvingly.

-This one is just a toy, so it can’t go too far, but some can travel across kingdoms without a rest. Although those can easily cost the same as a mansion.-  Stash explained.

Cost as much as a mansion? 

Wait… How much did THIS seeking bird cost then? Isn’t that too much for a gift?! 

I didn’t really understand why, but it made me anxious. 

Wasn’t money important? Jade had explained to me everything about money, so I understood how important it was… So how was it okay to spend as much as a MANSION just for a toy then?

The idea made me uncomfortable. 

I felt guilty and remorseful.

-Isn’t that too expensive?- I finally asked after agonising over the subject in my head, but Lionheart simply smiled.

-This is a toy seeking bird, so it isn’t as expensive.- Lionheart explained with a calm expression.

I felt a great sense of relief from those words. Jade told me if you don't have money, you will starve… I had only starved once in my life, and I didn't want to experience something like that ever again.

A proud smile spread on Lionheart's lips.

-But for you, I don't mind spending as much as three mansions! You’re the daughter of Baron Ashbrook now; there’s nothing you can’t have!- He signed.

Nothing I can't have?

No, that can't be right. There are always things you can't have. Maybe I will have everything today and nothing tomorrow. It's impossible to have everything you want.... 

I felt my throat grow rough and my collar tight around my neck. 

I knew he only meant to show how much he cared for me, but it made me feel…

It was confusing. It wasn’t the idea of money that made my heart beat so hard. 

Money had never bothered me before; why would it now? Why does it feel important when it should matter less than ever?

No, it isn’t about the money. Not the gold and copper. It was about why it was spent on me. 

Someone from the orphanage could never have that much money. No commoner could. Only a noble could…

But I am noble.

Again.

A burning sensation in my chest made me bend forward and fold over as I gripped Darkie. Something was happening. 

In my head, in my stomach, in my heart. It burnt like hot coal. 

The more I thought about anything, the more the pain in my chest took over the rest of my body. 

A voice in my head told me, like a whisper directly to my soul.

You can’t trust nobles!

They were the ones who beat you, who hurt you! They were the ones who brought you to church and had you slapped and then imprisoned in a room! Barricading the windows to the point where barely any light could filter in!

A room so dark… So suffocating… just like this carriage.

Nothing had changed. 

It’s only a matter of time. They will hurt me again, and they will justify it. They’ll think it’s okay to beat me with the same crop they hit animals with. 

My head felt like it was burning up. Why did it hurt so much?

Why does being a noble hurt?

 I’m tired, I don’t want to hurt any more. 

Please. Please. Please. Please. Make it stop. Please. No pain, please.

My throat was burning. My eyes were stinging. 

Make it stop! Make it stop!

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn’t…

Suddenly, the air got lighter as light shone on my eyelids. 

My breathing was still unsteady, but I could now feel the air of the outside world slowly fill my lungs again. 

As I regained my senses, I could now feel the tears and spit that had trickled down my face as I screamed my lungs out.

I opened my eyes and realised I was now tucked in Lionheart’s arms. 

The carriage was gone. I could see the vast blue sky above and green grass all around us, and the carriage a small distance away. We must be in some kind of park, I thought, but then I noticed the manor just a bit further.

It was Lionheart’s… I mean, our home.

I slowly steadied myself. I wasn’t screaming anymore, although I could feel a silent whimper escape my lips. Lionheart was there,  holding me, hugging me tightly yet gently. I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed. 

I had been so scared a moment ago, and yet, I couldn't really make sense of it. It wasn’t like before. 

I didn’t fear that my parents… That the people from the estate would come find me. It was something unseen. The idea that maybe things would go wrong… And it terrified me. 

I felt another tremor run through my body. It took me a moment to realise that it wasn’t me, but Lionheart. As he held tightly onto me, he also cried on my shoulder.

Maybe he was also scared? Maybe it’s normal to be scared?

We stayed like that for a long time. 

When we were separated enough that I could see his face. His tears had dried, but I could see the dark circle under his swollen eyes.

It was hard to trust nobles… But I wanted to trust him. 

Very much so. 

He smiled and stood up before finally starting to walk toward the estate. 

I only caught a glimpse of the door before the fatigue was too much, and I fell asleep in his arms.