(Old) 81. A new life

That day, my grand-father died. I’m not exactly sure when it happened or even how, but as I sang, dad tapped on my shoulder and, tears in hi

That day, my grand-father died.

I’m not exactly sure when it happened or even how, but as I sang, dad tapped on my shoulder and, tears in his eyes, he signed that granddad had passed away. 

Confused, I had looked down at the bed, only to find the man's eyes closed, a weak smile on his lips laying against the same pillow I had sat on earlier.

Now that I think of it. It was the first time I saw someone die. I’d seen people injured and even a feral or animals get killed, but someone I had interacted with was something I had never truly considered.

I can’t say I’m exactly sad. I barely knew him after all.

But it felt as though there was a hole in me somehow. A gap where once the memory of the person once stood.

It’s been a week since and things… Well things kept going. 

Dad was very sad for a while, and still is, but for some reason he’s had that strange smile on his face. 

And although he still looks tired, he looks at peace.

As for the rest of my extended ‘family’, they all came to pay their respect the next day. 

For some reason a lot of them looked angry. When I asked dad about it, he simply said that people grieve in different ways, but I didn’t understand why they were looking at me in such a funny way as they did… Well most of them did at least.

-Silika, what are you doing? We’ll be late!-

Mili signed as she barged in my room and pulled me by the wrist as she dragged me out of the bedroom.

Mili had reached Clotop along with the rest of the staff and knights a few days ago and she was already back to how she had been back in Evergreen.

I hadn’t realised it until now, but I really missed Mili. She was like a fussy older sister. Nitpicking everything, yes, but also always helping me.

-It’s okay Mili, it’s not like they’ll notice if I’m missing.-

I signed as I tried my best to keep up with her pace.

I really meant it, it felt like the family as a whole disliked me.

-What are you talking about?! Your aunt will throw a fit if you don’t show your face!-

Ah, right. Aunt ‘Cici’. The exception. How could I forget her?

She was apparently the mean old lady’s daughter, but she was actually the polar opposite when it came to her attitude toward me.

She had come to see me almost every single day since my grand-father’s death. Bringing me tea and snacks, taking me on walks, combing my hair and even trying to play with dolls… Basically, any excuse to spend time with me.

It wasn’t exactly a bad thing and I even enjoyed it at times, but I grew wary of the way she kept smiling at me with that smug smile of hers. 

Dad said it was because she found me ‘cute’ which I guess is nice of her, but I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thanked Scorn last night that she was finally leaving.

-I get it! I get it, just let go of my arm already before it comes off!-

I tried to argue with Mili, but she remained unfazed.

-I’m not letting go until we get there, we’re already late!-

She replied with a serious expression as she continued pulling me along under the curious gaze of passing staff. 

Despite my resistance, I understood Mili’s actions. The castle still felt a bit alien to me. It was harder to navigate than the manor in Evergreen and had almost maze-like corridors. I could never tell whether a door would give unto another room, another corridor or even outside. 

After getting lost one too many times, I now only went out when accompanied by someone.

…And no. 

Darkie and I still haven’t found any secret passages…

I asked dad about it, but he just raised an eyebrow with a mischievous smile and pretended his lips were sewed… 

Which really didn’t make any sense since we spoke with our hands… I told him as much but then he just hid his eyes and walked away! 

Just remembering the scene irritates me, but many things have happened to make up for it. 

One of them being the little bit of metal whose reassuring weight was now in my jacket’s pocket. 

My family stamp. 

I hadn’t known what these were until a week ago when I had seen my father’s when we arrived in Clotop. I wouldn’t say I had been expecting anything, but I was really excited when he presented me with one.

Dad had it made just a few days ago. Apparently the paper grand-dad had signed that day allowed him to do so.

At the end of the metal stick, the letters S and ᐊ interlaced each other within the Ashbrook Crest. It was adorned with a small crown. Dad had called a ‘çŗn-t’. It means… A small crown?

I asked him if it meant I was a princess which had made him chuckle and he simply replied that I was ‘his princess’.

After walking through an endless amount of corridors, we finally made it to the main hall in the middle of which dad was standing as servants hauled the visitors luggages to the carriages waiting outdoors. 

Mili walked me all the way to him. He thanked her as he took my hand in his. 

He had a tired smile as he kneeled down to me.

-How are you honey? Slept well?-

I nodded as he fixed a stray hair back behind my ear.

-That’s great! Remember what we said yesterday?-

He asked as he raised an eyebrow.

-I need to greet everyone everyone with a curtsy when they come and say goodbye.-

I answered.

-And?-

he insisted.

-I need to smile.-

-And the last thing…?-

-No complaining.-

I grumbled to which he nodded.

-I know it’s annoying Silika, but we need these people to like you… Or at least, not to dislike you-

I looked up at him as I narrowed my eyes.

-Why? They’re not doing anything for me to like them!-

-Well what about Aunt Cici?-

He argued with a sheepish smile.

-She’s annoying.-

I said as I furrowed my nose.

He tried to hide a snicker, but he was too slow.

So he agrees with me… The thought brought a smirk to my lips.

-Okay, maybe, but for today, please pretend you like her… Along with everyone else. I’m not asking you to jump up and hug them, but at least smile and nod politely.-

I sighed, but nodded nonetheless.

He had made it plenty clear that, for whatever reason, this was important.

I looked around and noticed there were a lot more people than I expected. 

More than at the dinner last week at least. 

There were even children not much older than me. I thought it strange they hadn’t come to play with me during their stay, but maybe it had something to do with the way people were looking at me and dad.

The first person to walk up to us was an old man with a large family at his side. I vaguely remembered him as the angry looking man at the end of the table at the dinner last week.His expression wasn’t any better than it had been back then and he didn’t even bother looking down at me as he spat words at my dad who elegantly smiled as he replied to him.

I had a hard time believing he was saying anything short of insults, but dad just nodded along as the old man finished his rant. Dad then put his left hand on his chest and slightly tilted forward. This was my cue and I followed suit with a curtsy. The old man did not deign to even look in my direction before turning away. A few members of his family came to greet us after him, but only feigned smiles as they gave half-hearted greetings to which I replied with my best curtsy.

Next was the other old man who had sat off to the side.

He seemed more mild-mannered than the other one, but that didn’t make him pleasant. He even said something to me with a forced smile, but didn’t even bother to wait for an answer or for dad to translate. It didn’t take him long for him to take his leave and I had to restrain myself from pulling my tongue at him  after he turned his back to us before I had even finished my curtsy.

The rest of his family didn’t even bother greeting us and simply followed after him.

Soon after a proud looking man about the age of dad came to greet us. He was smiling, but it looked more like the expression was glued to his face than a sign of genuine happiness. He extended a hand to my father as he said a few short words. Although dad didn’t smile he grasped the hand and gave it a single shake. They exchanged a few more words before the man turned to me. He looked at me and said a few words, his unwavering smile still plastered across his face. I looked to dad for some kind of explanation, but he gave a simple shrug before tilting his head forward. Confused but not all that terribly interested, I faced the man and gave a simple curtsy which he responded to with a shallow bow of the head.

Next was a man who looked not too dissimilar to the proud looking one, maybe they were twins? Although this one had a nervous smile instead of a proud one. He was accompanied by a woman who I figured was his wife and a girl some years older than I was. He spoke a few words to dad whose expression didn’t appear as cramped as it had with the others, but still not soft either. This man wasn’t a friend, but he wasn’t an enemy either. After they were done speaking, the man turned to me and said a few words as he put a hand on his daughter’s shoulder. I turned to dad for some kind of explanation.

-He asks if you’d play with his daughter next time they visit.-

Dad simply explained with a neutral expression. I wondered what was the right way to answer, but from dad’s expression, he didn’t look like he expected anything.

So was it really my choice?

I turned to the girl and looked at her. She was tall. Almost as tall as an adult, but she still  looked younger than Mili. Maybe she was 8 or 9? She had a mouse-like face with a long, narrow nose. Her fiery hair hid two gleaming green eyes that didn’t meet mine as I looked at her. She had a nervous expression on her face and her entire posture looked as though she was being squeezed from both sides. 

Why was she so nervous I wondered as I tiled my head curiously at her which eluded a surprised expression from her and her cheeks turning flushed.

What was that reaction?! 

I could restrain a chuckle as I thought that she looked fun to tease.

I nodded to the man which seemed to surprise him, but he bowed his head nonetheless followed by his daughter and wife’s curtsy. Dad and I replied in the same way before they left.

Almost immediately I was unexpectedly picked off my feet and squeezed into an uncomfortable embrace. 

I had no doubt this was Aunt Cici, no one else would just grab me like that.

It took several seconds of being painfully squeezed while being simultaneously suspended in the air before I was finally able to land back on my feet and catch my breath.

She turned to dad momentarily and said something to him as she stood up, while still not fully letting me go. Dad seemingly nodded in answer, making me momentarily worried for my safety. Her mother, the mean old woman, slowly walked up to us and said a few words to my father. To my surprise her expression was not angry or disgusted like the others. If anything it only looked weary and there was a hint of softness in the way she looked at him. On the other hand, her expression crisped up as she looked down at me. Her eyes traced over my face again, as though trying to find out if I was hiding something from her. I simply looked back at her with a puzzled and, I hoped, polite expression.

The old woman gave a deep nod, something I heard was allowed by elders instead of typical greetings, and was followed closely by aunt Cici’s curtsy. The same woman who, by some miracle, had finally let me go.

I replied with a curtsy of my own which immediately prompted aunt Cici to squeeze me between her arms once more which was thankfully interrupted by her mother forcibly dragging her away.

We continued greeting the guests on their way out for what felt like an eternity until the last person finally made their way through the great oak doors of the hall.

Dad and I walked to the threshold and stood there for sometime, breathing a sigh of relief as we held hands.

My gaze went beyond the walls of the castle. There the city sprawled as far as eyes could see and in the far distance large mountains licked the cloud spotted blue sky. 

A gust of wind suddenly brushed my hair aside, making my head turn its direction.

The far north.

 Beyond the castle walls, beyond the far valleys and rivers, stood an impenetrable wall of iced-capped peaks that led to the Heillhs Empire. A land even more foreign than this place…

I turned my head back toward the south. From here, all I could see was mountains and trees, but I remembered what was beyond it. 

There was Evergreen. It wasn’t only the place where I had met my new father, but also Mili, Stash, Jade, Hare… And so many other people.

Further west, was the place I lived before. Oblon. A place where I once lived with my mother, my father, my sister and my two brothers…

I closed my eyes and let the wind ruffle my hair.

I wonder who I’ll meet here?

I guess I’d already met aunt Cici and other people from my new family… Dad also said I’d need tutors soon, so I guess that means more people. 

Oh and there was also that new butler who was always skulking about. He doesn’t look as friendly as Stash, but maybe he’ll turn out to be nice? There was also the girl I met in Jilbeck’s Crossing! Fiora! They mentioned they would visit, she was fun to play with!

Mmh… Yes, I think I’ll meet a lot of people here too.

I nodded seriously and as I opened my eyes again, I noticed dad looking at me with an amused look.

-What?-

I asked, annoyed.

-Oh nothing. You just looked very focused on something.-

-Well I was.-

-Oh is that so? And what was it about?-

He asked, with a raised eyebrow and an amused smile.

I pulled my tongue before signing back to him.

-None of your business!-

He laughed heartily 

-Let me take you back to your room.-

He signed before picking me up and nestling me on the crease of his arm.

He started walking toward the eastern wing, but before he reached the hallway, he took a sharp left up the grand staircase.

-Dad! That’s not where my room is!-

-Is it now? I was sure it was this way though…-

He signed with his empty hand with an exaggerated expression and continued going up the stairs. 

Once at the top he took a left turn down a familiar corridor. It was the one that led to my grandfather's room. 

I saw its large oak door come into view. 

Surprisingly, it was wide open and as we passed it, I noticed a few maids airing out the room. 

We continued walking, but didn’t go very far. Only a few feet away actually, in front of another room which dad entered.

The room was bathed in sunlight, flooding from tall windows in such quantity it made me squint. It took a moment for me to adjust, but when I did, I realised this was a bedroom, but not any bedroom

The toys, dresses, even the bed sheets and carpet; They were my things!

But it wasn’t just old things. In the centre of the room a rocking horse, something I’d only ever heard of, stood. Off to the side, there was a small table for kids like they had had at the orphanage, with crayons, paper and a chessboard. By the window, a cushioned nook to sit and look outside. 

And the view!

Excitedly, I pointed toward the window and dad, knowingly, walked over and sat me down on the cushions as we both looked out. 

From the yard, it had been hidden by the walls, but from here, we could see the entirety of the city. I had not realised when coming through it over a week ago, but this was no normal city. There were great stone structures scattered around. I saw parts of an old great wall and a large castle-like structure that seemed worn and fallen into disuse, but built over with modern wooden houses and warehouses. Like mushrooms on a log.

The city below was bustling with life, I could see churches, markets, chariots going down the streets. 

And people. 

-So many people.-

He nodded and sat beside me.

He looked out for a moment, seemingly lost in thoughts before turning back to me.

-Say Silika, do you know why there are so many people here?-

I raised an eyebrow.

-Because they live here, duh.-

He laughed, but then looked back at me seriously.

-That’s right, but why do they live HERE? They could live anywhere.-

I thought about it for a moment.

-Like… Instead of living in a castle?-

He looked perplexed for a moment, but clarified.

-I mean here as in the city. They could live in the forest for example or the mountains. So why don’t they?-

-I guess it would be lonely… And scary.-

I said thinking back to the time I had spent in the steppes of Lowland. Even with the troupe, it felt lonely and scary out there… Especially at night.

Dad nodded seriously.

-Living alone can be dangerous, so people come to cities to feel safe. Not only are there more people, but there are things like walls, castle, soldiers and public facilities like wells, churches, mills and much more to keep them safe and healthy. Who do you think provide these things?-

-I don’t know.-

I shrugged.

-It’s us, Silika.-

-Uh?-

I looked at him dumbly.

Us? What did he mean ‘us’?

-Like… The Ashbrooks? The household? The knights?-

-No, us. Me today, and you some day. The rest of the family might help, but they have territory of their own to protect. The household, our staff, our knights, they might want to protect Clotop, but it isn’t their role. It isn’t their duty. Tomorrow, every single one of them could leave and there’d be nothing  anything we could do to stop them. But for you and I, Silika, it’s different. We have a duty to serve. You’ve heard about ‘Noblesse Oblige’ before right?-

I nodded.

-Well, it doesn’t just refer to the way we act or charity. It refers to this obligation, this duty we have to the people of this kingdom. In times of crisis, it’s our responsibility to protect them no matter the circumstances. This is the reason we’re allowed to live a life of comfort and luxury. So when time gets hard, when enemies seek to harm our people, we will stand in their way until death. Do you understand what I’m saying?-

I gulped.

I guess I never stopped to consider it.

-So… Nobles are like… Knights?-

He smiled as he wrapped his arm around me reassuringly.

-Well, in a way, but more importantly, we are the people others turn toward in time of need. When things go wrong and it looks like the whole world is falling apart, we are the ones who will stand there and smile as if everythings alright… And we’ll do our best to make it so.-

-Sounds a lot like you, dad.-

He smiled weakly.

-Does it really now?-

I nodded and looked out the window with him.

This place, these people…

Our responsibility.

Our duty.

I smiled.

Well if dad can do it, I guess I’ll figure it out eventually!