(Old) 80. I'm home... (Part 2)

I heard a chuckle coming from my father. “My my my. I didn’t think I’d live to see the day.” He said in an amused tone despite his hoarse vo

I heard a chuckle coming from my father.

“My my my. I didn’t think I’d live to see the day.”

He said in an amused tone despite his hoarse voice.

I turned to him as I still held the now calmer Silika in my arms and arched a brow.

“What do you mean?”

He smirked.

“That smile on your lips. I’ve had that same many times…”

He closed his eyes as he tilted back his mind in reminiscence.

“I remember smiling like that the day you were born. As I did the day you said your first words, and again when you came to show me the frogs you caught in the garden… It’s a smile all parents have when they look at their children and realise what a marvel they brought into this world…”

A coughing fit interrupted him.

I instinctively rushed toward him. He weakly raised his hand to stop me as he continued coughing. He was finally able to catch his breath and took long breath as he tried to steady himself.

“Ghrm… I’m sorry Marhsal. Would you pour me a glass of water?”

He asked with a pitiful smile.

“Of course! Right away.”

I turned my head to Silika.

-Can I put you down with granddad?-

She nodded shyly as I sat her down on the side of the bed while I went to fetch water from the cabinet by the door.  A

s I poured a glass, I heard him trying to speak to Silika.

“So what were your dad and you talking about?”

“Hrm..?”

“Oh my, sorry, dear. It is a tad indiscreet of me…”

“Ah?”

“Oh yes I was asking you, but it’s nothing important.”

‘Hnng.”

He laughed.

“No no, don’t worry dear, I’m alright! Why don’t you come closer, these eyes aren’t as good as they used to be.”

“Hmmmh….”

“That’s okay, dear. Take your time.”

They continued this odd exchange for some time while I took my time bringing back the water, hoping they wouldn’t notice.

I finally brought the glass of water to my father and he took long gulps from it.

“Ahh thank you, Marshal. It’s getting harder to speak for long these days…Speaking of…”

He turned to Silika.

“Why don’t you come sit here dear? Your dad and I must speak.”

He said as he patted the spot beside him.

Silika looked up at me with a slight uncertain expression, but I reassured her with a simple motion forward.

After she had settled in, leaning against the pillow, father turned to me.

“Marshall…”

He said in a serious tone.

I braced myself for the words that were about to follow.

“I’m so sorry, my boy.”

I was taken aback. I had expected for him to say many things to me when we met, but an apology was never one of them.

“What for? I’m the one who disappeared to Evergreen…”

He shook his head.

“That doesn’t matter, Marshall. Those are the worries for another time, another mane. It’s the worries for the Count of Clotop. Worries I’m no longer able to bare myself… No, I’m sorry as your father.-

He looked away for a moment and took a deep and difficult breath.

-I’m sorry I didn’t support you when you wished to marry the woman you loved. I’m sorry I prioritsed my pathetic pride over your happiness. I’m sorry your child had to be born in secrecy. I’m sorry your wife died when the both of you were still so young… And more than anything, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when all of this happened…”

My heart ached as I listened to him. From sadness, anger, but more than anything… Guilt.

Guilt that even now, I was lying to him about Silika. 

By pretending that she was truly my child by blood, I was knowingly condemning him to die living a lie… 

“Dad, I…”

I want to tell him. Tell him everything that happened, all of my failures and inadequacies. All the lies and deception that surrounded me. I wante him to know I was just as flawed.

I wanted to tell him that he had been nothing less than a perfect loving father who tried his best to keep his son from a life of pain and suffering… And that I simply chose to disregard it.

“No, Marshall. I don’t need you to say anything. These regrets belong to me just as much as yours belong with you. Whatever it is, know that I love you and there is nothing for me to forgi…”

Another fit of cough forced him to lay back on the large pillow supporting him.

I quickly handed him another glass of water which he gratefully drank.

“I…”

He grunted trying to clear his throat from the mucus, but when he spoke again, his voice was much weaker.

“I’m tired, son. My body is hanging by a thread. There’s so much I wish I could to tell you, so many stories, so many heartache… But I’m afraid I don’t have enough time left to tell you all of it…”

He handed me the empty glass and placed a hand on Silika’s short pink hair.

“But knowing that I was able to see you again and meet my granddaughter, brings me great joy and relief…”

He looked back to me once more.

“I believe it’s time. Would you let the others in… While I can still talk?”

I nodded and went for the door. I let Lady Gott and my uncle in and we all surrounded his bed waiting for him to speak up.

“Ayki, dear, before I begin, would you mind..?”

Lady Gott nodded without waiting for him to finish. She took out a piece of parchment and a quill and cleared her throat.

“I, Lady Ayki Gott, and for witness Lord Marshall Ashbrook, Lady Silika Ashbrook and Lord Marlot Dalar, will dutifully convey the word by the honourable Count Alan Ashbrook of Clotop, under the watchful guidance of Seeir’s all-seeing gaze. All those who wish to protest this declaration, make yourself known or forever keep your peace.”

Her word echoed in the room as she waited for any opposition.

After the silence was maintained, she nodded thoughtfully before continuing.

“And so, his words are as follows…”

She looked at my father intently as this one straightened himself up.

“On this day of the 10th of September of the 607th year of the 6th era, I, Alan Ashbrook, Count of Clotop, relinquish my titles, my name, as well as all my properties to my only son, Marshall Ashbrook, and fully acknowledge him, as well as his daughter, Silika Ashbrook, as heir to the Ashbrook name and assets. May they both serve our family, our land, and our people with wisdom, humility and courage.“

By the time he finished, his voice was little more than a whisper. 

He visibly struggled to keep his eyes open as he rested on his pillow.

“Did you get all that, Ayki?”

The woman nodded.

“Yes, Alan. Your words have been recorded as per the goddess of laws and blessings.”

She then turned to me.

“As per the laws of our kingdom permits your father to bequeath to you, you are now Count Marshall Ashbrook and will maintain this title until your death or willful abdication. I look forward to serve, my lord.”

Lady Gott said with a deep bow.

I, on the other hand, was too stunned to respond.

“Thank you, Ayki.”

My father whispered.

“Marlot…?”

He called out.

“Yes, brother?”

My uncle responded in an unusually meek voice as he kneeled down to his bedside. They had always been close, even before my father had married my mother. This moment may have been just as difficult for him as it was for me… Perhaps more.

“Please take care of my son and granddaughter… And take care of yourself, old friend, may you live with less regrets than I did.”

“I will, brother. I will.”

He said as he squeezed my father’s hand between his, bringing a smile to this one’s face…

“Marshal…”

It was my turn to kneel down.

“Yes, father?”

“Never lose sight of what’s important to you. Many hardships await you, but you can’t give up. You have to fight for what you love and fight for what is right.”

I nodded frantically as I did my best to hide the tears pooling in my eyes.

“Of course, dad.”

He nodded with a faint smile before turning to Silika.

“And you, my granddaugther…” 

He begun before another fit of cough interrupted him.

Silika looked at her grandfather with a worried expression, as she grabbed his hand to comfort him.

It took him several minutes of coughing and labored breathing to finally find the strength to speak.

“...I wish I had had more time to be a grand-father to you…”

A weak smile drew itself on his lips.

“I would have loved to… Bring you to the forest and show you that creek where your father used to play when he was your age…”

He struggled to find his breath as he spoke, but I couldn’t stop him even if I wanted to…

He closed his eyes and sunk into his smile with a wide smile as he took deep breaht

“...Could you… Sing me that song… Again, dear?”

I looked at him confused. Did he forget Silika couldn’t speak? I looked up to lady Gott who worded to me.

“The Seeking Bird…”

I remembered. 

When I sent word of my departure from Evergreen, Silika was singing behind me.

You couldn’t quite understand what she said, but anyone would recognise a nursery rhyme.

I turned to her

-Silika? Do you mind singing ‘My Red Lady’ to granddad?-

She looked at me strangely which I didn’t blame her for.

-I don’t think he’ll like it…-

I ruffled her hair.

-Why wouldn’t he? He just asked if he could hear your sing.-

She immediately straightened up in surprise. I could even see a slightly excited smile on her lips.

I smiled back at her, Silika was very self conscious about her voice, especially since it had been a concern that she was making a lot of noise unconsciously. Every time it got to a point where it became unbearable for others I had had no choice but to ask her to stop and she would become extremely embarrassed. I had tried to avoid doing it, but there was only so much screeching and wailing anyone could take… 

…So for me to ask her to sing and make noise, was something was probably the last thing she expected, and I could tell nothing more more could make her happy.

Maybe I should ask her to sing for me sometime as well? But right now, this moment didn’t belong to me. It belonged to my father and Silika.

She cleared her throat and began humming the song.

“Mhh mmh mh mhhh, mh mh mh mmhh…”

The notes were slightly off, the the rhythm was also a bit strange, and yet… 

‘She said to me, My red lady’

The words sprouted naturally in my mind. There was a quality to a child’s voice. An innocence.

 She didn’t care about the content of the song or the quality of her singing. She was singing for the sake of singing. Letting her voice carry her thoughts and emotions and convey them to us…

…And what I heard coming from her was hope. Hope, happiness, but also a bit of sadness. Or perhaps I should say a melancholy.

I closed my eyes and began humming along. 

We sang for a long time, and when I opened my eyes, I looked up at my father. His eyes struggled to stay open as a tired smile fluttered on his lips.

He turned his head to me and extended his hand. I grasped it as he tried his best to squeeze it, but he had no strength left.

“Welcome back, Marshall.”

A single tear rolled down his wrinkled cheeks

“I missed you, so much.”