[Mad Tiger] Chapter 66

TN: Formatting’s fucked. For some reason, Patreon bolds everything and removes italics. There’s a PDF attached below if you prefer that.

Gaara and Naruto stared at each other with open suspicion. Meanwhile, I sat between them, flicking my ears, trying to figure out how to handle this situation.

“Namaiki-chan,” Naruto crouched down to get a better look at me, apparently deciding to ignore Gaara for now. “Where’d you run off to? Were you mad or something? We were gonna open a can of food for you…”

I turned my head away with a sigh, then casually strolled closer to Gaara, plopped down on my haunches, and gave him my best Puss-in-Boots eyes—the classic "pick me up" request. If he was gonna start swinging those hands around, better that he be holding me, not sending sand flying.

Gaara blinked at me like I’d just asked him to explain quantum mechanics.

Ugh. Do I have to teach this kid everything?

“Namaiki-chan wants you to hold him,” Naruto prompted.

I nodded and put my paws together like a little prairie dog. Please, kind sir, grant me the honor of being carried! For extra persuasion, I turned on my turbo purr.

“Go on,” Naruto encouraged. “Just so you know, Namaiki-chan’s kinda heavy.”

Gaara hesitated for a second, then finally crouched down and lifted me into his arms. Ah, there we go! Hands occupied, good vantage point secured. The boys lapsed into silence, while I purred wisely, waiting for them to make the next move.

“So, his name is Namaiki-chan?” Gaara finally asked, glancing down at me. “That means… ‘impudent’?”

“Uhh… well…” Naruto scratched the back of his head. “He’s got a lot of names. Namaiki’s just one of ‘em. Sometimes we call him ‘Tora,’ or ‘Choko,’ or ‘Neko-san.’”

“So he’s not your cat?” Gaara pressed.

“He lives with me and Sasuke. Sasuke’s my teammate, and we both kinda see Namaiki-chan as ours,” Naruto explained awkwardly. “But he also crashes at other people’s places. And we know he’s got other ‘owners.’ I guess he just picks who he likes. He’s picky as hell about people, though—he won’t let just anyone hold him. If Namaiki-chan lets you pick him up… it means you’re a good person.”

A warm glow of pride filled my chest. That’s right, peasants. Appreciate my selective favoritism.

Gaara’s fingers twitched slightly in my fur, and he gave me another searching look. “So what’s he doing here?” He was getting chatty. See? Purring works wonders.

“Namaiki-chan decided to tag along for the exam,” Naruto answered, stepping closer to scratch behind my ear. “He’s super smart, super brave, and an awesome friend…”

“I’m telling you, shinobi-sama! That ‘cat’ is a demon! Kobiki’s still having a breakdown! That thing devoured a quarter of a whole pig carcass! It held us hostage in the kitchen! You need to do something about it before it’s too late!”

Uh-oh.

Heavy footsteps approached, accompanied by an increasingly frantic voice echoing down the hallway.

Naruto’s instincts kicked in fast—he yanked Gaara and me into a cramped alcove behind a column just as a chunin in a green vest passed by, followed closely by Kuchi-san, the one cook I thought had at least a little common sense.

“...The hell?” Gaara muttered, frowning at Naruto.

“Take a wild guess who they’re talking about?” Naruto hissed, barely containing a snicker. “And here we are—holding Namaiki-chan, red-handed! We’d be so busted.”

Gaara shot me a skeptical look. I responded with my best offended noble expression and gave an indignant huff.

The two boys slowly slid down the wall into sitting positions. Since Gaara had that massive sand gourd strapped to his back, he naturally ended up a bit farther forward, making it easy for me to study their faces.

“So, a quarter of a whole pig, huh, Namaiki-chan?” Naruto grinned, waggling his eyebrows at me. “No wonder you didn’t want canned food, you little glutton.”

LIES! I yowled indignantly. It wasn’t a quarter! Maybe half a kilo at most! The real crooks are those greedy humans, hoarding all the good cuts for themselves!

Naruto chuckled and ruffled my fur, and I purred, drowning out the lingering sounds of the hunt for my alleged crime spree. Honestly, the way they were carrying on, you’d think I had single-handedly dragged off an entire hog. If I had done something that cool, I’d at least expect applause!

Greedy humans! Hoarding all the prime cuts and acting like I was the problem! My dad used to say something from an old movie about shady accounting: “Two tape recorders, two cameras, three jackets, and a gold cigarette case.” No idea why I thought of that now.

Eventually, the noise died down, and I quieted my purring to listen.

“So… you…” Naruto hesitated.

“Why…?” Gaara started at the same time, turning slightly toward him.

A long, awkward pause.

“You go first,” I told Gaara, tapping his shoulder with a paw.

Whether he understood me or just took the hint, he finally spoke. “Why did that man say… demon?”

“Because he’s an idiot,” Naruto muttered bitterly. “People like that—they’re the real monsters. They don’t understand anything. They just hate and throw names around.”

He instinctively pressed a hand to his stomach, clutching the stained fabric covered in my artwork, as if trying to figure out where exactly the Kyubi was sealed inside him.

Gaara’s eyes narrowed. “Like you’d know anything about that.”

Naruto met his gaze, unflinching. “I think I do,” he said calmly. “There’s a real monster inside me.”

The weight of that sentence was utterly ruined by the loudest, most pitiful stomach growl I’d ever heard.

The acoustics of our little hiding spot magnified the sound until it practically howled.

“…Your monster sounds hungry,” I observed.

Naruto flushed beet red, while Gaara blinked at him in mild surprise.

“We, uh… haven’t eaten yet,” Naruto admitted, rubbing the back of his head. “Our sensei always shows up late, and, well… I went looking for Namaiki-chan first…”

I sighed. My god. These children.

And Kakashi! What a nightmare of a babysitter! The kids had fought their way through the Forest of Death, then sat through boring speeches, and now they were just waiting around, wasting away from hunger?! They hadn’t even touched my emergency stash of canned food—probably saving it for later since they had no clue how long they’d be stuck here.

I could cry from the sheer tragedy of it all.

With a decisive hop, I leapt from Gaara’s lap, padded a few steps toward the open area, then turned back and gave them a meaningful look.

Both boys exchanged glances and got up to follow.

We made our way to the kitchen.

And oh, oh, was I right.

The air was filled with the mouthwatering aroma of simmering meat. Those sneaky bastards were cooking up something good for themselves while tossing the kids nothing but spicy rice!

I locked eyes with Naruto and crouched down, tail swishing. It was the same signal we used back when we stole from Old Man Sarutobi’s pantry.

Come on, kid. You were trained for this.

Naruto hesitated… then grinned. He nudged Gaara with his elbow. “I think Namaiki-chan wants revenge against those lying cooks. That sound about right?”

I nodded solemnly. Damn right.

With a mischievous glint in his eyes, Naruto formed a hand seal—Henge no Jutsu!—and transformed into a smaller version of Nekomata-sama, only with my fur pattern and signature markings.

Gaara just stared.

Okay, yeah. To be fair, this was probably the weirdest thing he’d seen all day. Maybe in his life.

But this was no time for hesitation.

I shot Gaara a look and gave the kitchen door a quick scratch. He got the message and pulled it open.

“Mee-aaat!” our monster roared in a deep, guttural voice.

Something clattered to the ground in the kitchen. Pretty sure someone just fainted.

Then—poof!

A second later, Naruto, now back to his usual self, shot out of the kitchen, clutching a giant pot in his hands.

“RUN!” he shouted.

And so, naturally, Gaara and I ran after him. Because what else were we supposed to do? Everybody’s running, so I’m running too!

From the outside, I’m sure it was a glorious sight—two ninja and a cat bolting through the halls with a stolen pot of food. But thankfully, nobody saw us until Naruto kicked open a random door and barreled inside.

The people inside immediately jumped into defensive stances.

Oh.

Sasuke and Sakura.

For a moment, all five of us just froze, staring at each other.

“Naruto?” Sakura was the first to break the silence. “You moron! Why the hell would you barge in like that?!” Then she noticed Gaara and hesitated. “Uh… Who’s that?”

“Uh, this is…” Naruto put the pot down, gave Sakura a sheepish grin, then scratched the back of his head. “This is my new friend… Uh… wait, I don’t actually know your name.” He turned to Gaara. “Oops! I forgot to introduce myself too! I’m Uzumaki Naruto. And these two are Sasuke and Sakura.”

“Gaara,” came the quiet reply.

Sasuke gave me a pointed look, clearly asking if this guy could be trusted.

I nodded and rubbed against Gaara’s legs for good measure. Don’t make me regret this, Red.

“You’re from Suna?” Sakura asked, glancing at the forehead protector attached to Gaara’s belt.

“Relax, Sakura,” Sasuke smirked. “We passed the Forest of Death. While we’re in this tower, there’s a ceasefire between teams from every village—at least until the next stage starts in three days. Just don’t go running your mouth about jutsu.” Then his eyes flicked to the pot Naruto had placed on the floor. “More importantly… what’s in there?”

“FOOD!” Naruto beamed as he dramatically lifted the lid.

Inside were steaming chunks of meat, freshly boiled to perfection.

“Whoa! That’s a lot!” Sakura gasped. “And it’s all meat?!”

Naruto puffed out his chest with pride and rubbed his nose smugly.

“Damn, but we don’t have any bowls…” Sakura groaned.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Are you a ninja or not?”

He casually approached the pot and wove a series of hand signs. “Use Shadow Utensils—eat, and they’ll disappear when you’re done. No washing up required. Just don’t mess up the chakra flow.”

And just like that, he scooped some meat into a shadow bowl using shadow chopsticks.

This little schemer!

“Sasuke, you genius!” Naruto grinned and copied him. Then he noticed Sakura still blushing and, without a word, handed her his bowl before making three more—for himself, Gaara, and me.

“Wait a sec, let the broth cool a bit, Namaiki-chan,” he said, carefully pouring some soup and meat into a shallow, wide dish he’d shaped just for me.

“Gaara, you wanna serve yourself, or should I do it?” Naruto asked once my share was settled.

“I’m not hungry,” Gaara tried to decline.

Naruto squinted at him, clearly unconvinced. Then his expression turned sly.

“Y’know,” he said in a totally-not-suspicious tone, “they say food tastes twice as good when you share it with friends. You have to at least try it.”

Gaara, caught completely off guard, hesitated… then gave a tiny, confused nod.

Naruto grinned and promptly ladled some broth and meat into a bowl for him.

Ah, delicious! If I may add—food that’s been honestly earned stolen always tastes twice as good, warming both the stomach and the soul!

(1) The quote is from Leonid Gaidai's comedy film "Ivan Vasilyevich Changes Profession". Considered a Soviet Classic. Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3xVdxDWFWU

The quoted scene is at 1.21.17