[Mad Tiger] Chapter 34

And so, I finally made it—the Uchiha district.

Well... uh.

Welcome to Konoha's very own post-apocalyptic wasteland.

The vibes? Pretty grim. It’s like everyone stepped out for a quick minute and just never came back. And honestly, that’s not far from the truth. Clothes still hanging out to dry, abandoned toys scattered around, a faint, rotten smell from spoiled food. The only reason this place hasn’t been looted yet is that everyone assumes it’s been empty for years. Joke’s on them—it’s only been, what, two weeks? But the high walls surrounding the district do a great job hiding all this “abundance.” The entrance is taped off with those crime scene ribbons you see in cop shows. Never been to a crime scene myself, but TV has prepared me well for the aesthetic. Wait, what's a TV? Ah, whatever, can’t think properly because of the smell.

Speaking of! I should poke around here for supplies. Maybe there’s rice or some grains left behind. The locals here are obsessed with rice. They’ll eat it plain if they have to—definitely beats instant ramen. A little variety wouldn’t hurt. Earlier, Naruto scarfed down a bowl of rice and sausages like it was his last meal on earth. Kid nearly choked, he was eating so fast.

After breakfast, I walked Naruto to the Academy, keeping a low profile. No need to draw attention just yet. Found a nice ledge near the windows and made myself comfortable, checking in on the classroom every now and then. My ears and nose are sharper than ever, so I don’t miss much.

The kids, though? Cold. They acted like Naruto was some stranger who just moved to town. Classic “new kid syndrome”—he knows them, but they don’t remember him. Add to that the passive-aggressive disdain from the teachers, and it’s a train wreck. Iruka? Never exactly doted on the kid, but now he’s turning his sarcasm up to eleven. And that other guy with the fake smile plastered on his face? Yeah, no help there either. Kids take their cues from adults, so it only took a day for Naruto to become the class punching bag. The teachers called him out for not being able to do some chakra control exercise, and just like that, he’s branded the “idiot” and the “loser.” The poor guy was devastated—nearly cried. Bastards.

And then came cultural shock number two: Sasuke.

There aren’t enough PG-appropriate words for what those monsters did to that kid. He used to be a normal kid, kind, even. Now? It’s like someone scooped out everything inside him and left an empty shell. He’s a walking zombie. And the whispers! People can’t stop talking about how he’s the last Uchiha and all that.

After class, I tailed Sasuke. Turns out they relocated him too—dumped him far from the Uchiha district into a cozy little two-bedroom apartment near the stadium. Nice place, I’ll admit, in a chubby little three-story building. Meanwhile, Naruto’s been shoved into what’s basically a boiler room next to a pond. A pond that just so happens to border the Uchiha district. A clever game of musical chairs with living arrangements, probably to keep them from running into each other more than necessary. Yeah, good luck with that.

Sasuke dropped off his school bag and headed straight for his old district. He lingered at the entrance, hesitating, then wandered down to the pond and sat on the dock. He still can’t bring himself to go back in and see it. But hey, I could!

Not that it’s any less creepy for me. The abandoned district gives me the heebie-jeebies, and I’m not the one who lived here. For Sasuke? It’s gotta be a hundred times worse.

Where are all the cats, though? You’d think a place like this would be crawling with them. All the scent markers I can pick up are old—like, pre-massacre old. Did that masked psycho kill off the Uchiha cats too? Or did they escape on their own? Let’s hope for the latter; otherwise, that’s just inhumane.

Wait a second. That means... That guy with the toilet-bowl-swirly eye? He killed my parents, my siblings? My cat family? But... why does that feel so weird? And why does it hurt so much?

Oh, hell...

Head’s splitting. What the... Why is it so dark? Oh. Night already.

Wow, what a dream I just had. Like I was a ninja cat in the anime Naruto. I gotta tell Sergey about this—he’ll crack up when he hears why everything in that show makes so much sense now. I mean, I always thought it was weird how the whole village hated Naruto one minute, then suddenly they’re all cool with him. Like, when did Shikamaru, Kiba, Choji, and even Sasuke start being his friends? And that whole “bring Sasuke back” thing? Why so much loyalty after a few joint missions?

Now it clicks. They all grew up together but just forgot! Subconsciously, though, they still remember their bonds. Genius. Sergey’s gonna love this theory.

Wait a sec. Where am I? And—OH MY GOD, MY PAWS. MY LEGS. MY TAIL?!

I’m an actual cat?!

Okay, okay. Breathe, Greg-Tora. Deep breaths.

Holy crap, that moon is huge!

Right. I was in the Uchiha district...

So it’s not a dream?!

But the last few events felt so... foggy. Like my mind was asleep or blocked. Did that guy’s technique hit me too?

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Must’ve been a human part of me freaking out. Waking up in cat mode is rough. The last thing I remember is realizing my whole family was killed and... Yep, internal conflict must’ve broken some mental lock. Error 503, brain reboot. Great. Now I know why I’m so smart.

Man, I scared myself back there. And now I don’t even know what’s worse—that this isn’t a dream or that I’m not just a cat anymore.

Focus. I need to scout the area and plan my next steps. Oh, and I know some canon events! That’s why those images kept flashing through my head—kitty oracle mode, unlocked.

Looks like it’s six months until they graduate from the Academy. Which means the big, epic stuff is still a ways off. So this is the Naruto world, huh? But things are already different. My meddling saved Kushina-san. Which means Shisui survived first and rescued her. If he hadn’t, Kushina probably would’ve died—either from Hiruzen or Minato, depending on the situation. And even if she managed to escape on her own, she wouldn’t have gotten far in the Forest of Death with that suppression seal on her. Some nasty beastie would’ve snacked on her, no question.

This ripple effect, man. Like tossing a stone into a pond.

Without me, everything would’ve gone down like in the anime, huh? Naruto would’ve endured all that suffering, but at what cost? Just thinking about it makes my fur stand on end. Seeing this world up close—living it day by day instead of in flashes on a screen—makes it so much more real. Poor kid.

And the Uchiha? The innocents who were caught in the crossfire—women, children? Their deaths are on someone’s conscience. The ninja world is cruel. I never realized it before. It always seemed like just a game…

Alright, deep breaths. Time to let this go and focus on the present.

I’ve got two twelve-year-old emotional wrecks on my paws—er, hands—who desperately need therapy and stress relief. And who better to deliver that than me, the greatest cat of all time? Time to shake off the gloom, channel some optimism, and confuse the hell out of my opponent with my unpredictable ‘whish-whoosh-bosh’. Let’s go!

Since Naruto’s got a babysitter for now, it’s Sasuke hours. Time to thaw out our “zombie” and save Shisui from getting jumped by an emo-avenger if they ever meet.

“Namaiki-chan…” Naruto mumbled groggily when I slinked back from my scouting mission into the Uchiha zone. He rolled over and tucked me under his arm like a fuzzy body pillow.

I’d been busy surveying the local Post-Apocalypse. Call me a ninja Stalker. The place was eerily deserted—like one of those abandoned malls where you just know the rats are planning a hostile takeover. It’s only a matter of time before the rodents go nuts, and anything edible left in the ruins is history.

I did score some odd tubular veggies (probably their take on potatoes), a few carrots, and a sack of rice. But anything that relied on refrigeration? Yeah, nope. I opened one fridge and immediately regretted every life choice leading up to that moment. The smell nearly sent me to my ninth life.

I stashed my prize haul under Naruto’s bed in that dog bundle from earlier. Tomorrow, while Naruto’s at school and under ANBU surveillance, I’ll have free reign to smuggle more supplies from Uchiha-ville. Might even rope in Kuramaru for a little “Operation Borrow Indefinitely.” Ninjas don’t bat an eye at a dog hauling random stuff—it’s genius. Bonus points for living in a boiler room; no nosy neighbors! Muahaha, I’m a genius and evil.

The plan worked like a charm—110% success rate, baby. I even added a sneaky twist for extra flair. See, if the Hokage swings by Naruto’s place and finds it stocked like a Costco warehouse? Red flags everywhere. Let the Monkey Man keep his sad ramen packs; no need to blow my cover.

Instead, I turned the boiler room into a secret stash. Found a nice, dry corner to store the goods and brought in the loot with help from Kuramaru and Hana Inuzuka’s three nin-dogs. For pest control, I hired an old acquaintance—Sumi, the black cat. He’s on rat patrol now, keeping my stash rodent-free. I even issued him a VIP pass to the territory.

We pulled it all off in just six hours while Naruto and his ANBU tail were busy elsewhere. Now we’ve got a mini apocalypse bunker. The rice is still in giant sacks, though—haven’t quite figured out the logistics there—but the veggies are good to go.

“Namaiki-chan?” Naruto’s eyes practically popped out of his head when he got home and saw six hefty potatoes and one lumpy carrot sitting in the sink.

I basked in his awe as he scratched behind my ears in gratitude.

He still had some of the meat I’d “liberated,” so he whipped up a rustic stew. The kid might not remember much, but muscle memory doesn’t lie. He took one look at those ingredients and instinctively knew what to do. And, oh man, the stew was good. Even gave me the best cuts of meat. Yeah, I’m living the life.

Alright, mission accomplished here. Time to check in on Little Emo and get a closer look at the mental damage. Wish me luck.