Hiraeth / Homesickness / Nostalgia Musings 🖊️

I’ve had this feeling of nostalgia for years now. It seems like it has gotten harder since moving to another country. My hope is that I can somehow address this today and accept it, so that I can enjoy the present moment with my current family. My son and my husband.

Somehow I can be so wrapped up in missing people, places that I’ve been, that the present moment brings me no joy. Which seems silly when I think about it from the perspective that one day, these moments right here will be the ones I look back on and miss as well. It seems like I have some catching up to do so that I can appreciate my current reality and not allow or lose myself in past longings or loneliness.

Sometimes I think about the losses of loved ones that have passed over, or the losses that I’m yet to face. I’m afraid of losing them, that I haven’t spent enough time with them, which only leads to an experience of disconnection and discomfort in the now. It seems like a pointless use of energy sometimes, but perhaps on other occasions it forces me to reach out positively. To really soak in that connection.

Somewhere inbetween reaching out and not reaching out there is a fine balance to be had. Reaching out too often or too little and the nostalgia or homesickness can remind you again and again. Sometimes the reminders are endless - from a smell, to a memory of a tv show, to a picture. Who knows what will trigger the next memory.

But yes, there must be a balance Between keeping up with loved ones far away and not keeping up with them too much. On one hand it can be positive to share our lives with those we love, on another hand it can remind us of what we are “missing” and send us back into that spiralling trap once more. Where there is love there is also a letting go that we all mist face one day.

Sometimes there is no explanation as to what was so special before that is missedso dearly at times. Sometimes it’s the memories of a persons laugh, the look of a place, the way someone would say something to you, sometimes it’s just a presence.

Part of me thinks I’m seeing through rose-tinted glasses with some of these things though. Maybe it’s the experience of some kind of separation from God, which leads me to dwell on the losses and the longing and these feelings of melancholy, which can seem to last forever. When I’m enticed to believe that everything used to be better, it’s almost like some kind of trick of the mind or of the devil.

When I’m connected to God these feelings feel like they are in the background happily existing but not prying. I’m more in my body, more in the moment. Memories are experienced just as moments rather than something painful I can no longer touch but long to do so. Instead, they give me confidence in the now that I have already lived through so much.

But I have to believe, and have faith, like Job in the Bible, that everything does get better. Despite deep suffering, he never gave up on God, instead he kept faithful to him (despite some deviance) and was rewarded with a wonderful life. I choose to believe there is hope, and not let these feelings get the better of me, but just simply let them exist until what is coming is going.

I try my best to smile at the memories and also to make new ones. Some days are slower in the motivation for that, other days it seems like creativity is around every corner!

When I think about it, I ought not to be sad for the people, places and experiences I’ve “lost” but glad and grateful for all of the new people, places and memories I’ve made, and continue to make! None are better than the other, instead they are all the experience of the movement of life.

What are your thoughts on this if you experience it, how do you manage to stick through it?

❤️

P.s. some picks of my kitties and my in-laws flowers as they were giving me artsy, zen vibes yesterday :)