Nat (F) Morning After sneak peek

29 December

You wake to the gentle pressure of Nat's arm draped across your waist. The room is quiet, save for the sound of Nat's soft steady breathing. It takes you a couple of seconds to remember where you are: Nat's hotel room at the Grand Copthorne Waterfront Hotel.

With the thick blackout curtains drawn, you have no idea how late it is. Outside, the city must already be bustling with life—hawker centers filling with breakfast crowds, the MRT thrumming with morning commuters—but here, time seems to hang suspended. Within the sanctuary of a room you'll never see again, it feels like you could be living anyone's life—disjointed from past or present, there's a contextless-ness that grants a weightless, untethered freedom.

The memory of last night returns in little snatches. It felt like stepping back in time—before the arguments, before the silences that stretched between you like a gulf. Unbridled laughter and familiar, teasing banter as you'd made your way through the games and food booths at the winter festival, Nat's warm, sparkling smile…

One thing had led to the other, and now you're waking up next to Nat the way you used to, before everything had begun to unravel.

CHOICE

• Let my gaze linger on Nat, not wanting to wake her just yet.

• Scoot closer, wrapping my arms gently around Nat.

#Let my gaze linger on Nat, not wanting to wake her just yet.

Irrationally, you're almost afraid that if you move, the spell will break. And all of this will all disappear like a dream, turning to ash in the sunlight.

So you stay as still as you can, not wanting to wake Nat just yet.

You sweep your gaze along the familiar curves of her cheekbones and nose, the strong line of her jaw,

*if you had sex with Nat last night:

her bare shoulders and collarbones, savoring the familiar tingle that goes down your spine at the sight.

*if you did not

the upturned quirk of her lips, savoring the familiar warmth that fills your heart at the sight.

Asleep, Nat looks so young and at peace. The tenderness that floods through you carries an edge of ferocity—you want to defend that smile at all costs, and shield her from all the hurt that you've ever caused each other.

#Scoot closer, wrapping my arms gently around Nat.

You scoot over and press your cheek against Nat's back, wrapping your arms around

*if you had sex with Nat last night:

her waist, savoring the familiar tingle that goes down your spine at the feeling of her warm skin against yours.

*if you did not

her waist, savoring the familiar warmth and solidity of her body against yours.

Nat stirs slightly, but doesn't wake. She murmurs something unintelligible, and snuggles against you.

You close your eyes, breathing in. The hotel's expensive soap has left Nat smelling faintly of bergamot and white tea, but underneath it you can still detect something that reminds you of Nat, something you could probably identify blindfolded after all these years.

With Nat nestled into you, you can't help but feel a rush of warmth for her. The tenderness that floods through you carries an edge of ferocity—you want to defend that smile at all costs, and shield her from all the hurt that you've ever caused each other.

CONTINUE

Another moment or two passes before Nat's eyes open just a crack. Her lashes flutter as she adjusts to the dim room.

You scoot a little closer, so that your faces are just a whisker apart.

Nat's lips curl up into a bright, easy grin, and she throws an arm around you and scoots closer to you. "Morning," she says, voice sleep-rough and tender.

You smile, and reach out to cup Nat's cheek. "Morning," you reply softly.

Nat presses lips to your forehead—a benediction—pulling you back from the spiral of your thoughts. "I've missed this," she murmurs, and the simple honesty of it brings a lump to your throat.

CHOICE

• Swallow thickly. "Me too."

• Hesitate, unsure if we can really go back to the way things were.

#Swallow thickly. "Me too."

These luxuriously soft sheets and king-sized bed could not be more different from your bed in Nat's apartment which creaks whenever you move. But Nat's proximity brings a bittersweet ache to your chest.

How many mornings had you woken up like this, to Nat's honeyed smile?

You'd almost forgotten how nice this would feel. When you'd been 'on a break,' you'd taken turns sleeping on the inflatable mattress in the living room.

You'd needed this. Needed to feel close to Nat again, needed the reminder that some things haven't changed between you, needed to feel the warmth you'd once shared come pouring through the cracks.

You're starting to wonder if perhaps, there's still enough love between you to make it work.

#Hesitate, unsure if we can really go back to the way things were.

You'd found your way back to each other, and seeing Nat's smile still makes your heart ache. It's so tempting to fall back into old patterns, familiar comforts—so tempting to let yourself be seduced by Nat's honeyed smile, the same way you have many mornings before.

With Nat's proximity, you're reminded of the love that had once blossomed between you—even now, it continued to pour through the cracks and fissures that had opened up over time.

But weeks or months down the road, would things begin falling apart at the seams again?

Outside of the liminal space of the hotel, when the two of you go back to the 'real' world, what happens then? The bills, the career decisions pulling you both in opposite directions, your families located in different cities, the thousand tiny incompatibilities you'd learned to navigate until you couldn't anymore?

Last night could very well just be a blip—one warm day before the inevitable turn of the seasons from fall to winter.

CONTINUE

Nat brushes a thumb along your cheek, a touch light enough to feel like a question. "What're you thinking?"

A thrum passes through your body at her touch, goosebumps prickling down the length of your arms—once again, your body responding before your mind does. You take a deep breath, steadying yourself. "No matter what happens next, I'm really glad you came to Singapore."

"Same," Nat says, holding your gaze. "I'm sorry it took me this long to come back here after the first time."

You nod, letting yourself believe that these emotional scars, scabbed over from previous arguments, will one day heal.

CHOICE

• Just hold Nat for a while, letting my thoughts settle.

• Lean in and capture Nat's lips in a kiss.

#Just hold Nat for a while, letting my thoughts settle.

Nat lays her head on your shoulder, and hooks a long, lanky leg over your hips.

The two of you curl up against each other, and more than satiating a need, it fills the hole in your heart that Nat left when she'd asked to break up.

For the first time in a while, you remember what it's like to feel safe in Nat's arms. The warmth that swells your heart pulls long-buried memories out of the recesses of your mind—making breakfast together in the kitchen with Nat's favorite band playing, all bass line and reverb; that time the snowstorm caught you without proper tires and you'd pulled over and passed the hours playing silly word-games in the car; that perfect afternoon in the ocean at Labrador Park, years ago now, sun-warm water and salt-slick skin.

Nat and you chat softly to each other in bed. Swept up in the moment, you feel like there's all the time in the world, forgetting that there's a world outside.

#Lean in and capture Nat's lips in a kiss.

*if voiced Nat doubts in previous option

You take a breath, and push your lingering inhibitions away. You want to enjoy this moment for what it is.

Surrendering to the building ache in your gut, you close the distance, capturing Nat's lips in a kiss.

*if not

Surrendering to the building ache in your gut, you close the rest of the distance, pressing a kiss to Nat's lips.

...

CONTINUED FROM KISS

Nat kisses you back hungrily, with a fervor that makes your heart slam against your ribs.. Before long, you've rolled over on top of her, straddling her hips.

Nat gazes up at you, pupils blown wide, lips already swollen. "Fuck, ${preferred_name}, you can't kiss me like that, and not expect me to—" Nat trails off, sentence disintegrating into a soft huff of breath.

"To…?" you tease, voice dropping one octave before leaving another kiss on her neck, gratified by the way it makes Nat shiver and draw closer to you.

*if you had sex with Nat last night

Your clothes are still pooled in a heap after last night. Your hands map the familiar territory of her bare chest and abdomen.

Immediately, you're reminded of the way Nat had moaned your name last night when you'd both come to your shuddering climaxes, and it makes your skin prickle with goosebumps.

That memory pulls many others out of the recesses of your mind—making love on the kitchen counter with Nat's favorite band playing, all bass line and reverb; that time you'd been caught without proper tires and decided to pull over and wait out the snowstorm by keeping each other warm in the best way you knew how... or that perfect afternoon in the ocean at Labrador Park, years ago now, sun-warm water and salt-slick skin.

Last night, stumbling back to the hotel room together, you'd fallen into bed with a ravenous desire that had felt… urgent and impatient and all-consuming. The two of you had drawn climax after climax out of each other. It had been like the first breaths a drowning man takes when he first surfaces.

But this morning, the way Nat takes her time to coax out the smallest sighs and little spikes of pleasure from you, makes you feel like there's all the time in the world. Swept up in the moment, you forget that there's a world outside, that time is passing for everyone else.

The pressure in your gut grows with delicious, exquisite slowness. But eventually, your breaths grow ragged, and Nat makes a sound low in her throat as she comes undone. Seconds later, you do too.

*else

Although it's been a while since the last time you'd made love, you can still remember all the tiniest details—not just the things she likes, but also the sounds that Nat makes when you kiss a particular sensitive spot, the way her body would tremble when you trace your fingers along the ridge of her hipbones...

The two of you draw climax after climax out of each other like a cascading waterfall. But more than satiating a need, it fills the hole in your heart that Nat left when she'd asked to break up.

It's the first time you'd been intimate with each other in this way since then, and to be honest, this feels like the ragged, desperate breaths that a drowning man takes when he first surfaces.

Each sensation pulls long-buried memories out of the recesses of your mind—making love on the kitchen counter with Nat's favorite band playing, all bass line and reverb; that time you'd been caught without proper tires and decided to pull over and wait out the snowstorm by keeping each other warm in the best way you knew how... or that perfect afternoon in the ocean at Labrador Park, years ago now, sun-warm water and salt-slick skin.

Nat takes her time to coax out the smallest sighs and little spikes of pleasure from you, making you feel like there's all the time in the world. Swept up in the moment, you forget that there's a world outside, that time is passing for everyone else.

The pressure in your gut grows with delicious, exquisite slowness. But eventually, your breaths grow ragged, and Nat makes a sound low in her throat as she comes undone. Seconds later, you do too.

...

Nat's head falls back against the pillow with a soft sigh.

You inhale deeply, then exhale, letting each tingling nerve gradually settle. Several moments later, your body still loose and relaxed from the post-sex endorphins, you roll over to your side and prop your head up with your hand.

That's when you notice that Nat's eyes are wet.

"Shit," you breathe, reaching out to grasp her shoulder. You've always been good at reading Nat, and had only gotten better over the years. But this time, you're not quite sure if her expression is one of grief or happiness. Perhaps it might be both at once. "You alright?"

Nat laughs, then sniffs and swipes at her eyes.

*if Nat Commit

"I'm good. I was so scared we wouldn't find our way back to each other, and I'm so happy we did." Nat's bottom lip trembles as she meets your gaze.

You cup her jaw gently, feeling your heart swell. "I never want to lose you again."

"Me neither," Nat says, and hugs you tight. Her gaze is fierce. "Never again."

The two of you smile at each other. When a tear spills out and streaks down Nat's cheek, you catch it with your thumb. Nat rests her head on your chest. You run fingers through Nat's afro, a familiar, comforting ritual that just feels immeasurably right.

*else

"I'm fine," she says, but there's a slight waver in her voice.

You cup Nat's jaw gently, feeling your heart go out to this gentle soul you'd spent the better part of the last five years loving. "What is it?" you ask softly.

Nat blinks. Her bottom-lip trembles a little. "I don't want to lose you. Not now, not ever."

Those words strike deep at your core. You don't know what to say to that. A tear spills out and streaks down Nat's cheek.

You catch it with your thumb. Suddenly, the intimacy you've just shared feels almost unbearable—all those layers stripped away, both of you laid bare in every sense, bare bodies entangled under the covers with nothing in-between.

After another beat of silence, Nat lays her head on your shoulder, and it rises and falls in-sync with your breaths. The warmth of Nat's body and the way it fits so perfectly with yours floods you with a complicated mix of emotions.

Instead of speaking, you sink fingers into Nat's afro, stroking it gently. It's a familiar, comforting ritual that feels right in the moment, but in some ways, it almost feels anachronistic—like it belongs to a different lifetime.

...

CONTINUED FROM CUDDLE/NO KISS

Eventually, Nat holds your gaze, expression turning serious.

"You good?" you ask, sobering up slightly. You've always been good at reading Nat, and had only gotten better over the years. But this time, you're not quite sure if her expression is one of grief or happiness. Perhaps it might be both at once. "You alright?"

Nat laughs, then nods.

*if Nat Commit

"I'm good. I was so scared we wouldn't find our way back to each other, and I'm so happy we did." Nat's bottom lip trembles as she meets your gaze.

You cup her jaw gently, feeling your heart swell. "I never want to lose you again."

"Me neither," Nat says, and hugs you tight. Her gaze is fierce. "Never again."

The two of you smile at each other. When a tear spills out and streaks down Nat's cheek, you catch it with your thumb. Nat rests her head on your chest. You sink fingers into Nat's afro, stroking it gently. It's a familiar, comforting ritual that just feels immeasurably right.

*else

"I'm fine," she says, but there's a slight waver in her voice.

You cup Nat's jaw gently, feeling your heart go out to this gentle soul you'd spent the better part of the last five years loving. "What is it?" you ask softly.

Nat blinks. Her bottom-lip trembles a little. "I don't want to lose you. Not now, not ever."

Those words strike deep at your core. You don't know what to say to that. A tear spills out and streaks down Nat's cheek.

You catch it with your thumb. Suddenly, the intimacy you've just shared feels almost unbearable—all those layers stripped away, both of you laid bare in every sense, bare bodies entangled under the covers with nothing in-between.

After another beat of silence, Nat lays her head on your shoulder, and it rises and falls in-sync with your breaths. The warmth of Nat's body and the way it fits so perfectly with yours floods you with a complicated mix of emotions.

Instead of speaking, you sink fingers into Nat's afro, stroking it gently. It's a familiar, comforting ritual that feels right in the moment, but in some ways, it almost feels anachronistic—like it belongs to a different lifetime.

...

CONTINUED FROM BOTH SCENES

Eventually, the two of you get out of bed.

Nat stands, and stretches her arms over her head with a satisfied groan.

You crack a smile, and get to your feet as well, following her into the en-suite bathroom to brush your teeth side-by-side.

Nat arches an eyebrow, and catches your eye in the mirror. After rinsing, she turns to face you fully, lips curling up into a playful smile. "Room service breakfast?"

You laugh. "Wow. Bougie."

Nat winks. "NYU's paying. Gotta milk it while it lasts."

You elbow her playfully. "Mmm, right, your allowance for the conference that you're totally attending."

Nat snorts and covers your mouth with a hand. "Shhh. Nobody'll know if you don't squeal."

You laugh and pry her hand off, planting a light kiss on the back of it, eyes sparkling. "And how do you plan on keeping me quiet...?"

Nat pulls you closer and kisses you in response. "I can think of several ways..."

The two of you stare at each other tenderly, letting all the love that still exists between you fill the small bathroom.

...

Once you've washed up and placed your breakfast orders, the two of you curl up back in bed and wait for the food to arrive.

"I've never ordered room service before," Nat murmurs, when the food arrives.

"Me neither," you say, smiling at her. "Look at us, still collecting firsts together, after all these years."

Even though you'd tried to keep your tone light, the words feel weighty. The two of you sip your coffees and eat your kaya toast while staring out the window. A sense of peace settles over you, and your heart feels lighter than it has in months.

"Remember the time we made kaya together?" Nat asks.

You smile. "Of course. We were supposed to start a café."

Nat laughs. "We still can."

You take a deep breath. Some part of you misses being in your early-twenties, thinking the world's your oyster, and anything's still possible if you set your mind to it.

Nat sets her empty coffee mug on the ground, and looks at you. "Should I skip the rest of the conference?"

You raise your eyebrows, and wave your hand at the empty plate of toast and empty dim sum steamers in front of you. "After NYU paid for this entire meal?"

Nat flashes you a crooked smile. You think she's about to say something about priorities, because that's how she has always been—putting your relationship before everything else. But instead, she just says, "I'm going on a 'field trip'. Participant observation."

You laugh. A moment passes, and you tilt a chin at Nat, an idea forming in your mind. "Wanna go to Pulau Ubin? You know, the island—"

Nat's entire face lights up in recognition, and finishes the sentence for you "The island I wanted to visit last time?"

You nod, smiling—you hadn't really expected her to remember. Last time Nat had visited Singapore, you'd told her about the little, idyllic island to the North of the mainland, between Singapore and Malaysia. But there hadn't been enough time to squeeze the trip in. You'd promised to take Nat there one day.

At your confirmation, Nat jumps up so quickly that she nearly kicks the empty dim sum steamers over. Recovering quickly, she skips over to her luggage and rummages around for a moment before finding what she had been looking for—the most ridiculous cow-print bucket hat known to mankind. Triumphantly, she puts it on top of her head, and beams at you. "I'm ready."

You snort, raising an eyebrow. "Ready for what? Blending in with the other 'fauna' on the island?"

Nat grins, undeterred by your comment. "Exactly." She drags you to your feet, and starts stacking the empty room service plates on top of each other. The infectious enthusiasm from Nat spills over to you. You're glad that no matter what happens next, you'd at least kept your promise about bringing Nat to Pulau Ubin.

To be continued...