i see now
this kinky dance
that seems to take place
outside of me, begins
/
internally
/
we are
unfathomable
we are
completely mundane
/
the hummanness
the mess
the sweet struggle
is what makes us
/
godly
/
what is perfection
nothing really
i feel in the dark
how ugly we are
/
don't turn away yet!
/
look here:
pristine, puss-filled
blemish, lone hair
beneath the chin
/
shaking palms
/
there is beauty
in our vulnerability
i walk in the rain
with a new friend
/
and we speak
of the challenges
of relationship
'explain,' i say
/
go deeper, i urge
/
"no. i don't want to,"
and in the center
of resistance
to be seen
/
exists peace
/
hide away for as long as you want
eventually we will be together
the rain drenches us
we are not alone
/
in our struggle
/
to communicate sincerely
to feel eachother's bodies
in the dark
to reach out
/
or to contract
/
my father's heart
beats
and it sounds like
a ticking time bomb
/
and this time
/
i go home
and i dont try
to change anything
i grow up and learn to love
/
i see
/
another friend
and she says come
here under the covers
be with me
/
and i cry and she watches
/
and i say it hurts so much
what do we know?
why should i want?
is it bad to want?
/
to act out
/
through the body
because we were never taught
how to express sincerely?
do we crave
/
to be witnessed in the mess?
/
or to hide away? back and forth,
hide and seek,
child's play
we are children
/
and we emerge
/
from underneath
the blanket
and move together
and sit down to practice
/
the disembodied
voice says:
"you do not have to be good
you do not have to be bad
/
you can just love"
/