OUR FIRST SEX TAPE (Erotic Audio Role-play 18+)
Added 2021-10-15 21:01:00 +0000 UTCApologies for the long pre-amble this time!!
THE AUDIO:
The discussion of emotional pain/pleasure that came out of the last poetry reading audio was really interesting, I think. 😌😔/😆😩
I remember having a discussion earlier about the feeling of being lovesick or happysad and talking about the Portuguese concept of ‘saudade’ and maybe was it ‘setsunai’ or something similar in Japanese? Anyway, this audio takes that bitter-sweet feeling, videos it, dirties it up, and makes it pure sex.
Just a trigger warning. This has a tiny bit of pain play and a little bit of blood (mine). It makes sense in the emotional context though, so I hope it's useful to think about in terms of the theme...
I hope you enjoy it!
BREAST CANCER AWARENESS:
As I'm sure you know, it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month in the UK, US, and elsewhere! In New Zealand we mark awareness with a Pink Ribbon day at the end of the month, so we're a little behind the rest of the world there.
In any case, I'm sure many of you will have been affected by the disease in some way or another. My Mum was diagnosed earlier this year, and recently had a single mastectomy, as well as radiotherapy and several lymph nodes removed, which is why I mentioned I was travelling back and forward across the country between my home cities. Thankfully, she's doing okay now. 😌🙏🏻
Anyway, here's another nagging reminder to get a check-up! And also, here is a link to the trailer for a short erotic film on the subject. The full video is 20 minutes, by my favourite producer of naughtiness, Erika Lust (who I'm sure a few of you will know makes her content by-women-for-women (and men/non-binary) under the label X-Confessions. It can be viewed for free this month.
Thanks to Genade for making me aware of it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdls8VM6GtM
💜🧔🏻💐Matthew
Comments
Sir… what have you done. The blo*d thing really turns me on 😩
Nadja
2023-05-30 14:08:35 +0000 UTCThe love of my entire existence lives in Melbourne, AU while I'm stuck near Chicago, IL, USA 😭😭😭 this got me hurting
Warrior Kristin
2022-11-07 06:18:41 +0000 UTCI'm still getting to messages I haven't read. Matthew, may your Mother be blessed with strength and fortitude to achieve great good health. Speaking as a survivor, I stand with her in BC solidarity!
Bibi
2022-01-23 20:54:30 +0000 UTC*grunt chuckle* at those irritating things you look at fondly when leaving your abode… the irony aye. OMDays, so true @ sockets in weird places. We had to move some around when we did re-wiring last year. Give me your mouth… / give me your face… Will I ever tire of hearing these four words? Nope… 😏🔥🤤 👍🏾 @ setting the mood… Dig…? 👀 Thought you’d just want a scrape or scratch. Were you doing this to yourself at the time… to help yourself immerse fully? I’m here for pain/pleasure but ngl, my face twisted at the sounds of friction… imagining the gorging of your skin… That old adage of less is more… coupled with the mind being a powerful thing… yup… what a combo hit to my senses… Uhuh… animalistic is the word of the day alright… as my body betrays my tentativeness… awakening like tempered steel… awaiting… OMG… the way my eyes widen at the depths of your need… yet my slow grin emerges as my legs slide up and down doing my usual tango… 💜 the way you describe how it feels… like water running down your skin… like drawing lines down your body… marking you… OMG that sequence of visuals is so FH 🔥 Your chuckle after that cheeky remark @ dry… The way I’d pause… deliberately, to smirk up at you… while you pulse in my mouth… The openness and stillness slowly aiding the re-generation of moisture… 😍 OMG why am I smiling so much?… Did I miss that deliciously dirty mouth? 😏 The sound effects… your groans… the play by play visuals… the intensity… 🙄😍🔥⚡️ me waiting for THAT moment we love… ANTICIPATION… The way my brain goes right back to HOW TO DIRTY TALK ME. G** … all the things you love 😏💥… I enjoyed infusing so much creativity into my musings for that one… 😏😍⚡️💥🔥💦 13:30 - you’re too adorable, love your intense comedown vulnerability. 💜 My grin @ some of the interesting/funny angles also captured when recording shenanigans in the past. To me, parting to start long distance just means until later… connecting in a different way… a chance to get the creative juices flowing even more. From experience, it is challenging but as with any relationship, just got to work together to put the work in. And definitely keep the fun alive! 💜 @ the holding and stroking… 🤗 Love the contrast of the start to the end… and yeah, the context of the ache of impending parting moulding into the intense euphoria of holding on came through… 💛🙃💜 ✨✨✨ Great reminder @ time of the year, and to keep checking in general. I mentioned in my comment under the merch post how much I enjoyed the Erika Lust film and how the piece with the Director (who’s from here 🙌🏾) made me subscribe. Love their mission and ethos. This is the one I’d opened and read caption during my break. Gosh @ your mama… to be going through that last year during the height of all this… bless her… thinking of your sisters, and… the reality of distance must have been SO hard at times. And to think you’ve been in creative mode bringing joy and thought provoking feels to many, amidst supporting her through all that. But maybe it helped keep you sane, and strong… to be strong for her. 🤗 I’m just so glad she’s doing okay now. 😌🙏🏾 Long may that continue. Now I feel even more joy for sending you that image depicting connection… Sending you and the fam, and esp her a warm embrace. 🤗💖 I’ve had a grand aunt go through BC. Bless her, dearly departed years now. And some other family members, to varying degrees… My mama felt a lump years ago but thankfully it was benign. 🙏🏾✨ UPDATE 6 days later 🙂: This is a song I shared in another audio but I think it’s even more apt for this one: 🎵 Song to the Siren - Rose Betts ❣️
FFSWhatudoin2me (K)
2021-11-26 03:41:10 +0000 UTCI am hurt but also kilig-ed by the I love you's over goodbye's, and the desperation during the sex aaaaaa 😭💕 Also, late but thank you for acknowledging breast cancer awareness. I lost my aunt to it just this year. She'd been fighting it the last 3 or 4 years, went into remission after a mastectomy, and then she just...suddenly fell ill again. Even now, there's still a lot of "what if we had done this or that to help". Man. And I'm terrified because lumps in the breast run in the family. 😂😭 So thanks for the reminder! 😂😂
Honey D.A.
2021-11-04 15:18:46 +0000 UTCOh D, I'm so sorry about your friend. It's wonderful that you're making the most of your time together. It's extremely hard being in such a situation (I also know what it's like). I'm sure that just being together and loving each other helps her so much. I'm sending you my love!
Katja
2021-10-31 07:14:40 +0000 UTCThanks for the nod to breast cancer awareness, Matthew! Just returning from a girls trip - one of our foursome has breat cancer that metastesized to the bones and she is out of treatment options. We just spent a week laughing, hiking, adventuring and making the BEST memories before no longer have the opportunity to. Bittersweet but oh so good!
D
2021-10-24 15:53:10 +0000 UTCKatie. I honestly don’t remember much about my moms cancers. I took care of her but for some reason I don’t remember. She had uterine and breast cancer. We have a rocky relationship and that could be it. Thank you so much for you post. Hugs 🤗💜
Ann
2021-10-20 21:53:14 +0000 UTCI wrote and deleted something on this post about 15 times before I gave up— Two emotional topics and so many vulnerable comments, my brain was on overload! I grew up in a “sweep the feelings under the rug” kind of household so I was never really able to articulate how my mom’s cancer impacted me. Breast cancer when I was 10 and lung cancer when I was 23, YUP. 13 years. Luckily both cases were caught early and she is in remission. It’s exhausting though. The worry, the appointments, the complications, the scans. It’s just so much. I’m so happy to hear your mom is well Matt, and I wish her all the “we found nothing” checkups for the future! It’s just way too common and there is nothing easy about being sick or watching someone you love being sick. I’m glad you have created this little escape for you and all of us. 💕💕 I really liked this audio more than I expected. The preview of pain play made me a little hesitant but now I think the idea of scarring someone is super fucking hot. ❤️🔥😍 It is weird how you can suppress a feeling and then have it be recalled like it was yesterday. “I feel like I miss you already and we haven’t even said goodbye.” Whoa… HELLO FEELINGS. SO anyway I’m excited for the new content today. Well wishes to everyone xoxo
Katie
2021-10-20 00:30:20 +0000 UTCHeey - thank-you so much for taking the time to comment or read the discussions on this post. Although I can’t reply to new comments here now, I’ll still be returning to read and 💜 them from time-to-time, so even if you feel a bit late to the party please say hi! Much love, 🧔🏻💐Matthew
Matthew Tower
2021-10-19 22:41:17 +0000 UTCIt’s been years. May have to revisit the books 😁
Ann
2021-10-19 04:33:06 +0000 UTCOmg. Kilig + saudade + Anne Rice = vampire Armand. If anyone here has ever read vampire Aramand from Rice.A will feel that this is the most passionate of all vampires of this literature universe. This caracter gave himself to love and sex more than any other. Especially when saying goodbyes. Happy to see more people get a glimpe of this. 😁
Sall
2021-10-19 03:25:08 +0000 UTCHey Sall! Thanks for the note on Mum. Lovely to hear from you and to learn there's another 🇧🇷 Brazilian on the team! (You might wanna say hello to Line sometime!) Ha, yes - I guess there was a bit of vampish passion to the audio 💜🧛🏻💜 and I'm so glad you're relating to many of the comments too. It's nice to hear that Saudade grows with the year. I guess the more time passes the more we have to look back and reflect on with that bittersweet nostalgia. Much love from NZ, 🧔🏻💐Matthew
Matthew Tower
2021-10-18 22:22:48 +0000 UTCIt took me like a few days to listen to this audio because I usually digest experiences very slowly. And also listened three times, cause I really liked how it sounded and how rough and passionate it was. Have to say it got me really wet... the biting in the beginning made me have chills all over my body. It was kind of dark at the same time ( perfect time of the year for it... this gave me a huge Anne Rice books vibe, and even tough the idea was not the same, scaring did florished my imagination). I am happy your mom is doing ok now. Its a wild and painful experience having breast cancer and I am glad she is receiving all this care. 🙏🙏🙏 Observing all the coments (I enjoy reading all of them xD) I see we all here are very attuned with eachother. We all have lots of pain, battles, experiences and desires very alike, even tough kind of diferent in its own way. But deep down, very similar.🌹 I could relate with almost everyone in here. I am from Brazil, so about saudade... I feel this pretty much all the time. Humans have saudade all the time, just dont really notice and it only grows lager with the years. ❤ Its one of the most warm and bittersweet feelings one can have.
Sall
2021-10-18 20:39:43 +0000 UTC💜💙💚💛Hey! That is so cool to hear, Titania. Your mom's remission but also your own brain healing. I read quite a few articles on neuroplasticity and creativity a while back, and how imaginative exercises, divergent thinking, imagery, and being process-focussed can help us to get out of old habits or patterns of thought. I'm definitely a fan of visualisation - so here goes me imagining reciprocating that hug. 💜😌
Matthew Tower
2021-10-18 07:42:20 +0000 UTCMatthew, I'm glad your mum is doing well. Best wishes for her continued recovery and health. My mom had breast cancer, and has been in remission for 15 years. I hope your mum has a good outcome like that. She sounds like an amazing woman, and you are a credit to her. :) The audio: so hot! So many feels, in a good way - I like things that bring up emotions. I had a huge full body reaction to the bite. Delicious. My ex-bf used to mark me. Saudade. Le sigh. Each new audio is more nuanced, evocative and well-crafted than the last. I listened to the Ferryboat Love Poems with the words in front of me and got a better handle on the content (thanks!). I am so impressed with your interpretation and delivery. Brain healing update: in the past couple of weeks, more parts of my sexual response have come back online/ rewired!! My general process for whatever I'm working on is to do visualizations with as much detail and as much emotion as I can muster. Turns out your audios are perfect, pure neuroplastic gold, and I'm making progress, if I do it intentionally. Ho. Ly. Sh*t. 🙂 🎉 I now compartmentalize as much as possible (hence less flirty comments), but my gratitude for your work is immense, and if I ever met you in person, I'd hug you (consensually) and never want to let you go. Instead, I'm going to repeatedly express my admiration and thanks, and hopefully you can just visualize a warm hug from me from across the world. Be well. 🥲🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 💙💚💛
Titania
2021-10-18 00:56:09 +0000 UTCYes, this is perfect and so important to understand. I was just thinking about this. Loss, whether from separation, illness, betrayal, broken families, or death, is a universal experience. In my upbringing, we were supposed to squash those emotions down and repress them. I now know that that brings trauma and illness ("The Body Keeps the Score"), and I am so grateful to the people who have helped me let those go and move into healing after loss. Thank you for sharing, Vanessa.
Titania
2021-10-17 23:09:37 +0000 UTCI wanted to post this here. I came across it again at an apt moment. It helped me & thought it may be helpful to others dealing with pain, grief or strong emotions. I don’t do poetry, I do recovery readings 🤣 & this was today's. Funny how it perfectly fits this week's topic of pain & sadness. Not really thou, I now know there are NO ACCIDENTS! October 17 Feelings and Surrender Surrendering is a highly personal and spiritual experience. Surrender is not something we can do in our heads. It is not something we can force or control by willpower. It is something we experience. Acceptance, or surrender, is not a tidy package. Often, it is a package full of hard feelings - anger, rage, and sadness, followed by release and relief. As we surrender, we experience our frustration and anger at God, at other people, at ourselves, and at life. Then we come to the core of the pain and sadness, the heavy emotional burden inside that must come out before we can feel good. Often, these emotions are connected to healing and release at a deep level. Surrender sets the wheels in motion. Our fear and anxiety about the future are released when we surrender. We are protected. We are guided. Good things have been planned. The next step is now being taken. Surrender is the process that allows us to move forward. It is how our Higher Power moves us forward. Trust in the rightness of timing, and the freedom at the other end, as you struggle humanly through this spiritual experience. I will be open to the process of surrender in my life. I will allow myself all the awkward and potent emotions that must be released.
VANESSA
2021-10-17 22:13:45 +0000 UTC😂Hey Tara! 💜Priorities. 1: everyone is okay. 2: there is sexiness. 😁That works for me. 🥂xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 20:20:16 +0000 UTCThank-you so much, 💜Ann! I don't feel worthy of being compared to some of those great 🏳️🌈lovers who suffered such repression, but you're right that I do need to bite my tongue a lot of the time 😅 - mainly for career reasons. That sucks. Fortunately though, I do have some friends who I'm able to talk to from time to time, which is a great relief. And hey - even if I didn't - I've got you all, so I never feel alone! Much love, M xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 20:18:38 +0000 UTC🥰😁Thanks for this lovely encouragement, Anna! 💜It's so good to hear the audios have a bit of ✨magic✨ to them, and they're connecting to you. Always lovely to hear from you! M xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 19:36:27 +0000 UTCFirstly I’m so so sooo happy your mom is doing ok now ❤️ ❤️!! Now, this recording was ridiculously hot 😭😭😭😭
Tara Davenport
2021-10-17 16:34:57 +0000 UTCAh Kris how lucky you were to have had time with such beautiful people. 💜🤗
Ann
2021-10-17 14:58:38 +0000 UTCMatthew No need respond to this. I just had been thinking about this a lot last night and it is important. I was thinking as I was listening to the affirmation audio and falling to sleep about you mentioning to your mom about writing erotica. Well you are at least in your notes so you didn’t lie 😉 But you are doing this amazing work that has to take up so much of your ‘spare” time and is so awesome yet I suspect that due to the nature of this community and the restrictions that ‘real life’ possibly have in place…you can’t tell many people. In essence you have to stay hidden. I could be wrong and if I am then super. But dear Matthew if you do have to stay hidden then I would like to acknowledge the risk you are taking to do something that you love and are so very good at. To have to censor yourself so much would be so exhausting. It both breaks my heart and heals it with gratitude. I thank you and acknowledge your creativity. humanity, and brilliance all the time but thank you Matthew for your strength, passion, and fearlessness (which often just means fear hidden). It sadly reminds me of all the people who had lives and loves 🏳️🌈they were forced to hide because of society. With love gratitude and admiration Ann
Ann
2021-10-17 14:39:35 +0000 UTCReading through all these comments, peering into the lives of everyone here, all my heart can do is ache. Vanessa, Dorian, Venus, Indy, your stories broke me. I feel so helpless that all I can do is offer you words: cheap little things in the face of agony. If I could send you my affections and empathy in a bottle, I would. I hope that the knowledge that you aren't alone, you are loved and cared for, and that healing--while perhaps the most arduous task one could undertake--is a worthwhile one, and one you have already made so much progress on. I'm so proud of each of you and I cannot wait to see how your stories unfold in this beautiful bit of time we get to share together. Matthew, I extend a great deal of love to you and your family. I hope your relationship with your mother and sisters is as strong as ever. You're an exceptional man; I can only imagine the role the women in your life had in shaping you. Much love 💜 I don't think this is a story I've ever shared. How my own sexual and emotional traumas are easier to talk about than the deaths of two women who helped shape me I may never really understand, but that's the reality of it. My grandmother was a gentle woman. She tended her own garden and used what she grew to make some of the most incredible meals and desserts I've ever seen. She was a labor and delivery nurse and, even while in retirement, remembered so many mothers and newborns and spoke of them with clear love for each and every one. She volunteered at women's shelters, put together bags of clothes, hygiene products, and food and gave them to those in need. She went through vet training just so she could help nurse abandoned animals back to health. She cared so much about this world. Fucking cancer took that. I was maybe 8 or 9 when she died. All I could understand was that it wasn't fair. Why did she, of all people, have to suffer breast cancer which later metastasized to her bones? There was no good, just, sane reason she had to die like that or why me and my family--my mother especially-- had to endure watching it. It's taken a lot of time--a lot of growing--to wrap my head around her passing. It's an odd thing, but sometimes I still feel her presence, especially when I'm working. I'm not L&D but I do care for my patients in a way I hope would make her proud. I don't have a garden quite like hers but I do have all of her recipes. Some essence of her lingers there. It's a comfort to know she's not all gone. My aunt was one of them brightest people I knew. She helped curate my love of learning: philosophy, sociology, biology, history, writing, all of it she fostered. She always used to take me to zoos and museums when I was younger and would get me to think about what I was seeing. The discussion on how wings work for different animals and their evolution comes to mind. The conversation was brought up the next day while learning about planes. She would prompt me, get me talking, then gently steer my thoughts until the epiphany came together in my head. She often praised me for my intuition, both with intellectual pursuits and when it came to people. My aunt was enamored with all knowledge regardless of field. She was a renaissance (wo)man if ever there was one. When the first lump showed up on her breast, there was no question she knew what it was. I think the fear paralyzed her. Her mother had been taken 3 years prior and despite all the chemo she still didn't make it. It wasn't long until she was on her deathbed, her brothers and sister sending her off beyond the veil. She died at 10:37p. I called my mom at 10:40p. My first words were, "She's gone" It wasn't a question; I didn't have to ask cause I already knew. That odd intuition I was always grateful for was now gnawing at me, telling one of my favorite people was no longer here with us. For once, I hated that I was right. Her soul lingers in books, strolls the halls of museums, comforts the animals at night. Anywhere learning takes place, she has left an essence of herself for me to find again. It's cathartic to remember these women. I'm saddened that their exits from my life were so abrupt and unfair. Two unsatisfactory ends for two extraordinary people. I can only hope to see where they continue to linger in this life and, if the fates are kind, see them again in the next.
Kris
2021-10-17 12:27:27 +0000 UTCEvery time after a session of listening to your audio, I am overwhelmed with emotions, which is impossible to express in words, and even more in my not native language :) so often I don't even try to write comments. But I want you to know: your audio is magic, and I can't understand how you manage to literally get into my brain and do incredible things there! I mean the quality, volume and realism of sounds, and incredible empathy and emotional intelligence ... no, I still can't understand how it works ...)
Anna Asmedianova
2021-10-17 11:38:37 +0000 UTCSo I had it on my social media because it popped up as I was scrolling. It’s funny how things work out like that. “Yesterday was heavy. Put it down” Go take a bath. Have a cry. Have a drink. Tell your mom you love her. Do what you need to do to support yourself the way you do us. Everything was unexpectedly heavy in a big way, but an unbelievably beautiful way. Xx.
Venusinaphrodite_
2021-10-17 04:18:22 +0000 UTCThanks so much Emily! I know she’ll be touched to get your message, so I’ll pass it on to her! 💜xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 03:23:11 +0000 UTCThanks Jennifer 🥰Yeah, it was totally scary, and my initial reaction - well, I was so angry that the doctor’s hadn’t picked it up earlier. But fortunately she’s doing better now… 💐 💜
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 03:19:57 +0000 UTCYes, all of the above, Ann! What I find is so amazing is the honesty and the total range of our humanness everyone is sharing. We can talk about big life issues in the same breath as we enjoy sexytalk, share silly facts and heartbreaks and orgasms and jokes. It never ceases to surprise me either. 💜
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 03:19:07 +0000 UTCTotally, 💜 Alaina! It’s a long, steep learning curve but it’s good to get to know your parents as humans too though huh. Well, mostly😌. Thanks for the well-wishes! X
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 03:13:00 +0000 UTCNice 🤗
Ann
2021-10-17 02:25:29 +0000 UTCDropping in to say how happy I am to hear that your mother is doing well after her treatment. ♥️♥️♥️
Emily Dawn
2021-10-17 02:19:01 +0000 UTCThanks 💜Davi!! Agreed - and it's crazy sometimes what it takes to remind us to appreciate life and live it fully. I hope 2021-22 RIP, but they have been big learning curve years for me. 🥰xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 01:19:50 +0000 UTC💜🐟👑Thanks PQ! The Purple Disco Machine! Yes! 💜🕺🏻💜💜🕺🏻💜💜🕺🏻💜 I love the 'better days and tomorrows' chorus with the kids voices. 😁Thanks for the response! A little love smack then? 🍑👏😉I'll pass on your well-wishes to Mum, thanks! xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 01:07:21 +0000 UTCOh Alexandria! Doesn't that just make 2021 even more your annus horribilis. Sorry to hear about that. I hope you're all bearing up for now. As for your RA, yes - let me and lovense take over for a bit there! 😉 To get my patterns, download the Lovense app, click on ‘Long Distance’, press the + tab in the upper right hand corner, hit ‘Add People’ and add my ID: MatthewTower - I'll check in to add you and send some patterns to match the audios. 😘xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 00:59:04 +0000 UTC😌💜😌xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 00:54:53 +0000 UTCHaha another successful F$ck club meeting, LL💜! You might be right with that kink! 😅And yes, you noticed I said our FIRST sex tape... 😂xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 00:54:23 +0000 UTCOh, that's so lovely to hear, Indy! 💜Since I've had the new mics I've realised that the sound can be so much more 3D and I can focus a bit more the little touches and snuggles at the end, because it really feels like I'm right there wrapped around you. I'll take this as a good sign that it's the same on your end!
Matthew Tower
2021-10-17 00:51:48 +0000 UTCI’m so glad to hear your mum is doing better! 💜 It’s a terrifying feeling when that news comes. 💐
Jennifer
2021-10-16 21:04:49 +0000 UTCHoly crap this place surprises the hell out of me on the regular. Never ever ever EVER did I expect this when I looked around guiltily and subscribed to this page. I finally live alone I can do things like watch porn or erotica. I can buy sex toys. OMG I can use said toys. That’s all great but the real gift has been the conversations. The comments. The emotions both good and bad. This experience has been freeing in so many ways…that I never expected and continue to surprise me. When I first listened to this audio, all I heard was sadness. I felt sad. It was so beautiful but I felt sad. It kind of goes along with the comments here. Love Sadness Hope Longing Fear Resignation Acceptance Love. Just….wow. 🤗
Ann
2021-10-16 20:58:52 +0000 UTCGrowing from adolescence to adulthood one of the hardest realizations is that your parents aren’t the invincible superheroes we thought they were as children. They certainly are all superheroes in their own little ways, but unfortunately not invincible. No bigger reminder is a health scare. I am so happy to hear your mother is doing well and on the mend! Thank you for your sharing her story and bringing awareness to women's health!
Alaina
2021-10-16 16:42:27 +0000 UTCFreedom is what you do with what’s been done to you. ~ Jean Paul Sartre ~ Please choose your freedom and your power if you can. 💜💛💚💙🧡❤️🤎
Double LL
2021-10-16 15:47:52 +0000 UTCI cry for the woman I used to be.
VANESSA
2021-10-16 08:05:58 +0000 UTCOh gosh I am lying here in tears! I just watched the breast cancer & sex video you posted & it brought back some difficult memories. I think if you have a partner while going thru this it is helpful in feeling you've retained some of your feminity. Fortunately(or I'm not sure?) I DID have a boyfriend at the time of my hysterectomy due to cancer. But I think the breasts & cervix differ. My boyfriend was the 1st in the recovery room. But when I got home immediately wanted to know how long we would have to wait before having sex. The doctors told me at least 6-8 weeks. He wanted it on day 2 or 3. He was so handsome, his body, booty & shoulders remind me very much of yours on Shadow Play. He was 7 years younger than I. A medical student & very funny & charming. I was worried he wouldn't wait for me. Find another. So I tried to go meet him day 3. My mother who was taking care of me & guarding & doling out my morphine as I was an addict only a few months outta rehab said if I left to meet him she would call the police. Day 6 I went. Struggled outta my bed. I met him in some jeans & sneakers. I usually dressed up for him. Heels, boots, skirts, lingerie. He asked why I still looked like a patient. So yes we had sex. It was painful. I hurt & bled a little. Went down for bacon & egg breakfast @ the hotel & he wanted to know if I'd be up for round 2. I said yes. He was very careful. Went slow & checked in & asked if he was hurting me. More blood. More pain. A terrible infection followed once I got home next day. (he never used condoms & had a thing for coming inside like you seem to)I called the doctor & the nurse said I had to come in. She said he couldn't believe I has sex 6 days after surgery! In all her years working at the hospital no woman ever attempted it! She said my BOWEL could have fallen out!!! Now wouldn't THAT have been sexy. I explained he was studying to be a doctor & why didn't he know that. She said he probably wasn't thinking like a doctor but like a man. She told me when I came in I MUST show her a picture of a man sexy enough to risk all that! I went in. He'd ruptured a few internal stitches but I was ok. The doctor asked was it worth it? I thought he meant the cancer surgery. He said no he meant the sex! He laughed. When I left a group of doctors were in a circle pointing at me, smiling & Whispering! I found out from the nurse they were calling me the sex girl!!!! Part of the reason I didn't wanna go back. So embarrassing!! The reason I'm crying is the lady on the video had such a LOVING partner! I don't think I've ever had that. Just men who used me. And you say I'm still feminine, & I thank you for all the kind beautiful words you said but no man is doing silly things for me anymore. Not since my operation in 2015. But I thank you for saying so. The video is beautiful but not my experience.
VANESSA
2021-10-16 07:56:47 +0000 UTCWithout pain or trials there is no real growth or appreciation for life. Pain isnt just weakenss leaving the body, it is an awakening of the self. Glad Mum is okay and healing vibes for her continued recovery and health. Thanks for the the content and best wishes.
Davi jones
2021-10-16 07:16:13 +0000 UTCHey MT 🧔🏻! THIS WAS SO GREAT 😍😍😍!! It's a good thing we live far apart because you and I would be in trouble. When you said " I need something from you...scar me" and drawing blood...I low key got scared and turned ☆ON! Is it wrong that I love to leave scratch marks on a guys back? I love slap welts on my ass and hickeys on my neck. I love when a guy pulls my nipples....so fucking hot!!! I love running my teeth into a man's groin area...so sensual. I will pull pubic hair with me teeth if I am super horny!! Ouch! Sorry. The wet succulent sounds in this audio are so fucking mind blowing🤯!!! YES!!! I love how you want to pin me (us) down like a tamed cat. But an intense fucking like this ....I would want to ride you so hard!!! I would just spring up, pounce on you and just go crazy thrusting my hips up and down riding you deep, hard and fast! And just knowing that we wouldn't see each other for awhile....it would be this sad, beautiful moment of being interlocked with a long lost lover. You're so embolden in the moment of fire, ectasy, jealousy, lust and sorrow. You're heart is being torn to pieces but the love in both our eyes tells us this moment is not over just temporary until we meet again. And when we do meet again it will be just as passionate and intense like when we met for the first time!I know I would cum a couple of times before the finale! I love how we as sexual creatures get so territorial with our mates. If you've ever seen a bar fight of guys fighting over a girl or 2 girls fighting over a guy...it's ugly (and)funny depending on the situation. To see people go super primal rage "He/She/They" are MINE..hot damn...step back ...the oil is to hot and its about to jump up out the pan! I think a majority of us in the group would go Mad Max Thunderdome in this mug to get a night with you if we were in a Contest (just saying!😂😂😂😂) Here's to you Matt 😘🥰 if you are ever feeling low - found this gem 💎 today on Apple Music 🎶: https://youtu.be/2_N-niAmT5A 💜💚💙💛 Keep your Mom and Sisters in high spirits in this Season and I pray for a good recovery for the Cancer diagnosis for Mommy Tower!!It's a long, long road but stay positive and enjoy each moment with your family!! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 - 🧡🐟👑
Pisces Queen
2021-10-16 06:01:06 +0000 UTCWatching a parent experience cancer is one of the most humbling experiences one can go through. My mom had non-Hodgkins lymphoma that recently came out of remission, and my dad discovered esophageal cancer (2021 has not been my year for medical news - I was diagnosed with RA in January. All of its bad.) But enough of the boo. I need a Lovense link (because if I have to live in this traitorous body at least I can have you play with it.)
Alexandria.37
2021-10-16 05:25:27 +0000 UTCYes 💜LL! And she did give me gynecology text books so I knew where the clit was first. I was about 10. 😂 And yes to positivity in healthcare. I read an article on humour in healthcare too which I think was right on. Sometimes a bit of black humour helps. xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-16 05:14:57 +0000 UTC🥺💜🥺
Ann
2021-10-16 05:07:48 +0000 UTCSarah 💜 Ruth - thanks for the well-wishes! Mum will love to hear a few nice words from my ‘friends on the Internet’ 🥰😉so it’s lovely just to hear from you and I’ll cut and paste these lines to her in a couple of days! And god yes - I really hope the US sorts out it’s healthcare system and drug administration too - the prices you have to pay over there for prescription drugs - what a cartel. I can vouch from a country with state health care and drug subsidies that it does not cost too much, and everyone benefits!! 😘xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-16 05:03:01 +0000 UTC🌸Thanks for clarifying that so beautifully, Katja! I’ll always think of it in terms of blossoms now - they seem to fit both concepts 🌸
Matthew Tower
2021-10-16 04:53:34 +0000 UTCF$ck club with feelings in full effect! I trust this won’t be the last video we make. Your hand on my throat and the eye contact and the breathing…speechless. Not usually into that but it felt so good to be possessed so completely. The provocative , salacious and completely pornographic feels of this are beautifully freeing. Again with the cumming on but fucking in, I think you have a kink! But totally here for it. Thank you, Matthew, that was super spicy. 🥵
Double LL
2021-10-16 04:30:56 +0000 UTCHow horrible and inspiring. Living is a gift we should not neglect. Thank you for sharing 💜❤️💜🤗
Ann
2021-10-16 04:29:33 +0000 UTCNow, about this audio. The fuck are you trying to do to me, sir? The title of the Lovense Pattern has had me humming with excitement since yesterday. I was so ready for whatever filth you had in store for us. Don’t get me wrong, you freaking delivered. I’m pretty sure the footage from the phone in your hand would make the viewer seasick, but it was definitely hot when it was happening. But like, I didn’t think I could long for you more than Tuesday’s ferryboat ride made me long for you. “Longing” sounds so cheesy, but it’s not like I “miss” you. We haven’t been closer in the past for me to miss you presently. It’s not that I “want” you because I have as much of you as I could want. I’m continuously grateful for how much of yourself you share. But fuck, man, the little kisses at 14:47 and the sound of your hand rubbing “my” arm- I could almost feel it. I tend to mix and match the bits of pillowtalk at the end of your audios. I can tell I’m going to be revisiting this in combination with “You’re my most prized treasure” from “Nobody Can Mindfuck Each Other Like We Can”.
IndyJane
2021-10-16 04:29:11 +0000 UTCI have too many thoughts. I hate talking about my family’s experience with cancer because I feel like it’s a downer, but in a lot of ways, it isn’t. Both my parents received cancer diagnoses when they were in their 40s. They always planned big extravagant vacations to celebrate the end of treatment and my first trip to New Zealand was to celebrate my mom completing treatment for breast cancer. In Franz Josef, she climbed the glacier and came back to the hotel room wet and tired. She found a mark on her breast and thought it was from something chaffing while climbing a glacier in the rain. She went back to the doctor when we got home and, no, it was a whole different type of breast cancer than what she had just gone through. She was stage 3-4 for nine years before she died and, in that time, she and my dad drove the ALCAN Highway (starting from our home in Southern California), went to Antarctica, went diving in Tahiti (in an old diving bell because it came down far enough to keep her port-a-cath dry), and went on more cruises to more places than I can even think of. My dad also had two different kinds of cancer and there were times they were in treatment in the same hospital at the same time, but he was cancer free for almost 15 years before he died of something completely different. I had the genetic testing done about 7 years ago and they didn’t find anything. I’ve had two breast lumps myself that have NOT been cancer. So yeah, it’s a downer that my parents died, but they also lived A LOT during the time they had. I’m so glad your mom is doing well. It’s great that you were able to travel back and forth- just remember to keep it up even when things are good. As someone who has played a supporting role a lot, take care of yourself. It’s that whole “you can’t pour from an empty cup” thing.
IndyJane
2021-10-16 03:49:24 +0000 UTCAny woman that gives sex advice to her son like “don’t stampede the clitoris” and raises such an obviously caring and genuine man is a woman the world needs more of. I’m so glad your Mom is on the mend and has such a fantastic cast of characters supporting her. Being in health care I know there are no substitutes for the positivity and love networks like that give to people dealing with health issues. Hugs and kisses to you all! 😘
Double LL
2021-10-16 01:54:42 +0000 UTCGood on you for traveling to visit your mom while she was in treatment. The distance could’ve been an easy cop out to avoid facing it (especially for a man with sisters 😬). Hope mamma T continues down the road to recovery and stays well here on out ❤️ Sending healing vibes her way ✨ Also hope you and your sisters/fam are taking care of each other, too. I know all too well how heavy it can get. Let us know if there is anything we can send to the P.O. Box that could help in any way or show our support somehow. (Aaaand let’s all collectively pray that the U.S. gets universal healthcare at some point soon, so it isn’t so difficult and f*cking expensive for us ladies here to get tested/treated!! 😩)
Sarah Ruth
2021-10-16 01:08:57 +0000 UTCAnd yes, in Japanese it's called setsunai. It represents the fading of something good that is now no longer. Like a fond memory you have with someone that is not in your life anymore. But instead of thinking about those times in a sad way, it's more centered around being content that things are temporary. That's at least how our Japanese professors explained it to us. Closely tied together with setsunai is the concept of "mono no aware" which celebrates the fading of beauty. Like, seeing cherry blossoms only for a short period of time every year but instead of being sad when they wither, you remember their beauty and look forward to it next year. These concepts are usually found in Japanese literature quite often (at least the one influenced by Buddhism).
Katja
2021-10-16 00:27:55 +0000 UTCVanessa. My jaws drops again. You are far too beautifully full of surprises and raw womanly sexy energy to ever lose that wild femininity you have! I swear you will never stop driving men to do silly things! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GO AND GET CHECKED UP THOUGH!!!! 🥺🙏🏻You have Canadian Medicare right? PLEASE GO!! Even if it's for your son's sake. My mother's diagnosis has added at least 10 years to her life. I can tell you from a son's perspective that those years are gonna be infinitely invaluable and needed. 💜🤗
Matthew Tower
2021-10-16 00:08:50 +0000 UTCThanks so much 💜Katya! I'm not going anywhere, and you'd better not yet either... 😔🤗😁 Totally - I was thinking exactly about what you've said there "the need for those raw feelings to have a physical manifestation" and it even got me thinking about self-harm, which has also been an issue which has touched people I love. I need to think about how to open the discussion on that one day in the future too perhaps. But for now, many more soft little kisses!! 😘😘😘And thanks for reminding me I should go and give Mum a call now actually! xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-15 23:55:41 +0000 UTCOh Matt how rude of me! I jumped right into the audio(horny as I was) & didn't read your intro! I'm soo sorry to hear about your mum! Fucking cancer! It has taken out most of my family(father, grandmothers, grandfather, aunts). Only my mom & I survived it. Thanks for the reminder to get checked. After my 2nd operation they said I have a very aggressive type of cancer & must do follow-ups every 4 to 6 months. I'm ashamed to say I haven't checked in about 4 years! Fear. Stupidity. Laziness, Bad memories. Not sure what to blame it on but I should go. My mom had more than half her colon removed & discovered our family has the genetic marker. You're supposed to go get tested at a secret clinic as many insurance companies refuse you if they find out. Haven't done that either. I AM happy to hear your mum is better after her mastectomy. My cancer was cervical so lost my insides(difficult enough in terms of feeling you"ve lost your feminity) but often wonder how the women with breast cancer cope with that loss. More outwardly visible every time you look in the mirror. I would say if you need to spend time with your mum you should. Take the time away you need. Don't worry bout us Belles. We'll all be here when you get back. Having 2 sons myself I know the mother-son bond is great. I got Mama's boys & wouldn't have it any other way! Please give your mum my best wishes. I will put both you & her in my prayers.
VANESSA
2021-10-15 23:46:13 +0000 UTCBeautifully said as always, 💜Kris. It's not about the bite, it's about the band-aid. And the other ways we imprint on each other and wear the other. Or on paper (💋but purple!). 😔 I'm so sorry to hear that you lost both your grandmother and aunt to breast cancer. I can't imagine how hard that must have been - especially on yourself and your mother. Sending you a big hug, and as weird as the timing might be, a sexy kiss too. Much love, M
Matthew Tower
2021-10-15 23:42:08 +0000 UTCMatthew, I'm so glad to hear that your mum's alright. It must have been difficult to endure it all. She's so strong for making it through and it's beautiful to see how much you care for her. I wish her all the best and to continue to do so well with her recovery!! 🥰🥰 As for the audio, omggg so many emotions! I don't mind bites or some other marks, I like them, but the thought of drawing blood on you made my heart hurt. I thought "oh nooo this must be painful 😣" , but I realise it's kind of the point...well, maybe not exactly the pain but the need for those raw feelings to have a physical manifestation, at least for me. I also realised that I would be really really sad if you went away 😔😔😔 the kisses at the end tho! 🥺 my heart melted ❣️
Katja
2021-10-15 23:39:17 +0000 UTCDee. That is so heartbreaking. I don't know how long it is since he passed, but I can imagine how events and places and everyday moments remind you of him. Fuck. I'm sorry to hear that. That really gives context to the ee cummings poem from the last audio. [i carry your heart with me] . Much love. 💜😌
Matthew Tower
2021-10-15 23:27:57 +0000 UTCI'm in such an odd headspace. I want to reach out with sympathy about your mom, I want to feel sad about my grandmother and aunt who both passed away from breast cancer, I want to cum because FUCK that was a top tier performance, and I want to cry because FUCK that was top tier performance. I think I'm feeling so much my brain has decided to go numb. As a result I have no idea of this is good, let alone coherent. Enjoy? 💜 https://docs.google.com/document/d/128KATbFeoRrp9KGk-NhYTF3XJyvVQ7FAJiNvGE_Kqx4/edit
Kris
2021-10-15 23:17:01 +0000 UTC🖤✔️😈xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-15 23:13:34 +0000 UTCOk Bestie. This one actually made me tear up. I had a similar experience with my ex fiancé when he was leaving for the military. We each wanted marks to remember our time together until we could see each other again. Unfortunately he passed, but the memories were great. This one will hold a special place in my heart. Thank you for this! 💜💜😘
Deanna Tyson
2021-10-15 22:52:21 +0000 UTCMatthew you just asked about the color of my underwear after talking about your Mother AND your sister, so who really doubled down between us hmmm😂😂😂😝😝😝😝 they’re black though👀ahahaha I’ll just remember to wear the less expensive ones when I see you lmao😘
Venusinaphrodite_
2021-10-15 22:45:40 +0000 UTC💜❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💜
Ann
2021-10-15 22:37:31 +0000 UTCThanks 💜Meg! I will actually pass that on to her! I told her I have been "writing some erotica" and have made some friends online... 😂xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-15 22:30:02 +0000 UTCMatthew I’m so glad your Mom is doing better🙏🏼 I know how scary that whole process can be. I admire everyone who’s gone through the fight but also the daily impact of how tough treatment can be. And thank you so much for sharing your time with us when you have everything going on at home. You’re too good to us💜 And just reiterating Matt’s reminder to do checkups, even if they’re done at home. They’re how I caught what’s happening with me now. Familiarize yourself with your body so it’s just that little bit easier to notice any changes. And don’t be afraid to ask even if you’re not sure if it’s something or not. Both my Mother and Nana passed so I’m a candidate for BRCA testing, which is the next step for me. Matthew it’s not enough for you how often you have me ruining my underwear myself, now you’re gonna ruin them yourself too? Lol Also Yes Sir keep telling me in detail how you want me to please you🥵 I almost gave in yesterday but I made myself wait till today. It was agonizing but totally worth the wait. Thank you for always taking care of me😉
Venusinaphrodite_
2021-10-15 22:22:47 +0000 UTCI’m glad your mum is doing better! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
Meg_just_Meg
2021-10-15 22:06:45 +0000 UTCI want big now. 🦷🩸🦷😁😘
Matthew Tower
2021-10-15 21:50:49 +0000 UTCHey 💜Vanessa! Nice to hear it was a strong enough cup of tea... ☕️🥴I might have popped a shot into it...🥃😁And yay that the pattern is working well - I got a bit excited during the bit of oral there and wound it right up in case anyone else was feeling it! 😘xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-15 21:45:53 +0000 UTCDanke 💜SR, und hab auch ein wunderschönes wochenende! (or is it ein wunderschönes wochenende auch? 😅) I'm glad you enjoyed a bit of playful rough - I'm going to play a little more with it in an audio called 'Testing Our Limits' in a few weeks once I've finished it! 🥰😘xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-15 21:42:18 +0000 UTCHow dare you hit me with biting and emotion in the same audio 😂 I go crazy when I get the chance to sink my teeth in, you’re lucky you only got a little scar 😜
Niamh
2021-10-15 21:40:24 +0000 UTCYeah! I hope work speeds by, Sophie! 💜See you soon 😉😘xx
Matthew Tower
2021-10-15 21:36:23 +0000 UTCOhhh FAAK! Yeah this is what I like. This is my cup of tea! I have more to say but can't right now. I'm quite breathless! You promised a good hard fucking & boy did u deliver!!!! That pattern. Was that on a 10? 11? 100???!!! And you played to my MINE mindset. Yeah I'm going for round 2 right now..Thank youuuu Matthew my sexy boo!!!😈😈😈😡😡😡😍😍😍😜😜😜😘😘😘💋💋💋💜💜💜
VANESSA
2021-10-15 21:33:21 +0000 UTCTHANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for this one! 😍🥰😍😍 What a wave of memories you triggered for me to surf! 🌊 I used to have a Dom who adored leaving small welts, hickeys, teeth & hand marks on my breasts, neck, and backside. 👄 The first time I saw his marks on me I wanted to cover them. But then each time I looked in the mirror and saw them; I relived our glorious time together and it was orgasmic! After that, I made sure to take pics so that even after they'd healed I could look at them and re-live it over and over. It's nice to hear you asserting yourself in this way. That is one way to 'capture the moment'. It's true there are no real "good-byes", there's only "until we meet again". Lebe wohl vorerst... ein wunderschönes Wochenende. ~Gut sein~. SR
S0ft3stRaz0r
2021-10-15 21:26:12 +0000 UTCI love that this is waiting for me when i finish work on a Friday night ❤️ That was HOT!
Sophie
2021-10-15 21:15:32 +0000 UTC
