Magic Finger

A parody of the infamous "magic finger" Nintendo DS commercial.  Nintendo DS Commercial - Magic finger - YouTube

♪ A thumping drum and guitar beat ♪

The sun started to rise over the cityscape. The alarm’s clock face changed to 7:00 am and started to beep.

Peeking out from his nest of bedsheets in his messy room, a young man pointed his finger at the sun, and moving his finger, dragged the sun back down over the horizon, making his room dark and cozy again.

“Blue Orchid” by The White Stripes started to play, blaring while the boy made his way down the sidewalk with his skateboard under his arm.

♪ You got a reaction ♪
♪ You got a reaction, didn't you? ♪

With a splat, his sneaker descended into a mound of warm, fresh dog shit.

♪ You took a white orchid ♪

The dog, a tiny pug, and its owner a tall, smug man with greased hair and a business suit walked down the sidewalk in front of the young man. Pointing his finger, the young man tore the businessman’s slacks and purple boxer briefs down to his ankles. His hairy round asscheeks and muscular legs were exposed. He covered his crotch with his hands, knees knocked together, comically sticking his naked butt out.

♪ You took a white orchid turned it blue ♪

With a flick of his all-powerful finger, the boy flung the dog shit right up the businessman’s naked ass with a loud SPPLLRRT. The businessman’s back arched in shock. His arms grabbed at his violated, now muddy buttcheeks. His eyes crossed with horror, and his uncircumcised dick sprung up to its full seven inch length above his hung, hairy balls, making a SPROING sound, involuntarily awakened by the sudden warmth of his dog shit enema. The pug looked up at its owner with sudden, bug-eyed alarm.

♪ Something better than nothing ♪
♪ Something better than nothing, it's giving up ♪

The boy washed his hands in the shower room sink. A sudden bundled ball of dirty underwear hit him in the back of the head. He turned to see the naked boys in the showers behind him laughing at their prank. The showers were running, and they weren’t ashamed of their naked bodies, water running down their chests and arms and into their pubic hair across their flaccid dicks and balls and thighs.

♪ We all need to do something ♪

The boy held up his hand, his thumb and index finger spread apart. Slowly, he began to close the distance between his fingers. As the distance closed, the naked pranksters grabbed at their crotches and doubled over with shrinking, crushing, aching pain.

♪ Try to keep the truth from showing up ♪

The boy closed his fingers together, and the shower boys gasped, gripping their crotches with both hands, bouncing up and down in panic, turning to each other with growing realization. But the boy with the magic finger was already on his way out of the shower room.

♪ How dare you? ♪

♪ How old are you now, anyway? ♪

In the hall, he pointed his finger at the fire alarm. The glass cracked and the alarm exploded with sound. Classroom doors burst open, and students flooded the halls.

♪ How dare you? ♪

♪ How old are you now, anyway? ♪

The shower boys shuffled out in towels, huddled together and doubled over in obvious humiliation. They were greeted by the teasing laughter of their classmates. Their hands gripped their towels for dear life.

♪ How dare you? ♪

♪ How old are you now, anyway? ♪

With several well-placed flicks, a magic finger yanked the shower boys’ arms upward, making them reach for the ceiling. Towels fell to the floor with wet thuds. The girls pointed, practically screaming with laughter. Some of the boys laughed too, but most of them just grabbed at their own crotches in sympathetic agony.

The shower boys’ dicks and balls had been shrunken to nonexistence! Their crotches were flat and featureless with the exception of small, pussy like creases, the only remains of where their genitals used to be. The boys wiggled, mortified, but their arms were stuck pointed at the ceiling, so they could only shake their wet, naked little butts as the girls ogled and taunted at their dick-less, humiliated bodies.

♪♪♪

The boy with the magic finger sat at a restaurant with his girlfriend. She was talking, but he wasn’t paying attention. Their table was empty in front of them. The waitress was moving to every other table, ignoring the young couple in their casual clothes, very much out of place in the restaurant, to help everyone else. Spinning his finger in a tight circle, the boy sped up time.

♪ You're given a flower ♪

His girlfriend kept talking, and the waitress rushed to every table but their own in a blur. She was wearing a tight black skirt, a button up shirt, and her short hair was died red and sprayed into a plastic-looking bob.

♪ But I guess there's just no pleasin' you ♪

She finally stopped at their table, and the boy returned time to its regular pace. She leaned over the table with an annoyed, stony face and poured water from a pitcher into their glasses. He reached under the table. He extended his index and middle finger and then pushed them forward with sudden force.

♪ Your lip tastes sour ♪

The waitress shuddered, doubling over. Her pour was interrupted, and the tablecloth was soaked with splashing water. Her lips spasmed around crooked teeth. Her nose wrinkled.

♪ But you think that it's just me teasing you ♪

Under the table, the boy fingered the air, thrusting extended fingers rhythmically forward. The waitress bit her lip, trying to control herself. She scrawled down their order, her fingers trembling around her pencil. The heel of her right pump tapped against the floor with growing speed and frustration.

♪ You got a reaction ♪

The boy twisted his fingers in the air. The pencil snapped in her hand. Palms slammed down onto the moist tablecloth, gripping it with acrylic nails. The girlfriend stared in confusion. The boy tried to hide a smirk. Hunching her shoulders, the waitress grit her teeth with embarrassed, sweating fury and shuddered uncontrollably against the table, making the ice in their glasses clink like windchimes.

♪ You got a reaction, didn't you? ♪

The boy turned his head to watch the waitress stumble away to the swinging kitchen doors. She was knock kneed and swaying. Suspicious fluid ran down her chubby, trembling thighs.

♪ You took a white orchid ♪

♪ You took a white orchid turned it blue ♪

The smiling young couple walked through the park, and the boyfriend, his arm around his girlfriend’s waist, pointed to the sky with his finger. Pointing to a passenger jet, he traced a heart, the jet following his finger and the contrails forming a giant smoky heart in the sky.

♪ Get behind me ♪

The girlfriend looked up at the sky with glowing wonder.

♪ Get behind me now, anyway ♪

She walked forward, mesmerized by the sight, while the boyfriend pulled his hand away, only to find the passenger jet somehow shrunken and stuck to his finger, reality bending to his perspective. He shook his hand violently to get it off.

♪ Get behind me ♪

♪ Get behind me now, anyway ♪

In the cockpit of the tiny shaking passenger jet, the pilot was spewing a cartoonish, impossible stream of yellow vomit onto his struggling, flailing copilot. Vomit spewed right into the exposed cleavage between her unbuttoned uniform, splashing warm toxic slime onto her tits and face and hair like a fire hose. She opened her mouth to scream in protest, gargling the waterfall of vomit.

♪ Get behind me ♪

♪ Get behind me now, anyway ♪

In the airplane restroom an overweight woman in a tacky spotted dress struggled on the toilet. She grabbed the seat for dear life while the plane shook like it was going through a hurricane. She sharted uncontrollably, diarrhea splashing up from the toilet and across her fat, farting, spraying ass.

SSPPrrrRRRTTTBBBLLPPRRLLRTT

Her mouth was a horrified O face. Her jiggling boobs threatening to break free of her bra.

Her legs wide open for balance, her pink spread open pussy started spraying terrified piss between swelling, rippling, shit covered thighs. Shit exploding under her like a volcano. Piss and shit decorated the walls of the tiny room.

♪ You got a reaction ♪

♪ You got a reaction, didn't you? ♪

He shook the airplane again and again, trying to unstick it. The girlfriend turned to him, pointing to the miracle in the sky. He hid the airplane behind his back.

♪ You took a white orchid ♪

Looping his arm around her waist and cupping her ass through her jeans with his free hand, he led his giggling, happy girlfriend through the park. She leaned against his shoulder. Behind his back, he gave the airplane a flick and sent it flying, though shakily, back into the sky.

♪ You took a white orchid turned it blue ♪