Talkin' RiffTrax: Velvet Smooth
Added 2020-03-03 17:48:21 +0000 UTCVelvet Smooth. She’s foxy. She’s funky. She’s sexy. She’s a little clumsy when it comes to quips and martial arts. But she's a private eye who fights for justice… I think, at least for a certain class of criminal.
Anyway, she seems very nice, and is by far the most pleasant person in this madhouse of a movie. But it’s a lot of fun, with some jaw-droppingly bad performances and utterly silly action scenes.
Folks, if you want the perfect romantic dinner/movie evening, consider pairing our latest release Velvet Smooth in a double feature with her RiffTrax Blaxploitation partner, The Guy From Harlem. Burn yourself a couple of New York steaks, pour a tumbler of J&B Scotch, and you have the makings of a great night.
- kwm
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Comments
This is what a movie looks like when the only surviving print was run 500 times at a drive-in in Trenton, N.J. then stored for 40 years in a damp storage locker rented by a guy named Sully.
Franklin Harris
2020-03-07 04:31:56 +0000 UTCI appreciate a film with a female protagonist that flails as much as I do when I try to do back kicks. We earnest yet clutzy female martial arts are underrepresented in the motion picture industry!
Linnea Boyev
2020-03-04 18:14:07 +0000 UTCWhat is it about the print quality? Is it just because it's 50 years old (give or take a few years)?
Andrew Bosch
2020-03-04 04:58:00 +0000 UTCAre we absolutely sure the woman playing Velvet Smooth isn't the woman worried about wrinkling her clothes in the "Seat Belts: The Life Saving Habit" short?
Matt P
2020-03-03 23:45:34 +0000 UTCSteer liver vs well-done strip steak... choose wisely!
Scotty Arsenault
2020-03-03 18:59:56 +0000 UTCI just thought that maybe the waist band was separating...
Russell Newhouse
2020-03-03 18:56:47 +0000 UTCI'm trying to figure out whether this particular print of the film was stored in a nuclear reactor. There's a definite radioactive look to it.
Stephen Peterson
2020-03-03 18:39:59 +0000 UTCI'm digging the clean-shaven look, Bill - hope you keep it!
Kyle Bennett
2020-03-03 18:38:58 +0000 UTCI absolutely loved Velvet Smooth... and I've said this on Facebook RiffTrax group page... I would pay top dollar to see the cast of Velvet Smooth fight the cast off Miami Connection in a PPV that was commentated by the Guy from Harlem and the Guy from Harlem who COULDN'T CONTROL the VOLUME of his VOICE!!! Oh... And the to the MYSTERY OF THE STRING... He's wearing Martial Arts pants. They have a thin cotton cords that goes thru tiny belt hoops, they're just cotton as well... and looks like the back one broke... clearly the film's budget couldn't afford Chuck Norris Brand uniforms...
Ken Malinski
2020-03-03 18:21:14 +0000 UTCI think I can shed some light on the mysterious strap that disturbingly rests a few inches above the rear waistband of the track pants. In your daily lives, you may have noticed that several other visible anomalies in that general area receive rhyming nicknames, such as "tramp stamp" or "whale tail". This strap should, as well. However, it appears the budget of this film was so meager, they couldn't afford a properly jewel-encrusted strap, as is customary. True aficionados or style, fashion, and the finer things (like myself) call it a "bling string."
Rob Graham
2020-03-03 18:12:23 +0000 UTCI love when Rifftrax does blaxploitation films, and Velvet Smooth did not disappoint. Keep 'em coming, Guys!
Denise
2020-03-03 18:00:08 +0000 UTC
