It's #MyXAnniversary so I wrote some long bullshit

It's been a year since I started Twitter account. I'm honestly so grateful for everyone who has supported me. I never imagined it would become what it is today when I first started.

My drawing journey began around the end of 2021, so it's been almost four years. It all started because my favorite yuri pairing was so niche there was hardly any fan content. That, and I was always hoping for a real hobby, something I could pour my passion into. So, I started learning on my own.

I remember constantly scribbling on paper in my free time and binge-watching all sorts of online tutorials. This led to a habit of watching process videos from amazing artists that has stuck with me for years. But honestly, my "learning" was very on-and-off. I think the biggest reason was that as a beginner with no training, no art classes, and no art buddies to grow or share with, it was incredibly hard to stay motivated. My stuff wouldn't get any attention, and I'd fall into a negative loop. I'd watch tons of videos, spend weeks on a single piece only for it to turn out like a pile of crap, and I didn't even have the aesthetic sense to realize how crappy it was. (I only learned later, after talking to my only artist friend, that drawing is also a process of refining your aesthetic taste; many beginners just don't know how bad their own work is).

Another reason was... the timing. I started learning right when AI art began to explode. I literally watched AI evolve from generating garbage to now spitting out hundreds of beautiful images in seconds—images that are a hundred times better than what I could ever hope to draw in a lifetime. Honestly, most people can't tell the difference anymore, and no one really care as long as the art is pretty. This often made me feel like my "hobby" was completely meaningless. It felt like I was painstakingly learning to pull a rickshaw while the "AI artists" were launching into space on a rocket. I gave up so many times because of this. Even this past year, I've often wondered: what's the point when AI accounts can gain 200-300k fo in a couple of months by flooding the timeline?

Some side stories: I tried learning Blender, bought a bunch of plugins I've now completely forgotten how to use. A friend shared materials from a famous artist's online course with me, and I couldn't even get through the first lesson. While learning Blender, though, I saw people using a software called Daz3D, and I still use it today to help with drawing hands.

And then, I started my Twitter account. I'm a pretty thin-skinned person, so creating creating any public profile involves a long internal struggle. I'd worry about people laughing at me, but I still do it for more motivation.

And I was so, so lucky. I slowly started getting attention. Before starting the account, I thought I'd be lucky to have 3k followers in a year. I was even mentally prepared for hate comments (because of the yuri themes, though I've only seen a few in other platforms' reposts). So when I saw people saying my art got them interested in the Muelsyse/Ho'olheyak pairing, it felt completely surreal.

Luckily, I achieved my goal. The engagement from the community has created a positive feedback loop that, for now, is keeping me going. In every recent month, I've drawn more than I did in entire years during that learning period. I can feel myself understanding more. I'm so, so grateful for every single person who has supported me, even if it was just with a single like.

Also, a heartfelt thank you to those who have commissioned me and supported me on the support site. I mean it... thank you so much.

Realistically, in this day and age, supporting an AI creator gets you vastly more content, often of a "quality" that surpasses me by a looooooot more. But you still support me. That's what moves me so deeply. To be honest, I never judge or hate people who support AI art. I've always seen it as the progress of mankind, a technological advancement, an unstoppable trend—similar to how digital painting makes techniques from the Middle Ages seem effortless. The barrier to entry just keeps getting lower. It's like choosing between 100kg of high-quality meat and 100g of regular meat both for $10; you can't blame someone for picking the former just because it was machine-made. Besides, who among us can live without text models like GPT now? (That said, I am always disgusted by AI users who pretend their work is hand-drawn, I think the act of marking it out is just the last little bit of respect left for human artists. And I feel a deep sadness for those incredible artists whose styles are constantly being stolen.)

So... what I really want to say is this: It's not that I hate AI or sth. It's that, in an era like this, you still support me. And that is something I will cherish and remember, always.

A little side note: The online creators I used to watch the most were Naoki Saito and @kuzuvine. There was a period where I would have kuzuvine's process videos playing and try to draw along with her. It's like my drawing method is heavily based on their videos (yet of course I'm not even 1% as good as them).