Story Time: The Professor’s Big Breakthrough

Arturo had not expected to get a teaching job so quickly. Shortly after publishing his dissertation, he was contacted by the head of the science department at Pfatter University. While he knew nothing of the school’s reputation, he knew adjunct positions were hard to come by these days, and his future boss Dr. Xavier Pande assured him there would be room for growth into a tenured track. He accepted the role immediately.

Arturo showed up to his first day of classes in his newly-purchased slim-fit suit, a recent splurge he could now afford given the generous salary that came with the position. As he walked across campus to the science building, he couldn’t help but notice that most of the students were on the … heftier size. One of the larger ones he passed couldn’t even button his coat over his gigantic, swollen gut. Interesting, he thought. I wonder if they even have a fitness center?

He stopped by the department offices first, knocking on his new boss’s door. He heard a chair creak in protest as its occupant shifted and stood, the floorboards groaning as the man approached. When the door swung open, the most obese man Arturo had even seen now stood before him. He wore what must be a custom-made dress shirt, the size of a standard queen bed sheet and tightly fitted to his enormous torso. His wide trousers were held up by a pair of red suspenders that held on for dear life. His tie reached about halfway down his sagging belly, and was loosened at the top to allow room for his soft triple chin. The man extended his swollen hand. “Arturo! So nice to meet you!” he bellowed.

“Dr. Pande!” he answered, nervously, shaking his boss’s meaty paw.

“Please, call me Xavier. Or just X is fine, too! You must be excited to get started. Let me show you to your classroom.” Dr. Pande turned sideways to fit his massive body through his office door and began lumbering down the hallway. “I’ve extensively studied your dissertation on the rapid expansion of molecules. I found it quite interesting.”

Arturo blushed. “Interesting? Most would say it was dry.”

“No, no, I found it fascinating,” he said, his mouth half-full. He had produced a chocolate bar from his pocket and was already halfway done with it. “I was especially curious to know how it would work on lipid cells.”

“Lipid cells? What application would that have?” Arturo asked. Dr. Pande stopped abruptly and opened a door.

“Here we are! Your classroom!“ The two men entered. “One important piece of business - we need to take a photo for your faculty ID. Why don’t you step in front of the blackboard there?”

Arturo obliged, adjusting his hair for the picture. “Here?” he asked, noticing a small apparatus on the floor.

“Yes, step up on that, that’s the perfect spot,” Dr. Pande replied, grinning.

Arturo obliged, examining the platform. Above the small screen and array of buttons was the word “PROTOTYPE.” His eyes widened as he looked up.

“Say cheese!” Dr. Pande now held a remote. When he pressed the button, Arturo’s feet began to feel … warm. The feeling quickly shot up his spine and radiated throughout his entire torso.

Plink! The buttons popped off his new suit one by one as his midsection inflated, reducing his white dress shirt to tatters. His thighs began expanding at an alarming rate, testing the stretch of his trousers and ripping holes and tears all along the seams. His arms grew to fill his sleeves and his face fattened considerably. He nearly lost his balance as his weight redistributed, his entire body jiggling with each tiny step of his much fatter feet. He gasped. It was as if each fat cell in his body has just suddenly expanded, all at once.

“Wonderful, wonderful! My prototype is finally working - all thanks to your research!” Dr. Pande clapped his hands giddily, taking a good look at the much larger Arturo. “I think this Thickening Machine will be a very popular addition to our campus. How are you feeling, Arturo?”

Arturo grabbed his newly-fattened chest and surveyed his seemingly endless belly. “Large,” he admitted, blushing. How could he teach like this? How could even stay upright?

“Come on, let’s head back to my office, I have an extra dress shirt I could lend you.”

Arturo nodded and followed his boss out the classroom door. They both turned sideways to fit through.