Latina P*Star (RC/WG) WIP 1 - Script
Added 2025-01-28 04:54:18 +0000 UTCThe title is also WIP obviously lol. If you have any suggestions on the title or the attached script in general, let me know! It's pretty raw this time because I wanted you to be able to read Bobby's amazing prose before I start chiseling away at it lol. Also, I'm not sure how I feel about the Flux image look for this script. It seems a bit too much like a stock image. The composition is perfect though. Once I train the character that might help, but we'll see.
Comments
Glad you like the script! Like I said to Shadowassaian, I think my title may have confused things a bit. I don't think Bobby ever intended for her to be a porn star, just kind of like a slutty bimbo. I'll see what he thinks about this direction though. I think it would make sense for the site to transform her into one of the models, but I want to see what Bobby thinks first. Thanks so much for the detailed feedback, much appreciated!
Blankage
2025-01-28 14:36:02 +0000 UTCHmm, I think I maybe have confused things with my title. You're right that the script doesn't really reference her being a porn star. I think Bobby's idea was probably just that she's getting really slutty or more bimbo-like. The title was just my (poor) attempt to summarize. I'll see what he thinks about your suggestions though. Thanks for the feedback! Oh and I'll try to clean up the Spanish as well :) If you have any specific corrections, please let me know!
Blankage
2025-01-28 14:32:06 +0000 UTCAnother great script - super excited to see how this project progresses! My only comment is that Shot 5's comment feels a little out of sequence. Shot 2 has her calling Jack a perv, and Shot 4 feels like a pretty clear indication her perspective is beginning to change, but Shot 5 feels like a slight step backward (closer in feeling to 2 than 4, not so much a continuation of her pornstar transformation). I can see how it might be trying to indicate her warring with her new perspective and feelings, but consider adding another layer of detail to tie it all together. For example, right now she's pissed he's whacking off after she went to bed... but as her mind becomes more porny maybe she's pissed because he didn't film it? Or maybe she is slowly becoming curious about being filmed (which may actually fit better into the overall transformation's stage at this point in the story). Something like "No wonder he stays up late every night and doesn't come to bed until I'm already asleep. Probably in here whacking off behind my back. The asshole isn't even filming it! Uhh, I mean... I wonder if Jack would be interested performing on camera? Hmmm" Then you could tweak Shot 10 slightly, as now Candy is comparing herself to the girls on the site because she's considering whether or not she could submit her own content. The rest of the script makes sense in this context, but I do love Shadowassaian's suggestion that it ends with her proudly being the #1 girl on the site and excited to jump Jack; both because she's perpetually horny now, but also so they can film a new vid.
Istmael
2025-01-28 12:36:32 +0000 UTCIf going for the porn star angle, I think her dialogue should also shift to be about how she is one of the most popular girls on the site. So it goes from Candace checking out Jack's history, it shifts to Candance and her being on the site and her being less than popular, and then by the end, when she is Kandi, she is happy being #1 on the site and then continues into how she can't wait for Jack to come home, but this time it's also so she can film a new vid for the site. Lmk if this makes any sense or doesn't, but overall, I do love it. It could use a little more grammar checking on the Spanish, though, but I am more used to talking about it than reading it, so maybe it's fine and I'm the weird one.
Shadowassaian12
2025-01-28 07:13:51 +0000 UTC
