Hot Dog Appreciation Day: The Double Plot

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we team-costumed as a centaur for Halloween. We’ll let you guess which one was the horse parts and why.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where a romantic dinner is watching Roseanne reruns over four El Monterey burritos, baked because you’re worth it.

If he had one wish, he’d wish for Sting’s package. Just like every woman in 1986, and Sting himself.

The day has come where Sissyneck finally turned against the site. We anticipated that, betrayal is part of the business model. It’s siding with the ‘sqauatches that hurts.

Now let’s move on to the Comments, where it’s a Swaimabration! A Swaimelbration! A Swaimree, like a soir… Swaim’s here!

We really needed this Swaimnanza. This Swaimiday. This Sw… it’s good that Swaim is here because things have grown bleak on the ol’ Hot Dog. Robert Kosarko doesn’t want to live in a world without websites.

In fact, let us all mourn with Jasper Phua. Let us grieve the loss of the internet of yore, before corporations destroyed it for profit and handed the keys to rogue idiot robots. Actually that sounds rad when we type it out. Are we sure this isn’t fun?

Kevin Hanlon has just received the Hot Dog Syllabus.

The Parallel Viewmaster has just received the Hot Dog Required Reading List.

Latsom isn’t wrong, it’s just a little insensitive to Jeff-kind.

Scribbler Johnny knows the best way to reach the kids is to spin a chair backwards, sit down, and tell them the original puppet was a cool guy named Jesus Christ.

G.sys, Sean, and Derek have invented the next Magic: The Gathering. There will be more sex in this one, and yet somehow less sex in this one.

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Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month!

It’s Fuckable Cake Ape! The Ape that only makes sense after the next image!

Now on to the Discord, where Simplycantremember kicked open the saloon doors with guns blazing. And by saloon doors, we mean Hot Dog Talk, and by guns blazing, we mean fuckable cryptid cakes.

Adrienne thought she cracked the oldest Mountain Monster debate: What the hell did Buck think a klick was? Mo would really crack it. And then Deltafoxtrot would crack Mo’s crack.

You are Ferroday in a comic book shop on Board Game Sunday. You are wearing your “Adeptus Mechanicus Do It With Machines” shirt. You have just fucked up. You have just made accidental eye contact with Areze.

Javo’s been hand-saving gifs like he runs a Gif Rescue Center for wounded gifs.

Rob and Thrillho are making next generation dad jokes. Dad Jokes 3.0. Whatever. This one’s just cute. Show it to your wife.

Yeyo and Proxy saw a simple pair of deerchucks and watched an entire future unfold in their minds like Minority Report.

Morded thought she was making up a funny scenario, she didn’t know Mo is King Spanko. Sorry, that’s just a little spank talk. If you spanked, you’d know it.

Djonin has some reservations about Lovecraft, Rachel and Badger went ahead and booked those reservations.

Delta and Adrienne are chainsaw brothers. One of them’s a sister, but brother, when you chainsaw together? You’re brothers.

Rachel has a solid joke here but it takes a long time to explain: Djonin does post-apocalyptic tours of Second Life where he mostly becomes trapped in abandoned fucking devices. Oh that actually didn’t take long at all.

Rachel also created character sheets for every cast member in Mountain Monsters. We’ve already lauded her for that. Now she followed through and actually ran the game. It was incredible, it was hilarious, it was… done over voice chat. You’ll just have to take the word of an unbiased witness.

Deltafoxtrot did some light stalking and discovered the saddest sentence in human language: Failed pickup artist Don Diebel is selling his double graveyard plot.

This takes all the fun out of mocking him. We’ll never do it again.

…

The monsters in our Discord immediately started rallying to buy the grave.

Now it’s time to announce our winner: Congratulations, Deltafoxtrot for stalking a man to his gravesite and reporting his despair back to our comedy community! That… that doesn’t sound right.

Quick, former winner Djonin! We need to look at the cleansing picture of Jackie Chan posing bashfully in his little outfit we left you.

Oh, much better. Everything checks out here. Take good care of it, Deltafoxtrot!

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll double-centaur them. It’s a move we developed together after fighting over who got to be the horse parts.

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