A performance video + thoughts on performing with limitations

Hello, my friends! I am officially dancing again, and it very much looks like I’m going to be able to avoid surgery which feels nothing short of miraculous given the chronic pain and immobility I went through in the late summer and into December. I am extremely grateful.

I have half of one of my shows I did on Thursday to share with you, and I want to share my current thoughts on performing while I’m at it:

I am personally in an uncomfortable space in my performing. I feel both behind in my training and progress, and I also feel afraid to push myself lest I undo the months of physio I went through simply to do a new move or be bendier or whatever the f my ego is telling me I need to do to be a “good” dancer. I am sure many of you can relate when it comes to injuries and how they can make you feel trapped in your body, unable to fully express what you feel physically.

I know that ultimately, I value longevity in my movement life over being able to do the big flashy moves whenever I want to do them. I know I value my body and what it does for me, and I want to honour it by treating it with respect. So, I am working on reframing a lot of my thoughts around my constant desire for advancing. Not only for my own physical and mental well being, but because there is progress to be made as a performer/artist/creative when under restrictions.

So here is what I am currently focusing on.

My hands:

What do they look like?

Am I doing my dreaded pancake hand, am I extending my wrist nicely?

What is my finger positioning?

Do I feel my fingertips moving through the air?

Where are they going and why?

Am I drawing attention to where I want?

Am I creating a space around my body?

Am I creating a sense of greater movement and connection to the ground/sky/audience?

Holding Tension

Do I need to be moving across the stage right now? Why or why not?

If not, how long can I be in one spot, holding energy and tension, before I am compelled to release it?

Can I maintain connection with my audience for just a little bit longer?

Can I make connection with the audience not just right in front of me, but farther back in the room, or higher up in the venue?

Can I make other audience members notice and want some of that energy for themselves?

My body:

Can I feel my muscles engaging evenly around my hip as I do my “go to” moves?

Am I silencing or ignoring any pain or discomfort signals as I dance?

These are things that I am trying to be very conscious of as I am approaching movement and performing. I definitely don’t get every single thing to my ideal 100% of the time. Sometimes the old patterns kick in and I just forget about my pancake hands entirely 😅 But, the more I think about my hands and taking even more time to move or to pause between moments, the more I like what I see when I review my performance videos. I feel less and less compelled to fit every single pole trick I know into every single show, which gives both diversity to my shows and makes for less repetitive movements for my body through the night.

It is still very much a work in progress, but my hope is that I will continue to change long established movement patterns and relearn them safely, so that I may dance without pain for many years.

Please feel free to comment or ask any questions if they come up! I am happy to discuss anything around performing and feeling pressure to move in certain ways, whether it be internal or external pressure imposed upon us.

As a side note, I am *almost* set up for my studio at home. I was sent the wrong pole so I am waiting for the correct one to be sent out. As soon as I have that, I will be creating pole videos and can do online lessons again.

Xo