Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Go

I stared at myself in my bedroom mirror.  The queen of Arendelle.  But more than that.  I looked down at the gloves on my hands.  They were part of my outfit, but I didn't need them anymore.  After years of repressing my powers, I'd learned to control them.  Not by denying those feelings, but by accepting them.

I turned to my armoire, that I had kept locked for years.  Old thoughts swirled inside my mind and I balled my hands into fists at my side.  No more running.  No more pretending.  The only way to be happy is to stop being so ashamed.

I'd had my adventure, I'd faced my challenges, the people knew who I was and I was going to lead them for a very long time. But that was all for them. I opened the armoire and crossed my arms, smiling with a mix of excitement and dread.

These were for me.

As long as I could remember, ever since I was a little girl, I'd wanted to run away from my problems.  I wanted to escape all the bad things in my life.  And more often than not, I was locked up in my room hiding from the world.  Maybe that's why I'd started liking diapers.  If I could escape something so simple as using the toilet... I could escape anything, right?

But now, after years and years of fighting these feelings, they were a source of comfort.  Of excitement.  Even of adult feelings.  I took one of the purple and white squares off the stack and held it in my hands.  The plastic was softer than I remembered.  The crinkling sound felt magical in my ears.  More magical than me, probably.

Some part of me hoped that one day I could share this part of me with Anna - oh how delightful she'd look in soft, crinkling, plastic delightfulness, or how her stern little pout would suit a doting caregiver - but for now, I was taking this a little bit at a time.

And the next right thing to do was to put on the diaper and stand in the mirror.

I had to show myself that this was okay.

It had been so long since I'd worn one of these.  It felt like coming home, taping the wings down over the landing zone.  My fingers drew circles along the plastic, and I sunk into my bed with a smile.  But I wanted to see it.

I got up and stood in front of the mirror, lifting the front of my dress.  Ugh, I looked stupid.  I was a grown woman!  What was I thinking?  But... no.  I wasn't letting shame and fear run my life.  I bit my lip and made my decision.  No going back.  If I was going to wear a diaper, then I should be using it too!

Don't make a pun about Letting it Go. Don't make a pun about Letting it Go. Elsa, damnit, you are SO much better than that! Think about something else.

Like Olaf and his doofy face. 

Or Anna.

Sweet pretty Anna, light of my life, my true happy thought.

I sighed. And my bladder released. And I remembered what it truly felt like to be free.