Our Little Secret

The Hidden Gem is back on Thursday, just needed to get this two-part commission out first, and I think you guys will like it! 

All characters are consenting adults (18+) 

I can’t say that my life was all that interesting. In fact, for the most part, my life was quite boring. I was neither happy nor miserable, but somewhere in between, and for me, that was perfectly fine.

Don’t get me wrong, had my parents been rich, or had I been a hot, straight, high school athlete, then things would have been far better, but I’d come to terms with my boring existence long before I’d turned eighteen.

I never expected my life to change as drastically as it did in my final year of school. Truthfully, I had hoped that the crazy surprises would begin to dwindle when I became an adult, but that wasn’t to be.

I think I’d always known, deep down, that I was gay. It wasn’t some huge revelation when I eventually admitted it to myself, but like any teenager trying to navigate the highs and lows of the world, it certainly didn’t make things easier.

Living in a relatively small town didn’t help, either, but I was thankful for the one person on the planet who I could confide in, and that was my best friend, Dawson.

We’d been close since before either of us could remember, and I’m quite sure that he knew my secret before even I did. He was cool about it, too, and had even become my go-to person when I needed advice, or just to vent about the unfairness of being in love with a person I could never have.

“Talk to him” he shrugged, one afternoon. “I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Uh… He could kick my ass?” I scoffed, as we both watched Troy Lawlor walk toward his car with his muscular arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder. “Plus, look at him” I added with a sigh, “do you really think that there’s even the smallest hope in hell that a guy like him could be gay?”

Dawson watched him for a moment before smiling sympathetically at me. “No” he said, and slapped me on the back. “But hey” he continued, trying to make me feel better, “plenty more fish in the sea, right?”

“Right” I grunted, as Troy Lawlor sped from the parking lot.

He was everything I could ever want in a man. If perfection was a person, it would be Troy Lawlor. Golden, wavy hair, beautiful, tanned skin, a smile to die for, and the body of a god. He was a football player, a wrestler, an athlete of the highest order, and one of the most popular guys in the entire town. They say everybody has their problems, but from the outside, Troy had none. His confidence was unmatched, his charisma, off the charts, and not a single day went by that I didn’t think about him. Indeed, Troy Lawlor was the man of my dreams.

“Surely there has to be other guys that you like?” Dawson said, as we cycled home. “Isn’t that Adam Peters guy gay?”

“He tried to smother his grandpa” I reminded him, “plus, he smells like feet”.

“How about Ross Baker?” He continued, “I heard a rumour that he was jerking off in the guy’s locker room last month”.

“That was the girl’s locker room, and being a pervert is kinda’ a red flag, don’t you think?”

Dawson shrugged. “Yeah, I guess” he sighed, “but hey, this time next year you’ll be in college, and my sister told me that college is filled with gay guys”.

“Yeah, you’re right” I nodded, “see you tomorrow, man”.

“See you!”

I watched as Dawson cycled off, and felt the familiar sinking feeling in my stomach. No matter what my best friend said, it didn’t take away from the fact that I was one of the only relatively normal gay guys in the town, and I was just going to have to accept that until I finally got out of there.

“What did you get for number eight?” Dawson asked, biting the end of his pencil.

“I haven’t done that one yet” I told him, and flinched when my bedroom door burst open and my dad bounced in.

“Hey, champ!” He beamed, and tussled my hair before waving at the computer, where Dawson watched on through the video call. “Dawson! Double D! Dawson Dude!”

“Hey Mr. P” Dawson laughed, as I squirmed from my dad’s grasp.

“What are you doing, dad?” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Can’t a man hug his son?” He asked, wrapping his arms around me and squeezing me until I could hardly breathe. “Are you suddenly too big for the tickle monster?” He continued.

“I’m eighteen, dad!” I growled, as he began tickling me, and instinctively, I began howling with laughter.

“Well, Mr. Big Eighteen Year Old” he said in a goofy accent, “mom says dinner is on the table”.

“Your dad’s awesome” Dawson laughed as my dad left the room.

“Wanna swap?” I scoffed, “anyway, I better go”.

“Wait” he replied, and I could see his eyes scanning his phone. “Dude, check out Troy Lawlor’s Snap story”.

Even the mention of his name gave me butterflies. I scrambled with my phone for a moment, before remembering that I wasn’t even nearly cool enough to have Troy’s Snapchat.

“You have his Snap?” I almost barked, and Dawson squirmed.

“He’s on my swim team” he reminded me, before giving me the handsome young man’s username.

Part of me expected Troy to simply ignore my request, and the other half expected him to ask me what in the world somebody like me was doing, adding somebody like him, but just a few minutes later, my request was accepted, and my heart raced as I tapped his story.

It was one image that was almost entirely blacked out, with a short paragraph in the middle.

Single again. Women ain’t shit. Starting to think it would be easier to just be gay. Any of my homies, homos?

I read the words again. Then again after that, and I must have read them five or six times before Dawson laughed, and I gawped at him.

“He’s got to be joking” I said, and he shrugged his shoulders.

“Only one way to find out, I guess” he replied, “anyway, I gotta go, my mom’s also made dinner, and if it tastes better than cat food, I’ll be very surprised. See you tomorrow, man”.

“Yeah” I nodded mindlessly, “see you”.

When the screen went blank, I continued to stare at my phone. Surely he was just doing what all straight guys do. Acting a little gay just to get a laugh from his friends. But, what if he wasn’t? What if breaking up with his girlfriend really had made him question things? Sure, even if he was gay, he’d probably never be interested in somebody like me, but could I live with myself if I didn’t at least try?

“Ethan!” My mom called, “dinner!”

I stuffed my phone back into my pocket and hurried downstairs. I wasn’t even hungry anymore, and could think only of Troy as I unenthusiastically wolfed down my food.

Would he beat the shit out of me for even trying? Would I return to school tomorrow, to be met with a barrage of jeering and laughter? Would it be worth the risk, anyway? What if he was serious? Was it even physically possible to go from having the hottest girlfriend in school, to wanting a guy?

I talked myself into and out of every possible choice until I finally finished dinner, and excused myself to go and do it again. An hour passed, then two hours, and by midnight, I was still trying to decide if it was worth my entire reputation.

“You don’t have a reputation” I told myself, as I lay in the dark re-watching his story for the thousandth time.

My eyes were heavy and beginning to sting, and in that moment, I made a decision that was going to change everything.

Ethan: Hey, Troy. You probably don’t know me, but we go to the same school. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry to hear about you and Sarah. That sucks, man.

Man? Was I even allowed to call him ‘man’? It sounded weird when I said it out loud, but the message had already been sent, and now it was a waiting game.

I kept my eyes pinned to the little blue box as my heart smashed in my chest. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted him to open it, but the longer I waited, the more deflated I became, until five minutes turned to ten, then twenty, and forty minutes later, the message remained unopened.

“Damn it” I sighed, as my phone slipped out of my hands, and exhaustion took over. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

“Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!”

I groaned as the bedroom flooded with light, and winced as my dad began to sing at the top of his voice.

“God, dad” I groaned, rolling over.

“Time to get up, your royal highness, breakfast has been served by the lowly wench in the kitchens”.

“I heard that!” Mom called, and I listened as Dad chuckled his way back downstairs.

I was still exhausted, and could have quite happily spent another five hours in bed, but Dawson would be waiting, so I sat up, stretched my arms over my head and yawned, before my eyes landed on my phone screen.

New chat from Troy L.

My entire body tingled as I nervously fumbled with the phone. My mouth became dry, my heart sped up, and I gulped as I opened the message, and held my breath.

Troy L: I think I recognise the name. You’re the gay guy, right?

With shaking hands, I wiped sweat from my brow and quickly replied.

Ethan: Oh haha, yeah that’s me… Hope you don’t mind me writing to you.

Troy L: Actually, I’m kinda over chicks for a while, but let’s keep this between us, alright?

Ethan: Yeah, yeah, sure. That’s totally cool. My lips are sealed lol. I can keep a secret.

Troy L: Great. Our little secret, then.