The Densest Egg (Was Me All Along) Chapter 18
Added 2023-01-27 23:47:32 +0000 UTCPatron Exclusive Story based off real life Experiences that should have but didn't crack my egg
CW: Internalized Transphobia
God I wish I could be like her. How can people just do that? I wish I could just leave everything behind, move somewhere new and pretend to be a girl. Maybe work in an adult store, get to wear whatever I want, tell people I have a different name. Post pictures online and have people think I’m cute. But, how would I even do that? I have so many masculine features. I can’t hide them all. Where would I even begin?
I can’t just drop everything though, I just have to stop thinking about this. It can’t happen, not for me. These girls are trans, I just, I don’t even know anymore.
I need to stop going on Reddit, it’s only pushing this whole fetish further. Why can’t I stop? What’s wrong with me? I say it’s because It turns me on, but…it’s comfortable? Just sitting home alone, dressed up, the feelings, I can’t explain it. I just wish I was normal. I wish my life had been different. I wish a lot of things had been different. Even if I could just disappear and start a new life, what would that do to my brother? It’d destroy him. I can’t just follow this urge. It’s not right.
I should just get rid of all these clothes…again. It’s not like this is ever going to be anything I could actually do. I know I’ll just end up relapsing and buying more if I do though. Fuck. Why couldn't I just have been born a girl? Things would have been so much simpler. No. They wouldn’t have been. I’m just searching for an excuse. I can’t keep doing this. I just wish I could be like her.
