Magic: The Shattering (Commissioned by Alex)

“C’mon bro, just believe in the…heart of the cards!” Dante dramatically stated as he drew the card he’d been waiting for the entire night.

“Yeah, I’ll believe in the heart of the cards after I send you to the shadow realm in the next few turns.”  Steve said while rolling his eyes.

It was a normal Friday night for most, but for Dante, Steve, Mike, and Ethan, it was Magic Night baby! The group had been having weekly games for years. They’d never missed a single Friday. Except for once six months prior when Ethan had some kind of secret thing going on that he never explained. But the rest of the group never really pushed. They were just excited to make the happy brain chemicals go brrr with cubes, meme builds full of unset cards, and trying to shut down the blue player as soon as possible.

This particular night was special for Dante. He’d come across a card that would not only ensure his victory, but also the opportunity to do something never before seen outside his bedroom. Well, and maybe the occasional reddit post. Either way, with his latest draw, it was time to unveil his master plan.

The burning anxiety was building up in his chest like the Flames of the Firebrand. His nerves were overflowing, but luckily he’d brought enough to share.

“I cast Ladies Knight. It lets me pay one less mana for each item of women's clothing I wear.”

Dante scanned the faces of his friends, who gave quite varying degrees of reactions. Ethan spat his drink back into his cup. Steve had a look of shock and disbelief plastered on his face.

Mike however, just stared for a long moment before reluctantly responding. “Are–are you wearing girl’s clothes?”

“Yeah!?” Steve piped up in frustration. “You can’t just claim that khaki pants are for girls either.”

Dante knew this was the moment, he would either be a legend, or depart in shame. He stood up, and assumed the position. The position being legs spread apart as he unfastened his belt and undid his pants. Ethan looked on in sheer terror, utterly convinced there was about to be a Naked Singularity right there in front of his salad.

Mike and Steve just sat there, mouths agape as Dante dropped his pants to reveal the skirt and thigh high socks he was wearing underneath. He kicked off his khakis and even did a little twirl to highlight the flowyness of the garment.

“You were saying?” Dante stuck his tongue out at Steve. “I’ve got the skirt, and the programmer socks. So that means I get to pay less mana for each spell. Get dunked on nerds!” He sat down with the best attempt at a triumphant look as he scanned each of his friends faces for either approval or disgust.

Steve was sitting with his arms crossed, pouting like someone had just stolen his puppy. Ethan had his face buried in his hands mumbling to himself, and Mike vigorously looked back and forth between his own cards and Dante. So utterly baffled by the events that were taking place.

It was done, Dante had pulled it off, figuratively and literally. Firm in his decision, he decided to let his turn end. There was no way he was gonna press his luck immediately after such a play. Plus there was the fact that he couldn’t stop smiling and swinging his legs back and forth under the table. Nothing made him happier than playing Magic in a skirt. Well, except for reenacting Earthbind.

It took a few moments for the table to get back to slightly normal. Mike tried to make a power play by tapping mana and putting in his commander, Krenko Tin Street Kingpin. Mike loved playing aggro red decks, and whenever he broke out his goblins, he had to be stopped fast. If for no other reason than to prevent his classic catchphrase, “Goblin deez nuts”.

Ethan, looking like he’d just gotten home from The Brothers War, put hexproof on his blue planeswalker. Because nothing like playing merfolk and locking your opponents in a cardboard chastity cage and beefing up your own defense. There was no better feeling than playing Counter Spell at a pivotal moment.

Steve’s turn finally came and he excused himself to go use the bathroom. It was odd to Dante that Steve was also playing White/Green. Historically, Steve had never touched a White deck. He was pretty set on Black and Green. On several occasions he’d even joked about getting a tattoo that said, “Golgari 4 Life”. Luckily the group had collectively talked him out of it. Anyone would regret a lower back tattoo like that.

“So uh, you having fun dressed like that?” Ethan asked, while violently avoiding eye contact with Dante.

“Yeah! Why wouldn’t I be?” Dante replied absentmindedly.

“Well um, I just think that…”

Ethan trailed off as Steve returned in a maid dress and cat ears. Causing every member at the table to fall silent. He sat down, untapped his lands, drew, then with the Audacity of an Enchantment Aura, played Ladies Knight.

Steve turned and made a mocking face towards Dante, “You asshole! I was gonna do that first! But no, you had to shine the Glaring Spotlight on you.”

Dante was speechless. Partly at how both he and one of his best friends decided to play the same card on the same night. And also because he was trying his best to hide his jealousy of how cute Steve looked. He might as well have walked in and played Stun with how Dante had no way of blocking the feeling in his chest.

“So uh…are we gonna talk about…you know…” Mike started in.

“Talk about what?” Steve asked, with complete ignorance.

Mike began to say something, but decided not to after glancing at Ethan who simply shook his head.

Steve ended his turn and Dante knew he had to step up his game if he was gonna compete. “Untap, upkeep, draw, and…I play Elesh Norn, Grand Cenobite. Which only costs four mana thanks to Ladies Knight. Giving all of my creatures +2/+2 and all of your creatures -2/-2.”

“Hold on! Isn’t that seven mana normally?” Ethan piped up.

“Yeah, and?” Dante paused while holding his card.

Steve chimed in, “Yeah, you’ve got the skirt and the socks, the socks don’t count as two. They’re a pair, so that’s only one. So where’s the third mana reduction coming from?”

Dante froze. His entire being sank as he realized the Earthbind he had gotten himself into. Except way less kinky and hot. How could he even begin to admit the depths of his depravity. He was like some kind of Archfiend of…Depravity.

Ethan tried his best not to cough on his own words. “Dante. Are–are you wearing–panties?”

All the color rushed from his face before erupting back into it with a blush never before seen by any of his friends. Dante stammered and looked away.

“Okay, this is getting ridiculous. Dante, Steve, are you both trans?” Mike put his cards down and stared at them with annoyance more than anything.

“What?!” The duo responded.

“Listen, it’s okay if you are. And if this whole stunt was some coordinated way of testing the waters to come out, that’s okay too. I just wish you would have felt okay enough to just tell us instead of trying to play it off as a joke. You’re our friends, no matter what. Right Ethan?” Mike turned to the remaining member who had been a mix of silent and muttering the entire evening.

Steve protested, “NO! I’m not trans. I just like to dress up like this from time to time!”

“Yeah! All guys have a stash of girl’s clothes.” Dante added.

It was all Mike could do to not slam his head into the table. “No, not all guys do. I don’t have any, nor do I want girl’s clothes. Tell ‘em Ethan.”

Dante didn’t really know what to say. He’d had this whole thing planned out. He’d spent countless hours, nights, and weekends, dreaming up schemes and wacky scenarios where he would get to dress up as a girl, and be called a girl's name, and be treated like a gir…

Steve spoke up first. “You don’t have girl’s clothes hidden away and always get weird feelings whenever you dress up as one and pretend to be a girl online?”

“No! Guys don’t do that because they’re not dense fucking eggs who haven't realized they’re trans girls yet. Jesus Christ I thought I was a brick fucking wall. But you two dumbasses take the bimbo cake!” Ethan, who’s voice had dramatically shifted over the course of the rant, was practically shaking. In a fluid motion of the unzipping of a hoodie and standing up, Ethan revealed the cami and more than budding breasts that were Waiting In The chestular Weeds.

“Whoa, how did you do your voice like that?” Steve asked in shock, completely missing the point of what was just said.

“I swear to pog. Okay, so I’m trans. I started HRT about six months ago, it’s why I missed a game night. And I wanna go by she/her pronouns, and I hope you all will accept that, and we can still be friends, but with me as a girl and going by Hailey.” Hailey slouched back into her chair and zipped up her hoodie. “And I hope you two fuckers will realize that you’ve got a hefty case of Gender™.”

The other three looked back and forth at each other. Mike tilted his head down. He looked almost ashamed. Steve was rapidly going through the five stages of grief as waves of realizations filled the air around himself. Then, there was Dante.

Of course Dante was okay with Hailey being trans. They’d been friends practically forever and if anything, he was jealous. She could just get to be a girl like that. He had to hide his feelings, and even if he did somehow think that he could do it. He’d obviously never be a cute girl. Hailey had the look for it already. She’d always had shaggy hair and had been mistaken for a girl long before all this. Then there was Steve. He already stirred up lots of things in Dante’s chest by walking out in that maid outfit. But, himself? He was the exception of course. He’d just have to stick it out only getting to dress how he liked as an advantage in Magic. And no other reason.

“I wanna be a girl!” Steve blurted out. “I just was afraid if I accepted it, then y’all would think I was weird.”

Mike looked up, “Hey, listen. We’re all friends. Nothing is changing that. If we can be friends with a filthy Mono Blue elitist like Hailey over here, then gender and everything that comes with it won’t change anything either.” He smiled at Hailey and Steve.

“D-Dante?” Steve said softly.

A wetness ran down Dante’s face. He was trying his hardest to hold it back. But it all came forth in a Flood of Tears, with enough force to clear a cluttered battlefield. Steve quickly wrapped him in a hug. Dante let everything out. His regret, his pain, his fear, his shame at secretly wanting to use Blue decks.

After several moments, he calmed down. Sniffling and looking up into the eyes of the maid that was also crying. “Could I be a girl too?”

The night went on after that. They all talked, not bothering to continue the game, but getting to know each other even better than before. Steve had been toying with the name Lilith, and Dante admitted to going by Alexis online. Mike explained that he was indeed secure in his masculinity, but was going to do more research on the LGBTQ+ community to try and be a better ally.

Hailey said she would help Lilith and Alexis install Linux on their computers and they would understand why eventually. As well as help them with trans resources and what not.

As the night came to a close and everyone was sufficiently cried out, they began to pack up their cards and leave. It was just Alexis and Lilith left, and Lilith made a startling realization.

“Fuck. I just realized, this card says that it costs one less mana for wearing at least one item of women's clothes. Not a mana for each item of clothing.”

Alexis quickly glanced at her card and realized she had also read it entirely wrong. The entire argument, and everything that had happened, was all thanks to a misunderstanding. Her and Lilith broke down laughing. The sheer absurdity of the entire night seemed to know no bounds.

They calmed down and Alexis got all of her things together. “Thanks Lil, for everything. And um, I just wanted to say…” She bit her lip. “You look really cute in that maid outfit.” She did what she’d been thinking about almost all night and used her effect of First Strike, and placed a small kiss on Lilith's cheek.

With extreme Haste, she turned to head for the door. Right as her hand made contact with the doorknob, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Lilith turned her around, and stared deep into her eyes.

“You’re beautiful Alexis.” Lilith whispered as she leaned in and kissed her blushing mess of a best friend.

It may not have been in the heart of the cards, but it was certainly time to D-D-D-D-Du-Du-Du–Duel for Dominance.